Bad luck. The best you can hope for is that she will smile indulgently and still find you irresistible even if you are in a black diving suit and wearing wellies. One problem is that men tend to look ridiculous when dressed in panties and bras or black rubber. As a result, any libidinous reactions that you may have encouraged in your girlfriend will disappear when she sees you.

If your charms are such that even though your partner’s sexual response is checked momentarily but returns once she realises that there is more to you than wellies, fine. Your fundamental problem is that few heterosexual women have much, if any, interest in fetishism. You are going to have an uphill task if you hope for much in the way of participation.

One glimmer of hope, however, is that some women enjoy the reaction that even slightly bizarre dressing up may have on a partner. They might go along with your plans if they derive pleasure from seeing the excitement that this causes you. They are not interested in the black rubber boots for themselves but for the effect that it has on your sexual prowess. The basic premise is that whereas men dress up to revolt and shock, women who enjoy displaying themselves derive pleasure from the effect and excitement it induces in men.

One theory is that some women with these exhibitionist tendencies may play along with men’s fetishist impulses if it directs their partner’s gaze to what in her opinion are her most sexually exciting zones. It could be that her wearing long, black rubber boots might direct your gaze to her genitalia or bottom. If this so excited your fantasy that it drove you crazy with passion she might think co-operation worthwhile. I shouldn’t count on it. I suspect that you will have to rely upon her ability to be tolerant. Remember: all sexual behaviour has to be at least acceptable (preferably, of course, enjoyable) to both halves of a partnership.

The origins of fetishism have been much debated throughout my time in medical practice. Before Freud, fetishism was thought to be the result of conditioned reflexes implanted in early life. Fetishists are usually introverted and the introverted are readily subject to conditioning. At some time during their infancy they have, this theory suggests, been conditioned by pleasant sensations to associate stimulating sexual feelings with the rubber sheet on which they were bathed, or the shoes they came across when playing around their mother’s feet. Many were excited by underclothing they saw her wear. Conversely, Freud believed that the roots of fetishism lay in male castration fears — male fetishists were obsessed by panties because they hid a woman’s lack of penis, a fate they feared.

I prefer the conditioned-reflex explanation. I remember several famous artists and creative people who were fetishists and claim to remember why. One, as a toddler, was turned on by glancing surreptitiously at his mother’s suspenders, as he watched her undress in the room. Another artist, also dead, derived similar satisfaction from watching women through the keyhole as they undressed. He retained an interest in seeing, but not wearing, women’s underclothing and was rampantly heterosexual. The late Dr Anthony Storr, the Oxford psychiatrist, taught that fetishists tend to be introverted as are fantasists. A lively ability to fantasise is a common feature of fetishism.

SUZI GODSON

If your girlfriend realises that your fondness for black wellies is nothing to do with puddles of mud — and she is still with you — you are off to a good start. Frankly, most straight women would have shown you and your wellies the door the second they suspected that you were having an affair with them.

Getting off with your gumboots isn’t exactly infidelity but to non-rubberists your fetish is threatening and bewildering. Threatening, because most people don’t understand whether rubberists are turned on by the skin-tight material sprayed on to the curvaceous body of the page three model, or the curvaceous body of the model. Bewildering, because they can’t figure out what latex has that they haven’t.

There is consensus among rubberists who have non-rubberist partners that it is better to tell the truth about a fetish sooner rather than later. Needless to say, that’s easier said than done. Most fetishists have harboured their secret for years and sharing it is such a terrifying prospect that many choose to hide their feelings rather than jeopardise their relationships.

However, in a long-term partnership, it becomes increasingly difficult to avoid arousing suspicion. Some, like you, introduce their fetish in acceptable forms (wellies) in the hope that it will create a tolerance to the more elaborate (full rubber body-suit with peephole headmask). This approach, however, nearly always goes belly-up because it is impossible to gauge a person’ s understanding of something as alien as a rubber fetish without some open discussion.

Rubberists who have confessed their secret to non-rubberist partners, and lived to tell the tale, recommend trying to divorce your individual fetish from the wider “fetish scene”. Fair or not, fetishists are generally perceived as weird, and as people tend to lump fetishes together in one big group, your girlfriend will probably find it easier to accept it if you emphasise that your fetish is specifically confined to rubber.

In explaining this to her it will probably help if you attach feelings or senses to the material itself. One rubberist describes the sensation of touching the “smooth elastic texture of vanilla-scented latex stretched tight over soft skin” as a “sensitivity multiplier”. If your partner understands that it is the smell, the look, the feel of this single material that amplifies your sexual feelings, she will feel less threatened by it.

If you want your girlfriend to try wearing rubber, bear in mind that most women have body-image issues and feel nervous about squeezing into a tight little anything. Reassure her that because rubber is thick and matte it holds things in place and when stretched tightly creates dramatic visual contrasts, which emphasise every curve and contour of the body.

To illustrate this you might show her the Breathless website (www.breathless.uk.com, 020-7278 1666). Breathless is one of a number of UK companies that specialise in latex couture. They have an extensive range, from basic bikini pieces, from £20, to floor-length fantasy gowns costing hundreds, and they design to order. They also stock other popular labels such as House of Harlot and Velda Lauder.

If these amazing outfits don’t appeal to her, you could always buy her wellies. Hunters are the make of choice. Sported by fashionable model celebrities, such as Kate Moss and Lily Cole, they are available in a range of colours and designs for £49.99; www.wellie-web.co.uk.

OVER TO YOU

Do you have a sexual dilemma for Suzi Godson and Dr Thomas Stuttaford? Send your e-mails to body&soul@thetimes.co.uk or write to Body&Soul, The Times, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1TT. The authors regret that, although your letters are much appreciated, they cannot respond personally.