HEAVEN knows Sanctuary is miserable now.

The music company, whose clients include Morrissey, Sir Elton John, Guns’n’Roses and Beyoncé, and was for so long a stock-market darling, has had another awful week.

As well as announcing that it would in fact make a loss this year rather than the vast profits it had promised, fading rocker and chief executive Andy Taylor lamely said he would make some cost savings.

Among those not interested in waiting for these was Sir Christopher Meyer, formerly Our Man in Washington, and non-executive director of Sanctuary, who resigned, sending the shares down to 8p.

Although the stock is already down 80% this year, many traders, including Simon Cawkwell — aka Evil Knievil — are still shorting the stock, since the future of the company is looking as thin and shaky as Kate Moss at the moment. Sanctuary’s debts are now more than four times the size of its market capitalisation. Trading out of these depths looks improbable and a rights issue laughable.

In fact, things could get even worse for the group. For example, news last week that the “fundamental review of the business” would include a careful look at the com- pany’s “accounting policies” could be ominous.

The company’s own rescue plans are even less convincing — so far I hear it has decided to sell its classical division, axe 100 jobs in America and unload some more non-executives to cut costs.

A more dramatic remedy, such as a big debt-for- equity swap, is more likely in the next few weeks.

But I don’t think even this will be enough for Sanctuary. I could be wrong, but it feels like it is knocking on heaven’s door.

Much has centred on the appointment of his son Aditya, 29, as finance director at Mittal Steel, the world’s biggest steel company.

Critics may have missed the newest board member. Step forward Vanisha Mittal Bhatia, Lakshmi’s daughter, who was given a seat on the board in December. Vanisha, 25, is studying for a masters in South Asian studies at London’s School of Oriental and African Studies.

Vanisha sprang to public attention last year. Her wedding, to Arnit Bhatia, was one of the big events of last year and brought the Mittal name to the tabloids’ attention. Lakshmi forked out a reported $60m for a five-day bash around Paris, including an event at Versailles and a concert by Kylie Minogue.

Vanisha’s seat on the board might give ammunition to critics of the Mittals’ corporate governance — but then again, it’s really their company to run. Lakshmi and the rest of the family have 88% of the shares.

THREE months ago a wily Argyllshire reader got in touch to ask whether he was alone in finding constant references to Anurag Dikshit, the software developer behind the recently floated online gambling giant Party Gaming, irresistibly amusing.

The answer was no, of course. He was in the good company of half the City.

Next even the more mature half were forced to capitulate and join the juvenile chuckles on reading recent reports about Mustafa Koc, chairman of Koc Holdings, the Turkish industrial giant that’s bidding for oil assets with Shell.

Now I hear that Sanjiv Ahuja, the chief executive of Orange, has become the latest victim of the name game. On Monday the mobile telecoms giant launched in Poland. Orange staff were stunned by the amount of local interest this attracted.

My informants tell me that this had very little to do with Orange and was mostly because Ahuja’s name sounds brilliantly similar to huj, the Polish slang for penis.

THE Aussies might be crying into their beer over the recent loss of the Ashes to the English cricketers, but they are laughing all the way to the bank with their British investments.

Kerrie Mather, chief executive of Australia’s Macquarie Airports, revealed to a UBS conference last week just how successful it has been with Bristol Airport.

Macquarie and Ferrovial, a Spanish infrastructure investor, paid £80m to buy the airport in 2001, but a refinancing let them take out £148m in a special distribution to shareholders this year — and they still own the airport freehold.

Okay, so they can do their sums, but they still need to sharpen up on their cricket.

A company spokesman tells me that it is part of international rebranding. But wags tell me it might have more to do the fact the firm had noticed that traders had recently nicknamed the site Steal4free on account of its many hidden charges.

With CMC planning to float within months, clearly this little joke had to be stamped out.