Mandarin was a language of the Qing (Ching to those who can't pronounce this) and previous courts. Its roots can be traced quite far back. Hardly anyone below the age of 110 speaks that (properly) nowadays. Calling the Chinese of today Mandarin is rather strange and those wishing to know the Chinese better could help themselves to more information from the Chinese side rather than sticking to old habits. For those interested in antiquities, the film "Hero" is at a TV screen near you right now. You can get from it your dosage of wu (me), zamen (us) and guaren (Me, the imperial majesty) sprinkled among obscure grammar. Ken, I am not sure about the dialects - some were languages before but in todays context I would prefer the Guangzhou dialect be called that or Cantonese or Hongkongspeak rather than Chinese. Chinese (Mandarin, if some of you still insist) was called 'Beijing dialect' at one point but the natives of Beijing never spoke like that. Btw, has my previous satire post to Coren been airbrushed away...

Lin Go Man, French Concession , Shanghai

Some serious comment and perhaps rightly so.

But you do have to remember or know, that Alan Coren is a satirist and as such writes light hearted funny comment and criticism. Once you understand this, you will realise that it's English that everyone should be learning and not Mandarin. Otherwise, how will you understand his articles ?

David Jagger, Milton Keynes, England

It wouldn't do any harm for them to learn English properly first.

The idea that education should be exclusively oriented to what we need to conduct business has demonstrably failed for the last 30 years.

Chinese should be one of many options. I certainly wouldn't turn the syllabus upsidedown to incorporate it.

cuffleyburgers, Lucca,

Alan Coren is always entertaining, if not accurate or fully informed.
At Harrow School, 10% of the boys now learn Mandarin as well as French. We use a new computer- based language course as well as both native and non-native speakers of Mandarin as teachers. Boys have made rapid progress in just a term and a half and are about to make a decision whether to continue to GCSE or drop the language.
Harrow was founded by John Lyon 400 years ago to teach Latin as the means to further education, social and economic advancement.
Today, perhaps, we should be teaching Microsoft Office and Mandarin to achieve his intentions.

Dr Iain Farrell, Harrow on the Hill, Middlesex

Not too sure of what's the most important point being made here.
And I rather fear a few good ones are getting lost by being almost
clever enough to learn Mandarin in a weekend.
As the father of twin, 10 year old half-Chinese boys, I must say I got
rather excited that they may have a chance at having their Mum's
mother tongue being taught to them when they go to secondary school
in September. Especially as they are already on French words for poo.
So I do think it is well worth the effort trying, for all sorts of cultural,
social and financial reasons. So 'it's too hard 'cos Brits are fik'
isn't the best reason against I've heard.
However, a 290 to 1 teacher ratio is a very good one to wonder what
next we shall get from this 'Open mouth. Issue hype. Retreat back
to index-linked bunker 'til the next one' government and its
foot-in-mouthpieces next.

Peter Martin, Ross on Wye, UK

Hmmm, Man, not sure about your implication that Alan should be more open minded and knowledgable about other languages. Quite right, there is a terrible lack of language skills in the UK but I think you may find that the term 'Mandarin' is used rather than 'Chinese' because there is more than one Chinese language/dialect out there. Or are speakers of other Chinese dialects too 'quaint' and 'odd spoken' to be considered?

Ken To

Ken To, Reigate,

I have lived in China now for 2 years and can vouch for the fact that learning Mandarin is very difficult, even with lessons twice a week. If I find it difficult being immersed in the language then God help students. I would agree that its an important language to learn in todays global economy, but schools need to begin teaching it a lot earlier than in high school if only to ensure there is time to learn all thats needed.

Penny, Nanjing, China

Don't most modern Chinese people speak Cantonese ??

Wendyanne, Torquay, England

Let's all learn Hindi, instead, since the Indians are now our 'other' cousins. (Leader - Jan 15). Oh, wait. One million Britons can already speak that language. Better to teach our kids something more obscure. Carry on!

Radha Mocherla, Cambridge, Cambs

Yes, it's about time that the Brits made a greater effort, even condescend to learn the languages of others besides the lingos of the Continent. Years ago, there was an Englishman employed on a contractual basis as resident conductor of a (multi-racial) municipal orchestra here in Kuala Lumpur. He was offered free Bahasa Malaysia (BM) language lessons but humbly rejected the offer. I asked him, why? His answer was the quintessentially English one of sheer affrontery and arrogance when confronted with a foreign language: "BM is an inferior language, and I can get by with English as it is widely spoken in KL." Experts in music tell us that an orchestra requires a conductor to work with on a prolonged basis involving many years (the legendary conductor, Herbert von Karajan, had a contract for life with the Berlin Philharmoniker) in order to establish a distinctive sound. Needless to say, his stint here was a short one. If only he had thanked his players after every rehearsal with a simple "Terima kasih" (Thank you). So, Mr. Coren, Merci, Danke, Gracias, Grazie, Xiexie, Nandri to you.

SD GOH, Petaling Jaya, Malaysia

Yes adults have problems learning Mandarin - but have more confidence in our children. Let go of our prejudice about languages being oh so diffcult. Here at Bamboo Learning we specialise in teaching Mandarin to children. For example, after 10 weeks children at St Thomas More working with Bamboo Learning produced their own podcast, all in Mandarin apart from an intro for their not so learned parents. They chat about their families and greet each other. Their pronounciation is superb - the stuff you and I would dream of. What you should be talking about is how much culture and language are intertwined especially for Mandarin Chinese. How there are elements of the language that make it very child friendly. What do know more? Go on being daring and get informed about how great our children are.

Jill Shepherd, London, UK

Um, each Chinese character can only be pronounced one way. It is the sound of the characters that can be pronounced in four different tones. For example, the sound "pa" can be pronounced in four different tones, and all have different characters. Hence, there are (assuming you are right) 200,000 characters and 50,000 sounds.

Now, you ask, how do you go about learning 200,000 characters? Well, you have to start at about 7, and study Chinese for 8 hours a week until you are 18. Of course, it'd be a little easier if you could speak the language first but, oh well, beggars cant be choosers.

So, from a Chinese point of view (uhm, foreign born Chinese), if you do want to learn Chinese, concentrate on spoken Mandarin. Leave the reading and writing to someone else.

Chee, Coventry,

"... remember that chap who tried it in Tiananmen Square? They drove a tank over him."

Ooooer. Did they now?

I only saw a chap standing coolly in front of a tank. I, and the rest of the world never ever saw chap receive even 'friendly fire'. If so, we would have no end of the press reminding us how unusual them foreigners are with beating down the rabble lot.

I suggest it might help not to be too over-imagi native about those quaint foreigners and their odd speaks and try acquire the kind of confidence that might help with encouraging self and readers to master another language.

For your information (and Johnson's) the last time Mandarin was spake it was at the end of the Ching Dynasty. For today's language just 'Chinese' would do. 'Han Yu' or 'Zhongwen' if you cannot pronounce them. Fans of Mandarin can still hear the antiquated court lingo in period films today - mind you, then, the Chinese were merely subdueing their damn natives with horse charges rather than rolling them over with tanks and then retouching the pictures.

Lin Go Man, French Concession, Shanghai