IN SOME ways my family was dysfunctional as my parents were away working a lot. Our favourite nanny, Pat, from Liverpool, was ferocious and taught us to swear. My father had Victorian values. If he was tired, we had to keep quiet. The atmosphere could be tense. At the table we weren’t allowed to speak unless spoken to.

My mother, one of the Vernon Sisters singing group, was beautiful and positive, but was expected to wait on my father, which appalled me. He complained about her cooking, so she bettered herself, spending ages in the kitchen while Earth, Wind and Fire blasted out. They were both affectionate and outrageous. They had cap-gun fights and Dad taught us to moon from the car window.

I fell in love at 15 but got frightened of my feelings and finished it after two years. I was ambitious and I left home for London at 17, after a row. Dad shouted, Mum didn’t take my side.

I can count my relationships on the fingers of one hand. While I was a backing singer with Spandau Ballet in 1983, I had an affair with John Keeble, the drummer. It’s not the done thing to have a relationship with someone you’re touring with, but it was so light-hearted. Then I met Gary, a sound engineer. I lived with him for a few years. What kept us together? The fact that we never saw each other. I’ve never been devastated when my lover goes away. I’m independent and like being on my own. Gary wanted children and that scared me. I realised the relationship wasn’t right and ended it. He was upset and didn’t understand how I was thinking. I have often found that the person I am living with doesn’t know me very well.

In 1991 my mother died of cancer. She was ill for two years and I helped to nurse her, but had to take a step back when she was dying and let Dad in. They had a deep love that transcended normal relationships. We went our own ways to grieve. I was angry and so immersed in my feelings that I didn’t notice Dad. Mum was the pivot of the family and her loss made us re-examine our values. When we did get back together it was lovely. A few years later he remarried. I am happy for him. At 63, Dad’s mellowed.

In 1990 I had got together with Robin, an old friend. We went for walks, talked about the moon and poetry. He seemed very gentle but, in retrospect, I don’t think he is. Partly in reaction to my grief, we had children. I love being a mum. We moved to Scotland. The intention was that he would run our recording studio to make money, but it didn’t happen. He ended up being at home with the children and I earned all the money. I fell out of love with him over time. We ’d talk about things but they were never dealt with.

I left Robin in 1993 while he was away with the kids. I just took a few bits to my tiny cottage. There was no other way round it. I can’t tell you how heartbreaking it was, but whenever I’m not working the children are with me. There have been some upsetting moments, but it was harder when I was with Rob. The stress led to my breakdown last year. Alone, I couldn’t stop crying but I kept it together when the children were around. I had a huge row with Rob’s girlfriend, who lives with him at our house. But she’s good with the children and I’m not jealous; I’m so not in love with him any more.

Soon, I’m taking the children to live in Oxfordshire where my family are. I want to be with them full-time and next year I don’t plan to work as much. When I fall in love, I really fall and I would like it to be part of my life again. But I don’t know how realistic it would be to live with someone.

The album Effortless Cool, by Sam Brown and Dave Rotheray, performing as Homespun, is released on Monday. Their tour begins on Sunday. www.homespunrecordings.com — 01449 723244. Sam Brown launches a solo tour in April