It was the first day of the new school year at St Titanic's and all the senior boys and girls went on an away-day to Birmingham wearing their best suits, new haircuts and “we will survive” smiles.

Defying critics who claim that he is out of touch and old-fashioned, the head boy, Gordon Brown, decreed that the first Cabinet meeting of the new political season should be held outside London, at the International Convention Centre (ICC) in Birmingham.

Before the meeting, ministers fanned out across the West Midlands to prove that they feel the country's economic pain, and to swot up on their special subjects after the long summer holiday.

The object of the exercise was to show that the Brown Government cares about ordinary people outside London. The only problem was that the ordinary people of Birmingham did not seem to care very much.

Times Archive, 1921: Cabinet meeting in Inverness

The capital of the Highlands, has today come near to being the capital of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and - especially - Ireland

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Hundreds of feet of metal barriers had been erected in front of the ICC to keep back the crowds, but as we waited for the first ministers to arrive the police outnumbered spectators by 25-2, in the sense that there were 25 policemen keeping out a couple who wanted to get to the restaurant on the other side of the building.

Cabinet members arrived for this unofficial first day of term with briefcases full of papers and good intentions. “I am early! Can you believe it? I am early,” said David Miliband, the Foreign Secretary, arriving at the Right Start Centre, determined to make the right start this term despite blotting his copybook over the hols by appearing to square up to the head boy, before backing off.

A group of young Muslim volunteers welcomed him. “My, but you are young,” he said brightly. “I used to think I was young, but you guys are really ... young.”

As for Mr Brown, Mr Miliband insisted that he would “prove people wrong”, thus inadvertently confirming that “people” are disappointed with the Prime Minister. (Mark: B-minus; could do better.) He then took away lots of pamphlets and other literature, for homework.

At Aston Manor School, Ed Balls, the Schools Secretary, was being teased about his name. “You'll remember Mr Balls: no sniggering please,” said the headmistress. Needless to say there was a deafening volley of sniggering.

Having performed their morning duties, the ministers rolled up one by one outside the conference centre, to be greeted by several dozen members of the press and a single protester. Mr Brown arrived with Alistair Darling. “Did you have a proper holiday, Mr Brown?” the press called. “What are we doing here, Prime Minister?”

The ICC is where the Tories will hold their autumn conference from September 28. The West Midlands is home to several marginal seats that Labour must win to retain power and the region, after a sharp decline in manufacturing jobs, is likely to be hit hard with a recession looming. These are all excellent reasons for holding a Cabinet meeting in Birmingham.

Yet the Brummies remained resolutely unimpressed. “I wonder how much it cost to send all these people up here first-class?” wondered Anna Thompson, wheeling her twins passed the ICC.

The Cabinet ministers finally emerged, still wearing their uniform smiles, but plainly tired by the travelling, the meeting and the effort. The first day of a new school term is always a strain; but doubly stressful when you know there may not be another one.

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