One thing the Lonely Planet forgot to point out in its new guide to Britain
(in which the British are described, not inaccurately I thought, as
celebrity-obsessed, cyber-porn-addicted alcoholics) is how empathic we’ve
all become.
So, for example, I can tell you that I am addicted to drink or partial to
drugs and not fear opprobrium. I can hit you with the news that I am
anorexic, bipolar or a victim of abuse and I can rely on you to listen. If
whatever happened to me was especially bad, I mean almost but not, when it
came down to it, unprintably horrible, you’d probably do more than just
listen: you’d rush to read the first interview, sit glued to the harrowing
documentary, shell out for the poignantly graphic autobiography. Yes, if
something terrible happened to me, particularly if it was potentially
sordid, I could count on you for your empathy. Lately, empathy has become
this country’s middle name.
So, in the spirit of these confessional times, here is my admission.
I have not been kept up all night because I’m worrying about Madeleine McCann.
My mood doesn’t do a U-turn every time Cuddle Cat is mentioned on ITV
News. I care, of course I care, it would be inhuman not to, but if you
really want to know, I think the public references to a private thing such
as a child’s soft toy are in poor taste, as are the overfamiliar
abbreviation of the girl’s name to bring us closer to the scene of this
wretched mystery. Worse than the abbreviations are the people who correct
the abbreviators: “It’s Madeleine, not Maddy. That’s what the parents call
her,” in an offended tone as if they know her, or have been personally
affected. People talk about “feeling the McCanns’ pain”, but we do not, and
cannot.
What else haven’t I done? Ruminated endlessly and pointlessly with others
about whether or not she was abducted; strung out baseless theories about
childless oligarchs, or international paedophile networks, or wished aloud
and angrily that the death penalty be reintroduced (but only for sex
offenders). I can’t see how my doing any of these things could have
meaningfully contributed to the missing girl’s wellbeing, but no doubt
you’ll correct me on this point.
Other countries are starting to wonder what is happening to Britain. The Herald
Tribune, which initially reported the McCann case in full, now prints
reports on how the British are coping. Not how the McCanns are coping. But
how the British public are coming to terms with what has happened to the
McCanns. But the Herald Tribune is wrong in assuming that this is “the
British” en masse. It is specifically British mothers – not by any means all
of them, but a critical mass of mothers – who have collectively decreed
that, where potential child abuse is concerned, caring is not enough.
Where the welfare of a child is concerned one must, in Britain, now be
obsessed – especially when there is a whiff of abuse. And not merely
obsessed but hysterically, visibly, mawkishly so. Once you are obsessed, it
is necessary to wear your hysteria on your sleeve. Or, as MPs did with
yellow ribbons, on your lapel. More important still is the need to reassure
yourself that everybody else feels the same. That the vicarious worrying is
not just normal behaviour but required. There is a tyranny here.
Now let’s get back to the confessional culture. In the publishing industry it
has found its natural home, the lucrative subgenre “Mis Lit”. Misery Lit,
ie, memoirs of child abuse, “have emerged as the liveliest new category of
books”, reports The Bookseller.Five to ten of these books come out
every month. A high-ranking publisher friend tells me that the books’ lurid
titles are made up at brain-storming meetings before the manuscript has been
seen or in some cases, written.
So we have: Please Daddy, No; A Child Called “It”; Don’t Tell Mummy: A True
Story of the Ultimate Betrayal; A Girl Called Karen: A True Story of Sexual
Abuse and Resilience; and Damagedto name a handful. The stand-out Mis Lit
success story, Sickened: The True Story of a Lost Childhood, has sold
500,000 copies. Of the top 100 bestselling paperbacks in 2006, 11 were
misery memoirs; with total sales of 1.9 million copies.
Why are these books so popular? Like the McCann case they deliver a
predictable emotional charge and allow the reader to experience a strong
sense of vicarious self-pity.
Richard Humphreys, Borders senior nonfiction buyer, says that an “element of
voyeurism, a macabre fascination” attracts readers to stories of human
suffering. Patrick Janson-Smith, a literary agent at Christopher Little
Agency, suggests that “a fair amount of prurience” is involved.
But who reads these books, I asked The Bookseller.“It’s 95 per cent mums.”
Isn’t there something wrong with this picture – when a woman’s idea of
relaxation is to watch or read about a major catastrophe unfolding in
somebody else’s life? Especially if it’s about paedophilia. Perhaps it makes
her feel better, to assuage temporarily all that guilt and paranoia that
mothers seem to habitually now carry around with them. Perhaps, deep down,
she finds it titillating. Perhaps she enjoys the tingle of self-righteous
misandry that most stories of sex abuse will allow her. If this lurid
compassion is empathy, the McCanns don’t need it.
The missing girl few have heard about
I will eventually get off this morbid subject, but finally we have an answer
to the question: what if the McCanns hadn’t been white and good-looking? In
a strikingly similar case, except that it was in America, Jewel Mahavia
Strong, 4, went missing on a beach in Florida last May. Local police assumed
that she had drowned, but now a new video obtained by Jewel’s frantic
parents shows her alive and in the company of three women.
You can read about her parents’ desperate search for their daughter on their
MySpace page: myspace.com/jewelmahaviastrong. Because Jewell is black, the
appeal for her safe return has somehow not managed to attract much interest
beyond the black community in Britain and the US.
Toxic shock
Wilkinson Sword is giving away free Marian Keyes novels with its razors. Why?
Has anyone on this earth ever read a book while shaving and not amputated
either a leg or a face? But the trend for giving away useless or mutually
exclusive gifts with products started long ago. I remember the publishers of
Just 17 lavished free beach bags on readers who, in those prebudget
airline times, could never have afforded to go abroad. The bag became an
emblem of all the beach holidays we had never had and mine hung funnily in
my closet for years.
Perhaps the best example of the trend happened to a friend in the US who
opened a box of Cheerios and discovered a free Britney Spears CD hidden
among the dry, tasteless hoops. This might have been a winning marketing
formula had the CD single in question not been Spears’s No 1 hit, Toxic.
I think that the tone of some of the comments are shocking, and show a horrible attitude towards the plight of many people who have missing children. No one can begin to imagine the suffering of anyone who loses a child and has no answers. To say 'old news, worn out, drivel' - well, Marc from Stirling should be ashamed of himself. Unfortunatly nothing good came from the worldwide search for the little girl, but that does not mean that parents should not do all they can in their power to get their children back! Regardless of money or status, colour or culture, all children should be protected and the McCanns have every right to do what they can, as do any parents. I don't like all the 'Mis Lit' that has flooded the market, and I don't like the way parts of British society are heading- what can I do about it? Don't buy it, don't buy into it and stay true to my own self, while retaining my compassion and understanding. I am concerned for any child who is suffering, thankfully.
Hayley, Dundee, UK
To Joann of New York, USA:
You state that: "Not ever has a missing child taken the interest of so many". That is exactly right. Because never before has the family been white and middle class. Never before has the family been rich enough to afford a round the world trip to try to find her. Never before has anyone given a damn about a stranger's missing child.
In response to the article:
I don't think it's "inhuman" not to care. To suggest so is completely closed-minded. Case in point, I am human and I don't care. Simply because I've heard enough prattle. I feel complete sympathy toward the McCann's and my commiseration for their loss (because she IS dead). But shut up about it already.
It has been well over a year. By anyone's standards, it is a lost cause. The entire time they spent convincing half the world to look for their daughter was time that would have been better used for mourning her death. Old news. Worn out. Drivel. Perfect adjectives in my opinion.
Marc, Stirling, Scotland
At the end of the day, which one of us would trade places with Kate or Gerry McCann?
Please , God, give them some help.
Elaine N., Kilmarnock, E. Ayrshire, Scotland
As a father I find the tone of paragraphs of your article shocking: you appear to suggest it is only the matriarchical section of the british collective concious that is horrified and concerned by the apparent abduction of Madeleine. I know you needed a premis upon which to hang your poorly presented opinion. But thisis not it!
Grant Duff, St.Andrews, Scotland
Madeleine's parents have done interviews, etc. to help keep her profile high. It's not their fault that Madeleine took the interest of so many. Not ever has a missing child taken the interest of so many in the world. It has raised the awareness of missing children all over the world like never before. So many are critical of the parents because they fly here and there to do interviews, speak with experts, see the Pope which got them tons of publicity for Madeleine. They are actually very smart people in being willing to do most anything that will make the media keep their daughter's profile high. They didn't ask to be thrown into the limelight and are only there to try and find their daughter. Their only mistake and it was a big one, was to leave those kids alone. Other than that they have and are doing anything possible to help find her. They've raised more money, gotten more attention in hopes they find their daughter.
Joann, New York, USA
I am the mother of Jewel Strong - missing 3 year old mentioned in this article. I thought you may be interested in a follow up story. Please review the message below and visit. www.thestrong.biz or www.letsfindjewelstrong.com.
The press conference has been confirmed for July 26th in Atlanta, G at the capitol. This press conference was organized by NAACP President Georgia, Edward Dubose. There will be several media contacts present. We are looking forward to getting Jewels picture on the news. We believe this will lead us to our daughter once it gets on the wire and reaches Florida, Alabama and the nation! Please help in any way that you can.
http://newsherald.com/archives/
Thanks!
Simona Strong, Jacksonville, US/Florida
And alongside "MisLit" we've got "MisSongs" too.
Emotionally charged, but ultimately emotionlessly bland music of the likes of Coldplay, Althlete, Snow patrol et al.
Is it really so wrong to be happy, angry, silly? Or must we stay in a stage of mid tempo sub-sadness ALL the time?
Jackie, Brighton,
Totally agree. Very sorry about the missing little girl. But I cannot physically go out there to look for her, neither are her parents they are too busy flying Euorpe. Her father is having a whale of a time according to his blog, with very little mention of his daughter - We go jogging every day as we are into fitness - Kate attended a dinner - We are doing a photo shoot tomorrow with the twins etc. etc.. I have the impression the twins are very handy for publicity when the photographers are around. It doesn't seem to worry the parents about leaving them behind. I don't think I could let them out of my sight after what had happened no matter how close a family they are I wouldn't want to leave them with anybody
beth, sheffield, u.k.
This is a great article. Would those of you who condemn it rather get her back or stop the Darfur crisis?
Ben, York,
To all those people who are praying to 'God' for Madeleine's safe return, as we know terrible things like this happen from time to time may I suggest they start praying right now that 'God' never let's anything like this happen again? Presumably this should be no problem given that he/she is omnipotent.
If it helps, think of it as a kind of theological pre-emptive strike.
John, Birmingham, UK
There are no colors or differences when it comes to any kind of child abuse. It is sad to see that situations like this are taken to see differences and separate us human beings. May God protect little Madeleine and other kids around the world who are right at this moment suffering of any kind of abuse even spending hours and hours in front of the TV and not with their families... That is sad too.
Maria Hines, Grand Island, Nebraska
I thought this article was spot on, although we can sympathise with the McCanns, we cannot truly empathise with them as hopefully none of us have had to deal with a situation like this before. However I cannot fathom how groups created on social networking sites, will help the search?
There is also a lack of attention given to the abduction of children in third world countries, and I find it disconcerting that these situations don't get as much publicity.
Danielle, Southampton,
P.S. This article reminds me of why Britain was judged to be one of the worst places to bring up children - people just don't care! Or they do, but exclusively about themselves! I am so, so glad I have left such a selfish and unfeeling society. I apologise for generalising, but that does more or less sum up the British these days.
M. Jordan, Lisbon, Portugal
As a mother, I find your article patronizing and stupid. I would be surprised if you have children. Why are you jumping on the band wagon of writing about a case which has attracted so much public interest.?
If it is because she is white and pretty that little Madeleine gets more press, then so be it. C'est le vie. It may save her life. It may bring about a huge change in the policing and handling of child abduction and trafficking that may encourage an Amber Alert type system across Europe and save the pain of this situation for anyone.
mandy, Bexleyheath,
Thanks for a great article, one of the most sensible and honest I've read on the matter. You seem more emotionally healthy (not mention intelligent) than most.
Sarah, Cape Town, South Africa
In the same way that the internet has made paedophilia 'normal' to those 'communities' who are now linked up, so Stephanie March's article has provided a voice to those who don't give a fig for anyone else's suffering and now feel that instead of questioning their own lack of empathy and keeping quiet about it, they can join together with other like-minded (and judgemental) individuals who can speculate on validity of other people's emotions and know that they are not alone. Well done Stephanie March on uniting so many disparate souls and well done at churning out another column, It must be desperately hard coming up with the ideas.
anne , coventry,
What if they weren't white and pretty? That card is pulled when you run out of a good argument. Its cos I'm black isnt it? Or is it because I'm jewish? No, wait, Ah, its because..... i'm yawning already. secondly- this "obsession" re Madeleine McCann, is actually about EMPATHY. To put yourself in Kate or Gerry's shoes and to feel their pain. I'm a single mum going on holiday soon with my 6yr old and I can imagine (yes believe it or not, its possible to imagine and feel anothers pain). Stephanie, I dont think you have kids. i didnt even finish reading your article, so maybe you said you did/didnt. Anyway - just wanted to introduce you to the word "empathy. go look it up.
gillian, fleet,
What a ridiculous article! The media and public constantly get obsessed about issues of which I have absolutely no interest in. I just skip over them and read what does interest me. The media and public also contantly avoids issues which are of the deepest importance, are tragedies and perhaps 'should' be of concern to us all. Maybe journalists should spend their time writing articles about those issues instead of the drivel written here.
Rebecca, stockholm, Sweden
This heartless piece of self-important rubbish tells me more about Stephanie Marsh than anything else. She is angry about other things in her life, probably about being down graded as a woman, and tries in this distorted fashion to string together a few irrelevant arguments to make a case. Rather pathetic. She does not have the maturity to make a proper judgement on the matter, or to try and reflect with accuracy and true empathy what concerns not only the British, but also many others in the world, including my country, South Africa. The fact of the matter is that the Madeleine situation has stirred many, not only women. Many of us have been frantic that she be found, have thought about her, wished for her safe return, and have prayed for her and her family. This is a like a war, and the determination of the McCanns and others to not give up on her, to fight on is admirable and must be kept up until she is found. It is imperative. We must support them in any way we can.
Lily, Cape Town, South Africa
http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/HelpMadeleine/
Please go to the website above and sign the petition to help find Madeleine. Thank You
Jenny, Bangor, Northern Ireland
I think Stephanie's article says more about herself than anything else. It tells me that here is a person who feels downgraded as a woman, who is cynical to the point of destructiveness, and who uses the privilege of a her role as a reporter to mock a real life trauma .What an abuse of her privileged role as a reporter. The facts are that millions of people, and not only in Britain, are disturbed at what happened, and are anxious and desperate that the publicity not tone down. There is a war out there, and the McCanns must bravely fight on to rescue the child, and we can only try and help in the best way we can. We can distribute posters and publicize, we must hold her in our thoughts, we must pray, we must search and open our eyes to look for her everywhere. If Stephanie does not agonise, well, shame on her, and no, I do not want to know about her assessments or her crude private feelings, she should not publicise them, or try and find justification for her emotional lacks.
Lily, Cape Town, South Africa
One only has to read the mawkish and semi-illiterate postings on many of the popular forums to see that there has indeed been a dumbing down en masse and critical thought seems to be a thing of the past. Unfortunately,most of the posts are from other women, specifically mothers,who I can't help but think would be far better served spending time with their actual children rather than ghoulishly and vicariously spectating (and speculating) on the McCanns' misfortune.
KBG, Dublin, Ireland
I strongly agree with this article. I'm sure that as has been mentioned before, if Madeline had not been the daughter of doctors and been white, the case wouldn't have had this excess of press coverage. Although i'm sure that we all hope for her safe return, I admit I have not been kept awake at night thinking about it. After all, what will it do surley? I'm glad that someone has mentioned all of this, as I personaly felt bad in thinking it. So many children go missing every day, lots from non-white lower class families. Why do we not hear so much about these cases? At the end of the day, this story will always get far more attention than others for this reason.
Amy, Norwich,
The author asks whether the same coverage would have been given had the Mccanns not been white and good looking, and then cites Jewel Mahaviastrong (4 year old black girl missing in the US) as an example. However having just read about Jewel, it would seem that this child is missing following the capsize of a raft that she was on, together with an 18 year old cousin. The cousin was pulled out by a passing boater, Jewel has never been found. While our sympathies do extend to her family, it is not reasonable to compare the two stories.
Maria, Colchester, UK
I think Stephanie's article says more about herself than anything else. It tells me that here is a person who feels downgraded as a woman, who is cynical to the point of destructiveness, and who uses the privilege of a her role as a reporter to mock a real life trauma .What an abuse of her privileged role as a reporter. The facts are that millions of people, and not only in Britain, are disturbed at what happened, and are anxious and desperate that the publicity not tone down. There is a war out there, and the McCanns must bravely fight on to rescue the child, and we can only try and support and help in the best way we can. We can distribute posters and publicize, we must hold her in our thoughts, we must pray, we must search and open our eyes to look for her everywhere. If Stephanie does not agonise, well, shame on her, and NO, I do not want to know about her assessments or her crude private feelings, she should not try and find public justification for her own emotional gaps.
Lily, Cape Town, South Africa
The Madeleine McCann case has taken on the media coverage of The JonBenet Ramsey murder in Colorado several years ago. My heart aches for both families. Hopefully the coverage will keep the cases alive and someone, somewhere might find an important clue. Besides praying and keeping our eyes open, what else can the public do?
Kim Righetti, Upland, Calif. USA
Many times over history there have been situations occuring which most people disagree with, yet are generally too apathetic to do anything about. Often there is a single event, no different to many others, which somehow manages to prick our collective concience and make people sit up and take notice. Some examples of this are Rosa Parkes refusing to sit at the back of a bus because she was black, or those photos of Kim Phuc running naked down a VietNam road after her clothes were burnt off in a mid-judged napalm strike.
I believe that Maddie's abduction will be the catalyst to make people finally start to realise the full extent and horror of child trafficking, and demand that far more action be taken to prevent this abhorent trade. While this will be little consolation to her parents while their child remains missing, perhaps it will save many more children in the future through this increased awareness and disgust.
Roland, Perth, Australia
This article really mirrors my thoughts. How many children, worldwide, have gone missing in the four weeks since Madeline has been missing? How many children have died from abuse, neglect, aids, etc?
While I truly hope that Madleine is found and I wish the Macann's all the strength in the world to help them deal with this, what exactly sets Madeline and her parents above all the others? Is because she is a pretty white girl with well off media savvy doctor's for parents and a comfortable middle class life?
As has been said before, what if the Madeline was a child of a single parent or chav parents holidaying on the Costa del Sol and had not been so photogenic or was not white?
The media do pick the stories that they think will sell and they obviously think this one will sell and sell.
Kim, London, England
Thanks to Stefanie Marsh for publicly voicing what the silent majority thinks, and what many of us have privately expressed. Sorrow for the McCanns? Of course, but little more.
On other news today, hundreds of children will starve to death over this weekend. But who cares? They are black and living in Africa, they will not help the media to increase their audience.
Marcia Brown, Sheerness, UK
It's a funny thing - 2/3 weeks ago when the emotionalism was at its height I posted a few comments in the same vein as this article on a couple of newspaper websites. None of them was published. And yet now, all of a sudden, the Telegraph, the Mail, the Times are all publishing articles like this one. Diana all over again.
Jean Jones, Edinburgh,
I for one agree with article. Of course, it would be inhuman not to care, however if every child had gone missing under the same circumsances was subject to the same degree of media then there wouldn't be enough paper, or television time in the world. Ask yourselves - How many children go missing every day in the United Kingdom and elsewhere in the world? How many innocent children die of Aids in Africa EVERY day? Why is it right that Madeline should receive more coverage than these children? Why can't every mother of a child that has been abducted be carted off to blessed by the Pope? Have giant posters developed? Have Video's played of their children in Major Legaue Football games? I care.. But for heavens sake - some equality please.
James, Welwyn Garden City, England/ Herts
Being a psychology student, I can't help but wonder whether due to a higher female presence in the media these days. We are being exposed to news that has both a higher emotional content and as the author of this article states...more empathic.
Long gone it seems is the emotionally detached tone of the news of yesterday.
Bruce, Oxford,
How interesting it is - that those who offer criticism of the distressing abduction of Madeleine McCann.
Are in fact Journalists - who get paid for writing such articles.
They serve no purpose and only cause further distress and anguish to the McCann family.
Our hearts and prayers go out to Madeline and above all for her safely to be reunited with her loving family.
Remember this - "What if" - it was your child - how would you handle it!!
Phillip Chalamers, Stirling, Scotland
Contributors keep ending with "God bless", God didn't particularly bless a couple who had their child carted off in the middle of the night.
If he blesses them now was he just playing games with them?
Ken Wyatt, Todmorden, UK
I can't bear all the intellectualising about this case. It appears to me that there is one English stereotypical characteristic alive and kicking here - that is, the absolute horror of any display of emotion. It seems that the fact that people share in the sadness and desperation of this abduction is somehow distasteful and should be looked down upon.
I don't believe people are wallowing in despair and somehow enjoying it. I've been looking at positive ways in which I can help tackle child abuse by finding out more about various charities that deal with these issues.
Let's not be so cynical, it’s most unhelpful and leads nowhere.
Sara Wilce, Stroud, Glos
I love a good arguement!
Darren, Wiltshire,
Stephanie has expressed her feelings on the subject, which unfortunately I believe is that of the majority. People see these stories and think 'well there's nothing I can do about it' and move on.
The optimist in me feels that the media coverage of Madeleine McCann has and will change things for future abductees, for those who have been abducted in the recent past and hopefully for the safety of our children in the future.
Since Madeleine went missing I have come accross hundreds of children who are missing internationally. I have looked at their photos, read up on their cases and even dropped their parents a line in support, to let them know they're NOT forgotten.
So instead of giving out about the media coverage of the McCann case, maybe try highlighting more international cases. Instead of giving out that the coverage of Madeline, a 4yr old pretty white girl is OTT, try demanding equal media coverage for all missing children, they deserve it, but so does Madeleine.
Debra, Cavan, Ireland
Lets not forget their is a little girl missing,out there somewhere away from her loving family,A 4 year old baby.I am sure we would all use any means to find her if she were our child. Mr and Mrs Mccann have at all times shown courage, faith, and dignity ,And have never said if she is found, only when she is found. Their faith in god and human nature is awesome . I believe she will be found.And this is when we can let these people get on with the rest of their lives,and wish them so much luck and love.God Bless them
Sheila Thompson, East Boldon, England
I totally agree with Stephanie, it's about time someone spoke what a lot of think. All this wearing of yellow ribbons, it makes me cringe.
sharon K, brighton, UK
well said stephanie, and perhaps if some of the people commenting on here could get off their high horses and read your article properly they would agree with your points. the reaction to diana's death in my opinion represented the beginning of something strange and seemingly unstoppable in this country, where the most over the top and bathetic emoting is required of all of us.
i know these events are tragic and very upsetting for those experiencing them and of course i hope that madelaine is found safe, but i for one will not be participating in the national weepfest and communal handwringing.
confused, london,
I wholeheartedly agree with the author of the article. I am consistently repulsed by the intrusive reporting and endless speculation over this case. Thousands of children go missing every year but their parents are not afforded this kind of coverage. This case has for some reason been seized upon by the media and frankly the media attention has done nothing so far to assist. In fact, I believe that the constant report of every minute of the McGann's day tempts most people to switch off.
Shelley, London,
I must confess, I too fall in the Stephanie camp. Children go missing in the UK every day and never has there been such a desire to help a family reunite with their child. Although I sympathise with the loss of Madeleine McCann, I'm saddened further by the atrocities committed on a daily basis in Zimbabwe, Africa (children dying every day), Brazil (street children getting raped and killed). Somewhere along the line we have lost focus people ... I most certainly do not lose any sleep over one child, but rather over many children where the world has shut its eyes and we do nothing.
Beatty, London, UK
Bravo, Stefanie. I'm heartily fed up of those claiming to "feel the McCanns' pain," as if anyone who hasn't been through what they're suffering can do so. Those who say "Can't you try and imagine what they're going through?" seem to miss the point that yes, we can imagine ourselves in a great many there-but-for-the-grace-of-God horrendous situations, but doing so, especially on what seems to be a daily basis, isn't some sign of superior morality , isn't helping the McCanns or the police find Madeleine, and to me seems reminiscent of the rubber-neckers who drive up and down very slowly past the scenes of horrendous fatal traffic accidents, saying "Oh how awful," while gawping slack-jawed. I'm equally fed up with these self-righteous wallowers' assumption that those of us who aren't joining in their mawkish, competitive mourning are heartless, uncaring brutes. I'd be interested to know exactly how wallowing in others' misery is helpful in finding this or any other abducted child.
Ruth, Hawalli , Kuwait
I think you're judging the McCanns too harshly. If I were in their position, I would do everything in my power to ensure that no stone was left unturned, and if I had to whore myself out to the international media, so be it. Even though they are trying to do whatever they can, they are essentially helpless. The world is an awfully big place.
I pray for Madeleine's safe return.
ChristieK, Raleigh, NC (USA)
I believe that there is one principle that has been completely abandoned by the media (and certain hysterical sections of society) in the context of this case: perspective. Whilst I’m sure there are very few people who don’t feel sympathetic towards the McCann family, it seems to me that it is a slightly sick society that is willing to donate so much time and money to the case of a single child abduction ahead of the crisis in Darfur, for example. Many people – young children included – are killed or abused there on a daily basis, and yet it seems that many of these mothers who feel so strongly about Madeleine McCann cannot muster anywhere near the same strength of feeling in regard to these events. Perhaps they are just too far away and ‘foreign’ to really matter?
Richard, London,
Neil from Liverpool, you sound as if you have some delightful caring friends. I don't think the McCanns should go away and grieve in privacy as everything they are doing is helping to bring to light the sordid business of child abduction. Too bad if you are bored with the story - if it was my child I'd be raising heaven and hell to find her. I agree with Francoise Perron Collins about the writer of this article. She's not a mother to even be able to think the way she does. I think the McCann's have shown British resilience, courage and dignity at its highest level. I can't imagine a more hellish scenario for any parent. Every parent I know is overwhelmed by how tragic this story is. To make sneering comments about a mother clutching the toy of her abducted child is beneath contempt.
Jo, Sydney, Australia
I am not agonising over Madeline Mc cann. The media coverage of this little little girl has done nothing to highlight the cases of other missing children. As usual in Britain we focus on the one case that makes us feel better about ourselves. By obsorbing ourselves in the case of Madeline Mc cann we can pretend that we are a deep and caring nation. There are thousands of families with missing persons and focusing on this one case will not change that.
People in this country have a huge internal void which they are determined to feel with something. Be it Madeline Mc cann or Princess Diana. Yet this collective grief is of no benefit to anyone.
Deborah, London,
How cool you sounded! thankfully plenty others think differently. Stop thinking about the rights and wrongs and just do something to help find this little girl, and if necessary any other missing childen you have heard about eg. Jewell
Louise thomson, guildford , surrey, UK
I am continually surprised and admittedly a little weary of the continuing news coverage when there is no news to actually report. Who cares if one has met the pope, this is of no interest to anyone. What is of interest is when there is news about progress of the case. I know this is harsh, but being subjected to repeated coverage together with close-up shots of that poor little girl makes me switch off... when there's nothing we can do. The news media, especially the BBC, have misjudged what should be broadcast and seemed to have become overly sentimentalist and tear-jerking to the point of bad taste.
I hope Madelaine is found alive and well, but I don't think the media can claim any credit.
Martin Andrews, Berks, England
I agree with the column entirely and also with the comment left by Alan about the media - in case anyone hasn't noticed, there's no football World Cup on this year and the media are probably thrilled to bits to have something else to keep people reading and watching over the summer...
Ryan, Glasgow, Scotland,
Caring is good - but we should care about everyone. This is the point of the article. Those of you outpouring your emotion, would you rather see Jewel or Madeleine back? I am sure most would say Madeleine. And would you rather get Madeleine back or end tghe Darfur crisis? Take a long, hard look at your answer.
Ben, York,
Marcia, Portugal, Portugal you are wrong. People care about themselves and their families first and foremost. The commotion accompanying this missing child has been whipped up by the media and it's called playing to the gallery. The gallery is full of sanctimonious people, probably like yourself, who think that by wringing their hands, buying silver balloons and cuddly toys, wearing various coloured ribbons and being holier than thou, they are somehow worthier people than those who are honest. Another phrase that sums up this whole McCann episode is mass hysteria. You may want to be one of the emoters shedding crocodile tears and feeling good about it, but we don't. It's nothing to do with 'caring' for children, it's everything to do with allowing yourself and your emotions to be manipulated.
Judith Chisholm, London,
At last a sensible word on the subject. The problem with all this hype about Madeleine is that it blots out all others, children everywhere are being abused and violated they do not get a mention, the world does not look at them.
As it looks very likey that all this attention will not result in finding Madeleine, then what happens next time, will people be so quick to jump on the band wagon or will they just ignore the situation.
Shock tacitcs only work once, and this will happen again in a world when parents still leave their children unattended.
Robert, Southend,
Whilst I agree with the sentiment of not wallowing in other people's grief and was myself confused about the outpouring of emotion over Princess Diana I think this article is heartless in the extreme.
Perhaps its because I am the father of a 3-year old girl but the story has touched me and I have been to a certain extent "agonising about Madelaine". I think most people with children will understand - I assume the writer has no children or she wouldn't be quite as insensitive.
The thing that has really annoyed me, not just in this article but in others, is the inverted snobbery that suggests they are only getting attention because they are white, articulate, and middle-class. Like that is a crime!
Mark, UK,
I'd like to say: I don't know where Madeleine McCann is. If I see her, I'll notify the police. If there's anything else the press would like me to do, let me know. In return, would the news media please cover something else now?
James, Dulwich, UK
I am beginning to become uncomfortable over the proposed grand tour that the mc canns are taking. Whilst i do undersatnd their loss and feelings ( or am trying to). ( I have two children and cannot contemplate their abduction): I never left them whilst on holiday.Now the Mcanns are leaving their twins .. how can they do this.? I would have them close to me, for them to start to understand what is happeing .Also I have great memories of Alex then 12 months old recovering from chicken pox eating clams with us in a restauent in Estoril, Portugal. That is what makes family life.
Lydia Selby, Milton Keynes, england
I think this arguement is well written and thought provoking. When we chastise people for their views then the world is really sad. The comments against this article are very interesting and really prove the article to be correct. Many have jumped on the emotional band wagon without actually reading it properly. Stefanie Marsh is not "cold" she does care she is pointing out, and rightly so, the irony of the situation. Not one of the "against" comments has sympathised with the tale of the missing black girl in America. I think what the Mcanns have managed PR wise for their daughter is amazing and is a credit to their strength and resolve to find her. I only hope that the media continue to "milk" the popularity of this story by discussing the many many cases of children taken each year for horrendous means. I only hope rather than just obcess about one child we all think about how we can help all of the children including Madeleine to a safe ending.
Claire , Southampton , England
You are right - most of us are NOT agonising over Madeline. Instead we are concerned for her and her parents and hope that a happy ending ensues. We are not racist in thinking that a child of white, middle-class, parents matters more than a child from a different background. This is the case that is in the news, perhaps the discrimination charge should be made against the press?
Simon, Harrow,
We have a society where Smith's bookshop can have a category "Tragic Life Stories" along with the usual and expected Crime, Biography, Local etc at the top of the bookcase. What does this say about us? Like the writer I have not been agonising over Madeleine McCann. I am sorry for everyone involved and hope that she will be found safe and well, but I am not involved - I am not a friend or relative of the family, I have never been in Portugal and have never lost a child, so I have no right to steal their pain and turn the discussion into Me, Me, Me, which is so often what is really happening in these public agonisings. If I could help I would, but hand-wringing on the side-lines helps no one, it simply gives an illusion of doing so.
As for the "clairvoyants", there is an activity known as "wasting police time". No so called psychic detective has ever done anything else but waste police time.
alexandria, Sheffield, UK
As someone who is basically proud to be British, proud of (most of) our history and (most of) our achievements I am humiliated by this (understandable, thaks mainly to the media) perception of us as a bunch of empathetic whingers.
Naturally one is upset to hear of a tragedy like the McCann's, but they are not the first, they will regrettably not be the last.
This mawkishness makes me sick. It was the same with the Dianna business.
I do wish people would try to be a bit more dignified.
I am sure much of the blame can be laid at the door of the 24 hour news "industry" which seeks to deluge us with the trivial the boring and occasionally (and gleefully one feels) the tragic. Sick, and cynical.
cuffleyburgers, lucca,
I think the little pink cat could be important if Madleine is watching television somewhere and recognizes it and her parents.
Em Hawthorne, Ottawa, CAN
Well said Stephanie & Abe.
On other bits of the site I read these 'precious' children are busy stabbing each other and/or assualting their teachers.
Steve Candlish, London, but in Portugal Sunday,
Well said Marcia. How wrong can you be Stefanie - lets hope nothing as tragic happens to you in your lifetime. Is the word compassion not in your dictionary? The world would be a much bleaker place if it were made up of people with your outlook on life. Keep your unwanted opinions to yourself.
Tracey, UK, UK
Is this 'empathy epidemic' really a British thing or is it a British Media thing.
A young, pretty, photogenic white girl is abducted abroad, the editors of the red tops must have thought it was Christmas.
Alan, Oxford, England
Who?
Joe, Manchester,
An agonising family eh? You may be nearer the truth than you intended to be! That being said I agree about Alan Johnson too - far too much coverage of this - mostly it seems becuase he is one of the media's "own".
Tim, KIngston,
Your article is spot on! It is sad that the little girl is missing, but why the obsession with only one child.
The society would do better it it obsessed with the plight of children all over the world.
What's really sad is that this is just media driven soon something else will come up and everyone will forget about the kid and her parents.
schimdt, Nairobi,
Completely agree Stefanie. The way large sections of the public revel in vicarious torment is is mawkish, irrational, and embarrassing.
It was exactly the same in the wake of Diana's death. Dignified stoicism, a characterisitc once seared in the British like words in a stick of rock, seems to belong to a bygone era.
Justin McClintock, London,
Thank you Stefanie Marsh for a very sensible article. I was puzzled to see many MPs wearing yellow ribbons and assumed it must have been due to some charity promotion. Frankly I was disgusted when I realised it was connected to the disappearance of Madeleine McCann. I was even more put out by Gordon Brown jumping on the bandwagon.
E Saunders, London,
and by the same token, Ms Marsh, we shouldn't be too pre-occupied by the plight of one of your fellow journalists, the BBC's Alan Johnson.
Peter, London, UK
Yesterday, at an Ipswich bus-stop, a small girl, cross and crying, was carried past by a man. Although the man was accompanied by a woman two females at the stop rapidly worked themselves into very nearly believing that the child was Madeleine. The bus appeared just in time to prevent the police being called. It was interesting that boarding the bus then claimed priority, and that the man carrying the child was black.
Thank you for voicing feelings that I have had for the past week or so but, of course, have not dared express.
Richard Edmondson, Ipswich,
Well, I am french and read the time2 everyday, and i do not believe this newspaper pulished this HORRIBLE article. Stefanie Marsh must be a very lonely ,sad ,selfish person. As a mother of two children , i admire the fact that the Mcann use the media to helpt them to find their daughter.
Please show more respect to an agonising family!!!!!!!
FRANCOISE PERRON COLLINS, KNUTSFORD CHESHIRE, cheshire
I agree with most of your points, particularly about the access to the support afforded to the Mccann's being due to their colour and social standing. However if the mass publicity does lead to the safe return of Madeleine Mccann, and I am not sure it will, then it seems to me that this is a more positive use of the tabloid press than the usual nonsense they print that is at best trivial and at worst is poisenously negative. If this terrible event is something they focus on for a while it seems to me that they might be doing something useful for once. Whatever the motives of the readers they would recognise the little girl if they came across her, increasing the chance of her being returned to her parents.
Adam, Wokingham, Berkshire
Seems that we have more and more sheep. If there is so much concern, why is there no mention of the hundreds of children that have disappeared since then. What makes this girl so special? Surely because they have better contacts in the media and the football world they aren't any better than all the other families that are suffering and no one cares about. I suggest that instead of all the money that has been sent to them be used for help find Maddie, that it be used to help find all the missing children.
Rui de Oliveira, Algarve, Portugal
at last a commentator who has the courage to voice a reasonable assessment of the hysterical, mawkish media coverage that seems compulsory in Britain when a child goes missing....stand by for the backlash though
Elizabeth, Manchester,
At last someone has echoed publicly what nearly everyone I know has expressed privately. The disappearance of Madeliene McCann is a tragedy for her parents and family, but that is all. It is not a national event. The media has misjudged the public mood. The McCann's are clearly a professional middle-class couple who still left their daughter alone to go out for dinner. Had it been a working class family in some Costa del Sol resort, I think it's a fair bet we would have been treated to 'Chav's leave kiddie home alone' type headlines. To be frank, I hope Madeliene is found safe and well, but beyond that, it's not my business and neither I or my friends and colleagues obssess about it. I don't know how I would react in similar circumstances, but the time has surely come for the McCann's to grieve in private and deal with their guilt in private. Sadly, it will only be a matter of time before someone else's child disappears, will the media be as accomodating to the parents of that child?
Neil, Liverpool,
The point is that Madeleine is one child, yet many children go missing each year. In the US, the implementation of the Amber Alert for all children is active proof that American society worries about the abduction of any child. In Europe, apparently, we do not, unless the child is white and has intelligent, affluent parents who know how to make the best of the media resources available.
Had the Amber Alert system been in place in Portugal, maybe she would have been found by now.
Sarah Hague, Montpellier, France
When I read the article from Stephanie Marsh I was sickened that in such a difficult time, there are such people who chastise people who care. I am not going to say anymore about this person, she does not deserve any comment from me. I am a loving, caring mother, who has a 24 year old daughter who I have cherished all my life, and if anything had ever happened to her, I would like to think there were people out in the "big bad world" who cared. I work full time, have a very stressful job, and like to relax when I get home. Trust me, at the present time I cannot relax, and I am anxious about the plight of Madeleine, it hurts me, and to contradict Ms Marsh, you can feel Mr & Mrs McCann's pain, and I would love to be able to find Madeleine for them. I have no further comment to make about Ms Marsh other than perhaps you should look around you, at the beautiful children and how precious they are to us all.
Yvonne Higgins, Newport, United Kingdom
Actually, Marcia, I think Stefanie is indeed part of the majority - not you.
I too have great sympathy for the McCanns, as I had great sympathy for Princess Diana's family. However, to watch the endless milking of such events by the media is quite sickening. You may, for some perverse reason, want to share the pain - but you can't!
Get a life - many horrible things happen to families every day, but the media pick and choose to champion only those that will enhance their ratings and circulations - however, it is not mandatory for everybody to participate. If you can actually help, then do so. If not, offer your heartfelt sympathy, and then move on.
Abe, Crawley,
Well it's clear you have not been agonizing about anyone. Maybe one day you can do it for yourself or maybe you do it a lot for yourself. Obviously, you have the reasons to do so. But let me tell you are deadly wrong. People agonize everyday about Madeleine, about Jewel and so many other children you have not heard about. The difference is the McCann have asked for public help and we are giving it because we care. And we want to give it to everyone that needs and wants to be helped. The tragedy of the McCann's family shows how we all care and want things to be different. Children should be our first priority, not the last. Unfortunately, because they do not vote, do not make money or read columns in the newspapers they are in fact the last to be protected and it is rather comfortable for some that after some days you can simply admit that they are lost and there is nothing to do about it. Abductors must love people like you. Well fortunately you are not the majority.
marcia, Portugal, Portugal
To take up perhaps the least significant issue mentioned in your column - i.e. the beach bags - the sun does SOMETIMES shine in Britain, and we do have seaside resorts here too ...
isabel, London,