Caitlin Moran
Star musicians and your favourite Times writers at the Albert Hall

Wouldn't it be weird if Delia was over? I don't mean “over” - sitting in your front room fiddling with your Sky box, trying to find a channel that was broadcasting the Norwich City match. I mean over. Ovah. Finished. Kaput. Relegated to the sidelines of culture - like Lisa Scott-Lee, Tamagotchis and that bloke out of the Darkness.
The idea of her failing seems unthinkable. Imagine if Delia Smith had a TV series ... that bombed! Imagine if the supermarkets were all braced for the 2008 “Delia effect” - lines of bottled limejuice and sweet potatoes at the ready - and it ... never came! If everyone ignored her recommendations for “dear” little omelette pans, “trusty” little whisks and “doughty” little egg-poachers - and just carried on buying whatever was knocking around in Tesco for under a fiver, instead!
Yes, that's right - it would be a revolution.Myself, I think it's possible. After all, no one can stay on top for ever. To every season, turn, turn turn, and all that. Delia's got to tank at some point - that's just the law of averages - and this series has more chance than previous ones. For starters, it's not like it's 1982, when Delia was - FACT! - the only person in Britain who knew how to make shortcrust pastry. These days, you can't s*** for chefs. There are dozens of them. Olivers, Lawsons, Fearnley-Whittingstalls, Ramsays, Blumenthals. There is such a glut of chefs that we're going to have to make them into Chef Chutney before they start to rot.
So - given this uphill task - what's the premise of Delia's big new comeback? What's her show called? How to Cheat at Cooking. Well, awkwardly enough, that was also the premise of Nigella Lawson's last series - Nigella Express - and one that Lawson, ever the entertainer, decided to deliver in a series of weekly demented psychodramas. We got things like her smashing a giant Crunchie bar with her bare hands, and eating it before friends could see it; or drinking a litre-sized Thermos of pea soup on a bus that didn't actually exist. It was a bit like if there was a do-it-youself show presented by Iggy and the Stooges, circa Funhouse. Blood and saws and eyes all over the place.
Coupling that with the majesty of Nigella's breasts - putting their face into her cleavage and quietly saying “Awubbawubbawubba” is the “safe place” for more than 70 per cent of the male British population - Nigella Express made a package that Delia, standing in her conservatory, in a clean apron, being very precise about self-raising flour, might find hard to beat.
On top of this, Delia's “big thing” this time around is using convenience food: ie, ready-mashed potato and M&S tinned lamb. Here, again, I wonder if Delia might not have crucially misjudged the mood. After all, last week, the Daily Mail - scarcely Swampy when it comes to matters of ecological concern - launched its campaign to have free plastic bags banned in the UK. The Daily Mail! A paper that would usually consider five tonnes of plastic byproduct a fair toll, if just one person got to park their 4x4 right outside their private school of choice.
Against this background, launching a show in which the average dish produces a carrier-bag full of empty tins seems at best naive, and at worst, a bit like the kind of thing Margaret Thatcher would have done, if she had gone into light entertainment.
But it's Delia's comments on food production that make her most look like a prawn cocktail on the menu of life. Talking about free-range meat and food miles, Smith commented: “Being a cook, I just can't get into the politics of food.”
Now I don't want to sound too much like Columbo here, but I want to get this straight. Is the multimillionaire Delia Smith - currently in the Oxford English Dictionary, under “Delia effect”, as a byword for being able to change Britain's food-buying habits overnight - saying that “being a cook”, she doesn't know about this stuff? Isn't her position as Britain's most eminent home economics teacher kind of fatally undermined by that? I mean I know about it, and I'm a TV critic. I suspect that the millionaire trendsetter Delia Smith doesn't want to seem to be proscriptive about the food that we eat. She is trying to have her cake and eat it.
And I don't think even Delia has a workable recipe for that.
Delia, Mon, BBC Two, 8.30pm

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Please use your cooking time on the television Delia for showing the healthy ways to cook, cutting down on the salt and unhealthy fats. Using the efficient steamer for a good and fast way to cook vegetables and fish. With your new programme you are lining the pockets of the supermarket chains and not helping your public who used to trust the way you did things.
Liz , Camborne, Cornwall. ,
funnily enough, most of us have proper jobs that dont allow us the time to manage our non existent country gardens and grow our own produce, or have the money to buy the sought after exotic ingredients that most tv chefs love to show off with (i am a student doctor, so that both boxes ticked for me). For all those food "snobs" out there, the norm is the supermarket, and to everyones surprise most dont have access to a farmers market or a spectacular array of fish mongers or butchers to get the best prime ingredients. Any show geared towards the reality of cooking from canned and packaged stuff from the supermarket is only good for the majority. Why not? If you dont like it, or happen to be blessed with enough time, money, and be conveniently placed next to an asian supermarket that imports direct from china or a fishmongers who only sells what they catch that day, dont watch it. dont knock it for trying to make food more accessible, and less associated with class and economic divides
JJ, liveprool,
Delia is showing an alternative, we cant all make it to Waitrose in our landrovers after a day at work. Maybe its attracting an audience whom might otherwise decide to buy a takeaway rather than go to the trouble of cooking gordon ramsay gourmet, gone in one bite. Ah yes Jenni Dyson from Liverpool, how dare delia suggest CANNED pears...what is this world coming to hmm..
lisa allen, leeds,
Is it me or has Delia Smith completely lost the plot?
Will Nelson, London, UK
r.e. comment made by JW, Boston, UK
If the weekly shopping list of âordinary mortals" includes the likes of quails eggs and smoked salmon fillets on a regular basis and half the other pre packaged processed stuff that was included in her ingredient lineup. Then I donât think affordability is some thing that they have to worry about as this stuff is not stocked in the "cheap" aisle section of your mainstream supermarkets! For a fraction of the price I can afford to buy good quality tasty ingredients fresh and frozen (not including frozen potato disks)â¦come on reallyâ¦..is it really that time consuming to peel, boil and mash a potato??
You may as well be eating a ready meal as its all pre processed, all she has done is open a few packets throw them together and throw them in the oven for 30 mins! Hmmm sounds like a ready meal to me just slightly more time and without the ping!!!
Kate, London, UK
I agree with D Goldthorp, from Glasgow. It's ok for those who can afford to buy or grow the very best ingredients and then have the time to cook them, but for those of us ordinary mortals who don't then something like this is a godsend. Delia has offered an alternative to reaching for the ready meal and shoving it in the microwave.
JW, Boston, UK
This has to be one of the best TV shows I have seen on the BBC in a long while. Not for the cooking, good god no, but for the comedy value and the half of hour of pure entertainment and laughter that it provided my girlfriend and I. Everytime Delia pulled out some more of those frozen mashed potato discs the show just got funnier and our laughter louder. Having gone from watching the pure brilliance of Master Chef for the past few months to Delias "TV Dinners", well what a change to the TV schedule. Many times voted the UK's favorite Television Chef, this show surely hasn't done the woman any favours for this years competion. My moneys on James Nathan - Master Chef 2008 Winner!
Dale Morrall, The Hague, Holland
I am very disappointed in Delia's programme, although maybe it is not fair to judge it on the first episode.
Firstly I do not think she look at all relaxed, Delia looked forbidding, stilted and even nervous; it was difficult to believe we were looking at someone who was a real pro. Last time around.
The recipes might have been short cuts but there was no flair there and I never once had the slightest inclination to try any of the dishes.
I wonder has she fallen between 2 stools? The people who need help will not be that happy with using crème fraîche, cornichons, capers and quails eggs.
The people familiar with these ingredients will not be at all inspired.
It is sad, I am sorry she did not just rest on her laurels.
Heather Cowdy, Downpatrick,
Having watched Delia last night, I have to say that I feel much the same way as most other people here - totally dissapointed and shocked at the patronising way Delia can get something so wrong! Delia - what have you done? Your Complete Guide cook book is so well used in our kitchen it is practically falling apart - but I certainly won't be buying your next book (I presume there will be one!)...hopefully it will inlcude the missing recipe for your not so lovely looking (or sounding) chocolate cake, made with, of course instant frozen mash - what else!? ? I imagine that the only people rubbing their hands together with glee at her new programme are the team at Aunt Bessies..
sarah larkin, cheshire,
When my brother was young and he watched Doctor Who he did it from behind the sofa because he was so frightened. I also had to sit with him during the programme to give him extra reassurance.
Last night when watching Delia's new cookery programme I at last perfectly understood how my brother must have felt all those years ago. What a disaster on so many levels! Delia says she is appealing to the masses and then proceeds to cook smoked fish and quails eggs (Not regular items on my weekly shop). I only managed half the programme as I felt so queasy with the combinations and very sad that fresh ingredients were not used. I'm not a Saint the odd frozen vegetable has found its way into my cooking but why not just buy a frozen meal instead of going to all that trouble?
I am a big fan of Delia's recipes, they always work beautifully, but her latest venture is in my opinion wrong.
Kim, Leigh on Sea,
I admit watching Delia endorse frozen mashed potato was a bit shocking, but I think she has got it absolutely right. Who hasn't been round the supermarket with a list of ingredients for some fancy dish, only to find the vital one out of stock & dashed round nearby supermarkets in a desperate attempt to find it. Having a quick easy recipe made from storecupboard/freezer standbys to replace 'fancy cooked from scratch' at last minute is a great idea. It's all very well for those with the money & vast gardens to cook only using fresh organic ingredients, but not everybody can. Delia's recipes are a darn sight more inspiring than what I can usually come up with! I don't think Delia is seriously suggesting we all live out of tins & frozen products, but that quick easy meals don't have to be limited to microwave ready meals. With a little imagination supermarket food (which we all buy anyway) can be teased into something more than the sum of it's parts.
D Goldthorp, Glasgow, Scotland
I couldn't agree with Jenni and Ben more. I looked forward to Delia's new series with eager anticipation only to be disappointed by a program that could easily have been hosted by Kerry Katona or Gary Linekar.
Jacquie Barrett, Farnborough,
OOOOHHH NOOOO!! Delia has turned into Fanny Craddock!
also, if I wanted to watch football, which I don't, I would tune into Match of the Day
Ben, Cessenon, France
Delia has got it RIGHT. She already has shown a generation of novice cooks how EASY it can be to make food from scratch. Whenever we want to go that route we can read the book /view the DVD - it is STILL available and relevant. What Delia is doing now is to fill a gap in the market - ie how is quick & EASY it can be to make a tasty meal from cupboard ingredients. Come on who has'nt glanced at the fridge bursting with fresh veg and meat and then microwaved up a bland supermarket cook/chill Indian meal for dinner (and filled the bin up with packaging and rotting veg) I for one will will dip into her book whenever the needs arises. She has done all the research into which prepared ingredients stand out from the crowd. Her new recipes have a place in our busy lifestyles as much as the make from scratch food approach - they complement rather than oppose each other.
A Mason, London,
Remember when Fanny Craddock sneered at a young contestant on a TV cookery competition and instantly destroyed her own career, disappearing from our screens overnight and hardly ever selling another book? Now, it looks as though Delia is suffering from the same death wish. Watching the programme was like watching a motorway pile-up in slow motion. An awful, terrible scene of self-destruction, skidding out of control from one disastrous recipe to the next, but strangely fascinating all the same.
I wouldn't go as far as to burn the old books (our well-thumbed three-volume set of Delia's Cookery Course is too precious for that), but I can't see me ever buying another one.
Oh, and by the way, I am close enough to seventy to feel seriously insulted by Jenni Dyson's arrogant assumption that wrinklies can't cook.
Roger, Cambridge,
Have just watched Delia's new cookery prog. I can't wait to start cutting corners in the cookery dept!!! I'm a good cook,but find the pressure of whipping up fab meals every night time consuming.What a joy it is to have permission from Delia to reach for a pack of frozen potatoes and tinned mince and create something tasty!!!! What a challenge!!!!!!
Janet, Aberdeen,
Oh thank the lord, some common sense! Thank you Caitlin, for spelling out the truth, that the fragrant Delia has got it WRONG. That she can no longer manipulate our kitchen confidence or lack of it, to her own end. That there is simply no call for her type of cooking any more, not now that we know the pleasure of fresh, seasonal produce cooked simply and with joy. I've gone through the book, and its just awful. Salads using CANNED pears with blue cheese - how can anyone suggest sweetened preserved produce over picking up a fresh crisp pear?
I had been concerned that this book could set the country back twenty years, but views such as this make me feel better about its absolute irrelevancy.
My theory is that Delia is addressing her own age group and that the book is only for seventy-somethings who do a fortnightly supermarket shop and never want to peel a potato again in their lives. Fair enough. But if somebody gives you the book and you are under seventy, be very insulted.
Jenni Dyson, Liverpool,
I can't get
Jill , London,