If childhood isn't experienced when young it tends to be experienced in middle age, hence the behavioural of some of our politicians.

VJB, London,

Yeah, the jails are full to the brim with these flunked-out hot-housed kids, or standing around in gangs, living by the knife or gun - get real.
Kids born to those who only see offspring as a ticket to an even bigger council house and are taught on the street by other children not adults are more worthy of your spite than the few rare examples of peculiar parents and individuals you cite.

george, london, uk

If you 'push' your children they can grow up regretting missed opportunities. Or if you 'don't push' your children they can grow up regretting missed opportunities.

The article is unbalanced because it gives the impression that only children of 'pushy' parents have problems. The reality is that children of parents who never 'pushed' also can have problems and be unfullfilled.

The naked truth is that if you never push/encourage your children then they can underachieve and be unfullfilled - or if you push too much they can be resentful.

lil, S. Wales,

I think there is very little of use to be drawn from the story of Sufiah. Her upbringing was abusive and should be seen strictly from that perspective.

Additionally, grandparents are always critical of their children's parenting. It has always been this way. The grandparents who condemn their children for the way they bring up the grandchildren really have to ask themselves how they themselves managed to produce these attitudes in their offspring.

Sadly, in a culture that is anti-education as far as I can judge, going to a place of culture - a museum, art gallery, ballet, concert etc - is seen as hothousing. In Europe these activites are regarded as family fun. My daughters love sharing these experiences with us just as I loved visiting galleries, old houses, cathedrals with my father (an artist) from a young age. Like my father, I simply see cultural activity as part of life and easily balanced with afternoons in the park and play with friends. Is this hothousing?

Jacqueline Wheeler, London, London

Achievements that are marks in activities designed and managed by adults are hollow. That is true even if the marks are very high, such as Olympic medals or university degrees at age 13.

To truly achieve children need to devise their own activities. I built a go-kart with a friend. Later we knocked up a hut from pallets. Obviously we needed woodworking tools and garage space to do these things, which were provided by our parents, but the ideas were our own.

Malcolm McLean, Bradford, UK

Although intelligent, I was a late developer who did not succeed at school due to a lack of parental input and support during my childhood. Hothousing is the other end of the spectrum but it's worse because children need time just to play and do what they want to do at home.

I eventually got a good B.Sc science degree even though I was 28 at the time and I am happy and successful in my lfe and career.

I suppose 'the cream floats' even if it is a bit late!!

karen, tonbridge,

I was bright as a child, but that seemed to mean that nobody needed to bother with my education - I was always expected to do well, no matter how bad the school. I was also expected to do well despite being sexually and psychologically abused throughout my childhood - doing O level exams, then going home to vicious arguments about how I was "having an affair" with my abuser.

Yet I don't regret being bright - it was my ticket out of hell to my own life. I haven't achieved massive material success, but I have a job that I love and the chance to think, read, and make a difference to others. The only problem I have with it is other people's attitudes to me. A constant deluge of articles like this make me feel bad about being smart. I didn't "burn out" because I ran out of juice - I struggled because I was constantly being knocked down by other people's envy and spite.

Samsa, London, UK

I went to a traditional church of england secondary school from "Hertfordshire's Hothousing capital, Harpenden" (Judy Shardlow- below), wasn't outstanding so subsequently spent seven years being largely ignored by teachers- if you weren't a child prodigy or brilliant at something (or failing- wouldn't want those league table results pushed down!) , you weren't worth their time.
Luckily, my parents didn't buy into the Harpenden mentality.
In fact, they were careful not to push me into anything, instead they always gave their full support in what I enjoyed doing, or what I wanted to do. They told me to just always do my best.
Thanks to them, I'm all set to qualify as a Registered Mental Health Nurse in September- I'm sure this isn't something they ever really predicted me doing, but I know they're proud and as long as I'm happy, so are they.

LC, southampton, uk

I was an intelligent child - not hothoused particularly, but got a scholarship to the top boys school in the country. I dropped out of university and made my own life out of more practical work: gardening and farming. Nowadays my son is home-educated on a farm. He has a great time, loads of outdoors, doesn't have to learn everything in the same order as the national curriculum, and I have never tried to read all the parenting books or push him to extreme success. We get on well and play around every day, and he even thinks cabbage is one of his favorite foods (yay - beat that, pushy parents!). I value the emotional relationship I have with him far more than his current reading ability.

Ed, Derbyshire, UK

The higher the parental expectations, the greater the possibility for rebellion by children. I know that I rebelled against my own parents' high academic expectations - private school, endless work, high exam results, Oxbridge etc - by leaving school at 18, marrying at 19 with 2 children by 24 and part time clerical work fitted in around them! The trouble is, of course, that while very satisfying to me to rebel, my work is unfulfilling and unrewarding, but I'd rather do this than give my parents the satisfaction of my changing course. How sad.
I try hard not to have "expectations" for my own children. I have tried simply to have "hopes" that they will have a happy life, in whatever that might entail. With both now finding their feet as adults, this seems to work. We must get out of this mindset that people will admire you for your child's achievements. Don't hothouse your child; don't have these incredibly high expectations - you simply set them up either to rebel or fail.

Jane, London,

10 O levels at 13 years old, public school from God know's when, A levels at 15 years old, have finished as commando instructer french foreign legion, and now food and beverage manager of the French Foreign Legion. Probably not what my parents wanted , but happy all the same

paul harrison, aubagne, france

Anyone who wants to see hothousing at its best (worst) should come to Hertfordshire's Hothousing capital, Harpenden. Saturday morning gymnastics at the sports centre is the place to earwig on mothers 'obsessing' about their children's various talents trying to identify the latest class to enroll their future prodigy into. If it's not perform theatre class, it's maths tuition, ski-school, french circle, Harpenden musicale, junior tennis, the list is endless. You have to feel a bit sorry for the children really because every day is tight schedule of after school activities designed to equip them with an array of talents all of which can then be used by their parents as a measure of their own brilliance as parents and 'moulders' of genius.

Many of them are simply trying to prodigise their child, to 'discover' their unique talent. It's not ok for a child to a good all rounder, social and well adjusted child, they must be outstanding in at least one area. It's all a bit sad really.

Judy Shardlow, Wheathampstead,

As a gifted child (now a middling-aged mum) I'd add that highly intelligent children need more grounding, not less, in ordinary life. My parents weren't pushy and I went to a non-pushy school, and even so I struggled after university with integration and a lack of discipline. It's easy to disappear into your own brain when it's so dominant.

The most rewarding and balanced areas of my life have always been the non-academic ones, and they're also the hardest work.

If a parent has a gifted child, that child is always going to succeed academically. Any further attention put into it will inevitably unbalance the child.

And if they're not truly gifted, why put your child under that kind of pressure?

I removed my own kids from a private school in Hampstead for the very reasons described in this article. A Good Schools Guide inspector recently described their current school as being for 'ordinary' children. To hothousing parents, a pronouncement of doom. Manna to my ears.

Amanda, Bury St. Edmunds,

I think one can over-analyse. Hothouse a child and there is a serious risk that it will grow up to be smart. A smart child will observe that one of the best definitions of intelligence is "total income divided by total effort" -- by which measure I am more intelligent than Einstein and Jade Goodie is way more intelligent than either of us.

What pushy parents really want, of course, is children who are smarter than average but less smart than themselves. Sadly, this is a mathematical impossibility for most, if not all, of them.

(Accidentally hothoused by being tail-end Charlie by 8 years in a large family; Cambridge scholarship in the 70's; achieved nothing in the 80's; built a successful business in the 90's; now retired in my forties trying to learn the harpsichord and find love....)

Ian Kemmish, Biggleswade, UK

Prodigies have an inherent disadvantage to "normal" assimilation into society; They are fundamentally different from the rest of us. Couple that with obsessive parents, who tend to live vicariously through their children, and you have a formula for complete social dysfunction. So often they turn to self-medication, depression, and even suicide as a response to rejection, pain, and pressure "to perform".

That said, I must respect Sufiah's choice. For a change, she is her own person embracing a lifestyle without committment, and presumably with modest expectations from her customers. Such must come as a true relief. It is not risk-free, but a keen mind knows how to balance risk with rewards.

Jose Muniz Azeria, Alhambra, Spain

it's amazing how many problems are caused when children dont feel wanted

my own mother was not what you would call intelligent. she never finished high school, she couldnt cook a decent meal and the house was never spotlessly clean.

what she did know, was how to give a good hug, read a bedtime story and kiss a scraped knee better.

things which i think are often overlooked when treating childhood like a science. growing up there was never a doubt in my mind that i was both loved and wanted, and looking back i wouldnt trade my childhood for anything

john, canberra, australia

Spot on. I am a less extreme example of the backlash to hothousing. I entered (and graduated from) university two years early. I then spent several years drifting academically and careerwise, while concentrating on having a social life. After 8 years of this, I got my ambition back, and have managed to have a decent career.
I also have a rather clever young daughter, who I do not push. We do the activities in which she shows an interest. She has opportunities, which she usually takes gladly. But if she'd rather play with her dolls than go to the museum on a Sunday, them so be it. (We get to museums often enough, she's usually quite keen.) I do this deliberately, as I have noticed that my biggest weakness was not knowing what I wanted out. Sadly, I was well into my 20s before it even occured to me to ask that question of myself.

Carolina, London, UK

well said ged well observed ,succint and correct.

john, nice , france

I met a girl in Sydney who told me her mother approved of what she was doing. She told me her hopes and ambitions.
Quite by chance 3 years later I bumped into this drugged crazed harpy who had no idea who she was. Parents can be too permissive as well.

The burnt out prodigy must be well known and studied by now, but you never know. I have long believed the social sciences are neither social, or scientific. In the past some people could be saved from hopeless positions. I grew up with children from bad families, who sorted themselves out with help from friends. The welfare state has not helped it has created an evolutionary niche containing people who only exist , live because of it , with those who do succeed creamed off from the gene pool, leaving an ever worsening detritus, into which characters like this fall.

ged, manchester,

Take an extreme example, add a few vague anecdotes and poorly summarised studies, mix with the catalyst of catty criticism, and you end up with the usual snipe at 'pushy parents'.
As for the 'Well, Quite' to the remark that 'if you can't mix, what's the point?', perhaps both of you might like to ponder on how many of the great philosphers, scientists, leaders and others who made the most significant contributions to human progress were 'great mixers'.
And god forbid that Sufiah Yusof enjoys her chosen life. If only she were as upright and principled as the News of the World, eh?

gordon w, didcot, england

Sufiah's story is quite shocking. But I think your point applies to more than just "genius" children. I am now an adult and was hothoused academically - I was no genius, but always came top in all subjects at my top selective, boarding school and went on to study at Cambridge and abroad and got top marks. Academic success is great but it is not indicator or guarantor of happiness or material (and especially social) success in adulthood. I now have a baby and I do not want her to go through that I did - pressure from my parents to succeed academically with tutors and bankrupting themselves to pay for my education and then expecting me now to be at the top of my career (o dear how disappointed they must be but it all seems empty and pointless to me). I want my daughter to grow into whatever she is, finding her way in life and making her own choices. I just hope I can avoid the temptation to turn parental guidance into parental pressure and expectation!

Maria, London, UK