The Chamber was full of bad cheer for the last PMQs before Christmas. The Prime Minister was back in Stalin mode, ranting on about how wonderful everything is. I do hope he stops this before he sits down to Christmas dinner. I can hear him now, bellowing at Sarah from the head of the table: “The best turkey in history! The best stuffing since the Roman Empire! The best Christmas pudding since Christmas was invented!” I believe that this is now his idea of polite conversation.

It was Vince Cable’s last PMQs and, for us in the press gallery, a sad day. Vince is the best leader the Liberal Democrats never had. It is such a shame. Next time it will either be Nick Clegg or Chris Huhne. Calamity Clegg is the favourite but his judgment is already suspect. Yesterday, for instance, he sat next to Lembit Öpik. This was not wise. Only this week, Lembit appears in a celebrity magazine, pretending to hang Christmas baubles on the ears of his girlfriend, Gabriela, the Cheeky Girl, who is wearing a Santa outfit slit to the belly button.

Yesterday Vince was doing a passable impression of Scrooge. “When the Prime Minister tucks into his Brussels sprouts on his one day-off at Christmas, which of the various disasters of the last six months haunts him most? His indecision over the election? His inaction over Northern Rock? Or the gross incompetence of the loss of 25 million people’s personal data?”

Mr Brown looked happy. His habit of adopting inappropriate facial expressions may be some kind of medical condition. “It’s nice to have the Honourable Gentleman here and I thank him for his appearances over the last few weeks,” he boomed, like some awful master of ceremonies. “Given the history of the Liberal Party it may not be long before he’s back!”

Labour MPs dutifully cheered this “joke”, as they have each of the 25 times that Mr Brown has made it. Let’s hope Gordon gets a new joke for Christmas so this one can die with dignity. (“The best Christmas cracker jokes ever invented!” he will shout, red paper-hat skewwhiff, as he unfurls the tiny scroll about why the chicken crossed the road.)

Gordon did not acknowledge any of the “disasters” mentioned by Vince. Instead he shouted about how he was busy taking important long-term decisions about the environment, education, transport, skills, the economy. “That’s what governing is all about!”

Gordon has decided to erase all his troubles of the past few months. He has hit the delete button. For him, now, there are only triumphs. He had just been on a victorious tour of Iraq (we have, apparently, won the war, after all) and Afghanistan (we are winning there too). The economy is great, as are education and transport and all other topics in this wonderful land where Gordon now rules supreme.

David Cameron kept hammering away about Northern Rock, pensions, capital gains tax, Europe and political funding. Mr Brown batted them away and continued the rantathon. “I’ll tell you what this Government is doing! Today’s employment figures the best in history, unemployment falling faster, the minimum wage rising, more investment in the health service. That’s what a Labour Government is all about!”

Well, demanded Mr Cameron, if that’s true then why did Tony Blair describe his Cabinet as the B-team!

The bear thrashed around. I almost expected him to shout: “The best B-team since the alphabet was invented!” Instead, he accused Mr Cameron of talking about “gossip”.

He spat out the word. I fear gossip may be a new sin right up there with drinking, gambling and going to Eton. If so, Mr Brown will want to ban gossip as soon as possible. For, in Nirvana, there is no room for such evil.

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