Smash hit

Why Ann Widdecombe has got it wrong

This is a complicated world - we often need reminding of the obvious things that get lost in the onrush of details

Nuts to Christmas champagne and gammon

The first frissons of Christmas come in November with the supermarkets announcing which lines they're pushing

By your e-mail address shall you be known

Every time I get an e-mail, I make wide, swingeing assumptions about the sender — purely based on their e-mail address

It was the worst drug problem I ever had

I’ve just found a wrap on the floor in the toilets, he said. I think it’s heroin ... you can have it if you want

Nation, I implore you, don’t judge a man by his biscuit

Gordon Brown’s Biscuit Lynching was a shameful moment in our political discourse

Goodbye cruel world, I’m moving to the internet

In cyberspace you can erase people, in the real world you’d have to murder them

Why I love paying tax

When I write a huge cheque, I go Woo!, how grown-up

Quick, pass me the salt, I’m on a bacon roll

Bacon is the Dark Matter that holds together the Universe. We are stardust. We are bacon

Why my feminist icons are ‘mentalists’

History is full of brilliant women who deserve to be honoured. For some of us, though, the stirring role models aren’t suffragettes or...

When can kids do big stuff like swearing? **** knows

Last Christmas I got a swearbox — £2,897 later, I haven’t stopped

Biscuits, and other deadly British institutions

Americans won’t be surprised to learn that a Custard Cream is a health hazard. They already worry we’ll trip on our bustles

How to make children climb a mountain

A wise inference of Disney Stores at summits and High School Musical figurine sales at bases should ensure mobility