It could have been a kiss of life to the beleaguered Church of England: Desmond Tutu has revealed he was once approached to become Archbishop of Canterbury.

A forthcoming biography tells how Tutu was contacted by a church official in 1990 to see if he’d be eligible to succeed Robert Runcie. At the time Tutu was Archbishop of Cape Town. He had won the Nobel peace prize, was renowned for his opposition to apartheid and had even featured in a Michael Jackson video.

In the event, the then prime minister Margaret Thatcher picked solid, uncharismastic George Carey, one of two names presented to her, and the following decade saw a record decline in church fortunes. At the time, Tutu’s name was never mentioned as a possible candidate.

The authorised biography, Rabble-Rouser For Peace, also reveals Tutu is critical of Rowan Williams, the current archbishop, for being too soft on opponents of gay clergy. When a church conference rejected the ordination of openly gay priests, Tutu said he was “ashamed”. He told author John Allen that if conservatives were unhappy with gay clergy “they have the freedom to leave”.

Pardon me, bishop, you can't go to the loo alone

After reports that police investigated Cherie Blair for playfully pretending to cuff a cheeky teenager, here is news of more child protection madness. The Bishop of London has told how he had to be accompanied to a church lavatory — by two people — because a children’s group was meeting nearby.

Richard Chartres felt the call just before a service in Pimlico, central London, but was told he could not relieve himself unaccompanied because of “child protection issues”. It’s not clear why two chaperones were necessary. The bishop merely sighs: “It’s a small example of the state we’re in.”

Flash, bang, wallop — snaps of Margaret in bath sell fast

Pictures of Princess Margaret in the bath, wearing nothing but a tiara, have been selling like hot cakes (although not Bath buns obviously: that wouldn’t be polite).

As The Sunday Times reported last week, her former husband Lord Snowdon is selling a collection of 70 photographs, available as 50 prints of each at £2,000 a time. And the London gallery where they’re on display reports brisk business. “We’ve only got three left of the princess in the bath,” says a spokesman for the Chris Beetles gallery in Mayfair.

He refused to confirm Elton John had bought pictures, but said 225 prints were sold in the first week. “We’ve been inundated. The gallery has never been busier.”

To win, players must listen for phrases such as “genuine debate”, “social cohesion” and “united party”. This is bad news for Labour. When even the New Statesman finds you a figure of fun, you know you’re in trouble.

• If ever there was a case of the Rt Hon Mr Pot criticising his former colleague Ms Kettle, it is David Blunkett’s attack on Clare Short. “She is as contradictory, unreliable and disloyal as any Lib Dem you could find,” he fumed in his Sun column. Jack Straw and Charles Clarke will still recall Blunkett’s own particular brand of loyalty: he had to apologise in 2004 for telling a biographer what a mess they made of their departments.