I couldn't agree more with India. I had my first daughter at 31, conceived easily, then struggled to conceive again and ended up having twin girls on first IVF attempt at 39. In my case, it wasn't leaving it too late - I know how hard it can be to conceive all through your thirties too. What angers me is the 'lie' that freezing your eggs is a catch-all solution: a woman might still develop endometriosis (I did) or some other problem that means these wonderful frozen eggs do not produce babies. Almost every close woman friend of mine who pursued a career feesl deceived in some way about this, and a couple 'popped one out' at 40 plus only to feel terribly bereft not to have a second or third.

Joanna, London,

I will be 40 in a few weeks and have yet to have children or a child. Not my personal choice to have children so late but life has not gone in the direction I would have wished for!! Having had a couple of long term relationships that turned into nothing I don't regret not getting pregnant. I am now in a relationship of 6 half years but due to circumstances we have lived a very long distance relationship, we lived together and then my fiance went home to visit family and had a terrible accident of which he is still recovering. He is the man I want to marry and be father to our child when the time arrives. Not everyone is lucky enough to choose exactly when they want children but, I feel that there are also lots of young Mothers out there who are still children themselves. Ok, you want to discourage those over 40 health risk and healthy babies etc.... but lets not forget the other end of the scale babies with babies
LIFE IS NOT PERFECT UNFORTUNATELY

Kaye, Notts,

I see the merit in debating IVF - particularly as it requires decisions about the allocation of scarce health care resources. However, I do not see the the utility in commenting upon the age when a woman has a child (yes, I admit I had my first at 45...naturally). Every woman has her own story and it needs to be respected. The fact that your baby was in a basket in the kitchen is your story. I'm glad it worked for you and your baby. However, your "Just Do It" philosophy ignores the importance of a mother feeling safe and secure and able to provide for her baby. For some that means a secure roof over their head, for others it means a stable (even if temporary) relationship. Stop worrying about whether a 40+ mom will make friends and start spending that energy advocating for things that matter: safe and affordable day care; easing international adoption for countless orphans; more stable foster care; improved support for child carers and so many more.....

Lisa Levine, Wilmslow, Cheshire

I had mine at 38 and 41, no problems. But I sort of agree with India. I'd have preferred to have children younger. I'd have loved more. I would have had more but my husband didn't want to.
As for not meeting 'Mr Right'...I spend years in my twenties with a man who didn't want kids, so if I'd been focussed on them I would have got out. In my thirties I was with someone who would have had babies with me, but I wasn't sure about him. At 35 I thought, 'I need a man to have babies with' and met my husband almost instantly. If you haven't met 'Mr Right' it's probably because you don't really want to.
I have single fortysomething friends with no kids and I do feel we've gone wrong somewhere.
And I can't regret any of it, because if I'd done it earlier, I might have had four kids, but they'd be different kids.

Cece, London,

Hi India

What a revelation and a big hooray to you to for puttong your neck on the 'debate' line.

I had my children when I was younger 22 and 25, at that time I chose to an at home mother and breastfeed my children, encouraging all of the positive early life expereinces as I could for them on a small income that my husband provided. Life was very happy apart from the niggle that I was being scorned upon by my peers of a similar age who had continued with their careers making me feel left out while they were enjoying their lovely exotic holidays and as you say 'me time'. In some instances friendships were broken because of this.

As my children started school I returned to my career and I would say that I am as successful, if not more, successful than my peers who initially scorned me and to boot I have two wonderful and well balanced children to boot who are at an age to spend time with other people and allow me my 'me time'. I have the best of both worlds.

lynn, london, uk

Personally, i think IVF should be banned until there are no children left to adopt. I also think that more mothers would have babies younger if
a)men couldnt abandon them and their children so easily
and
b) It was easier tto support yourself and your children.

Women still earn less than men and have minimal legal recourse if a man decides to leave. If they have kids they are stuck, while a man can leave, re-invent himself, start a new family. No wonder women leave it later. It's hardly an attractive prospect to damage your career and compromise your prospects for teh sake of a screaming brat. And that is teh choice at the moment.

Helen Gallagher, Wellingborough, UK

Thank you, India, for a reality check to the impression created by high-profile 40+ mothers: that anyone can do it. Most people who want babies can have them; some can with help; but many cannot. It's fine to challenge gender politics, but the science isn't controversial. The likelihood of conceiving and carrying to term a healthy pregnancy deteriorates over time, and none of us knows if we're going to draw the short straw. As the child of an "old" mother and a grandmother who both had unplanned pregnancies late, I assumed I could do it anytime. But genes aren't a guarantee. I wish I had known at 27 what I learned at 37: that even fertility treatments work better for the young. I wouldn't advocate motherhood for the financially tenuous or emotionally unready. But for those who are sure they want kids "some day", the sooner they try, the better. If a problem turns up, the more options and better odds for treating infertility and/or adopting.

judy, chicago, illinois, usa

I take your point about people leaving motherhood late and wouldn't advise anyone to do this if they have a choice. But what are you suggesting we do? Bring babies into relationships that aren't working? Get pregnant while we're single? And where does safe sex come into all this?

I'm undergoing IVF at the moment and I can assure you I know NOBODY who thinks that this is 'a procedure not dissimilar to botox'. You clearly aren't aware of how infertility works in this country. You have to be trying for a long time before your doctor's even interested. Then you have to wait on lists for tests, on lists for insemination treatment, have several unsuccessful attempts at that, then there's another long wait for IVF. And you have to leave three months between each treatment for the sake of your health. I know one woman who's now 37 and has been trying for ten years. It's not like she chose to leave motherhood this late.

This issue is not too simple. Unfortunately, your article is.

Nicola , Sheffield,

In my experience there is no truth in the idea that anyone starting a family in their late 30s will feel left out in the cold and friendless amongst the younger mummies. As someone who had a first child at a statistically average age (30) I have been surprised to be firmly at the lower end of the age spectrum in NCT groups etc. 35-38 is pretty standard in middle class circles so anyone around 40 will feel no more out of place than I do. And of course I don't care if I chat in the park to someone who is 26 or 42 in any case!

Of course it makes sense not to wait around till you are 40 for no good reason, but there is no point scaremongering - older mummies are doing a great job.

Sus, London ,

At 35 I found my self childless and husbandless. Longing for a family but with a husband (not on my own) and not wanting to be a Granny mum. I found myself a gorgeous widower and got married within a few months. 4 years later I have 3 lovely children including the most adorable 10 year old girl, a fabulous adoring husband and the family/homelife I craved so desperately. No IVF for me, no stretchmarks, no granny mumdom. There are lots and lots of lovely motherless children out there, how about we forget about ourselves for a while and devote our maternal insticts to those already born and in great need? I am now one of the youngest mums at the school which is a result!

sunita russell, northwood , middlesex

I started trying for a baby immediately after I got married at the age of 28. Most of my 20s were spent in education, training and just starting out in my career as a barrister. Nature does not always give you what you want - after several miscarriages, I finally had a baby at the age of 33. I didn't plan to have my first child approaching my mid-thirties but that's just the way the cookie crumbles for some of us. I therefore resent the implication that women who have their first child in their 30s or 40s are somehow selfish and stupid. I also realise how important it is to really want a baby because they can be very hard work sometimes and you need to feel that your baby is a blessing and a privilege, not an inconvenience which, I think, for some young/very young mothers they appear to be.

Maria, London, UK

Babies and little kids are easy peasy compared with teenagers, but many women who champion older motherhood don't have the faintest idea about what is in store. Ha ha! Glad I am over it. I had my first child at 23 and Im really glad I didn't leave it any later because it's no fun arguing with a strapping 16 year old who desperately wants an exciting life and doesn't have any sense of danger. Imagine being 60 to deal with a 15 year old who is cutting school to hang out in the pub all day with a 38 year old drug dealer. "He's really realy nice, you're so paranoid..." Or discovering your kid's climbed out of the 3rd floor window in the middle of the night to go to that banned club without telling anyone. Etc. Mine did eventually turn into kind, sensible and decent adults, but if I'd been 60 when they were 15 I reckon I'd have had a heart attack before getting the chance to find out

ja, London,

I was born to a 42-year-old mother many years before IVF came into being. She was always the oldest mother at parent-teacher meetings. I had my child when I was 18 and am now in my 50s. I wouldn't have it any other way. If I had to do it all over, I would still have my child at a young age. It is great to to be able to plan for retirement without the responsibility of raising small children or paying college fees. I go where I want when I want. I buy what I want. I raised a child when I had the energy for it. He is educated and fully self-supporting. Who would not want that?

Gem, Atlanta,

Thank you for this article, generalisations and all. Somehow middle class women have got it into their heads that to have a baby at the age of 23 is an act of monumental self-sabotage and yet to leave it until the age of 38 with IVF as Plan B is not. I agree that it is difficult to get men to settle down earlier, and that it is difficult financially to manage in your twenties. However we should be addressing the culture that makes this the case, not relying on technology which is still in very early development with unknown side effects for mother and child. IVF has a 25% success rate per cycle if you are under 35 and it drops dramatically as you get older. Other less invasive procedures like Ovulation Induction have a 10% success rate. These are not statistics that anyone in their right mind would want to have on their side.

Nicola, London,

I am 40, unmarried and childless. I am completely unaware of having been fed a line that late motherhood is a 'marvellous ambition' and 'easily achievable'. Quite the opposite. I, and virtually every other woman in my position, am only too aware of the biological clock and are far more familiar with judgemental little pieces like this from women who are fortunate to be blessed with a good husband and children, something I would always have liked but never found (and no, not because I put my career first). However, hard though it may be to believe, there is life beyond childlessness. Those of us who haven't been so lucky try to come to terms with it, perhaps grieve, and then get on with living a meaningful and happy life in other ways, accepting that children are a gift that we have not been blessed with. If you have been blessed, good, but why this insidious blame and stigmatisation of those who haven't? It's not ideal, but good luck to late mothers and their last minute blessings!

Charlotte, Bristol, UK

Think of the kids. The mother who gives birth at 42. The subsequent 15 year old who is asked "is that your granny" by their 15 year old friends who have mothers aged 42.

Plus, all this presumes we will all live until we are at least 70. Sorry, but we all will not. The older the age of the mother the younger the age of the orphaned child.

Jim, Brussels,

I am 31 and went through IVF to avoid having a baby who would be a haemophiliac. It is not pleasant but also isn't the nightmare that people seem to think it is (although I may be biased as it worked first time for me). As it is, I am thrilled to have a beautiful healthy daughter and to have some good quality embryos so that I can have another baby soon.

I don't think many people go through IVF out of choice, particularly when they are older and the risks of congenital problems are substantially increased. At the same time, if women haven't read enough articles now about the dramatic decrease in fertility after age 35 and even more so after 40, nothing will make much of a difference.

Liz, London,

As a 42 yr old single woman, who hasn't entirely written off the chance of having a child one day, I raised an eyebrow at India's seemingly rather casual advice: "......should this ring a bell is: just do it. Get pregnant. Don’t wait". Call me old fashioned or whatever but surely bringing a child into the world isn't as simple as that. There are many single parents doing wonderfully, I know, but leaping in deliberately on your own just because you're jealous of those with kids smacks to me of at least an element of selfishness and lack of responsibility.

J CASE, Rome,

Oh my God, I cannot believe that a supposed intelligent woman would advise young women to go out and get pregnant without considering who the father is or whether they are ready emotionally. I can't wait for someone to get pregnanat due to this advice and then expect the late arriving Mr Right to suddenly love their children! India Knight will have some explaining to do!! By the way, I have no children, I'm 27 and have no plans for children any time soon. Hopefully my withered eggs will still be up to the job. If not - oh well, I've got a nice car.

Hannah Trought, Lincoln, UK

I'm 41 and childless and still people ask me when am I going to have babies. I hate the way I am expected to have or to have had children, 'that there is still time', or to be pitied for not having them. We are all part of life and whether we have children or not at whatever age is irrelevant.

ANA, Aragon, Spain

I was 38 when my baby was born this year after three IVF cycles (all paid for by me; I have been on the NHS waiting list for two years). I would have had kids in my late twenties or early thirties but didn't meet the right man until my mid-thirties. Does waiting for the right life partner (and a darn good father) mean we should be denied the right to be parents and the right of a child to be born into a happy household?? Perhaps I should have got knocked up by someone --- anyone --- ten years ago and then perhaps I might have been a net beneficiary of society by taking tax credits, possibly council housing and other benefits instead of paying the six figures I pay in taxes every year (and which undoubtedly support single mothers who rush into these things as teenagers)???

Incidentally, I was the median age of my NCT group, so I am not an anomaly.

Lisa, London,

Ahhh, India! I really enjoyed this article but for the vast overgeneralizations.

I would like to add that any husband worth his salt is not wandering around criticising his partner for being tired and worn- he is far too tired.

Paula, Melbourne,

This idiotic article is a collection of hostile and one-sided generalizations based upon age.

While it is true that it is much harder to become pregnant by natural means after age 35, the author (conveniently?) ignores the very popular and much less expensive (than IVF) and much safer IUI (Intrauterine insemination.)

As far as health goes, there are obese and inactive women in their 20s and 30s and there are marathon runners in their 40s. There are scores of immature and ntellectually/financially ill-equipped parents in their 20s and early 30s.

I would think that most women are paying for an IUI or IVF would have the resources have carefully considered their lives, finances, etc., and are likely at least (if not more) emotionally able to deal with a new child. Parents who desperately want a child and who will shower the child with love and attention. And she wont care if she's older than a few mothers at the kids club.

Why do YOU care?

Rhonda, Swindon, UK

I agree with many of the observations India makes. I've heard similarly dumb reasons for waiting till the 'right time' to have kids (there is NO right time to have kids; there'll always be pros and cons, whatever your situation). However, India's article is replete with generalisations. I had my first baby at 24, my second at 38 and my third at 40 (all naturally conceived). It was much, much easier having babies later in life. I had more resources and more patience. With my first baby, I remember feeling 'spaced out' by motherhood (though loving my baby dearly), but experienced nothing like this with my second and third babies. Now I just get on with it; life's too busy. I too have reservations about women in their 40s thinking that IVF is a quickfix. They seem naive, but it's really none of my business. Who knows why they left it so 'late'? We also shouldn't forget that, in the recent past, women with large families often had babies in their 40s, but started childbearing in their 20s.

LJ, London,

Interesting article. I'm 29 and my wife is 26 and we have an 18-month daughter and hopefully some more, with any luck. My wife stays at home - and works at home - and we're very happy with how our life is. None of our friends have babies, preferring to do the now-standard thing of getting the big TV, buying the car, paying off the house etc. All very practical I spose. But while we don't have the fancy things, we wouldn't change it for a minute. I'd urge people in good relationships who are thinking of starting a family to take the plunge. Don't wait another 10 years to be more secure. Have a crack I say!

Phil, Oxford,

Ms. Knight sounds like she's a tad jealous. Perhaps she wishes that she hadn't shut the door on more children due to some life plan that she's stuck with now.

Linda, Boston, MA, USA

The only dumb thing about this article was to continue to foster the belief that Mr. Right will be along eventually, and he'll love your kids cause he loves you.

Sure, go ahead, get pregnant...but don't replace a hoping for a perfect life with hoping for a late MR. Right.

susie, salies, france

I think it's time to hear from teenage kids with mums and dads about to collect their pensions.

stephen, lorca, spain

Does Ms Knight advocate falling pregnant "accidentally on purpose" without any prior discussion with the father? I am 33 and would love to start a family however I have not yet met a man who has wanted to have a family with me - it has not been a case of holding out for Mr Right. I make every effort to meet new men but I have no intention of selfishly and dishonestly becoming pregnant with someone who has no desire to have a baby with me.

Rebecca , London,

According to the book "Freakanomics," children who are born when their mothers are in their 30s tend to be more successful in all areas of life than children born to women in their teens and 20s (although kids born in their mom's teens and 20s have a better chance of living past 100, for what it's worth).

Insert standard disclaimers about correlation versus causation and how to evaluate statistics here. There's always a pro and a con.

Nicole, Asturia,

Anne from Bristol does not seem to realise that there are a lot of people who do not go to university and can never afford to buy their own house. Perhaps she thinks that these people should never have children!

A G LAMBIE, La Rioja, Spain

My mother had me when she was 36 (first child at 30). This has caused difficulties: massive generation gap which means that very often she has absolutely no idea where I'm coming from, and same for me. The other problem is that as someone in my twenties, I am also having to consider when I will need to start supporting my parents financially/caring for them as they're in their 60s. Chances are, I will be looking after two aged parents while raising small children.

On the up side, there was a time when we could do trips really cheaply, me as a student/under 25 and them as over 60s.

LB, London,

I'm 21, and was born when my mother was 41. As far as I'm aware, there was no special fertility treatment, only the faintly embarassing title "geriatric mother." I don't think my mother chose to have me so late, nor my sister (three years older than me), but she was thrilled and perhaps more resilient that she would have been had she had us younger. She did it largely on her own as my father travelled for work, and while I don't remember my childhood as being golden with fun with my mum, I do know that she never once regarded either of us a toy, status symbol, competitor or any of the other things I've seen younger mothers equate their children to. In fact, both my parents seemed pretty impatient for us to stop being children, become adults, so that we could have a proper relationship. This does not happen with women who have their babies in their twenties.

Lizzie Kaye, London, UK

Anne from Bristol you hit the nail on the head. I would be more than happy to have had children before now, but I'll be damned if I'm going to just have them without having the house paid for and some financial provision ready for the wife and kids in case something happens to me. I won't bring people into the world so they can end up stacking shelves to pay for schooling in some chav hellhole.

Blewyn, Muscat, Oman

I had my first child at 39 and I'm pregnant again at 40.
Naturally.
I'm not madonna, i'm not famous.
I'm happy. I have friends. Old and new!
My husband finds me sexi. We actually still have sex 4 or 5 times a week.
I don't mind waking up 3 times in the middle of night, it beats doing a all nighter to finish a deadline for a stupid client i don't give a hoot about. I'm sure yo u know all about those all nighters!
I don't look like a grand mother. Actually I look pretty good. And with no help.

Yes it's true if i had a chance I would have had a child in my early thirties but life doesn't work that way for everyone.

Many articles like yours have been written.
I think it would be a more creative and cutting edge to write an article on how cool it is to be a mother at anytime.
Encouraging women and making them feel, for once, cool for giving up a job to stay home to create a family.

But that would not sell papers..right?

Good luck with your career I bet is very fulfilling

silvia Baldini, london,

Very well written article - packed with common sense. I completely agree with everything that is said here. I had my first child when I was 23 and my last at age 29. Then, at the age of 31, I was diagnosed with MS (I'm 37 now). Thank God I had my kids when I did. One never knows what the future may hold and in this time that we are living in now, auto-immune illnesses are becoming more and more prevalent. I don't care so much about a posh house, fancy car and high-powered career - I live perfectly well without all that "stuff". But my kids are an all-together different story. I love them so much and they love me. It's an awesome experience no amount of money can buy.

Robin G., Victoria, B.C., Canada

I had a son at 41 as did two of my friends. None of us needed IVF. It took me about two weeks to get pregnant. Both of my friends got pregnant accidentally but were happy about it. I am glad I left it late as I got a lot of travelling done before. Having a kid late keeps you fit. I am 53 now and I do Kyokushin karate, hill-walking and snorkelling with my son.
Fiona Pitt-Kethley

fiona pitt-kethley, cartagena, spain

1) Feminism has * not * sold women a lie. It just hasn't had the chance to reverse centuries of misogyny and achieve half of what it wants, and needs to for women to be treated as equals.

2) If your husband looks at the rings under your eyes after you've carried, given birth to and nursed your child, why doesn't he chip in and do some of the wretched night feeding or just learn to appreciate the woman who gave birth to his child as something other than a "minx". It's not a permanent state, for God's sake.

3) It does damage your career, actually (see my first point) and given the state of pensions, the cost of having a roof over your head and the issues with schooling and health in the UK, a two-career household isn't a luxury.

Bowleserised, Berlin,

I think the problem with this article is that India Knight is making it sound like having a child when you're older is BAD just to push her argument that having a child while you're still young is GOOD.

Frankly, being an older first time Mum myself, I think that whenever you're blessed with a child, you're blessed.

And PS I find being selfless after years of being selfish actually quite inspiring and wonderful.

McBibi, Sydney, Australia

My mother had me at 17 - prime baby making years. She and my father divorced when I was five and she struggled and suffered through the following years trying desperately to give me a good life. Some men came along, but none were my father and none loved me, or her, the way the right man would have. Despite my mother's best efforts, I had a miserable childhood. In turn I waited for Mr. Right, had my first baby at 39 and am pregnant with my second at 40 (naturally - no IVF). For me waiting has been the right decision. I have many mom friends the same age, manage not to be knackered all the time, and can still pull off being a minx. I agree that waiting until things are right should be weighed with reality, but waiting isn't a bad or wrong choice. If only others weren't so judgemental, and would refrain from the "middle aged mother" jibe, all would be perfect.

Jennifer, los angeles, CA

As a soon-to-be-44 mum with a baby, a six-year-old, and a fantastic husband, I can't figure out why my life is so frightening to India Knight. Perhaps she envies us older mums a bit. I'd be a lot more "knackered" by motherhood if I'd had my baby in my twenties and been unable to afford help with the house. I'd also be a lot more knackered if I'd listened to alarmists like her and married (and eventually divorced) the wrong man out of fear of getting old.
Yes, trying to get pregnant in one's 40s doesn't work out for some women. Well, getting and staying marrying in one's 20s doesn't work out for a lot of other women and men. Right, India? Life is full of uncertainties for us all. What's clear is that there are plenty of fortysomething mums who are thrilled with our beautiful families. India needs to relax and stop judging other people's choices.

Kate, Los Angeles, CA

The female body is capable of procreation at the age of 14. Possibly earlier, but the mind of the bearer would not be sufficiently developed, even at the age of 14. Now, at age 41, there are 27 missing years. Each of those years marks a dwindling spiral. So, when you get to 41 you have indeed, missed the "best years" and your progeny will not have as good a start in life should you have decided to produce at age 19 or 20. Your body is not going to be in as good condition cellularly speaking at age 41 as opposed to age 19. This opens the arguement up to in my lay experience, conjecture. Are your offspring going to be healthy? Not immediately, but long-term? I would seriously suggest that if you are considering having kids at this late age, you do some research first into likely side-effects, and not have kids as an almost fashion accessory add-on to middle age. 41 is pushing it.

Chris Dare, Turner's Hill, West Sussex

Blah Rex. If women were able to support themselves financially in their twenties they would have children when they were 'meant' to. The reality is, we can't rely on men to stick around, and it takes 10 years after uni to get to a level where you can afford to buy your own house and provide for a child.

Anne, Bristol,