Simon Barnes
Stories and Songs on today's free French CD, with The Times
Do you agree with our selection? Click here to see the full list and post your comments
You can no longer fly Concorde across the Atlantic, but fear not. You can still buy a Dick Francis, and he does precisely the same thing: he cuts your flight time in half. Open a new one at take-off at Heathrow and by the time the villain is regretting his folly and the modest, unassuming, put-upon, tough-but-kinda-sensitive hero - who must have been modelled on me, or perhaps you - is kissing the girl, you're almost at JFK.
You can say all kinds of bad things about Dick, and most of them are true: characterisation one micron thick, heroes overdosing on self-pity, unreal situations, preposterous plots, unconvincing villains. And absolutely none of these things matters. That's not what the books are about. They're about pace.
You simply have to turn the next page. It really is as simple as that. I once met him: he told me that the thing he hates most is when people tell him they loved his last books so much that they read it straight through in three hours. “Bloody hell - it took me a year to write that.” But that's because Francis is the master of Time. No one has dealt with Time so brilliantly since Proust. Proust observed Time: Francis conquers it. You get overwhelmed by a strange, helpless feeling in the middle of the best ones: you know it's a load of nonsense, you know you have a million urgent things to do, and yet - and yet you have to see what happens next, damn and blast.
It seems that all who write about Dick Francis must find a horsey phrase to sum him up: he was a champion jockey and horses and racing crop up all the time in his books. Well, just about every Dick Francis book I have ever read is simply unable to work at walk, trot or canter. Gallop is the only pace.
One to read: Bonecrack (1971) Buy the book
Jane Wheatley interviews Dick Francis, The Times
Simon Barnes, the chief sportswriter of The Times, has competed in eventing, showjumping, dressage and endurance. He has written many books, including On Horseback, Horsesweat and Tears and the bestselling How to be a Bad Birdwatcher. His latest, How to Be Wild, was published last year. He lives in Suffolk with his family and five horses.
How the new breed of location based mobile services can find your nearest cashpoint, restaurant or wi-fi hotspot
Enjoy screenings of all the classic films you love, plus take advantage of two-for-one tickets
We explore leisure activities that are safe and suitable for all of the family
Times Online's new TV show helps you make the right decisions for your pet
Are you California dreaming? Explore the wonders of the Golden State. Also enter our fantastic competition
See the best entries in this year's competition
Your brain is capable of more than you might think...
An interactive preview of the brand new For Your Eyes Only exhibition
The latest travel news plus the best hotels and gadgets for business travellers

Love Sudoku? Play our brand new interactive game: with added functionality and daily prizes

Are you irritable when you return from work? Drained of emotion? You could be suffering from boreout
Prepare for some shock and awe, petrol lovers. Despite the greens trying to wipe it out, the car is about to offer us the most exciting year ever
We've trawled the brochures and websites to find this summer’s best holidays for every taste and budget

Pick up new releases when you buy The Times or The Sunday Times
2006
£189,500
NW England
2008/08
£169,950
NW England
2007/57
£35,000
South East England
Great car insurance deals online
Circa £82,000 per annum
Birmingham Women's Hospital
Birmingham
To £28k
Barclaycard
Northampton/Liverpool/Teeside
£
Up to £66,000 per annum
Hertfordshire County Council
South East
To £38k
Barclaycard
Northampton/Liverpool
2 Bathrooms, Balcony and Garden
Beautiful Gardens w/ stunning Thames Views
Dining, Shopping & Riverside Pk
Mortgages, bank acc & money transfers to help you buy abroad
Explore mystical Jordan
From £1030 for 7nts 4*
to USA's Most Cosmopolitan City; San Francisco!
£POA
Book Now for Winter 08/09 and Get 10% off!
Great travel insurance deals online
Contact our advertising team for advertising and sponsorship in Times Online, The Times and The Sunday Times. Search globrix.com to buy or rent UK property.
© Copyright 2008 Times Newspapers Ltd.
This service is provided on Times Newspapers' standard Terms and Conditions. Please read our Privacy Policy.To inquire about a licence to reproduce material from Times Online, The Times or The Sunday Times, click here.This website is published by a member of the News International Group. News International Limited, 1 Virginia St, London E98 1XY, is the holding company for the News International group and is registered in England No 81701. VAT number GB 243 8054 69.