India Knight
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Amazing how the ideological U-turns come thick and fast after you hit 40. I’ve written in the past about the freakiness of Botox and procedures like it and about the evils of plastic surgery. It turns out that my opinions were shared by Alexandra Shulman, the editor of Vogue, who wrote last week about how she deplored any kind of procedure aimed at concealing the inescapable fact that none of us is getting younger.
“It would be depressing to give in to it,” Shulman wrote, adding that even the smallest, least invasive intervention is “crossing a psychological frontier into another country”, and thus the thin end of a fat wedge: one minute, you’re losing a few lines; the next, you have a face like a balloon stretched over a melon, with your eyes heading for the back of your head, like something that lives at the bottom of the sea.
I would have agreed with her until recently. Why is the public perception that lines and grey hair turn men into “silver foxes” and women into grizzled hags? Why do women not see the tragic neediness of wanting to look less like themselves and more like their teenage daughters? Why do surgery aficionados seem to find it hard to know when to stop and often end up pop-eyed and utterly smooth, like weird dolls with old bodies? And so on.
It’s not difficult to construct an argument in favour of growing old gracefully and thus against any kind of cosmetic procedure, surgical or otherwise (and, by extension, against hair dye and eyebrow tweezing). It’s rather trickier to come out praising such procedures but praise them I do, to the skies.
I noticed, just under a year ago, that my face in repose was looking grumpier and grumpier. Not wrinkly, which is good, but sort of frowny and fierce about the eyes. This is hardly surprising since I am quite grumpy, but that doesn’t mean I liked it. Short of smiling crazily from dawn to dusk, there seemed to be only one option. So I informed myself and eventually went off, with some trepidation, to a private hospital in London (cost: high; waiting list: six months).
Despite what anybody tells you, there are only three or four people in London who administer Botox properly and with skill, which is why there are so many people walking around looking frozen and/or mad. People on the waiting list include every beauty editor in town, as well as every other person you see on the telly and praise for their unadulterated “normal” girl-next-door looks, or admire for ageing gracefully. Ha!
As the doctor sat taking photographs of my grumpy face, I explained that I disapproved of Botox and was only on a sort of recce. Quite right, he said. Find out about it first, go away and have a think, maybe come back another time. However, this is what he would do – here, here and here – and this is the kind of result he would achieve and everybody would think I looked especially well and nobody would dream I’d had my face injected with botulism toxin.
Health risks, you say. Eating salami is apparently a health risk. Leaving the house is a health risk and so is staying in it, since we’re all being poisoned by our use of detergents. I’ll take the health risk that makes me feel better, thanks.
It took me, ooh, about 45 seconds to decide that I wanted the Botox and that I wanted it right now. He did his thing – lots of tiny pricks rather than two or three big ones is the idea – and afterwards I jumped out of bed every morning for a week to stare in the mirror and try to frown. The frown became slighter each day and after a week I’d stopped looking permanently cross. Result!
I could still wiggle my eyebrows, or raise them, or look furious – but only when I wanted to look furious. And, sure enough, lots of people since have told me how “well” I look. Not one had asked if I’d had “work” (I guess the cat’s out of the bag now). I showed some girlfriends who had screamed with horror when I’d first mentioned Botox and begged me not to do it and even they conceded that perhaps it wasn’t such a terrible idea.
I had another load of Botox a few weeks ago, with even better results. I was about to go to America to appear on The Today Show and mentioned to the doctor that I felt nervous about this. “I’m going to give you a present,” he said. “A tiny little bit of filler in the lines between your nose and mouth, about half what I’d normally put in.” I can’t tell you what a difference this made – although I’m grateful for the half-dose: too much filler is what makes certain actresses have extraordinarily smooth round cheeks, like hairless hamsters.
And I don’t think it’s the thin end of the wedge, either. Fans of cosmetic procedures used to divide into two camps: mad women, who ended up looking barely human and whose desire for “perfection” clearly hinted at some subsumed unhappiness; and rich middle-aged ones, usually socialites, who made a virtue of being “well preserved”.
There is now a third camp and as far as I can see it’s a new phenomenon: middle-aged women like me, who don’t fancy anything extreme and have no desire to compete with pert twentysomethings, but who nevertheless would rather not look like they’re about to knock someone out with a swift left hook or who don’t fancy brow cleavage – that stubborn line that lodges itself between the eyes – or who, while resisting the idea of being as smooth as a blancmange, aren’t really crazy about having jowls at the age of 38.
I don’t think feeling demoralised by jowls makes you insanely vain, or self-hating, or part of the conspiracy to make women feel ugly and inadequate: I just think it means you don’t like jowls. And why should you? They’re not nice.
To me, Botox (and, mmm, maybe fillers) now comes under the category of hair dye, tooth-whitening toothpaste and waxing. Sure, I could wander about looking like some kind of angry badger, with huge grey streaks, stained teeth and goatlike legs, but whom exactly would I be pleasing? What would I be achieving and who for? Would I be making any kind of point and, if it were valid, why would I feel so mirror-crackingly awful?
If I have indeed “crossed the psychological frontier into another country”, it’s one I recommend. I say, go for it. If you have horrible teeth, get them sorted. If you have dreadful skin, get it seen to. If you feel that you’re rather more prune than plum and it bothers you, go and see somebody about it. You have nothing to lose but your decrepitude and nothing to be embarrassed about whatsoever. Normal people have “work” done, too. And no, it doesn’t hurt.

India Knight was born in 1965. She lives in London with her three children, writes a weekly column for The Sunday Times, and a weblog, Isn't She Talking Yet?, on bringing up a child with special needs. She has also written two novels, My Life on a Plate and Don't You Want Me?
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Well done India ... it's about time someone stood up for all women over the age of 40 who still want to look as good as they can in today's world.
Well done for admittingt you have had work done, rather than secretly doing it and smiling quietly to yourself when admirers say how great you look
susan levett, crayford,
I couldn't agree with you more, India...I felt exactly the same as you about having any kind of "work" done...but have also had Botox, and can't see what the fuss is about - a great result on a par with dyeing one's hair.
Sophie, Athens, Greece
How sad. I was an admirer of Ms.Knight`s column. No more. She is just another frantic 40 year old having a mid-life crisis. Big weight loss, diet book, Botox. Nothing special.
Pamela, Munich, Germany
India, what's preventing you from going around "smiling crazily", as you put it?
Hannita, Argentina,
Born in 1965 according to your biog.
You're only a kid! Not even menopausal yet.
If you are so vain you are on botox now what are you going to do when you reach 60?
Really you should have better things to worry about.
cam, uk,
If we all adopted a good life style, would we need botox? What good is making us look ten years younger, if we are killing our bodies with toxins..
Will people who are giving themselves all these chemical botox injections, live long enough to see old age before they die from the effects....
Valerie Andrews, Wokingham, Berkshire
hi, i m jitu from bangladesh. i would like to know some information about food problem. now the whole world face the food problem.besides, the prices hiking also exsisting. so, have any flexiable idea for our country to solve this problem.
jitu saha, dhaka, bangladesh
Can't help but feel all the naysayers aren't happy with their appearances but cannot afford to do anything about it.
I havn't had it by the way, never will despite now I'm mid 30's I'm starting to look like my dad...but if it gives someone a little boost, makes 'em a little happier....so what?
Chris da Pink, Chorley, Lancs. UK
No worries India , your life , your body, ignore the doom merchants and just enjoy, life is hard and dull enough without some pleasure somewhere
Mike, Birkenhead, UK
Cosmetic surgery and diet books...so why does India Knight have a column in the Sunday Times rather than writing for one of the identikit women's weeklies? If I wanted to read about this stuff and get a fix of how women just aren't good enough I'd turn to one of these, not a quality newspaper
Lyn, Birmingham,
Dear India,
So, you're not happy with your skin....but you smoke! well, honestly! come on, you know what you have to do next....
H, Cambridge,
WASHINGTON - Botox and a similar injection should come with strong warnings following reports of 16 deaths and other serious problems after the botulinum toxin spread inside the body, a U.S. consumer group said on Thursday .
Jan 24th 2008
Be careful there are risks.Look it up on the internet.
James Currie, London, U.K.
Wouldn't a few minutes of facial exercises be a lot cheaper? Plenty of how-to books out there...
Kieran, Leeds, UK
So a shot of poison into your face makes you feel good, then isn't that just the same as a shot of heroin into your arm?
Michelle Clark, Lincoln, England
So you waited 6 months for an appointment and then told the docor you were on "a recce...". Hmmm, sounds like this was a decision you had come to some time ago and now feel you can share it with your readership. Ah well if Fern Britton can admit to a gastroband your confession doesn't seem as bad.
Marja, London, London
I have been lucky, mostly due to my genes (thanks Dad!) At 71 I don't need botox, I have very few wrinkles and have always looked at least 10 years younger, would I have had it done ? No ! to me it is a waste of money, better you spent the money on something that will last longer than a few months!
Rosalind, Wellingborough, UK
India, there's nothing wrong with doing botox if it makes you feel happier about yourself. Caring for beauty is part of being a woman. It is our right and our privilege!
Helena, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
What are you going to do when you get to fifty or gasp, sixty? Keep doling out the money for something so expensive you couldn't even admit how much it cost. Your the prisoner to societal pressure and don't pretend otherwise.
Rebecca, London, UK
This is the unfortunate end result for any woman who spends all her days thinking about how she looks. Botox can then be seen as a barometer for the self obsessed, the people you shouldn't bother getting to know. So she fills her face with crud because men buy flash cars? Good justification!
Ross, Southampton, Hampshire
Could you tell us which hospital you went to?
Claire , London, UK
We fear, people have existential breakdowns in midlife worryied about the worth of their life's achievements. As women place so much weight on appearance, they see cosmetic procedures as a way of validating themselves, similar to how middle aged men seek this validation in the form of flash cars.
Joseph Rogers, Warwick, UK
You go girl!
As I've been telling people for years: it's not the Botox that matters, it's the doctor who applies it. You need a doctor with an almost artistic gift to visualise how it will look - and he/she needs to take time to do it properly, NOT in 15 minutes. If done right, it's fabulous!
Trish, Paris,
You've kind of lost me now India. Ah well. Good luck to you, I hope it does make you feel better.
Kerstin Mierke, BG,
India, you are now over 40, and your skin will sag. It's normal, but putting toxic bacteria into into your face is not. "Horrible teeth" get sorted by any normally solvent parent these days before 11. I thought you had grown up but you seem to be regressing into WagWorld.
bulabula, sherborne,
What a bore. I would rather accept you warts & all. There is no grace & dignity in fighting against the ageing process.
ian cheese, london, uk
Of course, no one wants to be perceived as an angry badger. But if you're "crossing a psychological frontier", cross another one and seek to understand the nature of that "grumpy" demeanor.
Rick Hepner, Salt Lake City, USA