Everybody is clear, if they know what’s good for them, that it was bold Gordon Brown who saved the world from economic collapse (before rescuing Lois Lane from Lex Luthor). But that’s apparently not the view in France.

According to the satirical newspaper Le Canard Enchaîné, President Nicolas Sarkozy told a meeting: “Without me, Europe would be broke. Lucky that I am president of the EU.

“It’s a great pleasure to see that when Europe is properly led, it can perform well.” As Churchill said of Attlee – a modest man with much to be modest about.

As Sarko emerged from a meeting at the Elysée Palace, very probably having saved the world, reporters spotted two magazines slipping from his state papers. Was he looking for pictures of his wife, Carla, in the fashion glossies?

No, they were the latest editions of Timbres, a monthly magazine devoted to stamp-collecting. Bang goes that jet-set image.

The great national day debate arrives at a consensus - let's call it off

You can pack up the Union Jacks, cancel the street parties and tell the pet shop that you won’t be needing that bulldog after all. The government has quietly dropped plans to have a British Day.

Gordon Brown had called for a day to celebrate British identity in a speech delivered in 2006, when he was still chancellor.

Earlier this year an official report by Lord Goldsmith, the former attorney-general, had proposed that the first patriotic bank holiday should be held to coincide with the 2012 Olympics.

However, Michael Wills, the justice minister (who says he’s responsible for something called “the governance of Britain agenda”), told MPs last week: “There are no plans to introduce a national day at this time.”

That would be an ideal British Day celebration: getting overexcited about something, then deciding we can’t really be bothered after all. If we stop asking about their sex lives, will politicians please stop telling us?

No laughing matter, says BBC, as Peston is denied comedy spot

Even topical comedy has fallen victim to the economic recession. The BBC has banned Robert Peston from appearing on Have I Got News for You in case he accidentally cracks a smile as the financial gloom deepens. The corporation’s business editor was due to appear on last Friday’s episode but was replaced at the last moment by Kevin Maguire, political editor of the Daily Mirror. “The producers were told it wouldn’t be right for somebody in a position of trust to be seen laughing in the current economic circumstances,” said a source close to the programme.

Why didn’t that apply to that funny little chap Andrew Marr, who, when political editor of the BBC, danced in bike leathers for Children in Need? Come to think of it, though, politics doesn’t really do trust.

'Three hours a night' Silvio is telling us more than we need

First it was Tony “five times a night” Blair, and then we heard of Nick Clegg and his 30 lovers. But far more toe-curling, if that’s the right part of the body, is Silvio Berlusconi, the prime minister of Italy, pictured.

Outside a Milan nightclub he apparently boasted: “I sleep three hours a night yet I still have enough energy to make love for three hours.”

Come back, Ted “no times a night” Heath – all is forgiven.

When Peter Mandelson rejoined the cabinet, bookies immediately offered 10-1 that he would resign by the next election. As events begin to close in, how’s that price looking now? “The 10-1 was so popular it immediately fell to 4 or 5 to 1,” said Mike Smithson, of the PoliticalBetting website. “It’ll be down to around 3-1 by now.” Smithson himself won a 7-2 bet that the Dark Lord would not last the course in Brussels. “Always bet on something happening to Mandelson,” he said. “Him or Blunkett.”

A previous guest of Nat Rothschild, host to the stars, was particularly unimpressed by pictures in some newspapers last week supposedly showing the luxury of the marble-clad Rothschild house in Corfu. “That wasn’t the house,” the insider reported with magnificent disdain. “That was the changing rooms for the swimming pool.”

Remember “David Cameron’s Conservatives”, the name under which the Tories campaigned in last year’s Ealing Southall by-election? Now the same trick is being used by the Liberal Democrats in Twickenham. Except they are not the party leader Nick Clegg’s, but “Vince Cable’s Liberal Democrats”, after the local MP and deputy leader. The party has been very quiet recently. Has there been a coup that nobody has noticed?

LITTLE BRITAIN

A Yeovil vicar will hope God is on his side next week as he takes on a tattooist in a charity boxing match dubbed Heaven v Hell. The Rev Howard Davenport, 12st 7lb, hopes to use his long reach to knock down Julian “Sumo” Timmins, 20st, pictured with his opponent. “Sumo might be bigger and stronger and quicker, but I am going to float like an angel,” the vicar predicted. “I will be okay as long as he doesn’t hit me.” - Western Gazette

The adventurer Pete Goss, 46, and his three-man crew will be without clean underwear until they reach Cape Town as they retrace a historic 12,000-mile sea voyage. The team, following the 1854 route of the Spirit of Mystery, which carried seven Cornishmen from Newlyn to Australia, went to the laundrette to collect their washing only to find it was closed. They had no choice but to leave their underwear behind and set sail. – Western Morning News

A man claims he is being discriminated against by employers because he is “too ugly”. Edward Johnson has neurofibromatosis, which has left him with hundreds of benign tumours. He said: “I’m not tall. I’m not good-looking. I’m not rich. But people shouldn't discriminate against me for that.” – Northern Echo

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