Read
the report of Matthew Courtney's death and comments from readers
I was always a pleaser. At school I did exceptionally well and got a
first at a top university. I was pleased because I’d got a first and pleased
because my parents were pleased. At university I’d learned how to pass exams
but not how to think for myself. Which I think is why, when my mother
suggested I do a law conversion course, I abandoned all thoughts of going in
to publishing.
My father, a City lawyer himself, was keen too. “Why not just try it?” he
said. “You can always give it up after a couple of years if you don’t like
it.” So I thought. But ten years on there isn’t a chance I’d give up my job,
and probably for all the wrong reasons. People talk about job-satisfaction
but I can’t say I enjoy mine. I don’t hate it, I’m just not very passionate
about it. I think of what I do much like I imagine a window cleaner thinks
of his job – a means to an end.
I don’t do it for the status. I wouldn’t go to a party and say “hello, I’m a
lawyer” with a beam of pride. It is slightly embarrassing to admit it
sometimes. I have a friend who introduces himself as “Chris, I work at
Chiswick Pet Cemetery,” but this makes people suspect that he is a
solicitor, so it backfires.
My parents’ generation is impressed but the job was different in those days.
Even the bankers who employ us think of us as a hindrance and an expense.
What the parents don’t really get is how ruthless the profession has become.
Everybody wants to be a partner and it’s always being dangled in front of
your nose by bosses. It encourages ruthlessness, back-stabbing, senseless
hard work and unbelievable sycophancy. Top lawyers are master politicians,
masters at the backhanded compliment, necessarily made in public to
denigrate a colleague. To paraphrase Gore Vidal, the City lawyer’s mindset
can be described as the following: “When a colleague of mine succeeds, a
little part of me dies.” If I talk to my friends doing so-called creative
jobs, they always end up saying things like “how on earth can you do that
all day?”, and sometimes I wonder.
Then I look at where they live and the size of their mortgage and I remember.
What have I learned? Well, I am an absolute world-class paper shuffler.
That’s what I do all day: and I feel paranoid. Thank God I don’t work in an
open-plan office – my paranoia would spill over in front of my boss, which
would be the kiss of death. It’s true that you should never trust a lawyer
but especially true if you’re one yourself. You can’t trust anybody except
for part-timers; if you’ve gone part-time it’s like telling your boss you’ve
lost the will to live. I spend a lot of time making sure that I don’t look
paranoid: plucked eyebrows are helpful.
There was a new guy in my office. He was nice but was obviously being bullied.
I heard later that his boss got him to write his best-man speech at 2am,
then tore it up in front of him the next day. The guy eventually quit. I saw
him a few days before he handed in his notice, stuffing a sandwich in his
mouth, obviously trying not to cry. I couldn’t have possibly said anything
to him as he would have found it too humiliating. What would I have said,
anyway? “I had my breakdown in the emergency exit stairwell of our law
firm.” Which is sort of true. That was the time a colleague “playfully”
pointed out that I had dandruff from all the stress. My advice to budding
lawyers: never wear black in a law firm.
I used to feel sick at the thought of not making partner, more often these
days I just feel sick. I know lawyers who have semi-retired at 40 with nice
cars and second homes. I don’t even like cars. What I’d really like is
another career.
A lot of lawyers think that it’s cutting-edge to work until 2am often but they
don’t need to. I’m always slightly amazed when I see how emotionally
involved some get with their deals, which after all, are deals they’re doing
on behalf of clients.
There are lawyers who will be devastated if a deal collapses. I’d rather it be
my deal in the first place, but I think I’ve become too risk-averse for
that. Working in law makes you wary of taking risks. In the end very few
lawyers chuck in their jobs.
I suppose the real reason I did law was because it was the easiest option. I
have friends who love it and friends who hated it so much that they left –
scarred by sexist bosses or the bad jokes that lawyers send to each other
via e-mail.
It’s not a great job if you can’t stand being told what to do or if you’re
allergic to hierarchies. It’s not particularly good for meeting people,
either. There are lawyers so pale from being indoors that they look ill.
You’ll find a lot of them on internet dating sites. I’m lucky, I have a
partner – not a lawyer – and a bombshell: I’ll be asking for maternity leave
later this year.
The author’s name has been changed.
As told to STEFANIE MARSH
For three months, I worked 12-14 hours every day
Jonny Goldstone began a training contract at Clifford Chance in 2002.
He left one year after he qualified, in 2005, and now runs a private car
hire firm in London with another former solicitor.
I had wanted to be a lawyer for a long time, partly because my dad was a
barrister. I chose to become a solicitor over the bar for security. I
applied for two-year training contracts to Freshfields, Linklaters and
Clifford Chance. I had always been the top of my class, gone to Cambridge
and so on, and in many way I opted for “magic circle” law firms without
thinking. I had just always thought of myself as the kind of person who
would be the best. Looking back it was all a bit of a production line.
At first I enjoyed it. The long hours were a shock but I was working on a
high-profile case, sitting in on board meetings, being flown first class to
Zambia a few times. It was exciting.
But gradually you realise how misguided that is. Magic circle law firms are
probably the worst if you want to be creative. A trainee’s work – whichever
department you’re in – is almost all dull. There’s a lot of photo-copying
and proofing – you’re involved in high-profile deals but your role is
minimal.
The real killer is the hours. On a typical day I’d leave around 9pm. If you
stayed beyond then your taxi and dinner were free – so there’s an incentive
to stick around. If you finished your work at 7.30pm, you’d be likely to
stick around. I’d often work longer than that. I’d say I stayed after
midnight many more times than I went home at six.
I once did a massive deal where, for three months solid, I worked 12 to
14-hour days, every day bar one, including the weekends. At one point I
didn’t go home for two days and had to catch a quick two-hour nap in one of
the rest rooms – they actually have rooms with beds. I had just two days off
in lieu for that whole period.
It can be really demoralising. This stuff is stomachable when there’s an end
in sight. But when you qualify after two years, you start thinking, can I
really bear to do this for the rest of my life? Loads of people want to
leave – I remember a lot of cynical conversations with other trainees in
taxis home at four in the morning, saying “What are we doing?!” – but
there’s a lot of pressure to stay. If I were still there I’d probably be on
about £70,000 or £80,000. But I’d look at some of the partners – who can
take home £800,000 a year – and see a very low quality of life. Those with
families hardly ever saw them. Ten minutes on the phone to little Billy on a
Friday night – it’s not what I wanted.
I don’t think you get much respect from lawyers and clients as a trainee
or junior. Senior lawyers start to lose all perspective on the work-life
balance, and just don’t accept any need for a social life. What they seem to
want is people who won’t ask too many questions, but will knuckle down and
get on with it.
You live in fear of having to cancel things. I missed birthdays and I
once had to miss a friend’s wedding. It was on a Sunday and I finally made
it halfway through the meal. You end up just not making plans, and finding
that a lot of your friends are other city workers who understand.
If you said you simply couldn’t stay, it would be remembered. Likewise, if you
were seen leaving the office regularly at 6pm, even if you had finished your
work, you worried that you would be considered lazy. The billable hours
system breeds a very inefficient work ethic, where people try to make their
work last longer. There is the odd story of people snapping, saying “Sod
you, go and find someone else”. But then they will and you’ll have ruined
someone else’s evening. You’re under pressure from others but also yourself.
You are encouraged to socialise with other lawyers. At 5 o’clock on Fridays, a
silver drinks trolley would come round stocked with beers, wines and
expensive whiskies. If you were still working, you’d have a drink but it was
a very artificial attempt at being sociable, and emphasised how lonely it
could be.
When I did a six-month stint in Madrid it was a totally different work
culture. When you went for lunch at 2pm you were not expected back before
4pm and you’d leave the office at about 7pm or 8pm. If you went in at the
weekends, it was empty. The clients just understood that you wouldn’t work
nonstop. Here you get the feeling that if only the partners had the balls to
say no, things would be very different.
When I left, I noticed a lot of admiration and envy. I don’t think many of the
people who stayed enjoy their work, and if I were still there I think I
would be a lot more cynical as a person and unhappy.
Some aspects of the traineeship were new and exciting. But the novelty wears
off after a while, especially when you qualify and start looking for a
quality of work that you never get. The money versus the stress of long,
dull hours and no life outside them is not a fair trade-off.
As told to FRANCESCA STEELE
What the bloggers say
Really sad story. I don’t give a c**p about my job or career, if I get sacked
I’ll get another somewhere else. Some partners really test trainees just for
a laugh. City culture needs to change. Work (especially law) is just not
that important MYSHKIN
I’ve been doing 15-hour days for the past three months . . . luckily don’t
have to work on Sunday. It’s a choice we make. We all get beasted FARANG
A huge proportion of the kids hothoused at expensive private schools to get
into Oxbridge aren’t particularly bright but are well educated. People given
everything on a plate are much more likely to feel pressure than those who
experience hardship growing up US DOLLAR
It’s a Faustian pact. You work like a c*** and then one day, with a fair wind,
you make partner and work some other c*** half to death LILY LILY
Let’s not forget the poor guy was relatively newly qualified. Keen newly
qualifieds with a boy/girl scout attitude get beasted whatever dept they are
in as the two-year qualifieds thank the lord and delegate as much as they
can to the newbie DOGWARDEN
From the City law blog rollonfriday.com
Hi Thiery Chambers, You misunderstood Nick Mortimer. In London, a 'black' cab is an offical taxi. He wasn't talking about the colour of the driver. That aside, some interesting comments. What I wonder is whether I will succeed in a City law firm. Most posters on this blog talk of Oxbridge, top of the class, first class honours... Academically I am very average to below average. I'm a very relaxed person but I deliver results well. What will happen to me in private practice City law?
Joe, London, UK
Hey Nick Mortimer (from Toulouse, France),
Yours was an interesting and short insight to the dramas of being a lwayer, but what was the relevance of mentioning that you cab driver mate is Black??? I thought that you were going to mention a rascist attack on him by a stressed out lawyer....or something like that.
Do people go around describing your race along with your occupation for no relevance? A bit silly don't you think. Hmm, maybe something for you to think about next time.
Thiery Chambers, Sydney, Australia
Yes it can tough but we chose it, didn't we? Less of the whinging, please; heat and kitchen....
Trainee, London,
This story is very sad, but this could happen to anyone. I don't think this happens because his work, many people work under pressure and stress and they don't die frecuently. This is just bad luck.
Hector , S.J., Puerto Rico
I am a corporate lawyer in a Magic Circle firm. My job is not perfect, and you definitely need to be reasonably robust to cope, but it is well paid and has offered some amazing opportunities. I have been able to live and work overseas and am about to do so again. My training has provided me with a set of transferable and very marketable skills. Yes, sometimes, and in the current market frequently, lawyers have to work incredibly hard but no-one is making any of us do it. A bit of imagination and a resignation letter later and anyone of us could walk away. Whatever has happened to Matthew, and let's be clear that no-one knows yet, his death is tragic. However, to link it to the job he did is, at best, an over-simplification. Shame on The Times and the other papers that slavishly followed the lead. I think I would find it more personally stressful to work in a job where sensationalism and supposition were prized above fact and where I was expected to make phonecalls to grieving parents.
Claire, London,
I qualified as a solicitor in a London firm in 2000, as did my wife whom I met at law school. We had seen the misery and stress of other solicitors and knew that we didn't want to end up enslaved to long hours with no purpose.
We made a decision to live off only one of our salaries and save the rest. This gave us ample to live on and meant that we could downsize at any time without taking a financial hit. In 2003 I left law to do a theology degree in Cambridge and my wife went part time so that we could start a family.
I am now a clergyman in London earning a fraction of my former salary and working even longer hours than I did as a lawyer. But I love my work and know the meaning of job satisfaction.
To all trainees I say keep an escape route open. When times are dark you know that you can still get out of it.
Toby, London,
The magic circle law firms will feel guilty for one day, and then it will be back to normal; memories are short. I'm glad God did not endow me with a propensity for memory work and paper pushing and that huge addiction to money that encumbers many lawyers.
K T, London,
I can sympathize. I was a divisional CID inspector in Hong Kong for twelve years. A minimum of 12-14 hours was the norm, plus phone calls (mostly from lawyers who didn't care that they were waking me up) at home when trying to sleep. My longest continuous shift was 72 hours. One month my bosses cut 100 hours of overtime from my balance because I had not sought their permission to have such a high balance when they wouldn't give me time off.
There were no bonuses, no partnerships, and never so much as a thank you. I wasn't alone. And it's not just lawyers and police: doctors, nurses, and all the other people upon whom we rely without thinking have it much the same too.
Look, if you think your boss is a **** it's because he is one. If you hate your job, then find the courage to quit and do something else.
True misery is born the moment you let your boss think that he owns you - so don't let it happen.
I quit, and have a life at last, but it's my own fault I didn't have one sooner.
Mark, Hong Kong, PRC
If you dont like it quit. That simple. I was a magic cirlce lawyer and quit to be a banker. Awesome hours; awseome job. So if you are not happy bin it and do something you want to do. Dont just cry to the cabby about it - that is just weak. Take control of your own life. You only have one.
Ollie, London,
I'm a trained accountant from practice not a city practice and my experience is vastly different from the city lawyers in the article. I had some long days as you would expect but I never worked weekends. There was also a team culture for knowledge sharing as a junior and later with juniors. I'm very surprised reading the blogs that beasting seems to be accepted as a right of passage. Not everyone will make partner or will want to as you get older family make take over from work. Ambition is fine and hard work should bring rewards. But should the cost of making partner be a frightened and bullied work force and if so what does that say about you as a person and/or an employer. More importantly do clients want this type of representation only time will tell on that one.
Seamus, Ealing, London
Matthew Courtney's life and death are tragic, but similar scenes are played out every day in the academia as well.
In the UK, post docotral fellows in basic sciences put in the same long hours, and an equally exhausting regime, all for less than GBP 30,000 per annum, and no first class flights either! All in the vain hope that some day they will get that coveted faculty position. The truth is that when Universities churn out more law graduates (or PhDs) than the market forces can easily absorb, there will invariably be exploitation of the labour force -- no matter how highly educated the latter is.
F. Sutaria, Calcutta,
What a load of moaners. I happen to quite like my job in a 'Magic Circle' law firm. It is often quite hard work, but please drop the cliches about '16 hours a day, 7 days a week'. I do it to pay the mortgage just like hundreds of thousands of other people in this country go to jobs every day that they wouldn't choose to do to earn a living in rip off Britain. The problem is with many lawyers is many come from priviledged backgrounds and don't understand graft. These are the ones which moan the most. They should be thankful they have a job in a nice warm office - plenty of my ancestors worked just as hard as me, but in freezing cold pitch black coal mines for pittance.
Dave, London, England
I chucked in the law seven years ago to pursue a career in journalism, and haven't looked back. It took a lot of time and energy to secure a good job in my chosen field, but it all worked out in the end. Many of the lawyers I know have told me they would love to do the same, they are miserable in their job, they hate the law etc., but not one of them has actually bitten the bullet and done anything about it. Generally speaking, why are lawyers such a gutless bunch? The truth is that the biggest prizes in life are attained by those prepared to take a few risks. If you cannot bear to give up the financial security and social prestige attached to the legal profession, then you deserve to be a desk-bound solicitor shuffling paper every evening. Just stop moaning about it all the time - it's ridiculous, self indulgent and dull.
happyexlawyer, London, England
I graduated with a law degree just over two years ago and immediately took up a position within a Manchester law firm. What I then went on to experience over the following two years made me adamant that I no longer wished to pursue a career within this field. Luckily for me I had not gone ahead and wasted even more money by undertaking a Legal Practice Course in the pursuit of my childhood ambition to be a solicitor. Long hours and quite frankly, abysmal pay, do not compensate for what I have only seen with my own two eyes as a complete lack of quality of life. Some may say I baled too early but all I can say is I'm glad I did. I now have a much better paid (at least for my age) and worthwhile career away from the world of law, and going by the comments above I certainly have no need to look back!
Thankful, UK,
Jonny, you part-timer - overall - you didn't work hard enough mate... and photocopying as a trainee?! someone should have showed you where the document services was (4th floor)!
Mo, London,
My wife and I are both lawyers, and my wife was a City lawyer for a US law firm. She regularly worked 90-100 hour weeks and we barely saw each other. On one occasion she flew to a closing meeting in Milan (and believe me, despite the location, there is really nothing glamorous about a closing meeting - a conference room is a conference room). It was supposed to last a day. A week later, she came back home, having had the sum total of 7 hours sleep in the week. A few days later she broke down, and to cut a long story short, ended up having to have surgery for a stress-related illness. It was at that point that we said "enough", and we moved to Ireland.
No matter how many carrots they dangle, no matter how many false dreams they give you, remember this: you get one life. And it's over fairly soon. Do you really want to spend it slaving away making rich people richer? Because that is what lawyers do in this environment. No amount of money is worth it, believe me.
James, Dublin, Ireland
After qualifying in medicine I foolishly left the profession for a City job. The City literally drove me up the bend, and now I am extremely happy as a psychiatrist in the NHS. I see patients, teach, study, and write, and have plenty of time left in which to be myself. I can't believe that so many supposedly intelligent peopl sell their body and soul for ultimately paltry sums of money, and think it betrays either an antisocial personality or, more commonly, a lack of identity and self respect. In either case, it makes prostutution look almost respectable.
Dr James Ensor, Oxford, UK
I'm work in a bank with a job that pays well but nobody in the team enjoys. Everyone talks about career change, but then we look at the financial cut we would take for a more "interesting" job and we all stay. We are in cages of our own making :)
Goldfish, London,
It's not that bad. What is depressing is working in an industry with lots of people who hate their job - if you ever try to explain to your colleagues why you quite like being a city solicitor, they look at you with disbelief in their eyes, and you end up agreeing with them about how awful it is just because that's the done thing. A little positivity wouldn't go amiss!
Lucy, London,
I absolutely love my job. i am so lying.
Joyce, London ,
Bless, 80k a year and having to work for a living, life just isn't fair,
Bearsgame, Nantes, France
I am a trainee solicitor outside of the City and it is a completely different outlook. Yes I can have some boring research to do, but I get a lot of files to run myself, with supervision. I cried from the stress of it all in the first month, but now I find you just need to discuss you worries and it can be sorted. The latest I have left is 7pm and thats my choice because I want to get a clients file done. I wouldnt recommend anyone to go to the City. I have heard too many horror stories
Linz, South,
Only a trainee, yet have already lost the ambition for a life in law and am convinced my legal career will be shortlived. The money doesn't substitute for, lets face it, paper pushing, day in day out. They say it gets better once you are qualified; I don't see much of a twinkle in the eyes of the assistants. People remain for the security that law offers, but it has to be said that if security means (eventually) earning a six figure wage for having all creativity and spark rinsed out of you, I will happily settle for a more frugal yet varied life.
COUNTRYLIFE, London, UK
I find the first story ridiculous. Not all firms are like the one you describe. Why are you a victim - why don't you change firms? Why didn't you stick up for the person being bullied? If you didn't, you are the same as everyone you criticise.
You say you are amazed that lawyers get emotionally involved in their deals. This is normal for someone who wants to do a good job and takes pride in their work - in any field. Most modern jobs are pretty abstract if you reduce them down to papershuffling.
Quote: "I’d rather it be my deal in the first place, but I think I’ve become too risk-averse for that. Working in law makes you wary of taking risks." --> Don't blame the law just because you don't have the balls to go and set up your own venture instead.
BTW I am a female commercial lawyer in a non-City firm with a high proportion of both female partners and other female lawyers with children.
Sarah, Surrey,
I've got a mate who's a black cab driver and he tells me some horror stories. Picking up young lawyers from the City late at night who break down into floods of tears the moment they're inside, unable as they are to take the pressure of it all. There's got to be more to life...
Nick Mortimer, Toulouse, France
This article lays out the problem well, but how about writing a follow up telling us how to get out of the law firm hamster wheel? I need to escape this environment but have been trying for years now to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. Could you please publish something that gives us hope that things will be OK if we decide to get out, and points us in the direction to get there? It is very scary to have done law for 6 years and then decide that I just can't do it any more.
LAWYERGIRL, London,
he probably just slipped. Working at Magic Circle is not as bad as some people claim it is and not half as bad as it used to be.
Phil Baring, London, UK