The Germans? Ruthless but efficient. The Italians? Ruthless but inefficient. The Dutch? Flair and brains. The Spanish? Temperamental, can’t hack the pressure. The Greeks? Er, pass, give me another one. The English? Tough but sloppy. The Belgians? Who cares.

Come on, then. Tell me you don’t share these prejudices. Much football chat is like an episode of Mind Your Language. I don’t want to spoil the fun, but is any of this true? The Fink Tank adjudicates.

Dr Henry Stott and Dr Ian Graham have been assessing the strength of European teams with three aims — to rank European leagues, to assess their character and to establish a league of the best European clubs.

Before the results, first a word on our methods. We have used a weighted model of the goals scored and conceded in all the top divisions in Europe. We have then calibrated them against each other using the weighted outcomes of European cup games, both Uefa Cup and Champions League matches.

The first thing that this enabled us to do was to take an average of the strength of clubs in each league and then rank the leagues. On this measure (strength rather than predictability), the Spanish take the honours, with the Premiership in second place. Next come the French, then the Germans and only then the Italians.

The character of the leagues differs greatly, and not necessarily in the ways you would expect. Which is the strongest attacking league in Europe? The Bundesliga. So much for ruthlessly efficient. And who defends best? The English clubs. The Italians rank fifth for defence. The Spanish emerge top because they are second in both defence and attack. The Dutch league is poor all over the pitch.

The Premiership’s strength is dependent on the big four — Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool — and France’s on two clubs, Lyons and, to a lesser extent, Lille.

This work also enabled us to assess the relative strength of the Scottish and English clubs. If Celtic and Rangers competed with the English, where would they stand? Well, Celtic would be one of the big boys. Even without any extra cash, they rank sixth, just behind Tottenham Hotspur. Rangers, on the other hand, may struggle to retain Premiership status. Fink Tank ranks them in nineteenth place.

Finally, there is the European club ranking itself. Unsurprisingly, Barcelona head the field. But the gap is not that great. Chelsea are 95 per cent as good, as are the strikingly strong Lyons. Real Madrid have spent a fortune but are not as good as Arsenal.

There are seven Spanish clubs in the European top 20, but only two Italian clubs.

Other interesting features of the European ranking? Wigan Athletic are a European-class team, creeping in near the bottom of the second rank of clubs. In fact, Wigan are as good as Lazio. Meanwhile, Aston Villa are better than Benfica.