Daniel Finkelstein
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All right, you can call off the search party. Everyone can go home. I've found him.
We have all been looking for a man to lead Labour's MPs, a proper leader to take the place of the current Coca-Cola League Two incumbent. And the answer has been right here all along, under our noses.
He has popular appeal, the media likes him, he's good on television and has deep roots in the party. He was a Glasgow Labour councillor and fought the Glasgow Hillhead seat for the party as far back as 1970. James Purnell hadn't even been born then. Now it is true he's getting on a bit and, yes, perhaps he's a bit left-wing.
But I think Vince Cable would be ideal. Brilliant thought, no?
On behalf of the Queen and myself, we'd like to thank you, Mr Brown, for your service to the country. And Sarah too, naturally. We hope this silver tea set will give you both much pleasure in your years of retirement.
There is, of course, a tiny problem with my otherwise flawless Vince Cable plan. You may have spotted it. But in case you haven't; irritatingly the man isn't at present a member of the Labour Party. Don't worry though, I've thought this through completely, I promise you, and I have come up with a cunning plan even better than one of Baldrick's.
You see it is perfectly obvious, isn't it, that we have one party too many. It is quite clear that one whole set of officers, fundraisers, party conference organisers and spin-doctors could simply be done away with. The more I look at it, the clearer it is. We don't actually need the Labour Party at all. We should merge it with the Liberal Democrats. Bingo! Vince and Rachel waving from the doorstep of No10 promising to bring harmony where once there was discord.
And let me add one more thing that might not be entirely clear by this point. I am dead serious about this plan. I may be the only one who is, and I don't think, ahem, that I am in an ideal position to execute it, but nevertheless, I am dead serious.
So let me tell you how I arrived at the idea.
I wonder if you have noticed a rather odd phrase pop up in the speeches of both Tony Blair and Gordon Brown. The phrase is “progressive century”. And, despite appearances, it isn't just a bit of speechwriter's twaddle; it is a real thought with some history behind it.
What both men mean by the “progressive century” is that the Conservatives dominated the 20th century, and in the same way, the “forces of progress” should dominate the 21st century. Mr Blair was the first person to use the phrase, but he did not think of it himself. It was passed on to him by Roy Jenkins. The idea entered Mr Blair's speeches during that odd period when the former leader of the SDP was acting as the Prime Minister's mentor.
Jenkins, however, didn't come up with the “progressive century” by himself either. He took it from his friend and inspiration, the brilliant left intellectual David Marquand. Which is fortunate, because it means that there is an entire book explaining what the phrase means.
In his 1991 book The Progressive Dilemma, Marquand noted that the in the 20th century the Conservative Party had so far spent 60 years in power. At the time of the Liberal landslide of 1906 such Tory dominance seemed unlikely. And a number of Conservative historians have observed that for ten years after that victory the Liberal offering seemed so potent that the Tories struggled to find a response.
Then, as Marquand tells it, came tragedy for the Left. It split. A new party emerged commited to two things that the Liberals refused to endorse - the power of organised labour and socialism. The split was not inevitable. The Liberals might have offered their support to the unions, the effort to commit Labour to socialism might have failed. But inevitable or not, the split happened. And the result has been years of Tory hegemony.
The reason for this dominance was not the split itself. It was that the Labour Party turned out to be based on two duff ideas. As Edmund Dell demonstrates in his wonderful book A Strange Eventful History, democratic socialism was founded on a spectacular misunderstanding about the world. Its proponents seriously believed that they could easily control everything while still being democratic. Throughout its entire history Labour has been backing away from a programme that was entirely impratical.
And then there were the unions. Don't get me started about the unions.
By the end of the last century, the Labour Party had abandoned both democratic socialism and the unions. This made it more sensible. It also made it entirely pointless. The split between the Liberals and Labour ceased to serve a useful function. If one was abolishing Britain's most annoying party it would, no question, be goodbye Lib Dems. But Britain's most unnecessary? Definitely goodnight and thank you, Labour.
Mr Blair understood this. He used the phrase “progressive century” for that very reason. He wanted to abolish his party while none of its members was looking, and replace it by one merged with Paddy Ashdown's Liberal Democrats. Then he lost his nerve. He thought that John Prescott might get cross and, with a huge majority, he couldn't be bothered dealing with a cross Mr Prescott.
And so an important opportunity was missed. The Liberals could have become the Labour Party of the south, hoovering up Tory seats in places that Labour could not win. Instead, Nick Clegg is turning them into the Tory Party of the North, winning Labour seats in places where the Tories are miles behind. Tactically for the Lib Dems this is smart, almost irresistible. Strategically for the Left as a whole it is terrible.
It seems that the progressive century may have to wait a while. And so will Vince and Rachel.

Daniel Finkelstein is a weekly columnist and Comment Editor of The Times. His blog, Comment Central, is a personal round up of the best political opinion on the web. Before joining the paper in 2001, he was adviser to both Prime Minister John Major and Conservative leader William Hague
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Other than the Cargo Cult your argument is as good for religion as it is for politics.You are a Philistine. go have a word with Baroness Warnock.
John Eadie MacGregor, Doncaster,
Please take our Democrat party. You'd have the Messiah as a candidate, those fun Clintons, Grandma Pelosi, Reid and that clever Senator Biden. They all love high taxation and grand spending schemes and they hate America.
Xixi, Alexandria, VA, US
It is not democratic and nobody wants socialisam anymore! The LibDems should disband and individual members pin their allegences to the party nearest their beliefs this way party politics would become more defined,as in America. It is no longer possible to have 3 parties vieing for the middle ground
Dave Farmer, Broxbourne, England
Democratic capitalism could have the same said about it.
There are those who thrive under hypercompetition and atrophy with a kind word.
There are those who thrive in cooperative scenarios and feel beaten up in dog-eat-dog environments.
The trick to 'square the circle' is??
Rhys Jaggar, Leeds, UK
As long as we don't have proportional representation we might as well go for 2 parties, plus the nationalist lot (SNP, Plaid Cymru, maybe UKIP) to add a bit of variety. Merging Labour and the Lib Dems is the best way to do this I suppose. If we want representation and actual democracy, go for PR.
James, London,
Lets have lots of parties to get consensus in politics instead of one step forward one step back of the two opposition partys weighted system. Or have electronic voting and do away with all parties and let the civil service do our bidding, and have a virtual designer Prime Minister.
john bentley, Loule , Portugal
Having three parties is a good idea. It upsets the balance, adds to uncertainty and crucially, makes politicians engage in that most progressive of activities "thinking". No party can take its support for granted nor can it assume it has a right to rule. It prevents extremism which is a good thing.
John Small, Faversham, UK
A duo-monolithic state? How on earth is that democratic? If anything there ought to be more parties (with better media coverage). 6 million people voted LD at the last election, whether Fink likes it or not.
I agree on "progressive", which most lefties think is synonymous with "statist".
Matt, Liverpool,
"Abolish a pointless party and save the Left"
Why on earth would we want to save the left? They have ruined this country and their demise is all i yearn for. The left have caused untold damage to the UK (along with the corrupt EU) and the removal of them permanently would make my day.
Zordana, Bucks, England
The Lib dems should disband and pin their allegences to the party closest to their beliefs so we have 2 patries Labour and tory with a more defined difference and clearer policies
Dave Farmer, Broxbourne, England
I've got to say that, even though I disagree with about 90% of the Lib Dems' platform, I always thought they should be the other main party, instead of Labour. At least they seem competent and know what they stand for, unlike the weak-minded Labour collective, relying on PR men and union money.
James, Newcastle,
After 11 years of hugely damaging socialism, surely anything that splits the left wing vote and ousts these cretins from leading the coutry is a GOOD thing?
Jon Leigh, Southern, France
I agree with Mr Lester that "progressive" is not an appropriate description. I also dislike the left's appropriation of the term "liberal" when in fact they are the opposite.
Martin, Newmarket, Suffolk
I am no lover of the lib dems or labour to that matter but a two party state, two right of centre parties, sounds like disenfranchising even more voters.
Chris, Southampton,
I'm surprised that any informed person can seriously describe either new Labour as progressive or Clegg's Lib Dems as being of the liberal-left and as Cameron is merely apeing Blair, attacking Brown yet failing to offer a vision of his own, the need for radical alternatives grows by the day.
Tim Perkins, Manchester, UK
I seem toe remember the British National Party beating major parties in recent local elections. Perhaps we should not be so hasty.
B J Deller, Marbella, Spain
Anthony, I DO dislike the way the chatterocratic lefties describe themselves as "right-thinking" as though those who disagre with then are wrong.
I think that it is time for Labour to be displaced to where the Liberals were after the 1920's.
Let them use their own money for policy, not ours
Chris Davison, Middlesbrough UK, working in Abu Dhabi
To call a government that wishes to micro-manage every instant of our lives and to jerrymander our political system by employing half of society progressive, or liberal, is absurd. Labour and the Lib Dem's problem is that they remain Nationalist Socialists and we all know that is unsustainable.
Miike, London,
Loss of a party would move more debates on principle and policy within parties, rather than between parties. That weakens accountability to the electorate. We should be encouraging more parties, not fewer. This will probably lead to coalitions and weaker government - good.
John Scott, London,
No More scots for English parliment, the present lot have done untold damage
Mike, paphos, Cyprus
Hopefully it will soon be the labour party that is irrelevant. Conservatives and Liberals in power and opposition makes much more sense. Why would the liberals want to contaminate themselves with Labours poisoned chalice? Labour isnt exactly Labour anymore anyway. Blair twisted it out of recognition
chris, Prague,
Anthony Lester - whereas of course the hands off, laissez-faire approach has landed us in this current predicament, has it not?
You might do well to listen to the 'liberal lefties' every so often.
Owen, London, UK
" 'Progress' is a metaphor from merely walking along a road....quite possibly the wrong road."
Frank Upton, Solihull,
I think you've got this the wrong way around. If you want to abolish a useless party, start with the Lib Dems. Nobody votes for them, they never seem to do anything, and nobody know what - if anything - they stand for. Their vacuity makes Labour's problems look trifling.
Matthew Pallas, York, England
Daniel you need not worry because the next election will sort this lot out. We will have a Tory government and a Liberal opposition. Labour will fade away into total obscurity and by the following general election will become just a very bad memory or should that read nightmare.
D Case, Newquay,
Vince Cable is enormously over-rated. The media gave him an easy ride as acting leader., He is just an average fish in a tiny LD pond.
Jay, SE3,
John Ledbury, Kings Lynn, My sentiments exactly; they really must be allowed to exist otherwise there is no end to the damage they might cause and ZaNuLab has done enough already and with Cameron in the wings one fears for the future.
M. Cawdery, Portadown, Co. UK, EU
That is the way it has loked to me for some time. But the Unions are a deeply conservative vested interest. Don't they belong properly with the Tories?
Diversity, London,
And then there were the unions. Don't get me started about the unions>>
Yeah it's all the unions fault. Nothing to do with the super-rich. The credit crunch was the fault of the unions wasn't it.
Frank, London ,
The Tories, though, have sustained socialist ideology; big government, comprehensives, welfare state, EU takeover, demolition of local government, a Leftist BBC as the arbiter of British culture. Thus, Labour may go but their thinking will remain like AIDs and break out when the Tories lose the plot
R Mason, London, UK
Where would the amateurs, the self righteous and the childishly idealistic go if there were no LibDems?
John Ledbury, Kings Lynn, England
It is not often I agree with this commentator, but here I do. The "wandering around left of centre, clinging as close as possible to the Daily Mail middle" could be one party, then you'd have the Green Party for the genuinely progressive alternative.
Louise Benne, London,
You're absolutely right about them abandoning 'democratic socialism'. The Labour Party are about as far as you could get from democracy in terms of allowing a leadership election!
Bill, yeovil, UK
How about PR?
I always thought the Tories were closer to Labour in the last ten years than the LDs anyway.
Surely it could be a case that the author and I can both be correct and that our electoral system is merely producing the same types of party and politiicans rising through the ranks?
Jonny, London,
Harman is thinking along the same lines. Alienate male voters - remove the Labour party and move to the two party system that she is after (extremists welcome, moderates stay away). I don't like the present pandering to feminist extremists but the ' central consensus' is the better of two evils.
simon, York, England
"Its proponents seriously believed that they could easily control everything while still being democratic."
No they still think this.
And i hate the trend for liberal lefties describing themselves as 'progressive'. It implies that if you disagree with their view then you're backwards thinking!
Anthony Lester, Brum,