EUTHANASIA is an issue that refuses to die. But it is a nonargument, really. Doctors are under no obligation to prolong the life of their patients, and are likewise required to take prospective suffering into account during treatment. So where is the problem? Yet, like Frankenstein’s monster, there is always somebody who wants to spark it into life, giving lawyers, politicians and others another excuse to go all compassionate about yet another victim group.

In her new book, Euthanasia: Death with Dignity and the Law, Hazel Biggs claims that up to 20,000 people are killed off prematurely every year, and that therefore we need new laws. On Monday, a bunch of worthies wrote to this paper backing legislation “within strict safeguards”. So why are the great and good lining up to destroy a system that works? Well, there is a House of Lords select committee examining a Private Member’s Bill. Among its recommendations are that those who have fewer than six months to live ought to be allowed the option of being legally whacked, provided that they are compos mentis and are in “unbearable pain”.

Nothing like an arbitrarily chosen deadline such as six months to get the do-gooder juices going. And what exactly is “unbearable pain”? What about those who are in unbearable pain but who could knock around for a couple of years yet? What about the mentally ill? What about minors? Slippery slope, anyone? Legislating to sort out these distinctions is impossible. Not all the world’s problems can be solved by a piece of paper and a committee.

The truth is that hardly any of us are lucky enough to die in any way that can be defined as dignified. Chances are it will be in a hospital bed, drugged to the eyeballs. And if a few are really so cantankerous and self-pitying, why can’t they just stock up on sleeping pills and shuffle off their mortal coils without boring the rest of us about it? Or perhaps they like the attention — one final shot at the big time before they go under. Hence their habit of clambering into their wheelchairs and booking a one-way ticket to Switzerland. Yes, it may make good television, but what does it tell us? That they want to die with dignity. Yes, and I’d like a gold Rolls-Royce, please.

The author writes the www.publicinterest.co.uk website