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Oh dear. You have, I fear, omitted many of the details that would help us to give you a more comprehensive answer.
We don’t, for example, know your precise age, or how long you have been married. It would also be useful to know if you have children, and a little more about your sex life before marriage.
Knowing how long you have been married is the most relevant unanswered question. I expect you know the old story which says that if a couple were to put a coin in a large jar every time they had sex in their first year together and then took one out every time they had sex after the first year, that jar would never be empty.
There is more than a grain of truth in this adage, but one factor may sometimes undermine it. Women’s sexuality starts later than men’s and develops at a different pace.
Men are, in fact, at their sexiest and most rampant at an age not long after their Action Man is locked away in the toy cupboard for the last time. At 16 or 17 a young man’s sexual vigour and potency, and the ease with which he can ejaculate, may embarrass him. By his thirties his sexual demands are manageable and his physiological responses are more or less safely under the control of his psyche.
It is different for the woman. Sexual curiosity, a longing for romance and a desire not to be left behind by her peer group are all driving factors in her behaviour, but her libido is still largely unawakened. To her own, and possibly her partner’s, regret, her response may not be up to her ambitions and fantasies. Only in her early twenties will she begin to thoroughly enjoy sex. Initially, her orgasms won’t come easily, but she will be satisfied and so,it is hoped, will her husband.
By the time they are in their thirties, many women are multi-orgasmic and most have orgasms readily, but their partners are in sexual decline.
Nobody can be dogmatic about the frequency of sex. It is not only a question of the needs and desires of the individual but of the couple.
Some married couples continue to have daily sex long after they are eligible for a bus pass; others may have sex two or three times a day for years. Conversely, a large, but admittedly poorly designed, survey carried out about 30 years ago showed that after 20 years of marriage one couple in four had, in effect, no sex life. More recent research demonstrates that average couples in their thirties, married for several years, have sex two or three times weekly.
It is reasonable for you to want enough sex to keep you satisfied, but it may not be reasonable for you to expect your husband to provide this if his sexual needs, libido and even physiological ability don’t match your demands. There is always a danger that when expectations and hopes are not matched by reality there will be trouble; and so a visit to see what Ann Summers has in her electrical appliances department may be called for.
Suzi GodsonLess than you expect. In the UK, the average man has sex only 6.4 times a month. Women fare a little better at 6.5 times a month but it’s nothing to write home about (Natsal, 2000).
Portions are bigger in the US. Married couples there do it two or three times a week but that average includes big variables: 7 per cent of married couples report not having had sex at all in the preceding year.
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