my mother has serious body issues. most of my memories of her involve a mirror and her complaining about what she saw in it. her boobs weren't big enough, stomach not flat enough, arms not thin enough. of course she always looked lovely to me and i couldn't understand why she hated herself so much. lucky for me i left home to live with my dad at 13 before her insecurites had too much of an impact on me but my sisters who are all in their teens now and still living with mum are sickeningly obsessed with their looks. they're absolutely beautiful in my eyes but one thinks her bum is 'massive' and is too short, one that she's disgustingly fat, one that she's too tall and flat chested and the other too buxom. they're all jealous of eachother's various body parts and think i'm stuck up for not constantly talking about what i hate about myself. i'm sure my mother didn't cause this on purpose (not certain she even realises) but it is her fault more than any magazine or airbrushed celebrity.

K, The North,

I agree with India that parents and the media have an important role in a child self body image. But I'm not sure if this is the total answer. I also think we must take into account men also. I am a 21 year old man and have had self-esteem issues regarding my body since I was a teenager and I think it would be more benefical to focus on how we can relieve these issues instead of a focus on who is to blame. Of coure it is also important to maintain a balance with young children and that they are taught that any food in healthy amounts is totally acceptable is only a real problem when things are taken to the extreme. I would like to praise India for her attention to a very important area of social dysfunction, it made for interesting reading while consuming donuts!

Sammy Gleed, London, UK

Unfortunately I can relate totally with what you're saying India. I'm 33 and for the last 29 years I've had a terrible relationship with my body and my weight, something I can relate back to being told I was fat at the age of 4 by a relative. Looking back, I wasn't fat, I was just taller than all the other children my age, with a broader frame. There wasn't any fat beyond the typical child's belly. What there was was a sensitive child who didn't need to be told that no matter how clever I was, how well I did anything, being fat meant worthless.

Jill, Edinburgh,

quite right India, always wise.

I sent a copy of your book to my sister, as I thought it would be helpful (she needs to come down to a healthy weight, being honest). Of-course this back-fired and she was offended. I thought your book would be a balanced route to sensible eating, providing a happy life and much-needed male-attention, but of course my gesture was interpreted as a dig at her weight. I realised this and said 'sorry', and spent some time feeling a bit guilty. I don't think she read it. My sister is insistent that men should not care too much about her size, and should be interested in her personality.

Peter B, london,

I dont agree with this article whatsoever - for a start I'm a man in his early 20's who worries about what he eats. I rarely if ever eat chocolate, cakes, crisps etc, anything I consider unhealthy. When I was young i was allowed to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and there was no rationing. When I became a teenager this was still the case and I balooned because I no longer had a fast metabolism. I got bullied incessently until I left school at 16 when I decided I didnt want to live like that anymore. I changed my diet and started exercising, and I have kept it up for the past 6 years. Contrary to your opinions, I'm happier than I've ever been - I'm more confident especially with girls, have better body image and I'm healthier. This would not be the case if I had continued the way I was going. So you still think its right to have no regulation on what children eat/hear?

Rob, Taunton, UK

Hmm, not sure that I get your point with this article India....on the one hand you are criticizing mothers who demonize food but on the other, you make mention of a diet (and by that you mean 'weight loss') book you have written, the market for which is no doubt the self same women who spend a disproportionate amount of time yo-yo dieting.

The plain, boring fact is that there are lots of children out there who are downright lardy because they have unrestricted access to a diet (as in food intake) of food which is full of transfats and should rightly be restricted by parents. While I enjoy bright orange pickled onion flavoured potato snacks as much as then next woman, they, along with hydrogenated oil and cocoa solids which make up Britain's confectionery, are best kept for party occasions.

If girls and young women grow up to eat heartily and healthily (three proper cooked meals a day) and walk to school and work, then they will have absolutely no need for weight loss books.

Kate, Stockholm,

Spot on as usual India! Even if Tracy from London missed the point. Amy Winehouse is nominated for 6 Grammy Awards,and
might well be rewarded for a tragic lifestyle.

Charles Lewin, Helsinki,

It has been shown actually, that the media et all have little to do with bulemia and anorexia...in fact, the vast majority of cases can be attributed to genetics, hormones, or both.

but there are a few things to keep in mind: children are watching too much television these days, so it can't hurt to keep them away from it a bit more (they'd do better in school anyways). Also, parents do play a huge role, and the bad tension in the house and mommy talking about being fat certainly isn't helping.

But thirdly, and most importantly, children ARE fat these days! You shouldn't be giving them sugar, soda, or fat on a large scale. Some sugar is good, in small amounts, because it ensures that they won't binge later on. And as for everything else, children should be eating much smaller portion sizes. Little girls certainly shouldn't feel fat, but now so many of them are. How about we kill two birds with one stone??

KA, California,

Another story on how children are not children any more.
I think only mothers have themselves to blame over their neurosis over certains foods and being on a permanent diet.
Of course females are going to be susceptable to this after all mothers set the example to their daughters.
O.K we dont' want to stuff ourselves or our children with junk food but I think we need to maintain a healthy relationship with food, and for some women this is a battle they face everyday.
And why? just so they can fit into a size smaller pair of jeans!!
Start living for what really matters!!!

Eloise, San Francisco, CA

Thank you India.
This is very good point about parents being responsible for their children's attitude towards food.
I myself struggle through eating disorders from age of 14 all because my mother(95kg and 5foot) always told me that I am fat(at that age I was about 65-70 kg and about 5.2 foot) and blamed me to the main reason she is the way she looks, meaning that she gained all that weight after giving birth and not being able to shed it.
now I come to realize that my mother is the cause of my years of misery.
Also other side of the argument- about parents feeding their children with unhealthy food - I recently was walking through bookshop and overheard mother and child conversation, mother asked her child if he wanted McDonald's, I find it disgusting.
One needs to find balance.

Diana, London,