The finer details remained blurry, but this seems to be the heart of it. We are paying more but getting less but, in the long term, we will be paying less to get more. It’s so easy to understand when you try.

Tony Blair may have stayed up until 3am hammering out an EU budget deal, but he must have stayed up even later figuring out how to shroud it in more mist than is required for your average horror film. In the gallery, he was watched by Lord Birt, the “blue skies” thinker who has just left No 10. He has gone not a moment too soon, for the mist machine has taken over now.

There were two clues yesterday that it may not be an entirely total triumph. The first was Gordon Brown’s contorted face (hidden by his hands much of the time). He looked in despair. The second was Mr Blair’s defensiveness. He was stuck in attack mode. At one point, I felt that he really might need a muzzle, or at least one of those cones that dogs wear over their heads so they cannot hurt themselves.

There was a huge Tory cheer for David “Dave” Cameron, who claimed the deal was not a total triumph but a total failure. “Why did you give up £7 billion for next to nothing?” cried Dave. “How is the Chancellor going to pay for it: more taxes, more borrowing or cuts in spending? Which is it?” Tony Blair erupted. “You support enlargement, right? You support wealthy countries paying for the poorer countries? That is right, isn’t it? But you don’t support Britain paying for it. What sort of crisis would there be if you were in charge?” Mr Blair then did something alarming. He pretended no one understood the deal (I wonder why) and tried to explain it using wild hand gestures that enlarged, not unlike the EU itself, into body gestures. The swaying arms and hips began to mesmerise and I began to fear this was an audition for Strictly Come Dancing. If so, Mr Blair needs to know that you cannot tango and be patronising at the same time.

There are so many former Tory leaders now that there is scarcely time for anyone else to speak. First Michael Howard, who as an ex-vampire knows about mist, demanded to know why Mr Blair had promised not to negotiate the rebate away. “That is why the rebate is rising, not falling!” cried Mr Blair. Then up popped IDS, who claimed that Britain was looking weak. “Let me educate you again,” roared Mr Blair, cranking at the mist machine with ever more effort.

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