They are at it hammer and tongs. Glance outside and you'll see the chattering males leaping after females. The first mating season of the year is in full swing for grey squirrels.

Nests of “kittens” (or babies) will appear in March to boost the two million greys already destroying England. Not content with virtually wiping out indigenous red squirrels, these North American invaders eat birds' eggs and fledgelings, gnaw through electricity cables, pork out on bird feeders and destroy gardens - particularly those planted with rare bulbs (just try planting the exquisite red-flowered Tulipa lanata). All this pales beside the fact that this infestation costs British woodland owners tens of millions of pounds.

So English Nature offers help. To the greys, that is. It issues licences allowing captured greys to be released back into the wild (normally an offence). Thus the hard of thinking can take wounded squirrels to their local wildlife sanctuary safe in the knowledge that the beasts, once cured, will be released.

Why go to all this effort? Because the Government hasn't the courage to take a stand against these bouffant-tailed rats. After all, they look so cute as they nibble emerging magnolia buds.

I only wish Lord Rooker, the Environment Minister, were a gardener. I listened, incredulously, to a debate in which he assured the Lords that “people like to see squirrels in their gardens”. He refused to reveal the locations of licence holders because this could “affect public safety”. Public safety? What, riots by Tulipa lanata lovers? What about the safety issues caused by grey squirrels eating the bark of mature trees and killing them? The damage is reckoned to reduce the value of trees in the UK by £10 million a year. And the Forestry Commisssion forks out £135,000 annually on research to prevent squirrel damage.

In fairness, Lord Rooker is simply continuing a policy that began in 1981 when the licences were first issued. Licences are all about pandering to public opinion. Or, to be more precise, the sentimental, squashy, ill-informed section of public opinion that can't see beyond fluffy tails and big eyes.

It is time that Lord Rooker, and English Nature, educated the squirrel-ignorant. We should all be encouraged to control the creatures, humanely and firmly. In the countryside squirrel shooting should be encouraged as a way to get exercise and lean meat. In towns and cities local authorities should issue squirrel poison units and cage traps as they do for rats. Spring traps, which kill instantly, should also be available. Meanwhile, I have applied for a licence. For a gun.

Jane Owen is the Times Online garden expert

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