Chris Ayres
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To judge by the look on the woman's face, something momentous, something of planetary-level importance, had just taken place. She was shaking her head, clutching at her chest, and repeating: “Oh my God, oh my God” in a shaky whisper, all while trying to claw her way across a crowded room to a microphone, where she finally cast a teary glance at the assembled stars, executives, and dignitaries.
I had just switched on the television.
If I hadn't recognised the woman as Kate Winslet, and the event as the Golden Globes, I would have expected some kind of extraordinary revelation.
“After 61 years, I can confirm that the Israeli-Palestinian conflict is over,” she might have said, through her sobs. Or: “I've been informed that Asian markets are up 500 per cent, Bernie Madoff has found his missing $50billion, and everyone has their jobs and savings back!”
But no. When the caption appeared on the screen, it read: “Kate Winslet - Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture (for Revolutionary Road).”
“Please forgive me,” gasped Winslet. “[To herself] Gather. [To the crowd] Is this really happening? Thank you so much. [Suddenly sobbing] Thank you so much! Oh my God!
[Reading from autocue] “Please wrap up?” YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I'M NOT WRAPPING UP. [Again, to herself] OK, gather. [Back to the audience] This is absolutely extraordinary, I've had an incredible couple of years. Thank you so much. [Resumes sobbing again] Thank you so much! God!!”
The rest I'll spare you.
I realise, of course, that it is easy to come off as mean-spirited when criticising movie stars' awards speeches. They're as entitled as the rest of us to feel proud when they work hard and produce something good, and if TV networks want to make entertainment out of that, well, so be it. Yet every so often a speech comes along that is such an assault on taste and dignity - think of Gwyneth Paltrow's whimpering snotfest at the 1999 Oscars - something must be said.
The problem, I think, is the primetime airing of awards shows on network TV. Consider, for example, what else Americans have watched this year on TV: the Dow Jones losing almost half its value; the beginning of a new war in the Middle East; the election of a black president.
Because awards shows are broadcast on the same medium - and treated as news - an equivalence is created, no matter how unfair. Which means that in times such as these, actors and actresses risk appearing extraordinarily isolated from reality if they do a Winslet after winning a gong. Also, if Barack Obama can hold it together in Chicago on election night, then surely Winslet - a professional actress - can tone it down in LA on Golden Globes night. Indeed, part of me wonders if Winslet was simply hamming it up for the Americans, as such public displays of emotion are hardly in the British DNA.
It was a mistake, regardless.
This is a new America. A darker, crueller America. An America in which you should thank your good fortune when it comes - then get back to work, fast.

Pocket porn
While the Golden Globes were going on in Beverly Hills, a less respectable entertainment industry event was being held in Las Vegas: the annual Adult Entertainment Expo, at which porn executives show off new ways to bring smut to the masses. This year's big invention was a website entitled iPinkVisual, created specifically to allow iPhones to access explicit videos. “Wherever you go, your porn goes with you - your office, the bathroom, or the supply closet!” declared the company, with pride.
Never again will I be able to look a fellow iPhone owner in the eye.

Not quite a barrio millionaire
This year's big awards season winner looks set to be the British film Slumdog Millionaire - based on a novel about a boy from the Mumbai slums who wins big on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? - but an even more remarkable rags-to-riches tale is being played out in Mexico at present.
A poor 34-year-old working mother named Cecilia Velázquez was this week awarded a cheque for 356,000 pesos (£17,500) - a fortune by local standards - after winning a nationwide competition organised by President Calderón to find the country's most pointlessly bureaucratic proceedure. Ms Velázquez's winning entry? Having to spend four days a month standing in a queue in Mexico City to get government stamps that allow her to qualify for medicine to treat her son's immune-system disorder.
The story is all over the Mexican news, and it's been great PR for the unpopular Calderón. I just hope that Ms Velázquez doesn't suffer the same fate as many other newly wealthy Mexicans - and end up being kidnapped at a police checkpoint as she drives home one day.
Chris Ayres is the Los Angeles Correspondent for The Times and the author of War Reporting for Cowards, a critically-acclaimed account of the Iraq War. He joined The Times in 1997 and was nominated as Foreign Correspondent of the Year in 2004. He lives in the Hollywood Hills
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"Let's be honest here... it's not 'movie stars' who can't maintain emotional continence during those special moments - it's just a large proportion of women. We all know 'em, don't we? " Alex McGregor, Plymouth, UK No, but then again, I actually think more highly of the women in MY family.
Lola , Canada,
Dire and worse as she has not stopped blabbing since then.Her weight, her marriage, her travel arrangements, her weight, her life story sobs and all. Bad as BB which I do not watch, but read about
D MacGregor, St Mawes, UK
Change the channel
Clarence, rochester, united states
They say that when actresses grow old they go mad. Some of them don't wait that long.
Ken Leyland, Liverpool, U.K.
"Oh paleeze! Emoting on TV is about all people in Britain do these days."
Another unwanted US import like Halloween.
Frank Bowden, Bury.,
Winslet was very over the top, and I found it annoying. I don't watch award shows, but saw various clips on CNN.
Jenny, Grand Rapids, MI US
Hasn't anyone else picked up that she's nominated for a film about the holocaust? Her character in 'extras' makes a joke about getting an oscar through holocaust movies. Quel coincidence!
anna, birmingham, UK
Americans like to see happy winners. I agree she was really 'off script" but remember there was probably wine at dinner.
Victoria Taylor, Hamilton, Canada
Great to see Ms Winslet in true 'luv vie' form.
Look forward to her next performance. Perhaps a stage managed faint next time or a dedication of her fortune to the poor?
Great comedy!
Matthew, Stevenage, Uk
That's funny coming from Chris Ayers. Last year at the British Journalists Association Awards he practically broke down and wept like a baby. After what seemed like 10 minutes, he finally managed to utter "thank you" and then trailed off as his blubbed his way off stage. Take a look at Youtube!
Loz, Bristol, UK
Let's be honest here... it's not 'movie stars' who can't maintain emotional continence during those special moments - it's just a large proportion of women. We all know 'em, don't we?
Alex McGregor, Plymouth, UK
These award ceremonies are part of what the showbiz world thrives on and are how people like Kate raise their profile. However losing it emotionally just makes people turn off, how much of a shock can it be when she was nominated? so she knew that there was a chance she could win it.
Paul Moxon, Birmingham,
"...awards shows are broadcast on the same medium - and treated as news - an equivalence is created, no matter how unfair. "
Thus highlighting the role of the news consumer. But I still see my local news station discussing Britney Spears in between local weather and the latest murder...catering to?
James, Milwaukee, WI,
I agree with the article and I am unsurprised ... her acting is self conscious and hammy and there are precious few examples of her acting "with" a fellow actor as opposed to acting "at" them ...
As a talent, at best ,Kate Winslet is a popular accent for hire ..
Melissa, London, UK
"Public displays of emotion are hardly in the British DNA. " Whom are you kidding ? Remember the Diana affair ?
Hugh Croll, Easton, Connecticut, USA
Well, if that speech achieved anything I hope it took St Angelina Jolie of Hollywood down a peg or two.
Kim, Manchester,
totally agree 100%.......its a movie award...not the mother theresa award...
LYNN GILMARTIN, Ridgefield, united States
Are you kidding? Finally an actual ACTOR, a person who believes more in the art of acting than all of the ridiculous Hollywood "actors" who just care about photo ops, has been rewarded. That was as genuine of a reaction as you can get; which is apparently too much of a change for you to take.
Sarah Lafferty, Bowling Green,
I hope she doesn't win anything else, then we won't have to listen to that drivel again.
Colin, Nagoya, Japan
If you don't like awards shows, don't watch them. Kate works hard and is extraordinary at what she does and having been denied 5 Oscars, it was a momentous event. She was stunned to receive a 2nd award and she did the best she could under the circumstances. She's an actress, not an improv expert.
Jennifer , DeKalb,
"part of me wonders if Winslet was simply hamming it up"
Lol!
You think???!!!
GrahamRounce, London, UK
I think branding it as a 'global disaster' is a stretch too far. She had been trying hard for many years and finally got her reward. Her speech was a result of the relieving of her various emotions, and had nothing to do with the fact that she was in America. I did enjoy reading this article though.
Minato, Yokohama, Japan
Anyone would think that she is an Actress after this screentest - lol.
William Ford, East Grinstead, Sussex
Amazing how awful these so called actors are without a script in their hands - I have noted it time and time again as I'm sure we all have.
Victor M, Cricklewood, London
This article is spot on and funny! yes, looking at her and listening to that nonsense coming out of her mouth, you would think she has discovered a treatment for terminal cancer or something like that.It shows these actors believe the world cares about them and their Blockbusters.
Samia, London, uk
She was emotional. Two GG in a single night. That's something! But it has confirmed my impression of all Acting Award Ceremonies. If you want an award play in a drama. It doesn't matter if you were bad, the music will cover it. These awards are becoming cliche and biased.
Andreas Andreou, Cyprus,
A global disaster? It's one overwrought speech at an awards ceremony, it's not important enough to even rank as a disaster at all let alone a global one. Actors accepting awards really don't need and aren't supposed to judge the mood of America - they're not political leaders for Pete's sake!
Hol, London, UK
Could an actress have been acting at an awards ceremony? Course she was!
Ade, London,
Kate Winslet has been nominated for the Golden Globes 5 times in the past 12 years and has always walked away empty-handed.
To win 2 in one night must have been an incredible feeling for her. I'm not surprised she was so emotional, if I were in the same situation I know I would be too!
Natasha, Manchester, UK
"public displays of emotion are hardly in the British DNA"
Oh paleeze! Emoting on TV is about all people in Britain do these days.
george, london,
I particularly liked they way she apologised to all the other contenders (including "and the other one"), thus allowing her to remind everyone present of exactly who the losers were - nice one Kate!
Still not quite as bad as the X-Factor girl who looked like she was having convulsions
Homer, London,
appalling speech.
marph, London,