But then, maybe we need a love-break for a while. Perhaps we need to get our head together for a spell, kick back with some friends, half-heartedly get into Buddhism before getting a new haircut and losing half a stone. Maybe we should leave finding a new “special relationship” until . . . after Easter.

Let Fry get you up for breakfast

There are few presents that one would dare to suggest would suit all male tastes. Until yesterday, all I could have named would be cash, lime marmalade and the Doctor Who box-set. But last week I came across an item that surely every man-jack will covet: the Voco alarm clock. Your recipient is brought to wakefulness by Stephen Fry’s voice intoning one of 50 phrases, including: “I am delighted you have survived another night, sir. May I add my congratulations to the roar of the world’s approval?”

The manufacturers plan “one for the ladies” next year, but have yet to decide on what it should say. I would imagine someone breathing “Oh my God, we’ve got a new milkman who’s left three pints of semi-skimmed — and a pair of Christian Louboutin peep-toes!” would be a start.

Kitchen kitsch

While I’m in the recommending area, there’s a company in Hove, ttura.com, that makes kitchen work surfaces from recycled glass. The best bit is that, as a small company, it can make these surfaces entirely to order. Having considered our dream kitchen, I requested a deep ruby red, inset with silver sparkles. But it was only on seeing it installed — stretching out magnificently under our blue gingham curtains — that I realised what I had done: I have fashioned our kitchen entirely in the image of Dorothy Gale in The Wizard of Oz. Unless someone out there has a Cabaret kitchen, serving soup out of Sally Bowles, I must surely have the Gayest Kitchen In Britain.