We Londoners are such a humble, self-effacing lot that it would never cross our minds to mention the unthanked-for kindnesses that we do the people of Britain every day.

But if the provincials get too sniffy about London and those absurd politicians keep on insisting that the Palace of Westminster should be moved to Bradford, then there is an answer: secession.

After all, Londoners give the provinces much more than the provinces give Londoners. The capital generates about £80 billion a year in taxes, and roughly £18 billion of that goes to support the rest of the country. So if Londoners were feeling particularly bumptious, they could start running an advertising campaign to ram the message home: a billboard in Burnley that read: “Your hip replacement — brought to you by the kind, hard-working people of London.” Or a TV ad in Exeter with the voiceover line: “Primary school education for your children — made possible by the diligence and innovation of those selfless people in the City.”

Indeed, we could go further. London has accounted for 20 per cent of the UK’s economic growth in the past decade. And when companies have moved their headquarters to the capital, they have chosen London over Paris or Frankfurt, or perhaps Madrid. They haven’t chosen London over Birmingham or Manchester. The location of big businesses to the City means that back office and auxiliary work is likely to go to some of the UK’s other cities. So there’s another line of possible advertising: “Good morning, Manchester — your jobs courtesy of London’s leadership.”

Expert View

In business terms, London’s claim to be the world’s favourite marketplace is not just a boast, it’s a statistic

James Harding

• More

• Post a comment

BACKGROUND

• London calling

• The view from the North

• Rise of London fails to convince everyone

Of course, this may not go down that well and, having infuriated the country, Londoners may have little choice but to secede and become a city state that continues to operate in sterling while the rest of the country — the manufacturing hub — switches to the euro.

Some outside London may rather like this. They may suspect that they are currently being punished, in higher interest rates and taxes, for the excesses of London house prices and pay rises. And, free of its obligations to the rest of the country, London could finally get on with paying for what it so dearly needs: 1) proper investment in a functioning transport system, which means an upgrade and expansion of the Tube and a commitment to build Crossrail. 2), proper attention paid to the high unemployment rate in the capital and the stubbornly low levels of education in the city. And, 3) more affordable housing. Long live the People’s Republic of London.

Times Recommends

• Ted Hughes was a prophet of climate change
• Health & safety can damage your reasoning
• It’s Big Brother’s stupidity that scares me