Snakes and Ladders - Times Online - WBLG

Lee calls in sick on day one

Oh dear, not auspicious: Lee McQueen has called in sick on his first day as Big Al's new apprentice.

This definitely counts as getting off on the wrong foot, for all that I am sure that his illness is genuine. (No one who had been caught lying on his CV could take the risk of creating a questionable sick note, although in most cases anyone whose stomach upset creates a long weekend is automatically looked at a little suspiciously, even if they spend the next fortnight in hospital.)

I understand the argument that sick people who come in to the office, brag about their levels of commitment and promptly infect the rest of the workforce with some disgusting disease are not actually benefiting the world.

No one dies wishing he'd spent more time at the office

The sensible, grown-up approach to life suggests that we'll be better off in the future if we spend our present working hard, saving money and choosing salad instead of chips for lunch.

But guess what? We won't be happier, says an article in this month's Harvard Business Review.

Working outside the office

Visit London is encouraging freelancers, creative types and anyone else who'll be in London with a laptop this Thursday or Friday to skip the office in favour of a seat in St James's Park. Sounds nice - nothing but birds, squirrels and a million photo-happy tourists to distract you from your spreadsheet.

On the other hand, every time I've tried to work outside I sneeze like a crazy woman and spend so much time worrying about my laptop getting nicked that I barely notice that the screen is impossible to read in sunlight. Better to sit inside until your work is done then pop down to the park to relax.

A buffet with Warren?

There are just two days and ten hours to go if you and your friends would like to have lunch with the Oracle of Omaha. Warren Buffett, the chairman of Berkshire Hathaway and one of the richest men in the world, is auctioning lunch with himself on eBay in aid of charity.

At the time of writing the bid stands at $77,100 (£39,206.17) for the bidder and seven friends to enjoy a bite and banter with Mr Buffett at the Smith & Wollensky Steakhouse in New York. But as anyone who has any experience of eBay will be able to tell you the serious bidding will happen on Saturday in the last few moments of the auction.

This is the sixth year Mr Buffett has auctioned lunch with himself for the Glide Foundation charity. Last year the successful bidder and friends forked out $650,100 for steak and shares advice with the 77-year-old billionaire.

It will be interesting to know whether in these cash-strapped times this year's auction will raise a similar amount. In 2006 the lunch raised $620,100 but in 2005 it was a mere $315,100 (which wouldn't even buy three shares in Berkshire Hathaway at today's prices).

But if you are interested in meeting Mr Big then take note: the auction closes at 7pm on Friday (PDT) which is 3am on Saturday here in the UK (European readers should bear in mind that 'free shipping' probably doesn't mean Mr Buffett will fly you over in his private jet...probably).

Update 3.30 pm June 27 - After 44 bids the offer stands at $255,500

Update 8.30 am June 28 - There were 71 bids in by the close of the auction. The winner, greenteabug, offered $2,110,100. Gracious.

Want to work in Australia? Learn to use a deep-fat fryer

Australia's pernickety points-based visa system can make it hard for foreign professionals to get work in the country. On the other hand, Oz is suffering from such a severe skills shortage that McDonald's and KFC have been forced to recruit overseas using the skilled migrant visa programme, reports news.com.au. So, drop out of university and start flipping burgers if you fancy moving Down Under.

The Concise 33 Strategies of War

Books which promise bored businessmen that a firm handshake and a couple of military metaphors guarantee corporate success are popular because they suggest that there's more to office life than a balanced budget. Look here, they tell suited warriors, what you do is important; in a different age you'd be marshalling the cavalry for a final charge. Is that really so different to preparing a marketing strategy for a new type of laxative?

But what makes The Concise 33 Strategies of War different is that it promises to guide us not only at work but also in our relationships, in politics and, curiously, on the street. Oh, and the press release is endorsed by Busta Rhymes, the musician: "I felt like I had some Deep Sea scroll or some sh*t".

Name 5 non-famous CEOs

Much is written about the curse of celebrity and how we all want our 15 minutes. Chief executives and chairman are no exception to the rule. Some corporate leaders are as famous as their brands: think Arcadia's Philip Green, Apple's Steve Jobs, Virgin's Richard Branson or BA's Willie Walsh. Not all are famous for the right reasons - but all publicity is good publicity eh? What's more, a modicum of fame can ensure a rich post-retirement career as a management guru or writer - just consider GE's former head honcho Jack Welch.

But although the media and the public love 'em - Branson seems to come top of every league table, whether its bosses, entrepreneurs, businessmen or men with beards - leadership writers are keen to remind us that leadership ought to be authentic and our leaders need to keep it real. The heroic leader is as dated as an Arctic Roll. The thinking seems to be that it's difficult to keep your eye on the bottom line if you're busy worrying whether your bum will look big on Newsnight.

So in the spirit of the great British parlour game of name five famous Belgians, try to name five CEOs who have done a sterling job but aren't universally famous. To get you in the mood, here's a German CEO game in the style of the more famous beer logo game.  If we can get enough we could build our own game. . . although maybe that will make them famous and then we'll be back to square one.

(Picture of Belgian luc Vandevelde, former CEO of Marks & Spencer, borrowed from www.famousbelgians.net )

It's not called offshoring any more

Want to outsource or offshore part of your business but don't want to take things too far? It's time to consider "nearshoring", which is just like offshoring but without the confusing time zone differences.

Or, to put it less jargonistically, hiring someone in Eastern Europe rather than India.

Looking after the family silver

If you have a bit of dosh you probably have a savings account, if you have a lot you may have a private banker, but if you have squillions then the only way to go is a private bank - as in one just for you and a few of your seriously rich relatives. 

A study by the Wharton Global Family Alliance, a collaboration of American and European business school researchers, offers a rare insight into the world of the uber wealthy. The researchers write in IESE's Insight newsletter that "Extreme wealth carries with it obligations and privileges. The super rich must often continue to operate their business while managing their mounting wealth and planning for future generations." You could almost feel sorry for them.

Are you normal?

They may give the appearance of being hard at work, but just what is the person at the desk next to you looking at on their computer? Last night's TV reviews? Social networking sites? eBay bids for antique chairs from the latter Georgian period?

One thing that you can be sure to predict is that....you can't predict what they're doing. Because in cyberspace, no one is normal.

There's no such thing as a clean slate once you've started work

I am not a fan of Lucinda (one of the unsuccessful Apprentice candidates). While I thought she had some good ideas, she was also enormously irritating and had an uncanny ability to make others want to gang up on her.

But I was intrigued at the way in which her motivation for coming on the show was analysed, both by people commenting on this blog and those within the show. There seemed to be a suggestion that, because she earned plenty of money in her previous job, she somehow wasn't serious about wanting to change course and work for Sir Alan.

Does this mean that no one is taken seriously if they try to chuck in their first, well-paying career and try a different path?

The etiquette of failure

Lee celebrated his Apprentice win by giving Claire, the loser (runner up is a meaningless term here, as in most places in the business world), a big hug. While this is perfectly acceptable in televisual terms, it's not likely to go down as well in a normal workplace.

Imagine that Claire and Lee weren't on-screen competitors but colleagues who were going for the same promotion in some everyday business. Lee gets it, Claire doesn't, meaning that he is now her boss. If you're the person in Claire's shoes you're left with a number of options:

Bizarre jobs

Every now and again, there's a job advert that catches the eye. It's not becasue of the unbelieveably high salary. Nor is it because it's the dream job that will take you out of the cruddy hell that is your current place of employment. No, it's because the job is so improbable - that you know that it is the only one of its kind. I came across such a job this week - and here it is.

Head of Movement at the Royal Shakespeare Company in Stratford. Duties include; increasing the physical eloquence of the performing company and support their wellbeing. I love this job.

The Apprentice: final

Welcome to the final of The Apprentice. The four remaining candidates will do battle to become Sir Alan's apprentice and earn the right to become a D- or E-listed celebrity. Sorry, that should read, a £100,000 salary.

The task for the four contenders is to launch a cologne for men. Who will come up smelling of roses . . . and who will reek of the stench of failure?

The Apprentice: it's the final countdown

With the last episode of The Apprentice due to put Lee, Alex, Claire and Helene out of their misery tomorrow night, we get to see everyone who's been kicked off in previous challenges back in the game. The four remaining contenders have been split into two teams and will be required to herd the failed cats into some sort of useful order for long enough to launch a men's cologne.

Several big questions remain:

The Apprentice: week 11

We're almost there and at last I find myself caring, at least a little bit, about the people who remain. Not in the sort of way where I'd give them my last Rolo or anything that extreme, but certainly to the extent where I am quite excited to see what happens in the interview stage tonight.

In my experience, job interviews are horrible things. An interviewer can give off so much positive body language that you're fairly sure that, even if you don't get the job, you're going to inherit their prized collection of England footballer matryoshka dolls ... then, five weeks later, they'll dismiss your application with a curt "sorry, there was someone more qualified". And you don't even get THAT much feedback unless you chain yourself to their parking space.

Anyway, keep reading for the latest updates on tonight's penultimate episode.

Bankers: guilty as (not) charged?

Bankers. The money-loving types have taken a fair amount of flak for their role in the topsy turvy economic climate. But could some be engaging in criminal behaviour without even realising it?

Fortune magazine (June 9) reports on an incarcerated US banker who was made an example of for taking part in illegal practices purportedly common within the industry's culture.

In 2007, Charles Craig Gile, a former Citigroup commodities trader, was sentenced to a year and a day in prison for conspiracy to falsify bank records and commit wire fraud. Together with his boss, Gile was accused of overstating the value of his trading position in order to boost his end of year bonus, alledgedly inflating the department's profits by a total of $20 million.

How to be a leader - part 2

As I reported last month I am keen to hone my leadership skills. Following a skills assessment, which Carly kindly organised for me, I enrolled on Common Purpose's leadership course called TheKnow. This is touted as a street-smart MBA and after two sessions seems promising.

There is just one problem. I've found that I am far too busy leading to go and learn how to lead ...

Another utterly ridiculous team building idea

There are no castanets in my professional life. As I am not a dancer, a children's television presenter or some sort of flamenco-styled stripper, this is entirely normal. And, as my idea of team building revolves around several glasses of red wine after work, it's also unlikely to change.

But any poor sods whose bosses believe that extravagant out-of-office events engender collegiate morale might soon find themselves clicking their little wooden discs while workmates rumba around them. Yes, it's time to add dancing (line, belly, salsa - there's a multitude of embarrassing options) to horse-whispering, gorilla watching and all the other ridiculous activities that are supposed to turn teams of employees from individualistic back-stabbing gossips into hard-working, supportive colleagues who like nothing more than a group hug.

Pah.

Worth 50 points (at least)

Picture the scene: two men in grey suits are talking earnestly. Each is trying to impress upon the other that they know the most about the business of business. "We must increase our margins," says one. "We must drive profit share," the other agrees, nodding hard.

But suit A cannot leave it there: "We must deepen wallet share," he says triumphantly.

Yes boys, well done. Can you imagine a woman coming out with such twaddle? "Purse share" doesn't quite have the same ring to it.