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From The Sunday Times
January 28, 2007

The end is nigh, see it on YouTube

Jeremy Clarkson

I have the most horrible feeling that the only possible conclusion to the problem of Muslim extremism — and I’m looking 30 or more years down the line here — is mass deportation and an all-new cold war between Mecca and Rome.

I am also fearful that unless we stop thinking of ways to prevent global warming, and start to address the problems it will cause when it gets here, our children are going to finish their days in an overcrowded, superheated vision of hell. Where they can’t even get a cold drink, because all the corner shopkeepers have been made to go and live in Pakistan.

Unless, of course, America goes bust in the meantime . . . which it will. It is a mathematical certainty, unless George W Bush announces, today, a tax hike for both individuals and companies of 69% or he cuts federal spending to zero. Not just for a month or two. But for ever.

Since George Bush is unlikely to do either, the world’s biggest economy will collapse, which means we can’t rely on Uncle Sam when your neighbourhood mullah beats your daughter with a stick for not going to school in a tablecloth. Because it’s 47C out there and getting hotter, and Jonathon Porritt won’t let you have air-conditioning.

Strangely, however, my biggest fear for the future of the planet and the wellbeing of our children is YouTube.

At present it is full, mostly, of young men falling off their bicycles and catching fire. But in addition to this you can log on if you wish to see next week’s episode of 24.

This means the producers of 24 have gone to all the trouble of making a show, and paying the actors, and getting all those phones to go “beep beep eeoooh” and then finding that no television company in the world is all that bothered about screening it, because everyone’s seen it already on the web.

Naturally the company that makes 24 — and I suppose I should point out that it’s Fox, which is part of News Corporation, the parent company of this newspaper — has started proceedings against YouTube.

Fine, you might think. YouTube will be forced to treat the copyright laws with a bit more respect and that will be that. Except it won’t. Because the internet’s like mercury, so as soon as it becomes impossible to post copyrighted material on YouTube, some other computer nerd in Bangladesh will, for an outlay of 35p, start a new video-sharing site. And you’ll be able to post it there.

This morning there are 921 Jeremy Clarkson clips on YouTube, for which, obviously, I receive not a penny. Of course I could sue them — and now they’re owned by Google I think I might — but then the 921 clips would simply appear on the new sharing site based in Bangladesh. And what’s the point of suing someone whose only assets are a laptop and a loincloth? The upshot is that films, television shows, magazines, newspapers, songs, anything published or recorded, can be put on the internet. And the person who published it or recorded it doesn’t get any money. So what’s the point of publishing or recording anything? Obviously, if Jonathon Porritt were to write a book, it would be jolly funny to buy the first copy and put it all online, so he ended up with a royalty cheque for 50p. But it’s not so funny if you are Jonathon Porritt.

At present, everyone is obsessed with the internet. Every large media company in the world is investing millions in their websites and not one, so far as I can tell, has even the remotest idea of how it can possibly generate any money.

A prime example is iTunes. It doesn’t. Apparently Apple doesn’t make a penny from the music you download to your computer. But if you want to put that onto a portable device you have to buy an iPod, and they make lots of dosh from that.

It’s a brilliant wheeze, but now the Norwegian ombudsman has decided that Apple must make its loss-making music library available to anyone, no matter what sort of hardware they have. France and Germany are thinking of following suit. And if the rest of the world falls into line, that’s pretty much that for Apple.

It’s all a nonsense anyway, because there are countless sites out there in cyberspace where you can download music for nothing and then put it onto whatever sort of MP3 player takes your fancy.

Small wonder that last week Music Zone, a chain of Manchester-based record shops, went belly up. Who would buy a CD these days when with two or three clicks they can have it for nothing? That’s as idiotic as saving up for a BMW motorcycle when you live in Branscombe.

And it’s not just the media that are under threat. Why go to a doctor when there’s NHS Direct? Why have sex when there’s always some bird in Latvia who’s happy to get her knickers off? Why buy an encyclopedia when there’s Wikipedia (apart from the fact that everything on Wikipedia is wrong)? Why go to Tesco when you can shop online? Estate agents. Property developers. Motorcycle dispatch riders. They’ve all had it.

The only people I can think of who won’t lose their jobs to the internet are those who empty cesspits. And nobody seems to have spotted this.

One day, of course, they will. The world will wake up and realise it’s unemployed; that we’ve all been terminated by machines. And please don’t try to argue that men will always triumph over machinery because we can always turn it off. Because that’s the thing with the internet. You can’t.

I've move from the UK to Canada, and although Top Gear is shown on BBC Canada every Sunday without fail, it's about 6 months behind, endlessly repeated and never advertised when the latest series is on.

I agree with the comments about there being no alternative to YouTube / torrent sites. If the content providers like the BBC offered a service to the world that we could pay for, I'd pay for it. The BBC iPlayer is still only limited to the UK as is the BBC YouTube site.

Until the broadcasters don't come up with on demand online services with a suitable payment model, then they will succumb to the pitfalls of piracy and lose heaps of money, lay people off and end out producing rubbish programmes. If they embrace and invest in new technologies, then they might actually get some of that money back!

The problem is it would make the BBC a truly commercial entity, which is totally against it remit and would have other broadcasters up in arms about the licence fee.

nicemandan, Calgary, Canada

I agree with others. I love Top Gear, used to watch it weakly when I lived in Poland. But now I'm in US and... nothing. When I noticed BBC removing episodes from Youtube I spent 3 hours trying to find a legal way of watching your show (TV broadcasts, DVD sales, pay-per-view online channels). I came up with nothing. It's like BBC doesn't want us to watch your show, not even for money! It makes no sense... Of course I would like you to make money for your appearance (I would even be willing to pay 35p per appearance :D), but BBC does not want it to happen. Youtube is the only way for us, whether you want it or not (or torrent downloads, which are illegal as well). And this week I already missed the episode... and it's removed...

Marcin, Richmond, VA/USA

To Angharad, Swindon,

Have you not already seen the nintendo DS's pet owning game? Computers will not have to throw a physical stick for a real dog, they will throw a virtual one for a virtual dog that some child can clap and smile with glea about.

The only people who won't go out of buisness are those working with their hands, building your houses, fixing your taps and changing your fossil fuel guzzling boilers (which I must say, has proven very profitable).

People may be able to do without pets, work from home so not need cars but they will always need a roof over their heads with hot and cold running water.

Edd, Blank,

Well, if computers do take over I'm likely to be one of the last to go - I train, care for and walk dogs - like to see a computer play fetch with a hyper-active Great Dane! :D

Angharad, Swindon, England

You see, the thing is I love your show Top Gear and i would pay a hefty amount in USD if only i could find any conceivable way of getting it here in the U.S. I was introduced to the show when it aired a year or two ago on Discovery, and suddenly it disappeared. The only way that we can see your show is on sites like YouTube, which, believe it or not, aren't the best quality compared to cable streams or DVDs, and therefore are not a substitute good. I think many Americans feel the same way. Answer me this: Why is the BBC not exploiting this untapped market? I know there is some sort of relationship between the BBC and Discovery Channel so why not have DC distribute DVDs on their Discovery Channel Store?

Eric Rothrock, Allentown, PA, U.S.

I would gladly pay a princely sum to get Top Gear on DVD here in the States, but I would never have known you or Top Gear even existed if it wasn't for YouTube.

Rob Dies, Lansing, MI

love the show could only have seen it on you tube here in soviet canuckistan we are not allowed such good shows we are content with being a boring people, give me a job on top gear and forget the stig man see what an untrained canadian can do in a supercar. i really want to see a live taping and i would love to demo the cars ya don't like!

Stephen MacKay, Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada

P.S.
only its not my c230 its my brother's that he got for a wicked deal... i actually don't have a car. so i'll trade you my brothers c230 for your ford gt straight up!

Stephen MacKay, Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada

I have to agree with Lee from NY. I think many who discovered Top Gear via YouTube are praising that site for what it is. I would love to go to a store an sift through a series of DVD's of older Top Gear Episodes, but to tell you the truth there is no such thing (at least where I live (NY, if you are wondering)). Therefore, YouTube is the only way out for me to catch up with you guys.
Don't have the player, hate the game.

Michael Kozikowski, Lindenhurst, NY

Ithink you should stand for prime minister

Pat Marlow, Rushden, U.K.

Good morning Jeremy, thanks for the hugely entertaining top of the pops on friday. That made Red nose day for us! Also I must congratulate you on the Saint Nazaire program,broadcast on sunday night on BBC2. I wonder what those courageous lads who lost their lives on that operation would make of Phoney Tony on his band of crooks? Please continue your crusade against the politicaly correct idiots who are trying to take the fun out of life we're with you all the way
cheers ,

stan dawson, newcastle on tyne, u/k

Dear Jeremy,

I'm yet another big fan of your show that has learned of your existence from You Tube. I love how opinionated and articulated you are even when utterly WRONG.
The Internet, you see, is the new way of getting from point A to point B. And one day in the not so distant future you will learn to appreciate it (just line an Mitsubishi Evo).

I would love to pay for your show (and other shows I appreciate). As you know most of what we get on TV is pure RUBBISH. We are spending large chunks of our precious time watching stuff that isn't worth watching, don't teach us a thing, and doesn't even entertain us.
As the internet evolves we would see more ways that we can pay for content we appreciate, such as reruns of TopGear. Because believe it or not there are people around the globe that enjoy watching a middle aged British bloke with a beer belly shouting curse words at an unsuspecting piece of metal (and lately carbon fiber).

Lee, New York, NY, USA

Yes Jeremy,

You are a big star in the US among my car-loving friends. You get a lot of free exposure from that hated You-Tube. What's that worth to you? (and based on your choices of car decoration in the American South, I think you could use some friends over here... ;-) )

Tom Bennett, Portland, Oregon

dear Jeremy,
While the copyrighted matterial on youtube et al is a blot on the landscape, they do provide a very real path for people starting out in life, and the media, get their voice out to the masses. It also allows you to get your voice out to the masses who do not have the chance to buy the times. Or see the wonderful BBC channels. Consider instead asking the bbc to place segments up on youtube, googlevideo, xboxlive or whatever without fear of litigation ( or spell checking ) in exchange for removing the non-official content. The late late show ,for instance, from america does this. If americans can smarten up to the new rules, what oh what is the parigon of international broadcasting ( the BBC, not you ) doing an ostritch impersonation for? TV and movies all but killed live theatre. Cars did horse carts in also. Now its the turn of print newspapers, recorded music and television to feel the cold hands of revolution at their throats.
You may not agree with youtube or the others, but I bet your kids will love it. They probably already do.

martin dix, Auckland, new zealand

I left dear old blighty to live in New Zealand.... The one thing I miss is the BBC and top gear. I wish the BBC would go for world domination and show the channel every where without adverts by subscription.... Revenues would be huge - the whole world would be forced to compete with better programmes and less adverts and channels...

I watch the new top gear on youtube on monday nights before its removed on tuesday.... its the highlight of my week....

Paul Byrne, Aucklan, New Zealand

TopGear is my favorite show of all time. Everytime I watch, i'm blown away by the cinematography and the laughs. Unfortunately I live in the United States so we only occasionally get TopGear, and when we do, its very neutered.

You have fans around the world Jeremy, the only way most of us can watch is on the internet.

John, St. Petersburg, FL

Even though you bash us americans at every turn, I love your show! Its a blast to see and read about someone actually slamming a car through its paces. youtube is my only access to your show and though I have looked for dvd based episodes of the show to buy from bbc, it doesnt exist. Thanks for all the wonderfull time I have spent jeering at your commentary (even the road trip bit, which in my opinion was hilarious,) yep I got to see it before it was removed from youtube.

Matthew Horn, Cedar Bluff, VA / U.S.A

Dear Mr. Clarkson,

I'm a very big fan of Top Gear and look forward to see the shows on YouTube. Why? Because I live in Austria and have no BBC2 on my TV cable.
TopGear has a very nice website - so why don't you put the files on your website and get money with some banners. You then are in control of the content.

Don't blame us youtube-viewers - we know you don't get money, if we watch the videos - but we are your fans and this is the only way to see the show.

Please keep up the great work!
Greetings to Hamster, Captain Slow and "The Stig"!

Philipp Sammern, Mondsee, Austria

Dear Mr. Clarkson,

I have to disagree with you for the following reason. Being an Austrian, I did not even have the remotest idea that you do exist at all. However when it was my turn to buy a new car I found the Topgear-test of the Subaru Forester on youtube. I laughed my head off, bought the car and started watching your show on BBC Prime (who sadly stopped transmitting it at the moment). Last year I went to Canada via London, and there - in a bookshop on the airport - I found out that you do write books, which I bought and enjoyed a LOT. So - who has made money from youtube? The guy selling the car, youtube by showing me some advertisements, BBC by gaining another viewer and yourselves twice, once via book-sales and on the other hand by getting a loyal supporter of your motoring magazine.

Best regards from sunny Vienna

Thomas Vavra, Vienna, Austria

Are you serious?
I mean, come on! "Everything on Wikipedia is wrong"? Where did you get that information? It is wrong!
And most videos on youtube are teens who have accidents? It is wrong too!
Please don't write what you think as if it were a actual fact!
And the thing with watching 24 online on youtube made ME discover the show. I'm from germany and because i saw the youtube-version i buyed the imported DVDs from America. Seriously - who would watch a crappy 24 episode vdeo from youtube on his screen? It's just for advertising, in my opinion. You can get a look and feel for a series, but you can't enjoy it until you buy the dvds or watch it on television.

Benjamin Reichstein, Bayreuth, Germany

Jeremy I hope you get this message and let the BBC know how popular your show is on youtube. I agree with matt as far as Top Gear goes we have no other way to see it here in the US. I think there is a large cult following of your clips. What else are we suppose to do since we can't get it on TV here. The speed channel shows 5th gear sometimes, but it does not compare. I have DirectTV satellite service and TopGear is not on BBC America. Why can't we get TopGear on TV over here in the States - Why BBC? Why? I think it is because Jeremy and TopGear would be such a hit that they would have to give them all huge raises!

Les, Atlanta, GA

As a huge fan of Top Gear, and Jeremy, James, and Richard I can honestly say I agree that the sharing of video on the web is out of hand, and it should definitely not be there before it is released, but unfortunately for us in the States, the only way to see your great show is on Youtube and other share sites. Speed Channel would be logical to carry it here, but they only care about Nascar, which is the most boring piece of automotive television available. I have seen Top gear on Discovery, but it is at random times and seems to be episodes from last year. I wish I did not have to catch the show the way I do, but maybe the fans can eventually get the show on regular tv.

matt, Saint Louis, United States

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