So, where did it all go so wide-hipped and pear-shaped for Ms Spears? Why
couldn’t she just go the Shakira route and, in between hip-shaking and
making millions, study the history of western civilisation at UCLA?
Looking back, let’s see if we can spot any telltale signs...
1. Humble Beginnings
Our Britters was born in Kentwood, Louisiana in 1981 to a building contractor
and teacher. A keen performer in church choirs, she failed an audition to
get into the Disney Club aged eight because she was too young. All was not
lost though, the show’s producer liked her and put her in touch with a New
York agent. Let’s repeat again how old she was, eight. And
already she’s pulling a Melanie Griffith Working Girl move. Smart.
2. The Disney Years
In fact, Spears was only a member of the hallowed club, most recent alumni
including Vanessa
"I am so sorry about the naked snaps" Hudgens, from the ages
of 11-13. After a year back at school, she was back in New York auditioning
for pop bands aged 15. Her demo tapes landed on Jive Records desk - they
immediately sign her up for her “commercial appeal.”
At the time, she no doubt drew bubbly hearts next to fellow Mouseketeer and
dreamboat Justin Timberlake’s name in her diary. Or maybe, seeing as she had
already had an agent for eight years, she (or perhaps her parents/record
company/manager/dietician) recognised that there could be good brand synergy
between them.
3. Baby, One More time
Aged 17, Britney arrived. Britney the jailbait global phenomenon, that is.
There are varying interpretations of the significance of Baby, One More
Time. Some argued it was a monster pop anthem by a teen diva worthy of
picking up Madonna’s baton. Indeed, Rolling Stone Magazine declared it the
25th best pop song of all time.
The counter argument was that if you start your career dressed as a sexed-up
schoolgirl, sucking on a lollipop and singing about S&M, it’s always
going to be tough carving anything much more substantial out of the remains.
Tricky call.
4. Britney - the
Virgin years
Kicking George "is he gay?" Michael and the WMD conspiracies into
the dirt, the "have Justin and Britney done it?" question spurred
on the greatest smoking gun search of the early Noughties. A few voices
started to wonder if there was some conflict in her professed girl-next-door
lifestyle and crazed, man-eating strumpet image. Most likely, Britney
herself was a little confused. Was she coolly masterminding her "angel
in the kitchen and devil in the bedroom" image, or living one big fat
lie?
It was around this time that she also knocked out four albums, all going to
number one on the US charts and all of which featured at least one good
song. You'll also probably remember that snog with Madonna?
5. ‘The lost childhood’ phase
Here is where the "telltale" signs got louder than a thundering
freight train trying to wake someone who has decided to have a nap on the
tracks. In 2004, we had the "joke-too-far" wedding in Las Vegas to
childhood friend, Jason Allen Alexander. Annulled before the hangover even
had time to kick in, a court rules Plaintiff Spears “lacked understanding of
her actions to the extent that she was incapable of agreeing to the
marriage.” In other words, she was too sozzled to speak.
The apparently out-of-character behaviour is what laid the ground for the "lost
childhood’ theory - which really took hold during Hairgate (see number 9).
It’s a compelling one. Like a battery chicken egg plopped out onto a
conveyor belt, Spears was groomed for stardom from the word go. By 17, she
was richer than a small country and her professional role in life was to be
the underage girl it was ok for every pervy uncle to like. Maybe her need
for the security of marriage was an attempt to reclaim the family life she’d
never had? It was during this period that the "maybe she's just not
very bright" theories began to circulate.
6. Toxic
Punctuating her marriages was the truly
amazing hit single, Toxic. The video featured "schoolgirl"
Britney all grown up and, in an even tighter uniform, reborn as "air
hostess" Britney. She also appeared virtually naked, modesty "protected"
by a few well-placed diamonds. Have you watched the video recently? It makes
her current "stripper" phase seem positively apple-pie wholesome.
Perhaps we could see the seeds of the current “nudity at home” charges (see
number 10) levelled at her by her 25-stone minder sewn around...here.
Thinking about it, haven’t we covered Britney not wearing many clothes
before? Perhaps the difference is, it’s ok if it’s in a "professional"
context and in order to titillate millions of people. Mmmm.
7. K Fed. The
children. The step-children. Whisper it, post-natal depression?
By the time she enticed backing dancer Kevin Federline away from his pregnant
girlfriend and announced she was taking a sabbatical, Britney had been in
the fame game for 15 years. Like boiling water to a Pot Noodle, she wasted
no time in making a "family". Popping out Sean Preston and Jayden
James, she got the "no-need-to-pull-anymore-bloat" and shyed away
from the limelight by starring in her own TV show, Britney and Kevin:
Chaotic.
8. D . i . v . o . r .
c . e and the "who really wants to go the gym anyway?" era
Party time for Britney! You could see her logic. I’ve married a man who makes
an album called Play With Fire, while partying with other women when
I’m pregnant. He also wears his hair in cornbraids. He may also want a slice
of my $100 million fortune. Dump him! And, to get over it, if Paris and
Lindsay can get monstered on drugs, collapse in nightclubs and take
vacations in rehab, why can’t I? I’m young, I can afford a nanny, or 10, to
stop me dropping the kids on the floor when I’m trying to slurp on a soda,
talk on my mobile and drive my Mercedes all at the same time. Who cares if
Bette Midler wants to call me a “wild and woolly slut”? At least I’m not
making cheap pornos like Paris, hmph! Actually, that gives me an idea for my
next video...
9. Hairgate
The moment when we all felt complicit. Looking like a cross between a boiled
egg and Ripley in Alien, Britney’s blearily gleeful stare in February,
seemed to bore deep into our souls. This was clearly a CRY FOR HELP.
The pathos of the scenario was ratcheted up even further when the
hairdresser revealed that Britney only cried, “when she said she was worried
about what her ‘Mom’ would think.” Cue much pontificating about how shaving
all her hair off, wearing a ring that said F**k, getting tattooed and
generally going for a one woman grunge revival was her bid for a new start.
Britney was "acting out", symbolically ridding herself of the
bondages of fame that had suffocated her for so long, this was her moment of
self-authorship. She was...taking control.
10. Talk-to-the-Muff
But, and it might not have been a surprise to all, Britney thought screw "reaching
in", let's relaunch my career. So, we got Spears flashing her bits at
every tabloid long lens on "muff duty" and acting heroically
off-the-wall, with one rehab spell ending after she reportedly scrawled 666
onto her head, ran around screaming "I am the Antichrist!" There
was a terrifically seedy LA club tour, some horrific fashion disasters,
before events climaxed with her "catastrophic comeback" on last
week’s MTV Video Music Awards. A move so disastrous, the network probably
sent an ambulance driven by a laughing bank manager to pick her up and take
her to the show.
Now her management team have dropped her, her lawyer has quit, an ex-minder
has pitched in saying he has concerns "regarding nudity, drug use and
the safety of children," and a judge has ruled, as well as twice weekly
drug tests, she and Federline have to go to a “Parenting Without Conflict”
program in order to retain join custody of their children.
Just where are the advisors, friends and family telling her “you earn $350,000
a month, what about a nice, extended holiday. And while you're there, take a
look back on all your achievements and find some anti-depressants that work"?
Come to think about it, where were the advisors to counsel a 17-year-old
Rolling Stone cover star with a new boob job that breasts sell. But why not
wait a couple of years and grow your own?
Who was there to tell the then eight-year-old, "you might want fame now,
but ever heard of Michael Jackson?"
Brittney WHO!!!!!
Al, Manchester, NH
This is so ridiculous. I'm not a Britney fan, but I'm a huge fan of the media adequately reporting the truth. Britney, like her or loathe her, is enjoying great success with this album, so how can you fashion a perspective of her fall? It's just sensationalist media reporting cashing in on the new agenda. It's trite, and dull to read.
Aaron, Sydney, Australia
I definately agree with you Shawna britney needs a room. Can't you people start minding your own business, i bet for you to start porking your noses in Brits life simply shows you cant face your own lives. In everyones life we all have bad times and it doesn't matter weather you are a celebrity or not what brit need is space not the paparazzi tracking her all over the place
Tania, perth, australia
Britney's only real talent was for making near-pornographic rock videos. At present, it would be unfair to call her 'fat' relative to the ordinary spectrum of humanity, but she is 'fat' relative to what she was in her prime. Maybe it's unfair to expect that of her after two kids, but her body and her ability to move it about are her only real assets. Increasingly, Britney is Paris Hilton with slightly better record sales.
Eugene, The frozen north, Canada
If she wants to be left alone, then she needs to step out of the limelight for a while which would include not promoting her new single/album or whatever else it may be and putting them all on hold.
The media are not going to "just leave her alone" if she makes comeback performances to relaunch her career or continues to court their attention as she does.
People forget that celebrities such as Spears have used the media (just as much as the media have used them) to promote their music and status throughout their professional careers and without the media, Spears and indeed many other celebrities would not be where they are today.
Therefore, if she truly wants space, she should get out of the limelight for a while and take responsibility for herself as well as for her children but she doesn't seem to be doing that which is no wonder many people have little sympathy for her.
Kate Williamson, Co. Durham, United Kingdom
Everyone needs to take a step back and leave her alone. She desperately needs time and space to get things sorted out. Her children are number one; however, she can not possibly focus on bettering herself to get them back with the constant critism that is going on.. she needs a break! She can't be around them the way she is, but can't get better until she is given the chance.
I have been around people who are truly depressed. It takes over your life and blocks out everything that is real. I have been told it is like a one way tunnel where you no longer see any other options or a way out. I know she has done this to herself, but no one deserves to have total strangers constantly put you down. The press need to lay off.. there should be a law. When does all of this classify as harrassment rather than media???!!
Shawna, Victoria, Canada
Musically speaking, Britney isn't a great talent and her songs are rubbish and kitsch at her best (if you like rusbbish music).
But as person I like Britney, and wish her well. It's easy for the media to say she courts publicity. But something is really troubling her, and the media should just back off and let her get well again in piece. All I see is the media adding pressure and humiliation to her life, so they can get that "Britney Spears Commits Suicide", story for viewing figures and sales ratings.
The media are the freaks, they have become a freak show that's out of control with no morals.
Ben S, London,
Letting the "poor girl" alone would be all fine and dandy however there are small children invoved here. she choose to have these children. So sorry that she didn't get the childhood that she needed. That is mostly her parents fault. however it is time for her to grow up and take responsibility for her actions. It isn't only her life that she is destroying, but her children's lives as well. I would have to say that the care and safety of those little boys is "real stuff" and thank god that someone is looking out for them. Kevin may not be the best for them but it seems that he is better then Britany is. I don't believe that last time I checked, that Paris and Lindsey had children to care for. Unfortunatly she is going to have to hit ROCK bottom before she can come back up.. I think that she is close but not quite there. Hopefully as her family stands back and watches she doesn't kill herself first.
Pamela, Idaho Falls, Idaho
britney needs a one way ticket out of california away from all the media, meth and madness of her life. she reminds me of a spoiled child who will do anything for attention and you just want to silence it for a while.
mercedes, ny, ny
give the poor girl a break!! if it isnt britney gettin slaghtered for partyin its lindsey or paris their young girls havin fun, who can afford to. the media is too oppinionated. its all gossip, what about real stuff that matter? let the girls sort themselves out in their own time!
vicky quinn, thorton, bradford
I've heard Brittany is not just doing cocaine - which would be bad enough - but that she has now graduated to chrystal meth. If that is true, I really do fear for her future.
Where are her family ? Why are they remaining silent ? Or does she support them financially and they won't rock the boat ?
This young woman will be dead within a year if someone, somewhere, somehow doesn't step in - now.
Mary, Melbourne , Victoria ? AUSTRALIA
i think that every one should just leave her alone cause she was just making a point how she needs every one to just let run her own life cause people are always tellen her to how to dress how to do her hair and everything so shaveing her hair off was a statement!
rose, lake worth, florida
A very well written article on a subject that's unfortunately not so interesting any more, but all credit to the writer to have introduced a fresh angle.
Annie , London UK,
I feel quite sorry for her - even though I don't like her music particularly. It does not seem as though she has had an easy life by any stretch of the imagination.
Alison, London,
I really could care less about Britney Spears and her problems anymore.
Teddy, Devon,
live by the media, die by the media (sadly)
Giles Dawnay, Fiji,
give the poor girl a break!! if it isnt britney gettin slaghtered for partyin its lindsey or paris their young girls havin fun, who can afford to. the media is too oppinionated. its all gossip, what about real stuff that matter? let the girls sort themselves out in their own time!
vicky quinn, thorton, bradford
well i rally think that the poor girl just need a litle time away from the media.she's so young; she need to spend some tie with her family and try to relax!
Eva, London, England
i really wish everyone would get off the poor girls case. obviously she has got some serious issues going on in her life. the media have exploded her over the tabloids for this and that and silly naive people believe everything they read. who knows whats going on with her but let her get on with it for her kids sake and her own.
sara, glasgow, uk
My God...what a wind up. Get real people, she's a nobody. Check out what is happening in Burma, that's reality. No sympathy here.
Andy Burrows, Glasgow, UK
Never, a fan, tho Toxic was excellent... but I can't help loving the girl... she makes all my cxck ups pale into insignificance.
And you know what, she is human, she is making mistakes and living her life...why must we all criticise her, it is us, the braying, judgemental public who want our celebs to be "perfect" , but only giving them the attention when they are not. Dear god, fancy going out without the bottom half of your clothes!! Entertainment plus. Of course the crash and burn is now upon us and one day she will wake up not wanting to be cheap entertainment for the masses. Thats when she will need our sympathy.
Moira, Cyprus,
She is the direct result and heir to so much ignorance. How could any mother and father believe that making their 17 yr old into a pop tart at that age 'not' end in her going completely downhill when only in her twenties (or however old she is now?). The point is 'she' probably already believes herself to be over the hill. She's been there done that, bored with everything 2minutes after she's tried it, has had no real education and the people around her will almost certainly suck up to her and go along with her denial just to keep their salaries rolling in...
Compare her with the era of threatening, afraid-of-nothing, knife bearing, drug taking teenagers the UK is bringing up at the moment...who, in reality, are just lonely, sad, lost individuals. So much bad can be born out of plain ignorance.
helen , turin, italy
who cares!! all these so called celebrities strutt around pouting and grabbing every bit of money they can then it all goes wrong and they want our sympathy..get a grip and get a real job or do something usefull with your accumulated wealth.
jules, Gillingham, Dorset
I agree with Rob in Toronto.
Glenn, Worcester (England)
Glenn, Worcestershire, England
Regarding Britany
Where is her "best friend" Madonna
ellie roos, Houston, Renfrewshire
I could say to all of you that you should be ashamed of yourselves as you seemingly enjoy watching this young girl self destruct, but the fact is I am as guilty as anyone else for following her disasterous choices and exploits. I suppose we all are fascinated by a slow moving but inevitable train wreck! The thing that truly worries me is that this girl seems to be heading down the same path as Anna Nicole Smith! Maybe I am wrong...I certainly hope so. Why are we in the west (and especially in the U.S.) so fascinated with the idea of "CELEBRITY", it is like an addiction for many. I hope someone in her family can reach out to her and save her from a complete MELTDOWN! I believe Hollywood is more toxic than Chernobyl...they are both a wasteland for humanity...peace to all.
Mark Willmott, Kitchener,Ontario, Canada
what she needs is to move into a family for a little while out of the u.s.a. to remind her what a family is and the normal way to live. Leave everything behind. when she gats back to her normal self all the fame will come back anyway
henry, london, uk
Never a big Britney fan, but it's all too easy to laugh at people in decline. And I doubt many of those surrounding her have her best interests at heart.
Sarah , London,
I think she needs a hug.
Rob, Toronto,
I never understood the fuss about Britney. I'm so tired of all this talk-singing by cutsie girls that pretend to have talent. It's all a silly fashion show with attitude. I prefer real singers with real voices -- how about someone new with Aretha Franklin's pipes? Now THAT'S talent. I think all these MTV crap fantasy videos have made us forget what it's like to hear a real singer. How sad. I won't pay a penny for some of the current junk passing as music today.
maw, Paris, France
WHAT THE GIRL NEEDS
Hmmm. Be gentle with her in your mind: She needs a mother's care...and a father's love. Priceless things. Things that money can't buy.
Any volunteers?
Garth Rex, Glendale Heights, USA
get a grip
Lindsey, grandola, Portugal
Good points in this article... But if I could say one thing positive. At least her sales during her decline are still many times more of other supposedly successful artists.
jz, mars, usa
Who cares.....really..
Matt Myers, Redhill, UK
i blame britneys parents she was thrust into the limelight at a very young age and had 2 grow up so fast its only right she was going to go off the rails at some point maybe she has picked a bad time but i dont think her children are in danger she will get back on track.
claire, gateshead, united kingdom