Haha Clarkson, you've got a sense of humour - No doubt there.
And you are partially right. We are in general a small, boring country with no real militant force, and no real voice in the world.

The real reason why we are so happy is because we don't really have any worries. Our country isn't important enough to bomb (Knock on wood), we don't really have any homeless because our welfare system is simply astonishing (well, no country is perfect), and if we do anything illegal, we just check into the local pritel (Prison and Hotel mixed together), where you can relax with some uncencored TV, and wait out the sentence which, most of the time, is an incredibly short period of time.

But there is a few more downsides. We would be happier than all the countries put together if our goverment would remove that insane 180% extra tax slam on each car. And remove that annoying "3-strikes and out" penalty on your drivers licence.
Oh well.

Keep up the good work. May Top Gear never perish.

Morten Hemmingsen, Silkeborg, Denmark

Currently working with people from all around Europe, I can only say that you hit the nail on the head, Jeremy. In their minds, the English are still a big colonial power, there are still remains of the old empire, and you still have a fantastic football team (1966 yeah!).

When reality then bites them in the ass and things aren't quite as they expect, they tend to get disappointed. Working abroad, I have also found that English seem to have more difficulty than others settling in and adjusting to the workings of living abroad.

That being said I love the English and I would not for a moment want to live without their humour and (once you get past all the whining) fun to be had.

Also to correct you I believe there is lots to do in Copenhagen, and mind you this comes from a modest Dane :)

Kim Jensen, Copenhagen. Currently Paris,

Loved the piece. Clarkson is funny as usual. Denmark is boring. Although that is probably in part why Danes are happy, I suspect that it is not the only reason. Danes consider their society the best in the world. Much like the English apparently. The only difference is that Danes are not fazed by reality. We keep telling ourselves that we have the best education system (although we rank close to Albania); we still believe that our medical system is excellent (despite the fact that the waiting list is only slightly longer in Tanzania and that the patients get sick from the food); we prize ourselves of being very tolerant (yet have a government supported by a xenophobic party). When talking football, we have dubbed ourselves 'The Brazilians of the North', although no one in their right mind would watch a match in the Danish league. Actually, no one in their right mind does - only football fans do.

So there is the answer. Expect more and don't let reality interfere.

Michael, Copenhagen,

To Pierre Bernardi- Paris
In Answer to your question.......about as much as the French !!!

C O Connor, Dublin, Ireland

I can honestly say that there's heaps more fun to be had in Vancouver than Australia.
Here, you can't go out in the day without sunglasses, sunhat, sunscreen and aircon... and even then you get sweaty and burned. Then, when it cools off, you get eaten alive by the mosquitos.
Sure, I've got more land in Oz than I had in the UK, but if you can't venture out into it, what's the point?
Vancouver is in a beautiful part of the world. The city's power is hydroelectric and it has a plentiful supply of freshwater, which is more than can be said for drought-ridden coal-burning Australia.
However, it's Britian that I always long to return to. On the doorstep of Europe, you're never far from some of the world's best culture. You're also well placed for overseas travel, and you have an economy that allows you to afford to do so as and when you want.

To those who say Britain has gone to the dogs, I thumb my nose.

Chris Reynolds, Buderim, Australia

To Aiya from Dublin: and what exactly did Ireland do in WWII?

Pierre Bernardi, Paris,

Ohh the bacon thing is funny ;o) Danes don't eat a lot of bacon, we send it to the UK and in return we get to watch some incredible tv-shows featuring fat English people trying to loose weight...
I must admit though that I'm mostly a happy Dane because of the fact that I've moved across the border to Sweden to get acess to a wonderfull world of cars without the staggering Danish 180% tax.
Life is good!

Rikke, Sweden,

You're right about Vancouver. It's hellishly boring. I lived there 3 years and never got over it. I spent 6 days in Copenhagen and I think they're happy because they care about good design. At least they got that right--design, architecture, furniture.

Nyla, Toronto, Canada

Danish bacon is horrid - killer or no killer, British makes a lot more sense. And JC, if enough people stop buying the imported stuff we'll be able to contribute to a decrease in their happiness relative to ours - even from the apparently warped perspective of these Cambridge sociologists.

Paul Danson, Birmingham,

ROFLMAO - Funniest stuff I have read for quite a while.

Nice one, Clarkson ;-) See ? We Danes even love the British sense of humour, as it's not that remote from our own, and nothing beats a bit of good self irony ( certain other people out there could really learn a lot from us ).

Well, I think all you good Brits/ Anglians need to do is to let your inner Spare Dane (!) out of the closet and smile a bit more. Most of you indirectly came from over here one way or the other anyway ;-) And yes, there may be something in not setting your expectations too high. There are so many good teams in the World Cup these days, that noone can expect to just win it !
Try learning some Danish. That should guarantee you some great laughs ;-) + some linguistic amazements as well. "Half" of the basic words and most of the structure are very or quite similar, which is why Danes pick up English relatively easy.
( No, we do NOT want to go into our pronounciation and goofy accent right now - hehe )

Henrik Nielsen, Copenhagen, Denmark

True Clarkson, thank you for my Sunday morning laugh out loud read. Now I have to go back to being bored and wishing I had the excitement of London at my door.

Sue, Lacombe, Canada

I lived in Denmark for eight years and noticed that the happiness tended to increase with house prices. In an economic slump, Danes are the same as everyone else. By and large I found them to be less judgemental of others, less ready to be opinionated, more tolerant of other people, better educated on average, very patriotic, very concensus oriented and the press was a great deal more upbeat. In short the country is able to offer quality throughout all public services and avoid the problems of excessive difference in wealth - a major UK issue. It can be a boring place, especially in winter but the summer compensates.

Stewart Bone, Peterborough, England

Zurich has some of the best night-life in Europe does it Paul? Hehe! If you say so, (You don't get out much do you?).

As ever, JC is both derogatory and funny with every breath. And as ever, it seems half the people who read him completely miss the point....

Antony, London,

I expected this article to be rubbish but it turned out to be quite good.

Harry Willis, North Yorkshire ,

I have been living for 36 years not far from Zurich (20 Km) and 30 years of which working in the city itself. It's a beautiful city but so are thousand of other cities, and it's definitely boring.

Francine Sidler-Sicard, Horgen, Switzerland

I do not believe that you know much about the world, ref your comments on South Africa some time ago.
.You did not like the wine or food
Suggest next time you are down there you visit Franschhoek for great food and wine.

J L ynam, Fleet, Hampshire

When is everyone going to get off JC's back - He is a caricaturist! The last caricature I saw of me gave me a big nose and a long chin - but I didn't go back to him and say "I don't rate you as an artist any more, can't you see my nose is only just over medium sized"! I thanked him, paid him a couple of quid, and still appreciate his uncanny ability to pick out the parts of me that make me subtly different every day when I see it on my wall!

Andrew Winnell, Crawley, UK

Vancouver is really nice - we serve tea - our hockey players have good manners off the ice - our mayor is a good flag-waver - rain is just sunshine in disguise. Sorry to cut this short, but I'm late for my nap.

"We're number one and you're not"

Brent , Vancouver, Canada

I totally agree with Paul from Zurich. People who've never been there are quick to say it's a boring city. They don't know what they're missing. If a city full of civilized people is considered boring, so be it.

Katie, London,

Clarkson lost any cred (and my interest in his opinion) when he said that Vancouver BC is boring.

Seattle Man, Seattle, WA, USA

That is laugh out load funny, nice one J

Claire, Gibraltar, Gibraltar

Well Mr Clarkson, I'm an Englishman who has chosen to settle down in Denmark, I live in Copenhagen quite contentedly, I drive a 1987 Audi 80, which you might find strange for a car enthusiast. I pay more in tax than my net wage and live in constant fear that the little mermaid will be kidnapped and replaced by a statue of Mohamed with a bomb in his turban. But when all is said and done, England’s crap, I don't miss it and over the last 12 years since I’ve lived in Denmark it seems to have got a lot worse. People seem to have become completely obsessed by consumerism, the police are detested, because everyone wants rules, as long as they only apply to everyone else. All this is with the backdrop of a nation that still believes it has the moral high ground.
My advice to England is, if you want to be happy like the Danes, Stop whingeing, stop spending more money than you have and take a good look inside before you judge others
I feel like a true Englishman again now, have a nice day.

james, Copenhagen, Denmark

Only someone who knows nothing about Zurich could claim that it's boring. It has some of the best nightlife in Europe and its proximity to several European countries and some of the most spectacular scenery in the world makes it unbeatable as a place to live. Of course, Clarkson lives in some dreary little village in the Cotswolds. Lots going on there, Jeremy?

Paul , Zurich,

Mr. Clarkson

I'm a dane (From Denmark...)... Living in the UK!!! We are a happy bunch...but the price is high... A Hummer V 2 has overnight gone from 60.000 to 75.000. (English Pounds That is Sir) The little and almost always decapatited Mermaid is not placed at the harbour.....it's at the waterfront!!!!! In your face Mr Clarkson....


Topic perhaps? Times give you 35 free music downloads.. Sounds goooD....When I tried to get my 35 songs.....which could have covered some missing links, I was beaten to the ground. Your newspaper Mr. Clarkson wants you to give your accountnumber away... In order to get something free....

Couldn't happen in Denmark

Kindest regards
Morten Munch Nielsen

Mortern, Moston,

Right on Jeremy. Life is about expectations- lower them a tad and you'll never be disappointed. Constantly expect the best and you'll come crashing down too often.

It's not about being gloomy and depressed all the time either- middle of the road is a good compromise. A bet each way on Optimism in race 5 of life and you'll always be a winner!
PS: You're right about Perth- most boring city on the planet bar NONE. But I expected that so it's ok.... :)

Joanna Zadkovich, Melbourne, AUSTRALIA

I'm going to have to disagree that little has been achieved by government. The last 10 years have shaken the UK's constitutional foundations.

As a regional institution I can only give praise for the achievements of the welsh assembly. Their funding to counter the introduction of top up fees for students means that the students of wales leave University with a substantially lower debt. All prescriptions are now free of charge. The earlier introduction of the smoking ban is a god send for the nations' health.

I for one am pleased to say I am happy living in Wales and I'm impressed by what the welsh assembly (not even having full legislative powers) can achieve!

Kyle, St Asaph, Wales

I left London to live in Auckland NZ, to find that it has a high crime rate, they don't believe in central heating, people aren't friendlier, they are racist and insular and the public transport is rubbish, it makes me yearn to be back on the UK trains even if they are late, they exist and take you places! The grass may be greener in NZ but apart from all the scenery there isn't much else. You simply feel more alive in London...

A, Auckland, NZ

I'm afraid i have to agree. in the past 20 or so years we've achieved very little due to a government, which the media would have us believe is falling apart from the top down. anther major contributor to the countries demise is a large majority of the public simply not caring any more about the goings on with in the country. as a result we have teenagers turning to gang culture for structure and leadership and the more privileged amongst us are migrating abroad. so at the moment the way we're heading it's only a matter of before something got to give. on the other hand despite of all the negativity that grips the country in these troubled times, we're not dead yet. and i am still willing to join the royal air force and defend the positive things we have achieved as a country in the past, present and hopefully future.

Brendan, Ripon, North yorkshire

J'adore Jeremy Clarkson!

Kora, St Petersburg, Russia

Jeremy, your way off base on Vancouver. I've lived there for a long time for moving back to Ontario and vancouver is one of the best cities to live in. And it is not boring. I know you Brits think Canada is boring... come stay here a while you'll your dead wrong.

Dave, Kitchener, Canada

Maybe is the oposite, if you think you are the best nation and proud of it, it turns out to be true , it´s like self steem but referred to nation, anyhow sometimes it´s not a question of been proud but of money or productivity but i think that if you see it positivily is better, but it´s true your national team is always thinking they are the best and they are beaten by Portugal ( with a population of 10 millions )

jorge lang-lenton lópez, LAS PALmas , Spain

Quintessentially British Jeremy.

Adam Wilkinson, Cardiff, Wales

Having emigrated from the UK to Denmark 5 years ago, I can appreciate why it is that the Danes are happy. It's because there's no traffic, honest politicians (!!!), coppers, and civil servants. A working health service, social services, and most other things. Things are usually clean.

The difference between the highest paid and the lowest is not astronomical, giving less envy and tension.

Violence levels are next to zero compared to the UK - you can go in to any pub and expect not to get your head kicked in (unless you're unlucky and the pubs got Brits in it...)

People go out on a Friday night at around 11, sauntering home unmolested around 5-7.

Worst thing is the reason for the low traffic - cars cost more than double UK prices - eg. last year we sold our 96 mitsubish colt 1.3 for around 3000 quid. Motorcycles are even more expensive.

Must be the worlds worst place for petrol heads. Good job I've managed to kick the addiction (read - become too old)

Dave Roden, Esbjerg, Denmark

I'm with you, Jeremy! What gets me is why parents want to bring up their children in the suburbs/countryside. I know that for me and most of my friends, the minute we got out of the suburbs and went our own ways, we spread all over the place and this was 41 years ago! I was so bored in dear old safe suburbia that I came over here to the UK and settled in Croydon ( the New York version of White Plains, but with one great exception: I could get to London easily!) I would have died of boredom otherwise. My friends went to Italy, England, out west to Colorado, Europe in general, New york City - anywhere than staying in suburbia which at that time was Rye, New York. Yes we were safer in those days: we were also bored to tears!

Carlyle Braden, Croydon, U.K.

To Mark from Manchester: The Second world war was primarily won by the Russians. (hope it won't add to the "unhappiness" factors)

The article itself was hilarious, brilliant!!!

Aiya, Dublin,

Oooooh ! Britain is almost as miserable as the US. Just wait, it only gets worse.

Carmen, Nashville,

This is a pleasant and decadent country. Stop complaining, its not as cold as Denmark and we dont have funny accents. Anyway look at all the four wheel drives you can buy for the school run! They cant afford them in Denmark the taxes are too high. Having said that I see Gordon Brown over my shoulder.......

Audi Driver, Kelso, Roxburghshire

A question i keep asking myself is what do we as a nation have to be proud of? Our prime minister is america's lap dog, police have all but lost interest in crime and have decided to collar the motorist because we are easy targets, local mp's are paid too much and drain local funding for re-vamping the run down districts. As far as i can tell we have all but a few reasons to be proud! 2 world war wins and two great aviation feats of excellence! The spitfire and the Concorde (allbeit was a colaboration with the french!) and a world cup! These are all past achievements and now we as a nation have nothing! What we need to do is stop helping other nations and get back to putting Britain back on the map! Britain has become PC mad thanks to the Beardies and the NO-good do-oers, they are sit around thinking up new ways to punish drivers, smokers, plane users and anyone who is not PC enough or generally who they just dont like. I love my country but it's becoming hell!

Mark, Manchester, England

got to say id rather live in new zealand. look at the scenery, think of all those places to drive 4x4s

joe janman, folkestone, uk

Bacon is dk`s salt... however, hans christian andersons`s house is not placed in copenhagen but, Odense..

many grats.. happy working dane

by the way... We love top gear!

Daniel, Odense, Denmark

Whipe the smile of our faces? Why do you think it's all exported over here? Smile still very much in place :-)

Christine, London,

They may well have a decapitated doll, boredom and bacon - but they haven't got Gordon Brown. So it's no good crowing.

eric, harrogate, uk

Anzac Day in New Zealand and Australia next week. Despite republican minorities, we still have the Union Jack on our flags. And though we do not stand for God Save The Queen anymore, any move to change our national flag will still fail. Because, there is a deep respect in our countries for Britain. The Scottish connection very strong in N.Z. And keep in mind, when England loses the Ashes to Australia, it is only the Son beating the Father. And who won the last Rugby World Cup, by the way. So, be positive you Britains, and emigrate to New Zealand for the real happiest place if you get despondent. And keep buying N.Z. lamb, cheese, apples and kiwifruit.

Peter Lyford, Te Puke, New Zealand

Have you ever been to Denmark Jeremy? If you had, you might have discovered that that Hans Christian Andersen's house, or H C Andersen Hus as the Danes refer to it, is in Odense, not Copenhagen. That means that it isn't even on the same island.

Rob Whitmarsh, Poole, UK

I'm quite interested in the research you did in Vancouver, and whether it was sponsored by Gilette?

George Edwards, harrogate, UK

If bacon causes lung cancer maybe cigarettes are okay after all.
I would rather give up smoking bacon than smoking cigarettes; bacon is hard to roll in a ‘rizla’.

besides after the sky dies and we all catch birdflu it will not matter too much where you live or what country is the best

David, Peterborough, UK

Jeremy: You mention Mumbai where I spent a thoroughly miserable couple of weeks earlier in the year. it has to be the unhappiest city in the world and certainly has the largest slums.
A typical cheap trick that politicians used everywhere is to attempt a makeover. Mumbai needed a colossal new image so they changed the name from Bombay. The thing is...nobody in India likes the new name so we have the bizarre situation that apart from Mumbai council the entire country calls the city Bombay whilst the BBC and other media types try to be frightfully corrrect and use the new name.
Thinking about it let's call Rome - Roma and Munich - Munchen. Paris will stay as Paris but Finland becomes Suomi and Croatia something unpronouncable beginning with H.

Bethany, London E8, Great Britain

Harold is right. I usually get upset when people bash the French, but Clarkson does it with such style ....

Nick Moore, St Ouen, France

Bombay, not Mumbai. Mumbai is the Hindu name, and offensive to Sikhs etc. Why not just use the English name?

Herbert G., Leeds,

Happiness... Let us not forget the people who brought us Pearl Harbour..look no further than Japan..Life in Japan ! Black suits-male & female, trundling across zebra crossings the length of the lower amazon, to get to "home"..Namely a shoebox sized apartment filed to the ceiling with every electronic gadget, and cupboards full of AAA batteries..What more could one need to make it a happy time.. raw whale meat... (oh well perhaps we in UK are blessed), after all we have battered Mars Bars.

Ken ROBERTS, Belfast, UK

Ahh, Jeremy, you're in fine form this morning. You must've been stirred along by a ride in that appalling Caddy SUV you've just reviewed.

A couple of things, though:

1. I was disppointed you didn't bag the French in your article. What is piece of "Clarksonia" without a cheeky reference to your dear Entente Cordiale cross-channel friends?
2. Sadly for old flag-waving Empire lovers like you, "God Save the Queen" is an almost unrecognized tune in Australia to anyone under 30 these days (about time, too!) Now, if only Australians were mature enough to choose their own Head of State......
3. On the list of "dearest friends" with the US, you still rate well ahead of us in the love-in stakes. Australia is only a "great friend" of the USA (according to the White House press release 13.6.02) - but I haven't worked out if that's good or bad....

Harold, Melbourne, Australia

"We can't trust people who have such bad food. After Finland, it's the country with the worst food" Jacques Chirac on the English.
But does anybody trust Chirac? Anyway, he's about to be replaced by a Franco-Hungarian midget.
By the way I like to call him Tony 'Glair' - Glair is the French equivalent of the English word 'greenie'.
Hahaha

Mat Sumner, Mulhouse, France