It might be bett erto stay home when you children are small and I did so for 6 years. But after that time I just couldn't take it anymore, I was so bored. I even took up studies again while looking after my children. I am glad I went back to work, it's not easy but I feel so much better.

Rachel, London, UK

It seems contradictory that all political parties support "family values" to combat society's moral decay, yet do their utmost in encouraging new mothers back to work and creating a tax and housing climate that is not beneficial to a family.

P Clarke, Pinner, UK

I completely agree with Maggie from Berlin. If a woman has a baby she should look after it - true - and so should the father. Why should the responsibiity fall on the woman's shoulders all the time?

Susan, London, UK

Finally, a voice of reason - hurrah.

liz, london, uk

Mum (and Dads) are responsible for a child's initial learning of language - mother tongue, without any real training needed.
Within this one to one repetitive activity a child first learns to develop relationships with others. Both of these things have a huge effect on school life - and later.

Mark ET Wilson, Bristol, England

Why is it a case of 'either, or?' The media have set up this false proposition of working mum/stay at home mum, with no regard to what benefits the child best.
In my experience happy mum=happy child, whether mum works or not.

eleanor, st albans, UK

I stil havent figured out how mother can have time to work with a new born baby ... at what age should the baby be taken care by nanny or grandparents ?

Peter, KL, Malaysia

My mum always worked full time, it gave her independence & meant that when my parents divorced we could maintain a good standard of living without my father's income.My 2 brothers and I are now at school/uni & very proud of our mother & perfectly happy and well balanced and we've always felt loved.

Ines, London,

For the record,75% of women work, but the vast majority are part-time. The doubts creeping in are whether women OR men should spend so much time at work. The solution is simple: want less. Kids are as happy or as sad as their parents. There's more to life than treats, holidays and 500 xmas presents

john ward, Lyme Regis, devon

Why not make a choice, a family or work outside the home? It's not fair for the children to have part time parents.
If a woman doesn't want to raise children, then don't have them. Don't marry a man with the intension of reproducing.
Simple really.
But if you do have children, look after them.

Sally, Cooper, Texas, USA

Good article. The problem could be solved if men would just stop getting married. Men must treat women as equals. Let women work, make babies and go shop -- pay for it all themselves. Men do not need to get married to have a happy life. Marriage is the problem; abolish it.

John, Placentia, Republic of California

Working mothers need to make a choice! Why should a man work all the hours god sends and be paid highly yet a woman works less because of her children and gets paid the same. It will never be fair but the world I am afraid isnt fair, and woman need to stop moaning and just get on with it"

Whitney , Berkshire,

Great article spoiled by last paragraph. Why lower yourself by denigrating stay-at-home mothers? Why assume that those women in that category are "right next to the stove?" A slight contradiction after you write "I believe entirely in a woman's right to choose without being judged."

Louise Bamber, Market Harborough, England

Well written India, couldn't have said it better myself!

The UK should get proper childcare facilites - like kindergartens - it works in my home country Denmark where we have one of the highest proportion of "working mothers" and at the same time the highest proportion of happy children.

Ida, London, United Kingdom

Liberation for women is freedom from responsibilty - and any blame/criticism.

And yes, Carrie from London. Most women DO get the house in divorce cases:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2003/oct/26/childrensservices.childprotection1

Kash, London,

If raising children was easy feminists would have claimed exclusive rights years ago. Raising children is exhausting and demanding work, it is vital for the well being of society, despite that it's importance is criminally undervalued.

joe reilly, spalding, England

Why not blame working mothers? It seems they are always looking for sympathy, something I don't have for them. If you are a woman and have children, be prepared to look after them and stop whining. Otherwise, you risk alienating and causing enotional harm to your own beloved flesh and blood.

linda, london,

It's society that is failing - not one part of the picture... if you want women to be at home looking after kids and cleaning, who's going to pay them to do it?

Just like to point out our society was constructed from a male perspective which is still ignorant to what women and children need.

louise, brighton, uk

To M, Beds - maybe you found working in marketing boring because you find working in marketing boring? Marketing isn't the only option to working women! I'm a software engineer and I LOVE it. I couldn't imagine not working; my work is my metier.

L Porter, London,

Government policy is to blame for absent fathers. State benefits are higher when there is no man around. Until that changes men will continue to abdicate their responsibilities. Women suffer when they work full time.The kids tend to suffer more short temper and get less attention. Is that good?

judy, Liverpool, England

The term "working mother" is a nonsense, since raising children is itself a highly skilled job of work. I myself swapped rôles with my wife, who as a senior lecturer had a higher salary than I as a school-teacher. I had experience of primary education but found the pre-school stage more demanding!

Edmund Burke, Kingston upon Thames, England

Why is someone who doesn't have a high-achieving academic record, does have dyslexia or just isn't very good at spelling 'thick'? Some very 'thick' people I know can put up houses from scratch. Brick or glass ones. Inside which people who are Very Good At Spelling can sit while throwing stones.

Anna, London, UK

Women should go out to work while men stay at home and look after the kids.

jason palmer, london,

Being able to spell correctly is a form of intelligence, as is use of grammar. For Universities to allow people to study and obtain a degree without this ability shows a lack of intelligence for those who set the standards at Universities.
While standards of literacy fall when a mother works.

Johny, Rennes, France

staggering amount of misogny around...

Instead of bickering over who is a 'better' parent, why don't we just agree:
- everyone works (either in the office or the home); and
- everyone wants the best for their kids; and
- we don't have to raise our kids in the 'same' way to be 'good' parents!

Kate, Sydney, Australia

Hoorah for India Knight. She says it all so well. It really is amazing how much misogynist rubbish this article has spawned though. So many people out there really just don't get it!!!! Which of course is India's point. Working mothers cannot be blamed for societies ills (period!)

Fred, Guildford, UK

Women wanted everything, and now they have it, they winge.

If you can't afford Children, and look after them yourselves, don't have them.

And no, Dave in Slough, lot's of women don't end up with the House in Divorce. My ex is with mistress in a giant home!! It's a lottery out there.

Carrie, London,

Women are the instigators for the culture where they compare themselve with ideals. Guys generally dont do this. Put your own house in order before getting out the old dig a man philosophy.

John, Egremont,

75% of mothers work - and 90% of fathers. Send another 15% out to work, and for longer hours, make them retire at 65, give them 2 weeks off for maternity leave, and take the house and children off them in a divorce. Oh yes, you also have to listen to the male equivalent of Harperson. Stop whinging!

Dave, Slough,

That the question is asked suggests the answer is in the affirmative.

MARK KLEIN, M.D., OAKLAND, CA, USA

You cannot compare some rich woman who coldy decides to delegate bringing up her children to a nanny with someone who has to work to make ends meet. If you can afford a nanny you don't need the money from a second income.

David Gwilliam, Leicester, England

I disagree that all middle/upper middle class mothers work because they choose to. There are some upper middle class mothers who would much prefer to be at home with their children, but because of personal financial circumstances, they have to go to work.

Josephine, London, UK

It is worth pointing out (in as value-free and impartial a manner as possible) that the decision by women 30-40 years ago to get jobs would have fueled a sharp increase in house prices, thus creating our present situation in which what was once optional is now virtually compulsory.

Daniel, St Albans,

Poor mothers work because they have to, upper middle class and wealthy mothers work because they want to.. big difference. Having children is a responsibility. The notion that YOU, the "mum" can have it all comes at the expense of your chiildren. One parent idealistically should stay home.

Jenny, Grand Rapids, MI US

Thank you for making the rarely voiced point about working fathers. Why is it a dad can work 5-6 days a week, at least 10 hours a day and still love his kids and a mum doing only a fraction of this must be hateful and a failure?

mandy swann, Glebe, Australia

I have worked for years in various secretarial roles and it was dull, stressful and soul-destroying. As a SAHM, with social networking sites etc, I don't feel isolated, I do part time work which demands some brainwork, and best of all I get to be with and bring up my son, all much more fulfilling.

Sue, Flintshire, North Wales

This is presumably a parody of a Glenda Slag article - drivel intended only to annoy.

chris neame, London , UK

'75% of mothers work. They work because they have to.'

Yeah but look at their lovely cars and tellies! Their kid's are everyone else's problem but they've never had it so good now they both work... to provide for the kids of course!

Marcus, Elstree, UK

Just the right mix of indignation, irony, and excuse me if I am too tired to laugh out loud!!!

Dulcie, Lompoc, California

Nobody ever bothers pointing out that it depends largely on the number of children, their ages, availability of jobs in the area, both parents' earning power/education and, also the amount of extended family help available ie it's not as straightforward as being just about 'equality', or choice.

M Lewis, Salisbury, UK

I thought the study was evaluating social views, not passing a judgement on what should be and shouldn't be. Perhaps India, with respect, you need to stop getting worked up on the false issue. The article should have/could have focussed instead on what the study actually said and meant.

Ryan, Glasgow, UK

another thing..any govt money available should follow the child, WHEREVER the child is cared for. So if money is available to subsidise the childcare industry and third-party care, then it should also be available to support kiddies cared for at home ie fair choice for ALL taxpaying families.

M Lewis, Salisbury, Wiltshire

Helping kids growing up in a good manner is much more usefull than earning a lot of money by having a nice career.

And why mothers? Well, womens have better skills to understand people (like better non-verbal comm and are more empatic). Therefor its more easy to care for others.

Urso, Germany,

In my opinion it is imperative that a mother works as well as bringing up her children. She'll need something to fall back on when her partner bails out of the relationship.

Midge, London,

So work stops your brain atrophying? Just how stretching is it on a supermarket till compared to the freedom and responsibility of looking after a family of four? This old cliche is trotted out all the time. That work is wonderful, and time at home is boring. Fact, work is boring, home is fun!

AJ, cirencester,

I have found that if you don't bother reading all these articles about how you should live your life, you don't need to worry at all. You can just get on with it.

Jane Grant, St Albans, UK

It would be helpful if there was more options for stay at home mothers to be able to re-enter the workplace after having raised their families. They can offer time, project, financial and 'HR' management, as well as many other skills. Society and the economy is wasting an invaluable talent pool.

Paul, San Francisco, USA

We have all seen the importance of bringing up children to play a good and balanced part in society.
I would have no problem that a working couple kept more of their hard earnt money, such that one of them could spend more time bringing them up.
It is probably the most important job going.

John, N Yorks, UK

It's all about priorities. Do you put your children and home first, or your work and career first? You can't be in more than one place at a time, and whichever is second will pay the price. I suggest that putting work first has resulted in the alarming increase of homeless kids.

Robin Hittos, Victoria, Canada

This article makes a lot of sense. I'm a mother who works full-time, and am not "stressed", "juggling" or "harming my child". My partner and I share childcare equally and this works. It is possible to achieve a balance, call it "having it all" if you want. I'd calling it muddling through happily.

Victoria, Oxford,

To have a real liberation we have to step back from even the most basic constraints and dare to ask what if they were not there. The problem with saying most mums have to work is that it does not step back. What if they did not have that financial constraint?Change that.
http://workisee.tripod.com

Beverley Smith, Calgary, Canada

The above article portrays women as victims when, in truth, women have a greater degree of choice than men when it comes to choosing kids or career. At least they have this choice. Men, however, are from an early age socialised into fulfilling one role: Providing for women and children.

Eliot, Bristol, UK

It would help if firms paid people enough so that one partner can actually stay home to look after the kids... it doesn't matter which partner... just so that one can afford to stay home...

pcooke, Gloucester,

With due respect Steve and Joseph, I doubt you have ever walked in a woman's shoes. The disrespect, double standards and discrimination go far beyond what this article portrays. This is not a rant against men, just a statement of fact.

S.C. Huldig, Leiden, NL

Women only have themselves to blame.

The first women that went to work were able to afford more, as they effectively nearly doubled the family income compared to a single earner.

But now, all women work, the extra income is used to pay for housing, so nobody better off

william rodgers, paris,

Well said India. Many men want equal rights in child custody battles but they mainly aren't prepared to accept equal responsibility for bringing up the children in stable family relationships. What about men having it all? Or is that different?

JW, Boston, UK

Throughout the decades, this double heaping of resonsibility has been guised as 'freedom', 'equality' or whatever else you want to call it. Il be blunt in stating that men who cannot provide the entire financial means for their family are half baked. Ultimatly, men and women are different.

Aliya Rahman, Croydon, Surrey

Apart from the reasons India gives for a mother to stay working there are the following: the need for a personal pension, retaining & improving marketable skills; financial security (40% of marriages fail). The best solution is part-time work in as senior a post as you can manage - for both parents.

Donna Walker, Effingham, England

I'm a well educated stay-at-home mother and to be honest, I found working in marketing in an office mind numbingly boring. I prefer my life now. I enjoy baking and cooking. I love taking my kids to the park. I read a lot when I can. I also go life drawing classes and do yoga.

M, Beds,

A rant against men caused by a report written by a woman. How curious.

The concept of "super" or "have it all" mum is a female creation. Men know it's impossible to have it all. Besides, it's not a binary question. Most of us would just like a better balance. I imagine women to be no different.

Joseph Wright, Seattle expat, US

I'm sorry India, but this is an immature piece using vacuous logic. Women's choice is not a black or white one between being a professional working mum (good) or staying at home suffering a wasting natural lobotomy (bad).

Women are wonderfully varied in temperament and ability.

Vive la femme!

Steve S, Wiltshire, UK

"Secondly, why blame working mothers for harming family life? What about working fathers?"

Thank you, that is precisely what I keep wondering. Why is it that when it comes to children and the responsibility for raising them it is still automatically assumed that it falls to the mother?

Maggie, Berlin, Germany