1 Kevin Pietersen and Caprice Immediately after helping England regain the Ashes, Kevin Pietersen dispatched his girlfriend, homely TV presenter Natalie Pinkham, back to the pavilion of love. “Kevin wants to work on his career,” said a chum. A few minutes of career work later, Pietersen (being an allrounder) was simultaneously hit for six and bowled over by Tony Adams’s former squeeze, Californian MAW (model, actress, whatever . . . ) Caprice Bourret. About-to-be-millionaire Pietersen and multi-millionairess Caprice demanded that cricket bosses fly her to Australia (not, it is reasonable to assume, cattle-class) to see him play cricket for the World XI. Her views on the merits or otherwise of reverse swing in the southern hemisphere’s testing atmospheric conditions have, fortunately, yet to be recorded.
2 Andre Agassi and Barbra Streisand Each to his own. Agassi saw Babs in the 1991 film The Prince of Tides, in which she starred as a frankly mumsy psychiatrist. He suggested bed-tennis (she said “we talked for hours”) and by the time she paid a royal visit to the 1992 US Open, they were an item. “He plays like a Zen master out there,” she purred, underlining her limited understanding of a) tennis, and b) Zen masters.
Soon the reclusive singer was performing at concerts for his Andre Agassi Charitable Foundation and, by all accounts, perfecting her backhand as he polished his slowhand. Even so, “they” said it wouldn’t last and “they” were proved right, and Agassi soon fled into the arms of the similarly nosed German tennis star Steffi Graf, via an ill-starred marriage to Brooke Shields. Heart-warmingly , Agassi and Streisand remain friends and only this month, Barbra sang three songs at this year’s AACF bash.
3 Sven-Göran Eriksson and Ulrika Jonsson Now here’s a thing. You are, to pluck a name out of the air, Sven-Göran Eriksson. How, then, when you pop round to spend some time with your secret lover, do you prevent her cleaner from discovering you in flagrante? Simple: you leave your (stacked) shoes outside the bedroom. When the story broke in 2002, it seemed unlikely that Mr Eurospecs could impress the ditzy and seemingly football-ignorant television siren.
Unlikely, but true. Apparently they were introduced by Tony Blair’s erstwhile spin doctor, Alastair Campbell, who explained: “I thought as they were both Swedish and living in the UK, they might have something in common.” One plate-throwing intervention by Nancy Dell’Olio later, it was farval Ulrika.
4 Dwight Yorke and Jordan They seemed made for each other, the partyhog footballer and the big-breasted “glamour” model. Conversation can’t have been a strong point. Neither was contraception, and when Jordan became pregnant, the caddish Yorke dumped her. Not, though, before he had taken her into the Old Trafford players’ lounge, where, legend has it, Jordan was greeted by a Victoria Beckham-led chorus of Who Let The Dogs Out? Jordan found love with Peter Andre and Yorke exited stage left. Their son, Harvey, was born later.
5 Colin Montgomerie and Ines Sastre After his 14-year marriage ended last year, Montgomerie lost 40lb but found the Spanish model — and keen amateur golfer — Ines Sastre, 11 years his junior. The couple met when they were paired at last year’s Dunhill Masters. Weeks later, Sastre was gushing that “everything is going well”. Given the guarded backing of Eimear, the former Mrs Montgomerie, it is perhaps no great surprise that the relationship soon ended.
6 Thomas Muster and Sarah Ferguson Anyone for tennis? Why, yes, the hyperactive ever-dieting royal wouldn’t mind a few strokes. Hence the short-lived but firework-packed relationship between Thomas Muster, an Austrian clay-court specialist who played Wimbledon four times and never managed a victory, and Sarah Ferguson. The pair met at the Qatar Open in 1996. His coach, Ronald Leitgeb, was far from pleased when she quietly turned up to support him at the Australian Open: “The most romantic thing for Thomas now is the Australian Open and a chance to get to No 1.”
7 Fabien Barthez and Linda Evangelista Ah, so Laurent Blanc was not the only one lucky enough to kiss that bald head. The “eccentric” (ie, a liability) French goalkeeper and the Canadian model, who once claimed she would not get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day, met in St Tropez, but they always seemed a touch unlikely, even when they spent the summers of 1998 and 1999 together at her Ibiza holiday home. She moved to France and then Manchester and became pregnant during their tempestuous relationship, only to miscarry six months later. They told Paris Match the whole tale and began the first of many separations soon afterwards, before bidding a final adieu in 2002.
8 Gavin Henson and Charlotte Church He pursued her, but now she has caught him. Multi-millionairess and queen of Cardiff’s glittering nightlife, Charlotte likes the drink, the fags, the tabloids, the karaoke, and says of the hair-gelled rugby union player: “I do want to marry Gavin because he’s so lovely to me.” Gavin, the moderately well-off king of Welsh rugby union, likes an occasional drink, doesn’t smoke, distrusts the press and says of his feisty potential spouse: “There are always stories about us getting engaged or moving in together, but they are not true. She is still so young, we both are.” Somehow they don’t really seem suited. Nature will take its inevitable course, so don’t rule out a career swap somewhere down the line.
9 Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe The first unlikely sporting couple were the template for those brave souls who followed. The Yankee Clipper was baseball’s finest, who forgot his grumpy sense of privacy to marry Monroe, albeit for just 274 days. Nearly 40 and retired when he met Monroe in Manhattan, DiMaggio courted her for a year before they married in San Francisco in January 1954. Alas, Monroe, 12 years his junior, wasn’t one to stay at home and admire his nine World Series rings or even the 35-diamond one he gave her. After her skirt flew up — her most iconic pose — as he watched the filming of The Seven-Year Itch in New York, the humiliated DiMaggio was incandescent. One huge argument later, he was flying back to San Francisco for some peace and quiet. He never remarried.
10 Mark Bosnich and Sophie Anderton Ah, cocaine: God’s way of saying you have too much money. Still, couples need shared interest, and, according to the superbright Bosnich, his addiction began to kill hers: “I was desperate to scare Sophie off it, so I said to her, ‘Every line of coke you do, I’ll do two’.” Nice move, Einstein. The goalkeeper and the underwear model argued so much that she had him arrested for assault in October 2003. Later she described Bosnich as “a disturbing freak”. His self-assessment? “I’m just a lovable rogue.”
