History tells us that Jacob begat Levi, who, give or take a generation, begat Moses. What history has been keeping up its sleeve until now is that Moses and his descendants kept at it and begat David Cameron. Last week he was said to be a direct descendant. With hindsight, it explains a thing or two. Young David was found hidden in bullrushes on the Thames, where he was raised by the wealthy Etonites. For years he watched his people suffer under the plagues of the Gordonites — high taxes, health and safety, Hazel Blears — until one day he issued the following commandments: 1 Thou shalt not embarrass the tribe by cleaning your moat on expenses 2 Thou shalt not kill, commit adultery or covet thy neighbour’s ox as these things play very badly in focus groups.

According to the prophets, David will soon lead his people to the Promised Land. That’s where the analogy with Moses ends, and comparisons with another Biblical figure, the colour-coated Joseph, begin. Having missed the years of plenty, David will be left to sort out the years of famine.