Anyone who thinks only girls and gays can be bitchy should have been at my school when the new boy arrived. He was tall, handsome, smart and sporty, and the hackles of the males were raised as quickly as the female defences dropped. “He's not that good-looking,” a former top dog was heard to hiss.

Some boys never grow up. And then they go into politics. The “mean girls” tactics of Damian McBride and Derek Draper should surprise few; they are professional smearers and bitchers who smear and bitch their way towards a concrete outcome such as the bringing down of a rival - all the while sniggering over their self-described “schoolboy” behaviour.

Nicolas Sarkozy has no such excuse. He's not some backroom operative, he's a head of state. He's meant to run a country. That has not stopped the arrival of a new - taller, more handsome and popular - president on the scene from turning him into the kind of bitchy little princess that would make Graham Norton gasp.

Barack Obama? “Not up to standard on decision-making and efficiency,” President Sarkozy whispers. “Never even ran a ministry.” It would be funny if it weren't so pathetically obvious. Mr Sarkozy is out to strip the new boy of his shine.

Or anyone else in the vicinity, apparently. José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero of Spain? “Not very clever.” José Manuel Barroso, President of the European Commission? “Totally absent.” Even political loyalty counts for little. Angela Merkel, who stood shoulder to shoulder with Mr Sarkozy at the G20 on greater global financial regulation, was derided as jumping on the French bandwagon only after she realised how parlous was the state of German industry. Sarkozy is the original betrayer, smiling and simpering to your face with a concealed dagger ready to plunge into you when your back is turned.

There is one leader whom the “hyper-president” claims to admire: Silvio Berlusconi, despite his constant stream of gaffes. But Mr Berlusconi is a buffoon, not a bitch. Well might Mr Sarkozy aspire to his heights. If he had an ounce of Mr Berlusconi's boundless self-confidence, he would not need to sneak around like some pint-sized Iago dripping bile into ready ears.

There is little sign it is helping him to win allies at home. A poll published yesterday put his predecessor Jacques Chirac 30 points ahead of him in popularity. There's only one thing more threatening than a shiny new president: a shiny old one. Watch your back, Jacques.

Catherine Philp is diplomatic editor of The Times

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