Janice Turner
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When asked why, for all his green pronouncements, he never cycles in London, Ken Livingstone explained that when he was a child “we were too poor to afford bicycles”. These days our Mayor’s £137,579 salary would buy him the grooviest graphite two-wheeler on which to tour his 32 boroughs.
But I always suspect that Ken sees getting around London in the terms of an old revolutionary propaganda cartoon. Motorists are top-hatted toffs, toot-tooting about, smoking cigars, while users of public transport – as Ken considers himself, though he mostly means taxis – are the stoic strap-hanging masses, shoulder to shoulder in noble struggle against train companies and Tube bombers.
Cyclists, meanwhile, are anarchists, irritating, irrelevant, ill-disciplined individualists. And while political fashion dictates that Ken must celebrate the proliferation of cyclists, you just know he’d love to put them down brutally, as Lenin and Trotsky did the Kronstadt sailors.
No doubt Ken will have his prejudices confirmed by the Department for Transport report that reveals the richest fifth of the population, predominantly white, middle-class males, are the most likely to cycle. But it is not the expence of cycling that makes it the preserve of the privileged, but the arrogant sense of entitlement necessary to ride the urban mean streets. And this quality seems to correlate with wealth, aside from those hardo hoodie boys riding too-small BMXs.
I’ve just got back on my bike after a four-year hiatus. On day three of a Tube strike that was keeping me from the new autumn fashions in Selfridges, I walked into Edwardes of Camberwell and left riding a silver Dahon collapsible bike. On its maiden journey, I remembered why I’d given up: cycling in London is an extreme sport, little safer than base jumping. Every time a bus skims past or I wobble on a drain cover or I have to trust that a FedEx driver has seen me, I imagine my skull being squished like a watermelon. A journey begins with trepidation and ends with me slightly high that I’m still alive.
The city hates the cyclist. It is evident from every spiteful sign saying “Bikes attached to these railings will be removed” (how are they possibly hurting anyone?), the warnings around Covent Garden that police will punish those who don’t dismount (why not draw bike lanes through pedestrian precincts?), the scarcity of cycle racks, the mapped routes that suggest we take looping detours while cars hog the crow-flight main roads . . . See, after just three weeks in the saddle I’m already brimming with cycling self-righteousness.
And so the cyclist has no choice but to take the role of maverick gunslinger. Which explains the ludicrous Lycra worn by the harder-bunned biker: battle dress, superhero garb. You are a law only to yourself and when you see just how many senseless new traffic lights Ken has installed, you jump them, because it is only you who will die.
On a bike, she who hesitates is dead: it is women who cycle timorously, clinging to the kerb, who are most often killed by left-turning lorries. I stick to the centre, regardless of beeping behind, away from parked drivers who’d kill me with a flung-open door. And I ride pavements too but only – before you press “send” on that e-mail – on those vast empty sidewalks approaching bridges that could spare a few feet for a bike lane.
On two wheels you are self-reliant – you have the pleasure of knowing exactly what time you will arrive, independent of timetables or traffic – and utterly alone. No wonder you despise not just the cars who would kill you, but pedestrians and passengers for their pathetic passivity, waiting at bus stops, the lazy losers, drifting like dozy sheep across your hero’s trail.
This week times2 reported that the old-fashioned sit-up-and-beg bike is regaining popularity. But they’re a fashion fad, not a London solution. Even the main importer of these Danish classics doesn’t actually ride one. My last bike was a baby-blue upright Claud Butler with a basket at the front. I’d just been sacked from a high-powered job and fancied I’d rebrand myself as a carefree mummy with flour in my hair. But I couldn’t get Claud up the damn hill.
Besides, it was the kind of bike you ride in Amsterdam or Copenhagen, where cycling is universal and déclassé, where the mayor does not want you to die so has created a lovely path separated by a concrete barrier rather than expecting you to dice with bendy buses. The upright bike is democratic, it should cost €10 bought fifth-hand from some bloke who dragged it from a canal, not £400 from a poncey retro boutique. It should be ridden with chic insouciance, in ordinary clothes, with a serene half-smile. The London cyclist’s default expression is grim.
No, the solution to London cycling is the folding bicycle. It’s like a jet pack! I collapse my bike, take the train into town, then pop it back together, breaking only two nails on average, and zip off. If I get lazy or late or drunk, I can sling it in a cab. I check it into the cloakrooms of posh hotels or bars, so no one can nick it. I have never in my life owned anything so remotely cool.
This week, after a lunch for Anna Wintour, the legendary editor of American Vogue, I watched as the soignée editors of British magazines hung about phoning impatiently for cabs. OK, I had helmet hair, was unable to wear heels, probably smelt a bit whiffy up close but at least I was free. Still, after I cycled off down Bishopsgate, I made sure to wait a good six blocks before I removed my decent jacket, stuffed it in my bag and pulled on a filthy cycling fleece.

At this lunch, it struck me how far British women’s magazine editors are – with perhaps one exception – from the fictional image of humourless fashionistas depicted in Ugly Betty or The Devil Wears Prada. All of them mix an excitement about fashion with the mischievous sense that it’s all slightly silly. At the shows, the British editors pass sweets and notes, the glacial Americans cut rivals dead.
And unlike La Wintour, who is a proper size zero – fabulous from a distance, but rather alarming close up – none of them is wasting away. In fact, as the regal editrice left us to our petits-fours, the question around the room was not “who” was she wearing, but “Did you see? Anna ate a whole potato!”
Janice Turner joined The Times in 2003 from The Guardian, and writes mainly, but not exclusively, on family matters and women's issues. Her column appears on Saturdays
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Tom, Colchester, UK wrote;
"All cyclists should have to pass a test, pay road tax and have insurance in the same way as other road users".
Why would that change anything? Only motorists have to pay car tax (road tax doesn't exist) and have insurance, but they are still the greatest source of danger on the roads. Roads and cycling predate motoring which suggests motoring taxes do not pay for the roads. Road maintenance is the responsibility of Councils, funded by Council Tax and Treasury grants, which suggests that we all pay for the roads regardless of how we use them.
I think that cycle training should be mandatory for all 10 year olds and that all potential drivers should pass an advanced cycle test before they are allowed a provisional car licence. A skilled and trained cyclist, I am sure, makes a far better and safer car driver. Also all car drivers will, by default, be cyclists too. No more "us and them". Easy.
Nigel, Bath, UK
We face the same challenges commuting by bicycle in Singapore. Traffic is nuts in our car-crazy city. Like you, I also just discovered the joys of a folding bike to get around. Ride safe!
mrbrown, SINGAPORE, Singapore
I enjoyed your article about cycling in London.I too have a folding bike-a dahon with a 5 speed hub and a Dawes badge-which is wonderful around town although not the ideal folder as it is heavy and awkward to carry.I have recently fitted a pair of expensive-£27 each-tyres Schwalbe Marathon Plus size 20x 1.35 which have a special Smartguard layer for extreme puncure protection.I use these tyres on all 3 of my bikes and have been puncture free for the last 2-3 years.You may be interested in Sustrans-www.sustrans.org.uk or CTC-www.ctc.org.uk and there is an active London Cycling Campaign.You are clearly a defensive cyclist-as you have to be when in a big city-I wish you safe and happy cycling.John Wickens Worthing West Sussex
john wickens, Worthing, UK
I live in Los Angeles and commute one or two days per week by bicycle. You think bicycle commuting in London is death-defying? Try L.A.! Ha!
But more power to you, babe. A woman on a bicycle is the hottest sight in the world, so go on with your hot self.
LosFelizRider, Los Angeles, California USA
Tom,
Actually, like all the cyclists I know, I do pay road tax, insurance etc; and as cyclists are generally wealthier than non-cyclists, i suspect I pay rather more tax than you do; should I get a refund because I leave the car at home and cycle instead ?
Doug , Birmingham, England
Love your email
I totally agree with your point about cycle lanes i am visiting friends in Vancouver at the moment the cyclist are really taken care of here cycle lanes are everywhere here in loverly British columbia ken Livingston says he is a green supporter but he has not done much to support the cause, public transport in the UK is so so expensive compared to so many countries around the world please wake up ken Livingston and DO SOMETHING...
carly, london, uk
Wonderful to hear a realistic and positive piece about cycling in London! Have to say that I go for a much faster bike, two pannier bags with laptop, files, suit and gym gear - a little like my own personal pack horse. But boy do I smile all the way. On the one hand cycling is fun, energising and a great way to start and end the day (many of the office frustrations dissipate with a little rivalry between cyclists on the road!). But it is also the freedom that is so enjoyable: watching the long faces on busses, or the frustrated attempts of drivers trying to outdo each other approaching crossings ... and I just zip by! And when you arrive at work you have none of the stress of having wrestled with the millions on the tube! I hope the trend continues and many more get on their bikes. I've been at it for four years now and never looked back! Thanks Janice!
gary, london, uk
Janice buy a proper bike such as Marins Redwood
its a revelation to ride and will have you cycling forever.
wayne, huntingdon, cambs
Bravo! A really splendid articles on cycling and the general reaction it creates. I thought only america suffered from this distorted predjudice about cycling. It is only a slight exageration to say that I have had otherwise rational people reduced to furious, spitting mad, word chewing, psychotics when I tell them I am a road cyclist. I'm not sure exactly what it is that infuriates them so much. Perhaps they resent having to accomodate me on "their road", or maybe speaking to a man who is secure enough to wear lycra shorts in public is too discomfitting. Of course I prefer to see myself as a latter day longbowman using independence, personal technology, skill, and courage to shoot arrows into the thundering armoured hordes of charging, self important would be knights. Maybe what makes them angry is that like the armoured cavalry of old they know their day is past but refuse to admit it.
Joseph Thornton, Warrenton VA, USA
Why shouldn't we cyclists be arrogant? As much as motorists might hate it, we are in the right. We don't pollute, congest or cause deaths.
Why should we obey the laws of the road when they are designed purely for motorists?
And no, we shouldn't take road tests until, oh maybe cyclists are responsible of two or three percent of the deaths caused by cars.
On yer bike!
Tim, Auckland, New Zealand
Your quite right, I am a motorist and quite often also a pedestrian and I hate cyclist with a passion find and it very hard to resist pushing them off the pavement as they speed by and pray they run into a lamppost or something equally as painful, I would laugh my head off.
d case, nequay,
I don't cycle, but I support those who do - and also those who walk and use public transport. We are all on the same side - or we should be, not trying to score points off each other. It's the unrestricted tide of motorists we should be against, spewing out fumes over pedestrians, cutting up cyclists and making bus journeys slower through the congestion they cause. The congestion charging zone should be extended in London and introduced in other cities, with the proceeds going towards improving the safety and comfort of cyclists, pedestrians and public transport users alike.
Barry, Wallington, UK
No, it isn't only you who will die when you jump one of Ken's lights - you are going to kill a toddler who has jumped ahead of his buggy - pushing mother because he saw the man turn green. Some hero. NYC bike messengers also fancy themselves a law unto themselves, and trick themselves out in outlaw hairdos and accessories while they tear around the mean streets, or the mean pavements, if it happens to be easier for them. They kill and maim plenty of people every year, the majority elderly and the very young - I guess these must be the dozy passive types you refer to. There is a very good reason why cyclists are meant to respect the rules of the road - people get hurt otherwise. Have consideration for others when you are out and about.
Stephanie Scott, London,
Ha! Nice article, encapsulating many of the pros and cons of a cycling lifestyle. Love the line: 'The London cyclistâs default expression is grim' ; it made me laugh 'cause it's certainly true in my case! I don't agree with cycling on the pavement though as all cyclists suffer the disapproving attitude of other road users because of such unlawful actions by a few anarchistic fools.
Katharine, London,
I ride a motorcycle into the City of London each day and trhere's only one thing worse than a scooter rider and thats a cyclist, red lights don't apply to them, stick an arm out and the world has to give way to you, no road sense at all. I agree with Tom of Colchester, insurance, road tax and education/testing might make these people think a bit more about other road users
Nick, Potters Bar, Herts
The portability and easy storage of a folding bicycle greatly extends the versatility of these exercise and personal transport solutions, which nowadays can be much lighter than the folders of years ago.
Navigating a busy thoroughfare (such as around the Hyde Park underpass) can be a hair-raising experience, however, and city traffic management with more provision for cyclists should now be an urgent priority.
dr venables preller, Warminster, UK
The only good thing Red Ken has done has been to introduce the anti-cyclist bendy bus.
All cyclists should have to pass a test, pay road tax and have insurance in the same way as other road users.
Tom, Colchester, UK
The next step along the true path of the folding biker is to get rid of that nasty Taiwanese Dahon and buy a Brompton.
Redcliffe, London,
"Here lies the body of old John Gray
Who died defending his right-of-way,
He was right - dead right - as he rolled along,
But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong"
Ben, Reading, UK
A good piece. Very enjoyable and with some humour.
Paul, Sheffield, UK