The Specials

My Week: Ronaldo

The Portuguese dribbler extraordinaire reflects on Real Madrid's good fortune in buying him for £80 million

We are killing the world a calorie at a time

Our biscuits are sweeping the world - but are they being eaten properly?

Where'd you get them peepers?

Look at an MP's smile. Now cover the mouth. Scary

How to make a monkey out of an activist

It's easy to refute the arguments of the animal rights lobby

Here's my short answer to your 'invite'

My blood is boiling. How could he say that?

Gordon misses the cash and the point

The Prime Minister's crazy plan to walk us home

We Brits don't do free speech, thank goodness

We should be proud that we won't let this bigoted “shock jock” into the country

My Week: Joanna Lumley

'Gurkhas, not burkhas,' I tell her, and I wave my little curved sword in a threatening manner

Some diseases are more equal than others

Did Orwell realise that swine flu came to Animal Farm?

A bit of police violence worth watching

A new TV programme that's like a music video with punching

Bagpuss, another fat cat to worry about

The Prime Minister's handwriting brings untold problems

A bit odd, those bunnies with their eggs

I'm confused. I feel there is some biological problem here

Life is lovely when you're wearing a tiara

Let's send Miss Universe to more awful places in the world

Giving Churchill a mohican's no good

The anti-capitalists owe us an apology. If they really saw it coming, they might have told us

Is it so hard to become a Pope?

The people at the top of religions don't seem, well, very competent

I'm angry - and I've waited 6 months to say this

Don't get me started on drivers and pedestrians...

A tip for Gordon Brown: put socks on first

That photograph of you outside the White House illustrated a basic mistake