Should doctors be allowed to tell children that they are obese? And should parents follow suit? It may seem a strange question, but in America it’s a current one. Last month a panel of experts recommended changing the description of American children with weight problems from “overweight” to “obese” and even “very obese”.

For many US paediatric experts it has created a dilemma. Many believe that to make the dangers clear the vocabulary about weight needs to be altered. Others argue that this will stigmatise youngsters.

“I feel that we should use the word ‘obese’ to describe children,” says Dr Reginald Washington, co-chairman of the panel on obesity at the American Academy of Paediatrics. “The word ‘cancer’ scares kids, but we still tell them if they have it. People say that if we call a child obese, his or her feelings will be hurt. But classmates will call them much worse.”

While debate continues in America — the decision on the recommendations may not be known until the new year — the mood in the UK seems to be going the other way.

“We’re using the word ‘obesity’ less,” says Professor Mary Rudolf, a consultant paediatrician in community health at the University of Leeds. Her “growth and nutrition clinic” for children used to be called an obesity clinic, but her patients weren’t happy.

“The message I got was that I should be careful with words. If I was to write an article, I would use the term obesity. Face to face, I wouldn’t. Most of the individuals I see are aware that their children have a weight problem and it doesn’t help if I say ‘your child is obese’.”

For parents, the dangers to their children’s health and happiness make the weight issue delicate. Lynn Freeman’s daughter, Bryony, began gaining weight at the age of 10. “We tried tackling it ourselves, but your relationship gets in the way,” she says. “You want to do what’s best, but it can seem cruel.” Freeman broke up with her husband just as Bryony put on pounds and she was unsure how to tackle her daughter’s weight gain.

“I tried to discuss it with her,” she says. “We ate sensibly, we went to Slimmers’ World and to the gym, but Bryony wasn’t happy. Then she said, ‘I feel like you are torturing me’. It was awful. I wanted to help her, but I didn’t know how.”

Although obesity is often described as a medical crisis, Freeman found it hard to get help for Bryony, who is now 13. “I felt that if she was anorexic, doctors would be falling over themselves to help her. This is the same problem, but it’s in reverse. Bryony was teased at school — and called a ‘fat bitch’. Although she had lots of friends and seemed happy, I thought there was unhappiness on the inside.”

In her local paper Freeman spotted the year-long Watch It! programme in Leeds, which puts children and families in touch with a trainer. He or she leads them through a plan focusing on nutrition, activity and emotional wellbeing. It includes weekly counselling sessions and the emphasis is on managing weight and eating “right”, rather than actual weight loss.

Bryony, for example, was at first encouraged to have an apple instead of a bag of crisps once a week. That was then increased to twice. She has lost weight and has gone from a size 22 to a 16.

“It’s helped our relationship because we can talk about her size now and it’s not a pressure for me,” says Freeman. “It’s also helped Bryony’s self-confidence. She’s happier.”

Freeman admits that Bryony was obese, but she too thinks the term is unkind. “I don’t think it should be used because it’s such a stigma,” she says. “Being obese doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.”