The amount of pubic hair that a man finds attractive is as much related to individual taste as is a male’s preference for breasts, rather than bottoms, or vice versa.
There is an element of “partialism”, the medical name for attraction to some part of the anatomy of the opposite sex, in everyone. Most people are not exclusively focused on physical appearance but are more concerned with the emotional aspects of a relationship. Few would be willing to go to the wall to defend their opinions about pubic hair.
Similarly, although some men are attracted by exotic underwear, and others favour stockings and suspenders, there are many who don’t give a damn either way.
Pubic hair is a secondary sexual characteristic, like breasts and the female distribution of fat that ensures well-defined waists and rounded bottoms. It is interesting how times have changed. Fifty years ago, the shaving before surgery or delivery of pubic hair, and the loss of a secondary sexual characteristic, was considered such an insult to a woman’s pride and femininity that avant-garde hospitals and maternity units devised means to save it without sacrificing cleanliness.
Now it is wantonly and regularly shaved off in the privacy of a woman’s bathroom, or almost ritualistically in a beauty salon, not to preserve clinical cleanliness but in deference to a fashionable fad. There is a suggestion that removing pubic hair could be a response to a desire to return to a pre-pubescent state, and that some women have an innate wish to be asexual and juvenile. Probably a Brazilian waxing or shaving is not so much a manifestation of the wish to avoid growing up and having to bear adult responsibilities but a surrender to the demands of a fad dictated by male fashion designers with slightly paedophiliac or asexual tastes. It may be significant that dress designers tend to prefer stick-thin, boyish girls with small breasts and hips.
Most men are probably like your husband, who is attracted by an average amount of body hair. Apart from the distribution of a woman’s hair being an essentially feminine feature, it has other advantages, it carries with it some sense of the forbidden fruit of adolescence, and also has a physiological function for it retains the smell of pheromones, the barely consciously detectable body smell that attracts the opposite sex. Although a poorly developed sense in human beings, in other mammals pheromones play an important role in mating.
Pubic hair in both sexes becomes straggly, grey and sparse in older age. Few would want to have a Brazilian at the age of nearly 60. Most would be aware that once waxed or shaved, even more marked signs of ageing will be revealed than a few over-long, grey hairs.
Once pubic hair starts to re-grow it is as scratchy as a new beard on a man who hasn’t shaved for a day or two. You may find that your husband, if you go ahead with your plan, is not complaining about your appearance but about his irritated and inflamed skin.
Making a domestic issue out of such a minor craze — and I am told that the Brazilian is already outmoded — seems unnecessary. It is far more important to keep your husband happy.A light trim, if age has left your hair rather unruly, won’t cause the skin to bristle and will allow you to wear a bikini with an easy mind.
Suzi Godson says:
Some might say that at 60 you are a little long in the tooth to be sporting a Brazillian, but when social constraints start compromising your personal taste in pubic grooming, it is time to get the hell out of this godforsaken country.
Each to their own; free will and all that. You can either sit around waiting for his approval or you can embrace your ambition and make a stand for your individuality. So go on. Do it. Shave your pubes off and shock your hubby. Give him call-girl. Give him trouble. Shake your naked booty, and why not set your Brazilian off with a pair of sparkly nipple tassels (£35; www.agentprovocateur.com), while you are at it? You are nearly 60 and you don’t need to apologise for your sexuality. If smooth does it for you, smooth does it for you. And damn the begrudgers.
Relationships are about give and take and it is important to take your partner’s views into consideration, but let’s keep this in perspective. You are not suggesting getting a facelift and a set of pneumatic breasts. You are not jeopardising your health, or his dignity. And 90 per cent of the time you will be wearing pants anyway. It’s ironic that we set so much store on sex and yet we pay so little attention to our genital appearance. Pubic grooming looks good and feels great. It is neat, hygienic and extremely conducive to oral sex. And I suspect that your husband will appreciate all of this in the fullness of time.
On a practical note, make sure that you tell your salon exactly what you want because waxers interpret Brazilians in different ways. I suspect that you intend to have everything removed, but some women leave a strip (a runway) or a small patch of hair just above the vaginal area. It’s a matter of personal taste, but the completely naked vaginal area can look rather shocking at first because the last time you will have seen yourself that way was probably 50 years ago.
The waxing process is completely unsexual but it has to be said there is something vaguely erotic about taking your pants off and allowing a stranger undivided access to your most intimate parts. Be warned, though, Brazilian waxing is not for the faint of heart. You will need to help by pulling the skin taut, and moving and holding the labia. And you will probably have to go on all fours when your waxer does the area around your anus.
An experienced waxer will let you know what she is doing and she will work quickly and efficiently. First of all she will trim your hair with scissors so that the wax can reach the follicles. Then, using a wooden stick, she will spread warm wax over the area, a little bit at a time. While the wax is hot and wet, she will lay cloth strips over it and, after it hardens, she will rip them away from the skin. A traditional Brazilian goes from the labia right back to the anus and, if there are any stray hairs left, your waxer may use a pair of tweezers.
It will make your eyes water but the anticipation is often worse than the actual experience. The first wax takes the longest — up to 45 minutes and, after that, it should take only 20 minutes or so. You will need to get your Brazilian redone every four to six weeks because — and if your husband has a fit you might want to remind him of this — pubic hair does eventually grow back.
E-mail your sexual dilemmas to body&soul@thetimes.co.uk or write to Body&Soul, The Times, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1TT
