Families are under increasing pressure from the “work ethic” and the treadmill of exams and assessments at their children’s schools. Many end up too tired to go to Mass.

The report paints a picture of religiously active families under pressures from increasing consumer and other demands. Some criticised the Church for its lack of awareness of the reality of modern life.

The Listening 2004 survey of 15,000 families by the Catholic bishops of England and Wales represents the first part of a three-year plan to make parishes more welcoming and supportive of the family.

The 90-page report, Not Easy but Full of Meaning, is intended to help the Church to understand better the spiritual dimension of family life and the role of parents and grandparents in passing on the faith. It illustrates the complexity of issues facing families.

One family found it “difficult and stressful” to take their autistic child to Mass. Another said: “Family life will always seem second best when celibacy is held up as the ideal.” A third family said: “We have been unable to have children and feel such a failure at Mass.”

One Nottingham family attempted to sum up the difficulties of modern life: “Pressure on appearance, consumerism, selfishness, non-permanent relationships, competition and Godlessness.”

Many said that financial pressures meant both parents had to work, leaving them feeling guilty at being unavailable for their children. “James scored a goal and only the childminder saw it,” said a family in Shrewsbury.

The report also shows that the laity are often unable to help in parishes because of lack of time or energy, not from lack of commitment or faith.

Many Catholic and other church leaders have condemned materialism and consumerism in recent decades, but the one area where parishioners diverge from the received religious “wisdom” is in relation to the media.

In contrast to the criticism of the media from church leaders, the survey found that Catholic families liked the media and saw communications technology as a “major blessing”.

The Right Rev John Hine, an auxiliary bishop in Southwark who chairs the Church’s marriage and family life committee, said: “Despite the fact that families described their biggest blessing as their time spent together, hardly anyone talked about God’s presence in that togetherness. Perhaps as a Church we should address this together.”

FAMILY SUPPORT

• The bishops’ three-year plan was launched last year as part of tenth-anniversary celebrations of the UN Year of the Family
  
  
• One million leaflets were printed and worshippers were asked to set out their joys, sorrows and hopes
  
  
• Feedback was received in writing and in confidential groups
  
  
• The Church hopes to continue the communication process over the next two years

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