USP But the ashram has none of the hallmarks of a cult — the people don’t want to sleep with you and aren’t interested in your money (it costs about £6 a day for everything). It would seem that their aims are only for their guests to experience a spiritual, Ayurvedic lifestyle and to leave a little bit bendier, calmer and an awful lot less afraid of 5.30am.

AMBIENCE The complex is set among green lawns and colorful flowerbeds. The Southern Indian landscape of lakes, hills and forests add to the serene atmosphere. Accommodation is in shared simple rooms or bring a tent.

EXPERIENCE The daily routine is filled with meditation, yoga, chanting, lectures and general holy behaviour. Lunch is at 10.30am. No sex, no naked flesh above elbow or knee is allowed, neither is any smoking. Guests must spend an hour each day doing karma yoga — an hour of selfless service that is meant to help you get over your ego. This includes cleaning lavatories, but you can choose other jobs such as serving food or sweeping up. I get the bogs. Later that day, Marigolds up to my elbows, all I can think is that I am paying to do this. And that everything ever said about vegan diets and digestion is true.

My main reason for coming to the ashram is the yoga. It has a brilliant reputation. The tutors are thorough and there’s emphasis on posture and breathing. Although the spiritual, relaxing elements are stressed, it is vigorous exercise. My body feels satisfyingly tired after working through the 12 classical Hatha poses and sun salutations. I have never sweated so much; I cannot have a toxin left inside me.

One class a day is held by the lake in a studio that looks out over a dam and mountains — the scenery is stunning. So, too, is the soundtrack. From across the lake comes the bellowing of lions mating; cue jokes afterwards about “at least someone’s getting some”. There is a dawn walk up a sacred hill and a night moonlit walk around the dam. The ashram follows Ayurvedic principles — hence the diet and routine. Initially I find the discipline difficult but after four days it all falls into place, and I decide on the eve of my last day to extend for another four days. By now I feel incredible. Calmer than, well, ever. My insomnia has disappeared, my body feels stronger, more flexible. I’m very happy.

IN CROWD Lots of locals and detoxifying karma seeking westerners seeking rebalance without breaking the bank.

FOOD Juice, herbs, powders and soups for those purifying through fasting. Vegan diet with no drinking, meat, dairy, coffee, sugar, garlic or onions.

WALLET WATCH The ashram charges from £6.50pp per night, all food and tuition included (low season), minimum stay three nights. Gulf Air (0870 7771717, www.gulfairco.com) has return fares from Heathrow to Trivandrum from £521. The ashram is about 40 miles from the airport and can be reached by bus or taxi.

NEED TO KNOW The Sivananda Yoga Vedanta Dhanwantari Ashram, Kerala, India (00 91 471 227 3093; www.sivananda.org/ndam)

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