AFTER the breakdown in relations of the Michael Howard era, the Conservatives have been keen to rebuild bridges with the US. William Hague was sent over last year, and David Cameron has grandly stated that criticising US policy does not make one “anti- American”. However, joking that it would have been “better if Plymouth Rock had landed on America’s Founding Fathers” probably does. That, we are told, is exactly what Mr Hague, the Shadow Foreign Secretary, did in a speech at the Accountancy Age Awards on Wednesday. “I don’t think we have a comment on this,” a US Embassy spokesman says. “Let me check. No. We don’t.”

• Europe’s most fragrant Trade Commissioner, Peter Mandelson, was in Beijing last week, trying to persuade China to accept free trade.

  This week, we are told, he has mainly been on the lavatory, trying to persuade his body to accept anything solid. Not so fragrant now.

• Apparently, “Elaine Bedell has been appointed Controller, BBC Entertainment, Multi-Platform Commissioning by the Director of Vision Jana Bennett. Remaining appointments include the Head of Executive Unit.” Birt-speak, minus the Birt.

  Jungle round-up

  Yesterday on IACGMOOH! . . . David Gest grew angry because it was too dark for him to find the “dunny” and admitted, reluctantly, that he dyes his hair. The rest of the group humoured him by listening, politely, while he told a boring story about Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder. Lauren Booth claimed that she was an actress for seven years, “big in Austria” and an entertainer at parties for the children of celebrities such as Billy Connolly. Jan Leeming told Gest he’d look pleasantly “butch” if he didn’t shave, and we found ourselves reaching for our razor.

• News just in (from his wife, Jo). The veteran broadcaster Sir Trevor McDonald is more than a little nervous about his appearance in a one-night performance of Stephen Sondheim’s musical Follies at the London Palladium on February 4, for the children’s charity Starlight.

  “This is the very first time that I have ever seen him nervous,” she says. “It is a radical departure for him.”

  Sir Trevor has only a spoken part in the musical, which may, we suspect, disappoint him.

  “He thinks he has a good voice,” says his wife, rather tellingly. “He used to sing in bars in Beirut.”

  Or was that the air raid siren?

• The V for Vendetta comic book author Alan Moore is to appear in The Simpsons. In an episode entitled Husbands and Knives, Moore makes a public appearance at a new comic shop, much to the annoyance of rival shop owner Comic Book Guy. “I’m a big fan,” says Moore.

  Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, right, with baby Suri, at Rome city hall. The pair are thought to be marrying tomorrow, and celebrities such as Jennifer Lopez, Jim Carrey and Brooke Shields have been spotted in the city. Reports suggest that Cruise has recently put on too much weight to fit into his wedding suit. Certainly, he never previously reminded us of Tom Conti.

• PS

  Brad Pitt will probably not be the first to congratulate his pal George Clooney on equalling his record for twice winning People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. Says Clooney: “We used to call him Two Time. So Brad’s going to be upset.”

• “The police have been to see me once to discuss the inquiry,” says Hazel Blears, talking about the loans for peerages allegations on GMTV this Sunday. “And I obviously wasn’t around at the time that these transactions took place.”

  Transaction (n): A business agreement or exchange.

  Is this an admission?

• Even Jack Straw is worried about eggs. “Last Thursday,” he told the Commons, “I bought a dozen eggs from a garage in Blackburn for 78p, which was extraordinarily cheap! I ate one and am now worrying about the consequences.” More details as we get them.

people@thetimes.co.uk

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