I am British but live in New York and really don't agree that American mothers show us up. All children spend Mon - Fri, often weekends too with Mexican nannies as far as I can see. 'Getting down and dirty in the sand pit' - not here , they would ruin their designer dresses, shoes and manicures!!

Mrs Jones, New York, USA

What happened to choice? Pretty sure no one is forcing this "american" parenthood philosophy upon an entire country. Maybe that is the problem with kids in Britain...always pointing the finger and wanting to blame someone else for their problems. I wonder where they learned that from?

KMR, Seattle, WA, USA

Surely staff at the school are partly to blame for the over-the-top behaviour at the start of a field trip. In June my 9-year-old went on a 5-day trip to the Isle of Wight and parents were specifically instructed to bring the children to school as normal and then leave. No big deal, no big drama.

Jenny, London,

What a bunch of nonsense. No-one has to leap to take on the characteristics of other moms from other nations unless it's in an effort to keep up with the Jones's. There is an in-between which is all about commonsense - sadly much of which is missing when it comes to raising children.

Jane Wilson, San Antonio, TX, USA

English mothers allowing Madonna and Gwyneth to set the standard for motherhood??? Get real. I thought you people had common sense.

No wonder why you've lost your country.

Cibess, Florida, USA

If you think it's bad having a few over there, try living with an entire Country full of these self-absorbed lunatics. We live across from a n Elementary School, and I see Women from the end of the block drive the little monsters to the front door of the School in a huge gas guzzling SUV. 500 feet!

Bill, Boston,, U.S.

Sure, Drew (Nottingham) -- Democrats see human nature as malleable, which drives their utopian social engineering impulses. Republicans see human nature as a constant throughout history, accept human frailty even as they strive for better, and don't expect that reality will conform to their whims.

Marty, Berkley, MI, USA

Thank you!!!!
I am a foreigner living in the US with a toddler and today I had a meltdown after her piano class because she is not up to speed with the other 3 year olds, the peer pressure made me doubt my parental skills! SHE IS ONLY 3, THEY ARE NUTS!!!
WE ARE FINE WITH A "SURE, HONEY, WHATEVER'

jeanette, Phoenix, USA

How I enjoyed your article!Spot on!I am Australian but 2 years ago I moved to the Middle East,in a compound inhabited mainly by Americans.I felt sorry for my child who did not fit into the "local" school full of US brats behind whom were these neurotic mothers."Good job" Janice!

Mary, Dhahran,

"Which school? Should we innoculate? Must I give up work?"

The best one available. Yes. No. There you go, no need for stress.

Kay Tie, London,

Wonderful article!

I've always thought that mothers (mine included) who micro-manage their child's life are absolutely woeful people who lack real purpose in life.

The adult life isn't supposed to vanish when one gives birth, but it often does.

Sometimes the mums don't stop until age 20! Crazy!

Eric, California, US

Computers are for everyone-and free to learn about too.Go to uk Online or a learndirect centre and they will help you -age is no barrier,

Phillis, Ellesmere port, Cheshire

Actually the NHS in my area is extremely good and I have had several procedures on my back with very little waiting time. It is very easy for Americans to laugh at our healthcare but at least we don't have to pay $5000 for an ambulance as my daughter studying in Texas found out recently, disgraceful

Lynda Ryland, Reading, Berkshire

About the elderly, and their lack of knowledge of computers & the internet, you might like to know that there are places that try to help, e.g.:
http://www.bsol.asn.au/
This entirely voluntary (i.e. unpaid) outfit is very successful, and is much valued by its thousands of members, past and present.

Michael, Kangaroo Point, Australia

Oh do get a grip Janice! Deal with your insecurity - you needn't follow the herd. The banks are getting the entire blame for the CC but idiots who threw caution to the air and borrowed more than they could repay appear not to be of consequence. Lets re-learn to take responsibility....

Dee, Reading, UK

What's wrong with high standards? Ours. The sad answer to your question is all around you. LCD motherhood and its issue.

Bob Hall, New York, USA

I think American morality is ruined by mass media. Just look at Friends, Sex and the City, Mama Mia etc. Its one messed up set of values. Who exactly controls this ridiculous the message infecting the entire nation, once wholesome and family oriented, now dysfuntional and confused. Motherhood gone.

Peter, Leeds, UK

I don't see any similarity with British parents obsessing about schools and US parents really getting involved with their kids. In the US I found that most parents had a lot more patience and were genuinely interested. They seem to actually want their kids, not to get rid of them as much as possible

Ross, lancaster, UK

And as an American mother, I can heartily agree that American parents are busy foisting more lessons and more sports involvement upon ever younger offspring. Whatever happened to just letting kids enjoy their childhood? Whatever happened to childhood, for that matter?

Loren, Veirnheimq,

Their parenting is maybe similar to their banking?

lionel, ny,

Loved Sarah's comment about how boring childen are. Quite agree. They kill adult conversation and frankly I believe it should be nannies, boarding school and when, and only when, they can take part in adult life will I have much to do with them!

Gillian, London, UK

I have lived near "ordinary" middle class Americans. I didn't realise I was on the benign neglect path until the Seattle mom told me how funny & British she found my family, when the only advice the teetotal mid-Westerner could ask me for was on cooking wine and the Californian was very kind!

Diana, derby, uk

How bizarre that the author chooses to blame someone else for her self-destructive behaviour. Sadly, I've found this rather typical of the British inability to accept responsibility for one's own actions.

John F, London,

I agree with every word in this article. Although I do not know any American parents, I can recognise all the traits of their parenting style in many parents I know. It must be exhausting to be that dedicated! All it succeeds in doing in breeding either overly precious or extremely resentful kids

Sarah, Kingston,

I recognized this kind of hyper/neurotic parenting from experiencing it and the article made me laugh. I'm not sure I would blame it on the Americans but this kind of 'smug' parenting can definitely be found at a school/nursery/kids party near you!

Sarah, Leeds, UK

And you don't like sterotypes. Brits invented florinated water, we had floride in our water before long before you did, we get free dental and healthcare, not like that nightmare health care system what you suffer, and I did work in it for 8 years, so I am able to comment.

Dan, Perfect, Islamabad

As a UK citizen now proudly having spent at least 3 months in over 20 US states, it is with a wry smile and total honesty that I observed most of these 'stereotyped' mums described in this article live in Democrat Voting states.The most relaxed mums are Replublican voters.Any 'Yank' care to explain?

Drew, Nottingham, UK

Even if all you say is true, and your inflated sense of maternal responsibility is American-inflected (disputable), you still haven't dealt with your original question: what's wrong with British neglect? The fact that British teenagers are among the most surly and unruly in Europe speaks for itself.

Christopher, London, United Kingdom

Don't blame America because you're boringly obsessed with your child. Get a life. And take some personal responsibility.

Actually, this whole country needs to take some personal responsibility.

For crying out loud.

Chris, Farnham,

What we should do is take responsibility for putting children back in their place. Childhood often doesn't prepare them for the hard lesson of adulthood; that you don't count unless you make yourself count. Bring back competition so they learn to win some lose some. Teach them resilience!

Trevor, Cambridge, UK

Spot on! Thank you- people need a little perspective once in a while.

Janis, London,

Geez, Gerald Joyce, Chicago, taking a dig at "socialized medicine", even in a humorous parenting article?

Brian, Green Bay, WI, USA

Is there anything wrong in the UK , that is not Americas' fault.? Easy target. Whos' fault will it be when the economies around the world start to rise After two world wars. 12 major recessions, and 1 giant depression, the markets have always rose higher than before. will america get the blame?

tim, boston, USA

I am totally sick of the stupid, negative attitudes of British middle class parents who are raising some of the most spoiled brats I have ever seen. The don't want to 'get down and dirty' but pay others to do it for them. It is time the British stopped blaming everybody else for own mistakes.

Estralita Murphy-Jones, Miserable, Enland

If Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna are anyone's ideal mothering models, than yes, your life IS truly ruined. However, it has nothing to do with your parenting skills but those of your mum and dad.

Adam, Bloomington, US

It's even more difficult to be a working American mom amongst the insane American UberMoms with their organic snacks and Yoga gear. I am a single mom, I have to work, and sometimes my child has Pop Tarts for breakfast. This information could ruin me if it got out. Insanity reigns.

Susan W., Columbus, OH, USA

"American tendency to hyper-medicalise the slightest ailment. " My UK relatives have a lifetime's supply of pills in their houses. It's cheaper for the NHS to give you pills to mask your symptoms than actually than actually perform a procedure to cure you. "Yes you're ill...here's a tablet...bye."

Gerald Joyce, Chicago, USA

My goodness, the Brits love stereotypes, especially about us Yanks. I guess I should write and article about how snobby and stuck up the British are and how they all have bad teeth. Raise kids how you want, hopefully it is the right way. Just because they are neurotic does not mean you need be.

Brad, Gainesville, USA

As director of a day nursery in Denmark I thought this piece was funny, refreshing and with a relevant underlying element of seriousness. My mantra to parents is: relax and enjoy being a parent and do not treat your kids as a project - be your self and with your help and support kidw will grow.

Brenda percy-Smith, Copenhagen, Denmark

I thought this was hilarious. I understand how she feels. I fit in more with the Erma Bombeck style of parenting.... My kid is always covered in mystery goo and I have to guess what she's chewing on now. It hasn't killed her yet, so we're good.

Melissa, Buckeye, USA

You have to keep reminding yourself that there two ways to do
everything. The right way and the American way.

Denver Watt, Osaka,

I would hardly use Madonna, Gwyneth Paltrow & bankers' wives as examples of typical 'American parents'. The pressure for acceptance is not really an external one; to a large extent, you are bringing it on yourself. Why do you so desperately crave the approval of the very mothers you disdain?

Jay, Pennsylvania, USA

As a teacher of many years, I can confirm that children are mostly very tedious and best ignored.

Sarah , Dartmouth, Canada

As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, Brits will regurgitate stereotypes about Americans.

TJ Manley, Madison, USA

Re: Peter from NY's comment, ok....let's talk about the upper-middle/upper classes, the same question remains: WHY ARE THESE WOMEN SO NEUROTIC? Why do these women live vicariously through their kids and feel so guilty about being just a little selfish?

Neurotic mom doesn't make for happy kids.

JMG, Chicago, USA

I know several families like this, with absolutely no life except child rearing. To be the fair the women generally don't mind, but the fathers sure as hell do. Part of the problem is that they are not allowed to say so, so well done Janet for putting your head above the parapet!

Ian Bannen, Oxford, UK

I think you're confusing the stay-at-home wives of bankers with ordinary Americans. And Judith Warner's book focused on the upper-middle and upper-class suburbs of Washington. I might ask, though, why you feel such a compunction to imitate that which you profess repels you...

Peter, New York,

I loved your column "How American Motherhood Ruined my Life". I'm British, have raised 3 kids in the US, and just published a parenting book with some "British Benign Neglect" techniques. Your observations are spot on, even US moms reading it would have applauded! Contact me I'll send you my book!

Fiona Cattermole, Erie, CO 80516, USA