Yeah man!!! You are the man!!! Guys let's collect the signatures and let's send it to miss barbarian cauliflower (an italian woman is the owner of James Bond's copyright? Fantastico!) to impose them the greatest writer ever, Mr Jeremy Clarkson as the new author of the new James Bond's saga....

Jeremy for President committee...

GAETANO PELLEGRINI, Slough, England

I can honestly say that OHMSS is the worst book I have ever read. And that's supposed to be the best James Bond book. It got hurled against the back of the toilet door in absolute disgust. The films esp the latest) are nice and silly. The books are best composted.

Phil, Melbourne, Australia

Opinionated, irascible: Jezza was born to play M. The previous suggestion of Hammond as Q is brilliant, and Captain Slow could be the villain plotting to turn the world's cars into Fiat Pandas.

Who, then, to play Bond? Someone who's appeared on Top Gear, not afraid to put the boot in, fast with a quip, and also fast on the track: Simon Cowell.

Francois, Santa Cruz, USA/CA

JC should quiet himself long enough to read the original JB by the wonderful IF. Then he should reconsider the question.

Steven Paul Leiva, Los Angeles, USA

haa haa, so true :)


I read a Bond novel once... and was ready to commit suicide on page two. And this is coming from a person who has been forced to endure The Communist Manifesto.

Well said Mr C

Freckles, Seaham,

BULLSEYE Jeremy!

Freddy Lazenby, Norwich, UK

I'm doing a boring but necessary job, compiling a scientific bibliography on roseate spoonbills. Even though it's terribly obsolete, I had to include

Bond J. 1993. Birds of the West Indies.

A few years ago, who would have thought of Matt Damon playing dark, violent characters? When he reaches Sean Connery's present age, he should be ready for a terrific King Lear. I'll be dead by then.

David Martin, Vero Beach, Florida

Bond is an exhausted franchise, that has been given a respite by Daniel Craig. The cinematic Bond was overblown and banal (who remembers the ridiculous invisible car in Die Another Day?) and couldn't compete with films such as The Bourne Identity , Missiosn Impossible, Die Hard and so on. To his and the film producer's credit, Daniel Craig returned to brass tacks and successfully kept us interested.

And the movies results speak for themselves - people want grit not eye-candy. The essence of Bond has always been the books and the better films were the ones that reflected this. Its the only way Bond will survive. Faulks is an excellent author with emotional depth and can pull this off. If it was Bernard Cornwell or Wilbur Smith you consign Bond to a Straight-To-DVD mini-series.

Stop harping on about the cars - they've never been central to Bond. Its only Jeremey Clarkson that is nothing without them.

Ben, Greenwich, London

Don't worry, Jeremy. There's no introspection, no self-analysis. It's all action from the start. Tons of girls, too.
Sorry they chose me not you, but, how about this? You can read all the car/lawnmower bits and check them for authenticity. In return, you will receive an invite to the launch party where you get to meet thousands of beautiful women.
love from Sebastian Faulks
PS The Toyota pick-up destruction on Top Gear was one of the best things I've ever seenon TV.

Sebastian Faulks, London,

Shooting people in the back of the head with a short-nosed Heckler & Koch machine pistol is all well and good, but what ever happened to sweetcorn relish flavour Skips? I thought they were delicious but all you ever see now are those disgusting prawn cocktail ones.

Matilda Horseradish, Plumstead By The Bay,

007 walks into a bar, people look up and carry on with there business, "dont you know who i am, im james bond " he shouts defiantly, iye tony blairs in the corner trying to take the isle of man ouutta his side says an old man, oh is he shaken or stird 007 says!!
oooops!

Amandathe walkingdesaster, olmeldrum, scotland/isle of man

"I suppose I should admit at this point that I’ve never read any of Fleming’s originals".

Precisely. Do your research first before your write such drivel.

R Johns, Yorkshire,

O God, if only he'd write a Bond book. Then we wouldn't have to face this sort of opinionated, moronic drivel, at least for the twenty or so minutes it would take him to write it.

Rotwatcher, CHELTENHAM,

It's funny that Mr. Clarkson points out in the article that he has never read a Fleming book because his views betray this fact anyway. The Bond Clarkson describes is confined entirely to the realm of Hollywood and the one he worries Faulks will create will be nothing more than a resurrection of the original Fleming Bond, a man who was much more than the next shag and a fast car. The literary Bond was always a deep and introspective character... if Clarkson could never be bothered to read the Fleming originals, I am at a loss for why he cares about the new Faulks book.

Abioye A Oyetunji, London, UK

I agree with you Mr C on the fact it should not be Mr Faulks, God Bond getting a bit stary eyed at the end of his last outing was enough to get me gagging and I am a woman(although I found the sight of Mr Bonds honed and toned six pack more like it). Hows about Bernard Corwall (Sharpe) or Wilbur Smith (The Courtney saga), those men can write a good shoot em up yarn with lots of bodice ripping hanky panky with the best of them. This is one gal who loathes chick lit and loves a good old fashioned hero, the more testosterone the better, so keep yer lilly livered new man and give us a good old fashioned honed and toned neanderthal, who in our dreams, we would like to have the opportunity of bedding ,even if it was just the once, the memory would keep us warm in our dottage!

C.Straine, Edinburgh, UK

Casino Royale was rubbish! Daniel Craig was brilliant and the action (especially the parkour chase scene) was amazing, but in the end, it turned out to be a movie about ... POKER! Utterly boring and infuriating.

Steve, Leamington Spa, Warks

If this is a preview of the book that Jeremy might write, then he should definatly go ahead with it and it will probably become a best seller due to the laughs

Chris Georg, Auckland,

I've been looking wards to reading about the adventures of Clint Thrus ;o)
Perhaps after you have finished filming this next season of Topgear ?
Just think you wouldn't have to be worried about getting home to the wife and kids by 6 anymiore.

You could get James and Rich to help you research it and they could bring you cocktails by the poolside.
Perhaps the enemies could be vegetabilists and American's got talent judges ;o)

As long as you promise to come back for more TG hiJinks ;o)

Amanda, oxford,

Let Clarkson write it please. And get rid of the Cauliflower. I bought the last one (Casino Royal) with that dreadful posey actor in who has ruined Bond for me. What little plot there is my wife and I couldn't follow and she ( who is stunningly beautiful) can't see why anyone finds the poser attractive. He reminds me of all the appalling 50's and 60's English actors rolled into one. Not surprising he can't drive a manual car!!

john Jackson, norwich, England

Read the Flemings.

I know this is all tongue-in-cheek, but a damaged Bond is a more interesting Bond. That's who the character is. The literary OO7 and the cinematic incarnation are different animals.

Thank goodness they've finally got it right with Casino Royale.

Although Timothy Dalton had the right stuff 20 years ago (albeit with an inferior, but no less interesting, script)!

Lancelot Narayan, London, United Kingdom

Quite agree. Keep the stoopid 'how-did-it-fee-e-l' culture away from Bond.

cath b, london, uk

A hard-bitten, cold-hearted, libidinous assassin. Marvellous.
Just promise me you won't call him Jeremy, Jeremy.

Knuckles O'Flynn, London, England

Terrific stuff, we all want to be Bond, we all want the Bond writing job, but as someone said earlier, it is well worth reading some of the Bond books and seeing how it should be done. They are fantastic thrillers. Fleming loved machines, women, cigarettes and drink. Yes, Bond is 'brooding" in the books, but don't let that put you off, he still kills plenty of people. Try From Russia With Love. Amongst many highlights It's got naked gypsy girls fighting. Bond means many things to many people. It's true that the films hugely expanded the franchise, but they wouldn't have happened without Fleming, and it's interesting to see how they have turned full circle and come right back to Fleming with Casino Royale.

Sylvia Trench, London, UK

James May wouldn't be any good as Bond. Although rather suave in his own way, he would spend too much valuable screen time asking the svelt temptress if he could study the mechanical structure of her front fastening bra clasp! He would however make a better 'Q'. Jeremy couldn't be Bond either as one jump from a tall crane and out would go the hip. Jezza, get writing. Your literary skills would have 007 back as he should be; A lean, mean, car loving machine! (with no poncy product placement either).

Life On Mars, Hornsea, East Yorkshire

'Not a big side, you understand. Not big enough to make me even think of placing scented mini-cushions in my underwear drawer'
But you did think of it! I
I'll bet youve got a leather miniskirt stashed away somewhere....

Oh the horror!

Audi Driver, Kelso, Borders

Jeremy l think you would make a good JAMES BOND but l think you should drive a Bentley Sports wearing a blonde wig...........

Sam Greene, PERTH, Scotland

I'm a woman, and I'd buy that book, as it sounds absolutely hilarious, and I can think of plenty of writers who have written far worse books that were still read for some reason by the public.

I partly agree with SS about their casting ideas, May would obviously be the evil villain plotting to destroy France somehow, although I think that Hammond would make a better Q, and create gadgets to explode at the opportune moment. That still leaves the slot of Bondgirl open, but I'm sure that Top Gear Dog or the Stig has sufficient acting talent.

DTL, Groningen, The Netherlands

Maybe a "green" James Bond who drives a Prius, gets miffed that he doesn't get the advertised mileage, and then doesn't blow anything up because it's bad for the ozone layer?

Gus, Los Angeles, USA / CA

Jeremy, You really should read the books, the're violent, sexist and racist, you'll love them. Regards Jeff Pollitt

J Pollitt, Stockport, UK

Jeremy, you just get better and better.

Great idea from Gill: "...write a book about another tall, dark, handsome, beefheart bloke who loves women and fast cars?" - James May would be perfect!

Sue, Pontypridd, Wales

Jeremy,
This desire to be (sorry, write) James Bond wouldn't have anything to do with your utter devotion to Aston Martins, would it? You could make the evil villains drive a Porsche.

Actually, contrary to what Kenneth suggested, I think you should be Bond, May should be the evil villain (he has a cat, and he drives a Boxster, so he must be evil) and Hammond can be the Bond girl and flutter his eyelashes every so often. You'd have to look after him all the time, but that wouldn't be much of a change from Top Gear, really, would it? It'd be a great film - you could hardly be a worse Bond than Daniel Craig, anyway. You're better-looking, for a start.

SS, Oxford,

Jeremy, it's about time you did your PPL [H] helicopter flying licence and PPL fixed wing. James May can advise you on the fixed-wing PPL course. Then sell the BBC the ideas for the "Top Chopper" and "Top Flight" programme variants of "Top Gear".

This will extend the “Top Gear” brand, and attract a similar audience who enjoy your unique no-holes-barred approach to television journalism.

Alistair MacLean, Oxford, UK

LOL!!! Great!!

I haven't laughed so much since I heard Madonna 'sing' the title song to 'Die Another Day'!

Jeremy, I look forward to your first immensely entertaining spy novel with great anticipation. Quick, phone your agent now and grab a publisher! As 'The Spy Who Shagged Me' and 'Goldmember' have already been purloined by Austin Powers I can only imagine what the title of the first in, hopefully, a series might be. Ideas anyone?

Graham Rye, Addlestone, UK

Jeremy, why don't you stop crying over Bond and write a book about another tall, dark, handsome, beefheart bloke who loves women and fast cars?

Gill, Southampton,

Actually Jezza why not write the book and also play James Bond in the Film,James May could play 'Q' and you could write a part in the film for Hamster maybe as a little Indian boy who runs errands for you and brings you your fags and g&t.I can't think of a leading lady for you maybe CS-T? bet your misses would pick one for you,probably someone out of the soaps they are all classic actors aren't they?.
Good Luck
PS and no i don't drive an MPV or a Volvo.

KennethO'Boyle, Perth, Perthshire