What Whitehall humunculus was behind all that dreary finger-wagging at the over-55s for having a bit of a drink on holiday? God help us, one of the few plus points about ageing is that you can sink more wine safe in the knowledge that you won't need your liver for much longer. (Oh dear, I'm over 40 and guilty of flippancy. Sign me up for an awareness workshop.)

Having just visited Disneyland Paris, my view is that the Government should be doing more to make older people indulge in adult pastimes such as getting legless. Because I have seen the alternative and, trust me, it's worse. Until you have watched infantilised adults regressing so far back into childhood they could practically be wearing nappies you cannot know the true meaning of weird. This was my first visit to Disneyland, you see, and I hadn't realised that there are grown-ups in this world who subject themselves to the ordeal of Disney without children.

You see them everywhere. Fiftysomething women wearing Minnie Mouse ears and addressing their husbands in cutesy animal voices; husbands using pet names that leave you queasy for days. Grey-headed men camcording themselves and their whooping wives aboard the boats that take you through Small World, a ride full of singing dolls suitable for kids aged 3. Couples in shrieking spasms of ecstasy because they've seen a float containing Goofy. And, no, not a child or grandchild in sight. These people don't drink or smoke, but they would trample a six-year-old underfoot to beat them to the Dumbo ride.

Children are wonderful creatures but one forfeit for having them is that occasionally you must pay top dollar for holidays in which you eat smiley potatoes while being grinned at by a 6ft rodent in trousers. That anyone would do this when they don't have to is simply beyond understanding, like volunteering for unnecessary rectal surgery.

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BACKGROUND

• Orlando's latest theme park

• France's futuristic theme park

• Welcome to Germany's pleasure dome

• Riding the Big Shot in Nevada

• Denmark, home of Legoland

BACKGROUND

• Swedish green fun parks... for kids

• Nemo found - in Paris

• A long way from reality in Orlando

• Is Disneyland for girls?

• Bring me sunshine - Florida is family funtime

But this is a strange thing about Disney. It can bring out the spectacular best in children but a kind of madness in adults. It's not just those men-children who can't see that there's nothing amusing about a middle-aged male being photographed with a Pooh balloon; it is some of those with kids too, the sharp-elbowed, pushy parents who thrust their offspring like darts into the path of any passing Disney character, recorders whirring, unconcerned that they've just clouted someone else's weeping toddler. It's the professional queuers who have the Disney thing sussed- employing guerrilla tactics, maxi umbrellas and constant shift-changing, the men returning with burgers and fries, the glowering females guarding the place in the queue - who make it so tiring for the rest of us.

Yes I've come to appreciate that few holiday sights are more depressing than a man/woman combo queuing to meet Cinderella (or, in fact, an actress in a blue frock). Give me a drunken pensioner with a traffic cone on his head any day.

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