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The Simpsons take on Steve Jobs

Springfield gets an (m)Apple store...

UPDATE: unfortunately, and possibly inevitably, this video has been taken down. If you missed it yesterday, sorry.

When leaving a message, Brits leave out the swearing

Some strange research has been passed under my nose. Far from being a nation of uncouth potty-mouths, it seems that Brits are quite restrained when it comes to swearing.

VoxSciences, a company that converts voicemail into texts, has analysed tens of thousands of spoken words than it has then converted into SMS messages. It found that last month, only 1 in 10,000 words left in voicemail messages were swear words.

The company said:

Although VoxSciences has programmed a vast array of swear words in to its system they are hardly ever required for transcription.

Clearly the research didn't include voicemails left my Messrs Brand and Ross though.

Maybe its that we're more restrained with leaving voicemail messages. It always like feels like talking into a machine, which for some reason feels more formal, so you're unlikely to launch into a volley of four letter words. Still, maybe it proves we're a polite bunch afterall.

David Pogue gives Blackberry Storm the hairdryer treatment

Look, OK, it's not just me who's disappointed with the Blackberry Storm. David Pogue from The New York Times has laid into it in all:

Here’s a great example of the intelligence that drives R.I.M.: The phones all have simple, memorable, logical names instead of incomprehensible model numbers. There’s the BlackBerry Pearl (with a translucent trackball). The BlackBerry Flip (with a folding design). The BlackBerry Bold (with a stunning design and faux-leather back).

Well, there’s a new one, just out ($200 after rebate, with two-year Verizon contract), officially called the BlackBerry Storm.

But I’ve got a better name for it: the BlackBerry Dud.

Only thing is, I quite like the clickable touchscreen. In my opinion, its the Storm's saving grace. Mr Pogue is having none of it:

Hello? Isn’t the thumb keyboard the defining feature of a BlackBerry? A BlackBerry without a keyboard is like an iPod without a scroll wheel. A Prius with terrible mileage. Cracker Jack without a prize inside.

...On the Storm, a light touch highlights the key but doesn’t type anything. It accomplishes nothing — a wasted software-design opportunity. Only by clicking fully do you produce a typed letter.

The review gets ever more scathing. And, in case you're interested, RIM's share price went down but 1.5 per cent today.

He finally did it

This just dropped into my inbox:

Orbitsound T3: Walking in a bubble of music

Audio equipment is one of those areas of personal technology where you can spend anything from a few quid to a few grand, or anything in between. Sound quality varies enormously, but once you get beyond the ultracheap and ultratinny, the law of diminishing returns kicks in quite quickly.

The problem is that top-level kit uses pretty much the same technology as budget ranges, but with higher quality materials and better craftsmanship – there’s no step change, just a long continuum of cost versus benefits.

The Orbitsound T3, a dongle-like speaker that you wear around your neck, sidesteps that rule by generating stereo sound by different means. Instead of separating it into left and right channels and sending one to each speaker or earphone, the Airsound technology used in the T3 uses a single speaker to project sound from both the left and right channels. As the promotional blurb says:

The drawback with personal music systems like the iPod® or MP3 enabled phones is that you have to wear headphones. And the trouble with headphones is that you are not hearing true stereo - just two separated mono signals clamped to your ears. True stereo lets you hear the sound from both speakers with both ears - the stereo sound field between the speakers. …

The T3’s approach is to create a personal sound field (sound bubble), and when worn around the neck the T3’s unique BODYSOUND™ effect uses your own body to reinforce the sound. This innovative system allows music to be literally placed in the air, all around your head.

This sounds like marketing babble, but it’s true: you really do feel as if the music is hovering around your head. Set to maximum differentiation, the sound is strikingly three-dimensional (there's more information here about how it works). Lower settings provide a more subtle stereo effect.

Ten celebrities who play World of Warcraft

First of all, I should come clean about something.

I’m not really a Warcraft player or fan. Over the past few weeks I’ve had to report on a number of World of Warcraft events (see here and here). This has allowed me to meet and befriend many hardcore players and given me a better understanding of the game. These days, I’d describe myself as more of a WoW sympathiser.

But this new-found interest led me to think, out of more than 11 million players worldwide, some of these people have got to be famous. So here, in no particular order, is a top ten list of Warcraft-playing celebrities:

10. Dave Chappelle

British audiences may not be too familiar with Dave Chappelle (maybe you caught him in The Nutty Professor telling your mama jokes with Eddie Murphy? No? You missed out). He’s actually one of the most popular comedians on the planet, with a hit show Stateside.

"You know what I've been playing a lot of?" the comedian reportedly asked a crowd a few years back. "World of Warcraft!" When a few cheers broke out, he responded, "I knew I had some geek brothers and sisters up in here!"

What's next after the Sopranos?

I'm in a crisis. Me ole mucker Danny at Comment Central is trying to help, please do let him know your suggestions...

YouTube goes widescreen

If you've already had a sneaky look at YouTube at work this morning, you'll have noticed something different. The videos have gone widescreen.

To see its full capabilities now, click here to see the widescreen trailer for super cool (but vomit-inducing) new game Mirrors Edge.

And if you can't be bothered to do that, but want to see the games graphics anyway in boring, old-school video size (Tech Central isn't wide enough to cope with super-widescreen just yet, sorry), just watch it below.

Why the Facebook-Twitter merger didn't happen

All Things Digital has the skinny on yet another eyebrow-raising tech merger that has failed to come to pass. Rumours that Twitter and Facebook would do a deal have been around for a while, but Kara Swisher has the details.

The big reason why it fell apart? Money, of course:

So why did the deal break down?

Well, as is usually the case, over price–was $500 million worth of Facebook stock actually worth $500 million?–and the typical concerns about integration and costs.

But, more important, it seems, was a feeling among Twitter investors and execs that the start-up should still take a shot at building its revenues–there are none right now–as well as it had done at building its growth.

And the fact that Facebook doesn't have any revenues of its own, means it would be tough for it to take Twitter's model of text message updates:

Lack of revenues was an issue for Facebook, said sources, especially related to fees Twitter pays for delivery of its messages to cell phones.

While the issue has been manageable in the U.S., Twitter cut off its SMS support in some international markets this summer because of too-high costs.

But, if Twitter was offered to Facebook’s 120 million users, Facebook execs estimated that it might have to deal with huge SMS fees–up to $75 million annually.

These problems will not go away until either Twitter or Facebook works out how to turn their impressive growth in terms of users into hard cash. So until that changes, don't expect a merger to happen. But that won't stop more rumours of a deal in the future.

YouTube and the Government - democracy in action

A colleague writes:

HM Treasury has a YouTube channel. Yesterday they put up a video about the Pre Budget Report...

(Click the image to enlarge it...)

Apple issues iPhone update and the Blackberry Storm blows in

Apple have launched its latest update for the iPhone and iPod Touch. As usual you can install the update by connecting your device to iTunes and hit the check for update button. iPhone 2.2 improves maps, telephone functionality and browser stability among other things.

Be warned, some of the features do not update on the Touch. It looks like Apple is moving towards differentiating between the two devices. Also there have been sporadic reports of problems following the update. For the full run-down on the update go to iLounge's full run-through here.

The bigger picture is that this update was launched at the same time as the Blackberry Storm touchscreen phone finally hit America. After months of ad campaigns there were queues outside carrier Verizon stores in many cities - the first time that has happened for a Blackberry phone.

The iPhone has been cutting into the Blackberry market with its improved functionality aimed at business users and now RIM, the makers of Blackberry, are returning the compliment by offering a phone aimed at Apple's consumer fanbase. Sales in the run-up to Christmas will be crucial for both companies. Which one is better?

RIP Abraham K Biggs - internet suicide

Janice Turner: When hatred comes to your homepage

I am not shocked by the death of 19-year-old Abraham K Biggs live on video streaming site justin.tv. I am not shocked by the reports of other chat room users encouraging him to get on with it. I AM sad that there are people out there stupid enough to think that goading someone who is obviously vulnerable is a fun thing to do. A trawl through the chat rooms of the internet reveals human nature sometimes at its most base.
On the positive side, some of those watching Abraham die did want to do something and did go to some lengths to contact the police.
Were those watching responsible for his death? No. Abraham was responsible for his own death. Should the viewers be prosecuted? It is difficult to see how this could be achieved and to what end. Should something be done about live streaming, chat rooms and the like? Emphatically no.
The internet has revolutionised the way world communicates with itself and has brought people and communities together in thousands of good ways. But the enabling light that the internet shines on relationships also illuminates the dark side of human behaviour. This is what has happened here.

No, no, please allow me to google that for you...

At last. Here is a website for all those people that find it more convenient to bother you with their question rather than google it for themselves. So simple, so perfect, so polite. letmegooglethatforyou.com provides a link to send to your annoying friend or work colleague. Try it. (It's nothing to do with Google, by the way, just some guys messing about. The site is already at the top of Digg and going viral round the world as I write.)

HP launch multi-touch tablet PC - where is Apple's version?

Hewlett Packard quietly gets on with the business of selling an awful lot of laptops. Today it has beaten Apple to the punch with the first multi-touch laptop aimed at consumers. The HP TouchSmart tx2z tablet looks pretty impressive (although the fancy design on the casing makes it more of a coffee-shop machine than a business one). The swivel touchscreen supports a wide range of gestures including pinch, rotate, arc, flick, press and drag, and both single and double tap. The basic model costs $1,149 in the US and I am told it is also launching in the UK. For HP's demo go here. And for a review and more details go to Engadget.

Nintendo Miis vs XBox Avatars

Let battle commence

(pics via iChris and marusin via flickr)

Ted Stevens explains the internet

The political demise of Ted Stevens, the Senator for Alaska, is all the excuse we need to revisit his rather wonderful explanation of how the internet works.

“The internet is not something you just dump something on,” he said, back in 2006. “It’s not a truck. It’s a series of tubes.

“And if you don't understand, those tubes can be filled, and if they are filled, when you put your message in it gets in line and it’s going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material.”

He spoke from personal experience: “An internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday.

“Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially.”

The Senate will be less entertaining without him. Unless Sarah Palin takes his place.

Microsoft to give away free security software

What have we done to deserve this? Microsoft has announced that it is to give away security protection for your PC or laptop free of charge.
At the same time the company announced it was discontinuing its Windows Live OneCare subscription service. Could this generosity be linked to the fact that the Live OneCare package has not exactly been a huge hit? The new security software, named Morro, is expected to protect your computer from all the basic malware out there. It should be available in the second half of next year. Find the press release here and the Microsoft Q&A here. Microsoft does not have a great reputation in the security field but if this means that more people get basic protection for their computers then I am all in favour. Not so sure that the people at McAfee and Symantec, who make tidy sums providing computer security for consumers, are rejoicing at this news.

So farewell Jerry Yang

Oodles of speculation and comment about the announcement of Yang's departure as CEO from Yahoo!.
The best commentary is from the excellent Kara Swisher and the Boomtown blog from the Wall Street Journal (which broke the story). She points out that Yahoo! is still a huge internet asset and can still shine, given the right leadership.
For another interesting take, read how Microsoft's aggressive lobbying in Washington helped to sink the Google/Yahoo! deal (and ultimately Yang) in a fascinating post by CNET News's chief political correspondent.

Top 25 days in computing history

The path to modern-day computing is longer than many suspect, and strewn with interesting nuggets of information. These include:

- the inventor of e-mail can't remember when he got it working
- Pac-Man was modelled on a pizza and called Puck-Man until vandals forced a name change
- the first hard drive had a 5MB capacity and could only be moved by a fork-lift truck
- in 1980, The Times reported with wonder that a word processor could be bought for £3,500
- Deep Blue's chess victory over Garry Kasparov was described as a 'psychological triumph'.

For full details of these milestones, and other gems from the Times Archive, read on...

December 23, 1834: Charles Babbage announces the analytical engine

Babbage had started work on a difference engine in 1821, believing that a mechanical calculating device could produce mathematical tables far more quickly and accurately than human mathematicians. During 1834, with his first engine still incomplete, he came up with the idea of an even more ambitious machine: the analytical engine, which could be programmed with a variety of calculations. According to the Science Museum in London:

The designs for the Analytical Engine include almost all the essential logical features of a modern electronic digital computer. The engine was programmable using punched cards. It had a ‘store’ where numbers and intermediate results could be held and a separate ‘mill’ where the arithmetic processing was performed. The separation of the ‘store’ (memory) and ‘mill’ (central processor) is a fundamental feature of the internal organisation of modern computers.

Babbage continued working on his designs until his death in 1871, but the limitations of Victorian engineering and his own awkward personality prevented him from building any of them. The Science Museum successfully assembled a difference engine from Babbage’s designs in November 1991 (pictured above).

- From the Times Archive, 1870: “It is difficult, perhaps, to make the nature of such abstruse inventions at all clear to the popular and untechnical reader” - The life and times of Mr Charles Babbage

Click here for a video of a recently built difference engine in action

World's Funniest Website Hates Your Bad Jokes

How do those funny people at theOnion.com consistently come up with such hilarious headlines?

In a great feature, the Washington Post goes behind the scenes, and reveals all.

Money quote:

In an inversion of the traditional editorial process, the Onion chooses its headlines and then invents stories to fit them. For a headline to have made the first cut, at least two of the six writers in attendance had to okay it, generally an occasion of little fanfare in which a couple of people threw up their hands and murmured with a defeated sigh, "Sure, why the hell not?" Among the survivors were "Sudanese Man Best In Village At Stacking Bodies"; "Really Loud Whistle Guy Takes Every Opportunity To Whistle Loudly"; "Steven Tyler Laid Off From Aerosmith As Band Jobless Rate Hits 20%"; "Kid Not Sure What To Do With Sex And The City Action Figures"; "Bill Clinton Sadly Folds First Lady Dress Back Into Box"; "Price of Gas Rises To Four Expletives Per Gallon"; "50-Year-Old Prince Licks AARP Representative's Face"; and "Op-Ed: It Figures That Right After I Wash My Car, It Rains Blood."

The choicest material - the staff writers' ideas - had been pitched this morning, and the writers were sorting through the chaff, the jokes sent in each week by part-time contributors, known in local editorial parlance as "the [expletive] list." The writers fidgeted and slumped in their chairs, visibly oppressed by the haze of failed hilarity thickening in the room.

Fallen cannon fodder included: "Face Of God Seen On Bus Ad For God"; "California Courts To See What Else They Can Marry"; "Meter Attendant Accidentally Tries To Collect Change From Vending Machine"; and the following op-ed: "You're Breaking The Human Half Of My Cyborg Heart," which caused senior writer Dan Guterman to groan and offer a counter-headline, " 'I Suck,' By A Joke."