Alice Miles
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Were you up for Rebecca? Did you catch that split-second moment when her hand touched the edge of the pool first? Or did you perhaps read about her Jimmy Choos yesterday; the promise from her mum of a new pair of Christian Louboutin heels if she won?
I am not sure whether the dull details of the Olympic gold medal-winner's training regime (“in the run-up to the Games, she was training from 6am to 8am, swimming about 7,000-8,000m per two-hour session”) or the slavering over her love of designer shoes (“I want one pair for every outfit”) is more mind-numbing. Or perhaps the striking moment when the young diver Tom Daley looked “askance” at his diving partner who was talking on the phone!
These people: they jump in a pool, they swim, sometimes they dive, or they do both. Good on 'em, if it's what they want to do: even I can see the achievement in being the fastest in the world, if that is your ambition. But must we all join in the pretence that the shenanigans in Beijing are important in any way for the rest of the country; that the Games tell us anything of any consequence about humanity, about ourselves, about our nation? We invest all this effort, all this faux national pride, the pages of blather, the air miles, the travelling dignitaries, the full panoply of pomp - and in the end, all that's happened is somebody has managed to swim fast. Or run. Or jump. Perhaps all three.
I feel sorry for some of the athletes: identified as potential champions as children, their remaining childhood and youth is stolen from them by gruelling training regimes and rounds of international competitions.
I once interviewed Sebastian Coe and was struck by his description of a childhood spending all the hours outside school plodding up and down the Pennines, and his teenage years “trudging around tracks on the northern circuit when my friends were backpacking around Europe”. It doesn't sound like a lot of fun being an athlete - and think of all the ones not in Beijing, those who have fallen by the wayside en route. You can often see the parents of the high-achievers hovering in the background, eyes fixed on their offspring, faces shining with ambition for them. I wonder: would a child push him or herself so hard without that pressure?
If they do get to the Olympics itself, one bloated marketing festival awaits them. A dozen firms, including Coca-Cola, Samsung, Kodak, General Electric, Johnson & Johnson and McDonald's have paid a total of $866 million to be official sponsors of the Beijing Games, and have demanded exclusivity. So since mid-July, the Chinese authorities, via the organising committee for the Games, have grabbed control of all prominent advertising sites in the capital and at transport hubs, and limited their use to official sponsors only.
Broadcasters must avoid showing close-ups of any spectators enjoying unofficial food or drinks, or wearing clothing displaying the wrong brand. From the spectators corralled in to fill empty seats for the television cameras, to the little girl whose voice opened the Olympics but whose face was replaced by a cuter one, the entire spectacle is a triumph of manipulation. Imagine being that seven-year-old girl watching a prettier, “flawless” child mime the words to your song, to international applause. It is the very opposite of sporting.
I was idly mulling over these things, with curiosity and mild irritation, as I opened my mail and came across a letter about some parking tickets. The letter from Samantha of the parking company was irritating in many ways, as these things tend to be (stick with me, it is the same column), but what shot straight into my brain and continues to buzz inside it today like an annoying wasp was this: “As you received two charges notices you should of queried the first one.”
I should of, should I? There has been a fair amount of correspondence on the Times letters page recently about proper spelling, after some academic from something calling itself a university suggested allowing students to get away with “variant” spelling, or what you and I would call “misspelling”, of words such as “ignor”, “opertunity” and “speach”. He was joined by the Spelling Society, champions of bad spelling, who argue that all “ee” sounds - team, quay, people, sardine - should be spelt with “ee”.
So I cheered (cheared?) to read yesterday of the small explosion by a judge at the Old Bailey who branded an official from the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) an “illiterate idiot” for making grammatical errors and spelling mistakes on a charge sheet. The defendant had been charged with causing “greivous bodily harm”, and using a weapon, “namely axe”, which should have read “namely an axe”. “It's quite disgraceful,” fumed the judge, David Paget. “This is supposed to be a centre of excellence. To have an indictment drawn up by some illiterate idiot is not good enough.”
Quite. It's not. Give me $866 million to throw at literacy, any day. Or give me, in fact, £9.3 billion, the amount Britain is gearing up to squander on its own Olympics shindig. That is just about the annual budget of the entire Home Office - let us use it to teach CPS officials to spell instead.
Let us take the £10 billion being squandered on London 2012, cancel the grandiose stadiums, turn away the marketing men and employ 50,000 “superheads” to show Samantha how to differentiate between a preposition and a verb. Let us spend that money on every child who spells speech as speach; on every adult who does not know that it's it's; and on sacking each and every teacher and university lecturer who declares that it does not matter.
It does matter. Much more than medals, more than Rebecca's training regime. Or regeem.

Alice Miles has been with The Times since 1999. She began as a Parliamentary Sketch writer before becoming a columnist, writing mainly on politics and national issues such as education and health. She won Columnist of the Year in 2007.
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Climbing Everest is a waste of thousands. A Cathedral is a waste of millions. Walking on the moon is a waste of billions.
Human beings have a cultural need for pinnacle achievements as innate as the desire to breed or to breathe.
Broken world records and spectacle bring out the best of humanity.
David Atkins, Richardson, USA
While I'm not a fan of the olympics, I think its ignorant to think that any of the countries that wins an Olympic bid is doing so with the expectation of losing money. The bet is that their investment in the games will bring more money and jobs into their economies.
d, London, UK
There are a 101 things Britain needs before the Olympic Games.
The politicians have abdicated our immediate future to the IOC and I am not pleased.
The Olympics are for simpletons. The intelligent amongst us are going to be driven mad by the next four years.
Den Wills, Portsmouth, UK
Excellent article, with a magnitude of very very valid points.
London 2012 is a complete waste of time and money.
Joe, Liverpool, England
As a Paris resident, I was delighted when London won the 2012 games - Chirac's evident disgust was wonderful. Now I'm being transferred back to UK and I am less than happy about the prospect. Re education, bring back Latin & Greek, the alternative is the dumbing-down of the Times Crossword!
H, Puteaux, France
Not everybody has to enjoy the Olympics but it sure helps if you can spell. We have been throwing tax-payers money at the literacy problem for decades to no effect. Literacy levels have flat-lined in the last 50 years. So I'm with the Prof & his variant spellings as I value both literacy & my money.
NHJ, London,
What is the total government budget every year? 500 bn? 600 bn? I am being generous in the extreme when I am saying that a third is completely wasted. Worse perhaps, doing more harm than good. The Games may make me smile or weep a few times, so they are a real bargain in comparison!
Tim, London,
The Labour Govt will never by itself have the guts to chuck the 2012 Olympics. The Conservatives should move a Motion to cancel/withdraw from it. There would be considerable cross-party support. We simply do not need this ghastly immoral commercialised waste of money. Stop it NOW.
a j scott, draguignan, france
The olympics are a vast waste of money spent for the indulgence of a minority. If people want to indulge in sport, fair enough, let them and their loved ones enjoy their achievements. Why though should the rest of us support their indulgencies? The money could be better spent.
Ann, Bristol, England
The Olympics? I am underwhelmed with apathy.
Adrian Ryan, Donegal, Ireland
The commercialism of the Games has tarnished the joy of sport. I agree with that. One can certainly argue the priorities of funding a £10B sporting extravaganza to literacy. But I've got say the lessons learned in competing and pushing my body outweigh the occasional variation in my spelling.
Chuck Staples, Chelmsford, USA
Anyone who thinks spending £10 billion of public money on the Olympics is a good thing, needs to have their heads examined. The money should be spent on improving educational standards across the board as this would have more long-term benefits for the UK as a whole, rather than on glory seekers.
Ian Dickson, Brighton, UK
I can never stop being angry at the £10bn that 2012 will cost us, nor the lies and the spiteful pinching of cash from public pockets to help fund it. I like sport and I like watching it but that amount of money is simply obscene and unnecessary; offensive and disproportionate.
Will Duffay, London,
What a small-minded article. So you're not interested in sport? Fine. But why denigrate the commitment of those who have dedicated their lives to their sport? A choice they perhaps made because it wasn't open to them to become a high-minded pundit on the vapidity that is British politics.
Paul D, London,
Bah humbug! Yes, literacy levels aren't what they they should be but scrapping the games so we can all improve on our spelling? Go on girl, live a little!
Jon, London, GB
Perhaps spelling should be made and Olympic sport. It would receive it's required funding and schools will have another over-sized, epically arranged stadium to visit.
Thomas, Aberystwyth, UK
nulabour have poured money into education & health, much of both are still rubbish. The answer isnt more money but drastic reform. Nowadays the UK is rubbish so it is refreshing to see some of our elite, from years of self discipline. Some national pride would be nice too. Leave the Olympics alone
Cass, Hants, UK
Its not often you're right, and you're wrong again.
M Price, Manchester,
the olympics a 'celebration, a party'?
more like a combined ego trip and 'a nice little earner'
david c, purbeck,
I don't think Olympics spending has any bearing on literacy.
We do not need to spend more to achieve decent education levels. We have the infrastructure (schools) in place, and the staff (teachers) in there earning a living.
The task is to ensure that teachers do their job effectively.
David, Brill, UK
The Olympics sound cheap, compared to the war in Iraq, which is costing $8 to $11 billion a month. You could do quite a lot with that much. A 2012 Olympics every month.
Alex, Paris, France
The olympic model for sport - a tiny number of athletes watched by millions of couch potatoes - is a disaster for health.
No wonder every body is fat if sport is only for the elite.
Brummydoug, Birmingham, England
we could always go mad and spend the money on sport. Not the drug fuelled tantrums of some lycra clad egomaniacs and their hangers on. Just sport that teaches you to win and lose and how to develop life skills.
The antics of the Olympic movement are gross and disgusting.
Theresa Green, oxford,
Let the French have it - their TV coverage would be as good as anybodies, the chemically bloated joggers get their junket and we save £9.3 Billion, win-win.
James, London,
Rubbish! Education is already sufficiently funded. More money does not lead to better quality. It can be argued that schools 40 years ago were better than those of today at a fractioin of the cost. Sport teaches children ambition, teamwork, respect, discipline, which is what the youth of today need.
Grant, London,
What proportion of the huge cost actually goes on the core facilities and athletes' requirements - and how much gets diverted into the opening ceremony, other unnecessary fluff, marketing, PR, consultants' fees, etc.?
Chris K, Cheltenham, UK
Think it should be pointed out that in principle the Olympics are a source of large profit for the host nation and if handled properly will always exceed the cost of building facilities and other costs. But, with our government ,no doubt an easy profit making venture will leave us all out of pocket
joe thomas, Guildford,
Sport has always been elevated above it`s real importance.
Ask any woman who David Beckham is, she will know - he is a celebrity who can kick a ball around, sometimes very well.
Now ask her who invented the washing machine, a man who has done more for most women than (probably) any other - blank!
Darius Midwinter, London,
The Olympics bore me rigid. especially when I see repeats of an event endlessly.
Perhaps it just me, or maybe everybody is bored stiff as well.
Norman West, Truro, UK
Don't worry it's only taxpayers' money being wasted, and there is plenty more to be wasted where that came from - hopefully though, only until the next election.
Kris, London, England
Heer heer !
Norman Bird, London ,
No one ever mentions the carbon footprint of the Olympics. Not just the air miles but all those useless velodromes and other buildings that we are busy erecting.
If world leaders are serious about global warming, why not have one permanent Olympic village in a third world country paid for by all?
Laurence, Sherborne, Dorset
Without the Olympic games Russia might have been forced to wait for the release of the next Harry Potter book to distract world attention from invading a neighbouring country.
edward green, Upminster,
It said on the back of my tube map that 1 in 3 children in London lives in poverty. Could we not just make do with or adapt the many stadiums we have already and spend the rest of the £9 billion on getting food, shelter, warmth and inspiration to these children.
Alex , Oxford ,
What a sensible article, Alice. Sport should be considered as just a form of entertainment when considering its fiscal aspects. As such why should it need any public subsidies? If the likes of Coca-Cola think it is worth their marketing while to chuck a few million at an event - let them.
Gervas Douglas, Andorra la Vella, Andorra
Tired of the hoary old cliches about how sport prevents war and encourages goodwill between nations. Look around. This is a fascist dictatorship throwing a debutante ball and last time I looked people were killing each other quite nicely. The illusions The Games promote are part of the problem.
Andrew Barnes, London, uk
WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!
The mega-billions thrown away on Northern Rock and the like have to come from somewhere. Gordon Brown neglected to save when that was possible, and Alastair Darling has wasted our credit.
We can afford a modest Olympics, but not the extravaganza the IOC demands.
Noel Falconer MEcon, COUIZA, France
What is this obsession with the money spent on Olympics could be spent on?
Thank god that everyone does not share this type of attitude - if they did, this world will be a very mundane place without any activity whasoever.
I wonder if these people who write these articles ever go on holidays?
Chanaka , Leicester, UK
Send the Olympics back to Athens, permanently. Perfectly good facilities still there, largely unused. We can all chip in to keep them up to standard, save the wasted billions and hubris, and still have the Games.
And if London 2012 ultimately costs 'only' £9b I'll eat my hat.
monica, guildford,
I think it is scandalous that the 2012 Olympics in London is being allowed to cost so much more than was planned. The cost should be slashed and heads roll.
Dr J Findlater, Carnforth,
Oliver, Leeds. Maybe you're right. Maybe if Hitler had spent a few billion more Marks on the 1936 games the 1940s would have been much more peaceful! Hmm...
Kevin Browne, Reading, Berkshire, England
How very untrue. The article really just shows the narrow, mean and foolish attitude of some, those without vision, and no understanding whatsoever of human nature. I hate sports, but most people love them and I know that the Olympics will achieve far more than spending money on items like spelling!
Arthur Riding, Marlborough,
Simon in York, I went to a party this past weekend. A good time was had by all, and it didn't cost £9.3 billion.
C. Heathcote, Tonbridge,
Some good points but I believe the Olympics and sport in general, is very important for humanity. Better to spend money on games than on stupid things like war.
Oliver, Leeds, UK
You have obviously never witnessed the confidence/friendships/enthusiasm for life, gained by individuals involved in sport. It is a celebration, a party.
Based on your investing in 'useful' things, why not ban all parties, drinking for fun, reading, etc etc? These are all 'useless'.
Simon, York, England
The funding required to run an Olympic games should be spent on solar energy programs. Once we have a totally renewable energy supply other priorities should be funded. Britain should hand the games over to a country which already has the facilities inplace.
JIm Wills, Brisbane, Australia
How very very true - from a person who finds himself overwhelmed by his complete indifference to the Olympic nonsense !!!
Ciaran Brady, Surrey, UK