David Aaronovitch
Star musicians and your favourite Times writers at the Albert Hall
For Christmas I would like a special writer's present. This would be the uninhibited capacity to be able to write sentences about stench and stink and sleaze and about how politics is enmired in corruption, or else about how government is terminally incompetent and useless — and to get this stuff into boisterous print, before the treacherous and debilitating thought occurs to me (as it invariably does), that perhaps there is something more to it all than venal politicos and unemployable public servants. Scruple diminishes the effect of all too many a column.
Criticism — reproach, even — comes easily enough; satisfying condemnation, however, I tend to reserve for actions, statements or falsehoods I couldn't readily have made myself. I somehow just can't slaughter someone just for messing up, because I also mess up, and in circumstances far simpler than those faced by prime ministers or generals. Was Wendy Alexander, Labour's Scottish leader, attempting deliberately to subvert the law for the sake of £950 from a chap in the Channel Islands? I doubt it.
Sometimes, however, there is a kind of messing up that goes beyond my understanding. And you think: “How on God's green Earth can that have happened?” Two of the Government's recent debacles fit into this uncomprehended category: the case of the lost discs and the affair of the general secretary. Let us take them in reverse order.
In the year 2000 Labour brought in the Political Parties, Elections and Referendum Act, one explicit objective of which was to end the anonymity previously enjoyed by large donors to political parties. In the run-up to the general election of 2005 the intention of the Act was subverted by the advancing of loans, whose origins did not have to be declared. This loophole was first exploited on a gigantic scale by the Conservatives, followed by a panicking Labour Party.
But there was no loophole concerning money donated through a third person. A donor could use an agent, but would have to declare this to the political party who, in turn would have to tell the Electoral Commission, who would declare it in their register of donations. The reason for this was pretty bloody obvious — to stop people making a complete nonsense of the legislation. As the Electoral Commission made clear this summer: “Transferring a donation to an agent rather than directly to a party must not be used as an attempt to evade the controls on permissibility and transparency.”
This, however, was exactly what David Abrahams seems to have done between 2003 and a few weeks ago. The Labour general secretary when this all began, Lord Triesman, has said that he had not been told that the donations made in several other names had originated with Mr Abrahams. But eight days ago his successor plus one, Peter Watt, resigned, revealing that, for his part, he had understood that Mr Abrahams had used third parties to protect his identity from disclosure, but had not realised it was against the rules.
This is where I slap my forehead with my hand. How could the general secretary of the Labour Party — a party recently damaged by the issues of loans and the accusations of cash for honours — not have known the most elementary aspects of the law governing donations? At the most basic level, did he never once look at what the Act actually said? I don't think he can have done.
Now let's visit the Lost Discworld. On October 18 an official at HMRC in Tyne and Wear sent two discs to the Audit Office in London, via the courier TNT. The package was neither recorded nor registered. Six days later, when it was apparent that the CDs had not arrived, another package was sent out, this time by registered mail. Two weeks after the original dispatch senior managers were informed about the loss.
So when I found myself sharing a dinner table with a recently retired permanent secretary I asked him about data security. He told me that in his previous departments the regular risk assessments had put possible confidential data loss right at the top of possible perils. In fact, there were monthly meetings at the highest level that reviewed data protection issues. So how could it possibly be that officials — albeit in another department — could believe that it was not just satisfactory to ship material out by courier, and could also be initially unworried by its evident loss?
Venality doesn't explain it, and nor does stupidity. Sometimes — as with Zinédine Zidane's head-butting of Italy's Marco Materazzi in the 2006 World Cup final or a particularly obvious sexual dégringolade on the part of a Tory politician — one can almost detect an unconscious acceleration of the moment of doom. Zidane ends the tension of his last game by getting himself sent off; an easily recognisable rising Tory star is easily recognised emerging from a flat that does not contain his wife.
In the case of both Mr Watt, who is described as a likeable man and no rogue, and of personnel at the HMRC, there seems to have been a temporary break from reality. Neither needed to consult the rules or look up the procedures, even in situations of obvious hazard — both seemingly confident in their own unguided ability to get it right. It reminds me of the occasional surreal journey with a minicab driver who is clearly not familiar with the route, but who does not carry a map. We all know people who will not wear watches and who constantly risk lateness, men who attempt flat-pack assembly ostentatiously ignoring the instructions, would-be yachtsmen or mountaineers who assail their chosen element without the right equipment. In these situations, and despite warnings, the individuals have decided that their own perceptions govern reality, and not the other way around.
Until disaster actually strikes, it must be rather pleasant to be free of the continual anxiety about life that afflicts most of us most of the time. In which case something else occurs to me: what is amazing about such a triumph of narcissism over reality is that it happens so rarely.

David Aaronovitch is a writer, broadcaster and commentator on international politics and the media. He writes for The Times Comment page on Tuesdays. He has previously written for The Guardian, The Observer and The Independent, winning numerous accolades, including Columnist of the Year 2003 and the 2001 Orwell prize for journalism. He has appeared on the satirical TV current affairs programme Have I Got News For You and made radio broadcasts on historical topics
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This was not a simple slip in procedure. It should have been physically impossible to download all this data on to portable media. Secure data can be sent over phone lines. HMRC should have a secure data link to all departments with which is has to exchange data. It is hardly rocket science.
Can it be that the people in charge do not know what a computer is.
K Wells, Bognor Regis, England
Why mention "Mr Watt`s sexual degringolade" you could just have easily given us John Prescott after all Mr Watts wasn`t Deputy Prime Minister, Mr Watts was not the fellow with his finger on the button should anything have felled "our beloved Leader" at the time.
Also why give us Zidane when we could again have had our former estimable Deputy Prime Minister throwing a punch at a member of the public but still considered suitable for the job.
We the public could only hang our collective heads in shame at the shamelessness of our NuLabour politicians.
Don`t try to justify their actions David with clever words you are talking to a East End of London working class girl here who grew up in the days of Spivs and still recognises Spivs when she sees them however well educated they may be
GMG, Rugby, England
Its not the making of the mistake its the lets see what else we've done scenario in case we've really messed up.
you cant get a straight answer and why did she need an election campaign fund when she was only one standing
stalin(real one not bean) would be oh so proud.
Oh for the days of henry mcleish (a muddle not a fiddle) we really are getting top grade politicians up here
go for independence, we'd need UN observers and mr mugabe's aides on the ballot box patrol
richard dow, STENHOUSEMUIR, STIRLINGSHIRE
It is the arrogance of Labour that thinks the law applies only to the "little people" and not to them that gets me here. Then when caught they try bluster and spin, talking about an unintentional breach of the "rules" - not you notice a breach of the law.
John Smith, London,
It's so very surprising to see David Aaronovitch finding excuses for the labour government.
David, these were not "moments of madness"; these are examples of a government and a party that has gone mad on power. They now do whatever it takes to hold on to power, for no discernable reason other than a desire to hold on to power. They do no good for anyone other thna themselves. The "Donorgate" is a very good example of what teh Labour Party has been all about for the last 10 years: all mouth and no trousers. they consider teh job done once they write something into an Act of Parliament without thinking about putting these things into deeds.
The sooner that grumpy Gordon calls an election and we can turf him and his rotten government out the better.
James, London,
Leave Zidane out of it. You will never understand what drove him as it is not in your cords.
Zidane's gesture has nothing to do with sleaze and money like your friends and comparses that you discribe so well.
Only a true Mediterranean can understand the pressure of standing for one's Honor, whatever the cost.
So keep away from Zidane, people have well understood his gesture and that is why he is still the most popular man in France.
Don't try and spoil that.
Bob Andrews, Paris,
That's alright then.
What a fool I've been to think that there was anything to worry about.
Just busy people with a bit too much on their plate and a bit of bad luck.
Bill Rispin, Hull, England
Summing up the Nu-Lab style of management, the words of Dick Dastardly spring to mind.
"Those medals you wear
On your mangy old chest
Should be there for bungling
It's what you do best"
Tim Collyer, Sussex,
Occam's Razor states that "entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem". Literally, "entities should not be multiplied beyond necessity". This essentially means "don't overcomplicate an explanation by bringing in irrelevant factors." To be really contemporary: KISS "Keep It Simple, Stupid".
Nick, London, UK
What's that Razor about choosing the simplest solution called? My method is to take a step backwards to see more of the big picture. Columnists have visual problems with dendritic entities. The big picture tells me that New Labour was ditch born of a drab presentational opportunity. It has always dealt in 'designer lies' - claims that they will never quite be accountable for. There is such a constant flow of these it is not easy to focus on how each one contributes. However, sailing close to the wind will encounter bursts of spray which may appear crazy but are inevitable. My advice is to take a few examples & track them until a representative picture is clear e.g. all the times we were told post prices needed to be increased & that labour relations were being 'sorted', to find 10 years later increases were bribes/blackmail & the workers still go home early before all the work is done. This will reveal smart-arses pretending that everything can be managed - including human nature.
Ali Murray, Solihull, UK
Mr Aaronovitch'sarticle is a form of apologia for the Labour party which I believe he supports as he still unaccountably supports the catastophic invasion of Iraq..Engaged, entertaining prose can explain away in a chummy manner through chummy dinners with Labour politicians how these unfortunate things can happen to the best of us. That may be. What he fails to understand ,or is reluctant to accept ,can be summarised in a few old cliches: enough is enough, thin end of the wedge, no smoke without fire, power corrupts etc. And his account of disaster does not include:melt down immigration policy ,deaths in dirty hospitals overpaid doctors, ,overloaded services, underfunded military,grid lock motorways, failed penal policy, a banking crash,lost data for 25 million yet a crazy ID card project,3000 pieces of new PC law, a failing police force,no EU treaty referendum. It's not minor sleezy dealings it's the last straw and the camel's back of Nulabour support has well and truly broken.
David, Uzes, France
What is so refreshing about this article is that shows up why most of us have given up throwing the blame. On the other hand a lot of scoundrels are let off the hook. The Labour Party Gaff beggars belief. I suspect Brown wont easily get off this hook. Save for the fact that the Tories are even better at this crookery than Labour. The Data Security stiry will run and run.It really shows us how fallibele we all are!!!
john collins, Eastbourne, East Sussex
Another Week another load of old tripe. Here is how I see it. Labour were desperate for money in the wake of the election that Gordon bottled. They gambled that if they won the election breaking the rules on donations would be a temporary blip as Brown would be basking in the glow of his second honeymoon. I have very little doubt whatsoever that Brown himself would have been well aware of this arrangement and indeed the entire upper echelons of the party are likely to have known. Be honest with yourself david that is far more likely than some treasurer lost his head for five minutes...
Now on the matter of the discs. Simple systemic failure. The revenue were just prioritising as directed by the government. therefore lots of money spent on glossy adverts(spin) for tax credits and no particular worry about data security (Gordon does not value privacy or data he believes he already owns it and can do whatever he wishes with it. e.g. sell it to banks - see ID card plans.
steph, brighton,
But the most hand-to-forehead credibility straining idea of all is that Gordon Brown should have taken over the Labour Party and never once asked who his handful of top donors were. Simple self preservation would, you would have thought, have dictated an enquiry which wouldn't have taken more than a few minutes of his precious prime ministerial time - after all he found enough space to discuss the election that never was with his minions, a conversation which must have included the enquiry "can we afford it" or "how much do we have in the bank, and how much can we raise".
Anne Murphy, London,