The mothers of New York were last week agog at the reported exploits of a housewife who succumbed to a bout of “mommy rage”, an incendiary moment when the pains and pressures of motherhood erupt in a torrent of grief, frustration and flying tins of beans.

According to witness accounts that have ignited an internet frenzy this month, the Brooklyn mother in question was wheeling her toddler across a road in the trendy Park Slope neighbourhood when a car shot past her, narrowly missing the pushchair as it braked for traffic lights at the end of the road.

The mother reached into her bag and hurled a tin of beans at the car. When it missed, she threw another, and earned cheers and applause from passers-by when it struck the car’s back window, causing a thick crack.

The incident has sparked angry exchanges on the internet, with many mothers rallying to the bean-thrower’s cause in a discussion entitled “Park Slope Pedestrian Mommy Rage”.

Reaction also surfaced on a website that is attracting international attention for its insights into the lives of mothers who feel trapped by their husbands, their children and their working or stay-at-home lives. There is a lot of mommy rage at UrbanBaby.com.

“I’m 31 weeks pregnant and feel like I want to slap someone,” one contributor wrote. Another added: “I was just having this conversation with my sister. I feel like I want to strangle someone.” A third commented: “Why do (our husbands) get to us like this??? It’s maddening! Sometimes I’m so angry I could rip his head off.”

It is entirely possible that many American mothers live rich, satisfying lives combining interesting jobs with the joys of raising charming children. But there are not many to be found at UrbanBaby.com.

“I am exhausted, so on edge, I want to SCREAM,” wrote one mother. “There are a lot of angry moms on this morning,” noted another in an online chatroom. “I felt like smacking (my husband) with a frying pan last night,” a third confessed.

While the entries are compulsive reading for any man who may be wondering what women think, they also reflect the divides among women over the eternal dilemmas posed by families and careers.

The internet has become the bruising front line of the so-called “mommy wars” between SAHMs (stay-at-home mothers) and WOHMs (work-outside-the-home mothers).

Discussions are peppered with frequent references to seminal books such as The Bitch in the House, a popular collection of post-feminist essays with titles such as Attila the Honey I’m Home. There is both praise and contempt for conservative writers such as Danielle Crittenden, who recently warned childless working women that their lives would amount to no more than “a pile of pay stubs”.

Yet for all the competing theories of feminist fulfilment, it is the raw experience of the internet battalions of angry mothers, many of whom seem to be at their keyboards at 3am, that is fascinating researchers and has caught the attention of America’s mainstream media.

“Once upon a time, becoming a mother was something you did alone, in your home, with your baby,” noted New York magazine. “Then came the internet and UrbanBaby . . . it’s a place where a lot of New York mothers dump their most toxic feelings.”

The website has given birth to a new language, where wives complain about their “dh” (dear husband) and are shocked by the revelations of EWGs (ex-working girls, or prostitutes).

A “sanctimommy” is a self-righteous mother and an “über-boober” is a sanctimommy obsessed with breast-feeding.

There is plenty of sex talk — involving affairs and male performance — but the words that seem to crop up most often are “bitter”, “disgusted”, “humiliating” and “pathetic”.

There is also plenty of straightforward debate about birth procedures, post-natal depression and raising toddlers. But the anger keeps seeping through — women who hire nannies are routinely rubbished for their elitist ways, yet women who do not seek help are attacked as “martyr moms”.

When someone responded snidely to a request for help, the riposte was: “Well, at least I now want to punch you, instead of the wall.”

Not everyone approves of the apparent trend towards letting off steam, and one contributor plaintively asked: “What’s with all these totally bitch responses? Is it one person or are there suddenly many annoying, angry women (online)?” Nor was the acclaim universal for the bean-throwing mom. “The mother was completely in the wrong,” said a male contributor. “If I were the driver I’d have had her arrested for criminal damage.” A more belligerent contributor added: “If I were the driver, I’d have reversed and taken out the brat.”

That prompted another mother to ponder the bitterness of critics complaining about a woman struggling to cross the road with her child. “Should we be confined to our apartments? Or not have children at all?” she wrote. “I just don’t get all the nastiness.”

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