Ben Macintyre
The man, the films, those blondes. Free DVD collection starting this Sunday
Hillary Clinton made a joke in Iowa. It was horrible to behold. “We face a lot of evil men,” she gamely declared. “People like Osama bin Laden come to mind. And what in my background equips me to deal with evil and bad men?” There was a long pause. Mrs Clinton chortled desperately to indicate that this was, indeed, humour — a swipe, apparently, at her errant husband. There was some strained laughter from the polite voters of Davenport, Iowa, and a lot of bafflement.
The joke did not just fall flat. It bombed, leaving a vast crater of embarrassment into which the woman who would be president stared, blinking. A little later, journalists cruelly asked her to repeat the joke one more time, just to make sure they had it down correctly, and to explain what it meant. She was exasperated. “You guys keep telling me, ‘Lighten up! Be funny!’ I get a little funny and now I’m being psychoanalysed.”
I admire her for trying, and Mrs Clinton has a point. Political humour is a serious and extremely dangerous business. We expect politicians to be funny, but then savage them when the joke goes wrong. A misfired joke can wreck a political career.
Naturally funny people tend to be outsiders, misfits, tuned to the absurdities of existence and often angry beneath the surface: these are not considered ideal qualities in a politician. Sensibly, politicians usually eschew jokes; yet even the most sensible politician feels moved, in some strange lemming-like urge, to venture a joke once in a while, often with catastrophic results.

Some of the most successful politicians have seemed to lack a sense of humour (Margaret Thatcher), but paradoxically some of the funniest people in public life have been politicians (Winston Churchill).
The word most often associated with Gordon Brown is “dour”, which is code for lacking a sense of humour. In fact Mr Brown has rather a fine, pawky Scottish wit, but he knows better than to deploy it publicly. Tony Blair is too astute to hazard many jokes, and when he does these tend to be of the familiar Les Dawson, mother-in-law, boom-boom variety. At the last Labour conference, referring to Cherie, he quipped: “At least I don’t have to worry about her running off with the bloke next door.” This is not wit, but standard musical hall fare, and safe ground. Even so, he was awarded a 17-second ovation.
John Steinbeck, writing of the Mexican revolutionary Emiliano Zapata, insisted that “Zapata had no humour. No very great statesman has ever had.” Shakespearean kings have their fools and clowns to divert the laughter away from power, yet Shakespeare has his fools speak more sense than their masters.
Mrs Thatcher made a virtue out of not getting the joke. In 1990, her speech-writers encouraged her to dismiss the new Liberal Democrat bird logo as a “dead parrot”. They showed her the Monty Python sketch. Twice. She never smiled, and at the end remarked: “Are you sure people will laugh?” Edward Heath laughed at his own jokes, loudly, with his entire body, but often alone. William Gladstone was the first Prime Minister to be mocked for humourlessness, after revealing that he read Homer for fun. (“Served him right,” said Churchill.)
This is the conundrum: politicians must aspire to humour, even if they do not have it. They must indicate an understanding of what is funny, without saying anything amusing. The 17th-century strategist Raimondo Montecuccoli advised that every leader must be “lighthearted and full of hope, by means of his facial expression . . . he should banter with his men, be clever and witty”. In other words, fake it.
Humour is risky, and preferably risqué, and the dangers are all too apparent. Siôn Simon was widely attacked for his spoof video mocking David Cameron’s home movie; the former presidential candidate John Kerry was forced into calamitous retreat after joking that school pupils who do not learn to read and write would end up on the frontline in Iraq. As Boris Johnson, the funniest MP in Britain, observed after being sacked from the front bench: “My friends, as I have discovered myself, there are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters.”
Aware of the looming disaster from the joke that goes awry, most politicians avoid humour, or indulge only in the most anodyne variety.
We can be fairly sure that Mrs Clinton will not vouchsafe another joke on the campaign trail, at least not in Iowa. Which is a small tragedy, for Steinbeck was precisely wrong. Some of the greatest statesmen were also genuinely funny. Ronald Reagan could be hilarious, and sometimes intentionally. He was so good at one-liners that he successfully blurred the line between real gaffes and poking fun at his own intellectual limitations: “Sometimes our right hand doesn’t know what our far-right hand is doing” is a remark of true wit.
Abraham Lincoln’s dry, deadpan humour was central to his personality. When describing his experience as a soldier in the Black Hawk War, he quipped that he had seen no “live fighting Indians but had a good many bloody struggles with the mosquitoes”. No leader has ever been funnier than Churchill: his was a spontaneous irony that never rusts, and was superbly offensive.
The second most admirable quality in a politician, after honesty, is a sense of humour. How delightful it would be if just one politician had the gumption to hoist Rory Bremner with a hoax call, but none will: jokes have become too dangerous, and the political world is poorer for that.
Have you heard the one about the funny politician? Yes, me too, but always funny peculiar, and never funny ha-ha.

Ben Macintyre is Writer at Large for The Times and contributes a regular Friday column. His earlier roles at The Times include being editor of the Weekend Review, parliamentary sketchwriter and bureau chief in Washington and Paris. He has also published a number of historical non-fiction books
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Some of the choicer quotes from the sadly missed Tony Banks:
(On John Major): '...so unpopular, if he became a funeral director people would stop dying.'
(On Terry Dicks): 'Living proof that a pig's bladder on the end of a stick can be elected to Parliament'
'At one point Portillo was polishing his jackboots and planning the next advance. And the next thing is he shows up as a TV presenter. It is rather like Pol Pot presenting the Teletubbies.'
(On David Mellor): '...Since the great days of Jimmy Greaves, it's the only time anyone's managed to score five times in a Chelsea shirt.'
RIP, Tony.
Ross Manning, London, UK
I have to agree with the comment about William Hague. As you know, he stood in for David Cameron, last year, after Cameron's third child was born; Menzies Campbell had not long been elected leader of the LibDems and Blair had announced that he would be going at some point. Hague led the Opposition at PMQs and had the House falling about and shouting "More, more!" with the following: "Mr Speaker, this must be the first time in history that each of the main parties has been led by a stand-in for the real leader!"
He is one of the few politicians who has made me laugh out loud.
Louisa Taylor, Sussex, England
The funniest politician of recent times has to be William Hague. I don't always agree with him, but he makes me laugh - especially when he's having a pop at Blair.
Similarly, I don't often agree with George Bush, but when you watch him giving after-dinner style speeches to friendly audiences, he can be very funny.
Adnan Alam, London,
JFK was noted for his wit. He introduced himself in a speech to the US Chamber of Commerce by saying that he was the Chamber's second choice for president. The first choice was anyone else. And in France he introduced himself as the man who accompanied his wildly popular wife to France.
The thing he had in common with Churchill was how strongly they both projected their complete zest for life. Churchill was not only funny, but had had fun, same with JFK.
FDR used wit as a powerful weapon, as in the "My little dog Fala" speech.
Dan Hermann, Brooklyn, NY USA
I read that Harold Wilson as a young minister asked Aneurin Bevan how he could impriove his speeches and was told he should include some jokes. I remember seeing Wilson speak in the 1970s and he while his jokes were not that good his delivery was brfilliant. I thought Michael Hesaltines famous "Not Brown's iuts Ball's" wsas brilliant.
David Gwilliam, Leicester, England
I'm surprised that John F. Kennedy didn't make the list as he had a wonderful self-deprecating wit about him (Irish, after all). When asked about the definition of Courage as "Grace under pressure" he replied it sounded like a girl he knew. One small example.
DJ, West Chester, PA, USA
Ray McSharry TD - an Irish MP - once came out with a witty response to a heckler during an election campaign ...
Heckler: "A million Protestants in Northern Ireland can't be bombed into a United Ireland..."
McSharry: "Ah, maybe they can be bombed out of it ..."
[laughter and applause]
The literate and intelligent classes in the Republic never quite forgave him
Bill Corr, Hail, Saudi Arabia
A very witty, rib-tickling and a nice crackling write-up , with loads of quips and wise cracks to jest up the spirits. Just to quote a one-liner...."Humour is like a tissue paper, more you use it more it gets stale and less crispy". Any spontaneous humour, should be terse and wacky . Many of our Politicians are equipped with this trait , to keep the crowd in splits and at times trivialise any serious,deadpan issue . I will name such a politician from our Indian sub-continent, who has built up a brand image of a very rustic,ribald burlsque of a caricature. He is our ever effervescent..... Laloo Prasad Yadav, hailing from the state of Bihar. On face of it any one can discount or discard him as a buffon or a nitwit , with his rustic and farmside accent and language, but underlies a man of tough countenance, with no-nonsense approach. He is well known in the media for his Laloospeaks, but is credited for pulling up Indian Railways from the 'Red', into well managed , profit making Inc.
Sandy, New Delhi, India
Definitely use with care. You are vulnerable when making a joke, as you are throwing yourself on the audience and laying yourself open to rebuff. Politicians with a reliable sense of humour - preferably with a derisory slant, such as William Hague - can use it to effect, but not many of the type of people who are attracted to politics seem to have it.
Henry Percy, London, UK
I sometimes find that jokes which bomb can be the more amusing as a result.
I attended a talk in New Orleans once where the speaker began with the words:
My attorney has lately retired (pause)..by which I mean he no longer does any work, but continues to bill his clients.
I discovered later that the cool reception this received from the 200 other suited gentlemen present was on account of most of them being from that profession.
An American acquaintance later explained to me that the English laugh three times at an American wisecrack; the first time to be polite, then when it is explained to them. Finally, as it sinks in.
Perhaps the reason this kind of stuff doesnt mix with politics is that if the politician can fool the audience with a build up to a punch line, theres a worrying possibility that similar skills could be applied in the real world.
dr venables preller, Warminster, UK