we moved to australia seven months ago its like the 70s
.Wont reply to job aplications keep the best jobs for the boys intrest rates 10% expensive rental properties. expensive food sun too strong to enjoy plagued with mosquitoes dogs. we were conned britain is a very special place on earth enjoy.

p greatbatch, nsw, australia

It might be true that a lot of people leave their country hoping for better opportunities in a different country. However, it is really silly and immature to think of these people as failures. After all, not everyone has the courage to become an expat since this means leaving behind friends, familiar surroundings, and sometimes even perfectly good jobs.

My family for example decided to immigrate to Germany because my father couldn’t get the right treatment for his illness in Ukraine. We had to leave behind a successful company and a comfortable apartment. Even though, it wasn’t easy to adapt to the new way of life at first, we never regretted our decision.

Elena, Graz, Austria

It's not easy to make comedy out of a complex situation, but when it is done correctly it is a joy to read - which is why I appreciated the humour of this article.
However, humour it remains. Emigration is a complex study and real public opinion will hopefully not be tainted with such sweeping generalisations designed to appeal to the most entrenched Prisoners of Mother England.
For a start, there are many different motivations for a move abroad. For example, this kind of humour shouldn't be taken so seriously that we insult an emigree's desire for adventure, or deride the difficulties they might have faced in their home country, just because we had an easier ride.
We shouldn't ridicule those who take responsibility for their own prosperity and happiness, or dare to believe in better. We shouldn't scoff at the views of people who have found broader, happier horizons.
Most expats (like I used to be) will laugh at this piece and give a sympathetic thought to those who agree with it!

David Banks, Portsmouth, UK

Jezza old chap -- balls. NHS wanted me to wait 6 months for surgery to remove a brain tumour. In South Africa I waited exactly three. I love Britain too -- though not all the English and having lived there for six years, I think I know what I am talking about. That there is no place like home is the real truth of it or, as we say in South Africa, the only difference between being an emigrant and a refugee is the timing.

keith bryer, Cape Town,

The part that really struck home to me is the bit about moving to a tax haven should one decide to emigrate from Britain's fair shores..

That being the case could Mr Clarkson please explain why he lives on the Isle of Man .....??

Nige, Douglas, Isle of Man

Jeremy......Nail hit firmly on the head as usual...........

Gordon, Glasgow,

Home is where is the heart is!

Ashish, Mumbai, India

Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy,
Do they not accept your qualifications in other countries in terms of skills shortage? Oh Good!
Stay where you are, mate.
Live long and prosper.

jocelyn, new zealand,

SWITZERLAND! Lower tax, lower crime, clearner, nearer to the alps, the med, Italy, France. I'm not coming home. Plus you can always hop on a flight back to London - you can't do that in the culture desert that is Australia.

barry bazmo, zurich, ch

Jeremy

WHilst I have always enjoyed your column, I now live in Austria. A beautiful country, tax is lower and I have a higher standard of living for a lot less money.

Tracey , Hallein , Austria

"The fact is, I’m afraid, that anyone who emigrates from Britain, no matter where they end up, is a bit of a dimwit."

TRANSLATION: The idea that the UK is so awful that people want to leave it frightens me, as I'm too much of a boor to admit otherwise, so I'll simply dodge the issue with a lame by-the-numbers Clarkson ad hominem attack.

Alexander, Winchester,

Jeremy,
yes I moved to Australia six years ago and I love it. I could not wait to get out of the Islamic Republic Of Britain!
You may keep the chav culture, the cold, the anally retentive big brother government, red ken, boris johnson, expensive housing, the pollution and the wart on the face of the planet that is London.
Like a rat leaving a sinking ship I scurried off to Australia, to enjoy cold beer, scantily clad women, open roads, nice beaches, sun and pleasant people who don't hang around in hoddies. Yes I feel like a total failure.................

...........now for a dip in the pool!!!

Nick, Perth, Australia

I was browsing the web (7th Jan 2008) and found the above? Below? Comments. Wow! Jeremy Clarkson certainly seems to know which buttons to press.
I've always thought Australians were the touchiest people on earth, now I know where our touchiness comes from.

Venise Alstergren, Melbourne, Victoria 3142, AUSTRALIA

It isn't only the bad weather in the UK, or cute foreign girls. Brits abroad are more fun, like Britain used to be pre-EEC and the growth of bureaucracy...like Clarkson but without the gritted teeth.

The internet means you can keep in touch back home with business, politics or whatever you are interested in - and make free/cheap phone calls for hours on skype.

Abroad you are free of all the crap. Living is cheaper, and tax is avoidable.

Clarkson's suffering too much stress, and is getting to the age when emigrating would make his life easier. But he's the type to press on to the first heart attack before slowing down. I hope he survives it, and mellows into disgraceful old age.

Tapestry, Manila, Philippines

Why did I move to China?

Very simple: an abundance of attractive, slim and at least passably pleasant single women.

On those rare occasions you spot such a creature back home she is covered in buckets of drool in no time, which makes her already light head float way up into the clouds.

Call me a tosser for getting some top totty the easy way if you want...

David, Shanghai, China

Sorry,
We didn't vote for Bush, The lesser... twice...the election was FIXED twice.

The only reason Americans can't leave is twofold

(1) We're too poor...Australia wouldn't take me because I'm 54....but if land with enough money (1 mil. US) that's another story.

(2) The 3rd World....(or the 2nd) would just as soon shoot an American on sight, thanks to our "New World Order/Neo-Con Foreign Policy" That....and we can't speak the language (no foreign language taught until you are 12 or 13)

Pitty the poor Americans....nowhere to run to...nowhere to hide.

The Depressing Truth, Fort Worth, Texas

To Colin: Nice use of stereotypes.

Sc540, Atlanta,

To Jim W, Tallahassee, FL:

Dullard UK citizens moving to the U.S.A - that should raise the average IQ of both countries.

Proof of this is that you lot, umm, voted for George W Bush ... twice!

Colin, Melbourne, Australia

Perhaps you only meet people hunched at bars at ten in the morning as this is where you happen to be most of the time?

I think this article says more about you than about any expat I know...

Entertaining as always though.

Ben Boddice, Zuerich, Switzerland

Jim W, Tallahassee..I've been there...and that's where Ted Bundy butchered a few girls in that Sorority House. Very peaceful.

Stu, Sydney, Australia

I'm a child of expats and have relatives back in the UK.

Don't confuse culture with intelligence. Just because Americans tend to run around in the woods with guns on weekends doesn't mean we are unintelligent. Many of us have intellectually demanding professions during the week.

Anyway, you should know that the US is actually quite peaceful. There are a few urban communities with astronomically high drug-related crime, but most of the country is far safer than England in pretty much every measurable way. We certainly don't have your hooliganism problems.

The UK is beset by all the social and economic problems one associates with the worst of big city America, except you don't have a flyover country to mitigate the leftist nonsense. While NYC, Chicago and LA exert ruinous effects upon their states, there are 40 other states with legal, tax and economic policies that are pretty much copied verbatim from your column here. Florida has no income tax, low crime and affordable property.

Jim W, Tallahassee, FL

Love it!

I'm an ex-pat and I can't stand other ex-pats who inevitably have exactly the sort of characteristics described in your article. For the benefit of those who don't travel a lot (and therefore don't realise this) the British have a well-deserved worldwide reputation for being spoilt, moaning, stuck-up, drunken malcontents.

We moved from England a few years ago for most of the same reasons you (Jeremy) complain about constantly. The stupid political correctness, the group bunching of panties by the uptight middle-aged female professional complainers, the nannying, the taxation (actually, more what its wasted on than the amount), the poor attitude towards cars, the anti-smoking bull, low morale fibre, corruption...

We decided to split our time between Greece, the U.S and Italy. So we have. Its true that there are things wrong with all three places, but the truth of it is that no one country is possibly as bad as what's happened to what used to be a country to be proud of.

Edward King, U.S, Greece, Italy, Various

Well, well ,well ,Jeremy. It seems that you have something against those that choose to leave old Englands Shores, for those that look for a better life for both themselves and also their childrens future.
We were never a failure in England, we struggled to make a living and feed our two school children. We lived on a large council estate in the South, in fact believed to be the largest in the whole of Europe.
In the year 1970 we decided that there was a better life to be had, no more touching our forelocks to the priviledged gentry, so off we went to Australia. I must agree that our first couple of months were at times a hassle, with the locals always getting at us 10 pound poms, but we were soon to realise that it was a test. A test to see whether we were also another lot of Whingers, paid by the Australian Government to come here for a holiday.
We gave as good as we got, and in no time had many many Ozzie friends around us. Within 2 years we had bought our home. NO Moans here.

Tony Martin, Croydon North, Vic. Australia

Oooh Jeremy! Did you know the Isle of Man was a tax haven, or was that not part of the plan when you moved from the mainland? Any reason for the move, would love to hear it!? Would it be the crime, tax, immigration problem (eg people not speaking english, or even try to, sponging off the state and renaming all the roads). The UK is run by sanctamonious, politically correct, incompetant liers, whom, once having their fill of messing up the country, go off to foreign nations and get paid shed loads of money for after dinner speaches, then retire on a pension of £350,000 a year (paid by the tax payer) AND the government are now helping to bail out banks which have been run like gambling casinos - also paid for by the overtaxed UK tax payer. I am glad we left, never to return. Good luck with the house price crash and the money supply running at 14% destroying your purchasing power.

Liane, Ruffec, France

Must say I agree with Brian. The cost of living in the UK to maintain a middle class lifestyle is horrendous. At least in the US, Australia or NZ a middle class family has access to good schools, health care and a house with a backyard!

Alex, Brisbane, Australia

Yes, not only do they want to tell you their life "stories".when they cluck your accent, but for some unknown reason, they also stop using under-arm deoderant ( I am assuming here that they did so BEFORE the big move ) and leave their smelly trails like dogs behaving badly. Maybe, they are the taxi-drivers, er, I mean ex-taxi drivers, the ones who sold their taxis.
Clarkson is spot on, er, no pun intented. Besides, have you all ever met wannabee celebrities off a Sink Estate, trying to convince the Aussies, the they're from Aristocratic Estates? If not then, you haven't live yet!!!!! Hahahahahaha.

Goldwin, London,

I always think living in Blighty would be so much better... until I get there.

Justin Roberts, Jerez de la Frontera, Spain

Don’t ever underestimate the difficulty of taking yourself, you life and all familiarity away to another part of the world. Leaving family and friends behind is tremendously difficult and the process has been compared to grieving. It’s a decision not taken lightly.

Yesterday marked three years in NZ for my wife and I. We left for an adventure and why shouldn’t we? As a teacher and a nurse (hardly the dregs Clarkson suggests) we’ve been able to establish a life that, materially at least, exceeds anything we could’ve hoped for in the UK (where we couldn’t afford the most basic house).

Clarkson’s article didn’t acknowledge the emotional, physical and financial strain that people put themselves through just to try to improve their lot. Often it’s working-class people like myself who just feel squeezed out of the UK. Millionaires and multiple home owners like Clarkson could never understand how that feels.

Brian Molyneux, Christchurch, New Zealand

I have only ever lived in Europe, and have 'returned' to England alone to study. I will be returning abroad when I have finished my studies, because it seems to me that
a) I have found it easier to deal with paperwork as a foreigner abroad
b) Foreign students seem to have it easier when it comes to dealing with paperwork in the U.K.

There is a huge hole in the net through which ''ex-expats'' slip. Example, I don't meet residence requirements so cannot get a basic student bank account/overdraft. Also, I only have a British passport, and HSBC say I can't get an international student account.

They tell you you CAN apply for a loan as an expat....then ask you to supply them with your British address. Cue 6 months of red tape hell. 2 months after uni has started, and I still don't have a loan...because I don't have a national insurance number. It's lucky I worked over the summer, or I wouldn't be able to pay rent.

Maybe there are other examples of this, I can only comment as a student.

Hannah, Sheffield,

I've lived in Spain most of my life and don't regret leaving England back in the year dot as a schoolboy. Actually, I've rarely been back and then never more than three days. I like Jeremy's stuff though - one of the few things I keep up with. That and Ty Phoo Tea - now available here. The one thing I'll grant the Brits - Johnny Foreigner can't make a decent cup of tea.
Actually, there are now more Brits living in Spain than there are living in England. Bad news for you lot, good news for the Ty Phoo people.

Lenox, Mojacar, Almería, Spain

In the past my husband has expressed his incredulity at people who move to his country without being able to speak the language, and who move into country areas offending all the locals with their lack of sensitivity towards the local culture. My cynical retort was that the English are colonialists who yearn to create Surrey abroad. The persistent reference to tax, weather and swimming pools in comments on these boards aren't doing much to change my impression.

Joely C, Sunny Wolverhampton,

Dear Jeremy,
My dear French wife reads me your Sunday spiels with her best acerbic accent and we usually have a laugh over our morning tipple, we have often been known to raise a toast to the thousand kilometers which lie between us and you and our old English stomping grounds, friends, family, bad habits & bad debts
.
Today's article I had the misfortune to discover on line with my own eyes and I was drawn into the mass of comment from expts.
( following a barny at the video store with wife )

I am making my first ever internet comment...as a result....

My experience of the world is largely contained in a stamp collection covering some 300 countries and a lot of imagination , hopes and dreams.

Our search has always been for wit and beauty, we settle for fun and sun

We are too skint ( modest ) to make a carbon footprint

Long live Freedom, Equality, Brotherhood & Comedy

I guess you are what you are you are where you are.

mike bird, STHIPPOLYTE DU FORT, france

Wish we had the time to do a bit of "bar propping" so busy making a living so we can all benifit from the french fresh air, long sunny days (when the sun is out) and learning to speak the language that the bar propping activity is not something that comes to us. I actually smiled whilst reading the above, but I have to say Mr Clarkson you will never be able to leave the UK now eh? Maybe you have job satisfaction - I personally could enjoy your work and your money as well, but like you we are starting at the bottom and will work ourselves to a situation that we enjoy here in the French Countryside. Tell you what though France is many things but not much of a TAX HAVEN!

If you are ever in the France we can show you a good time in our one bar town though - all the expats would be crowing and the people commune would love to see one your really "unflashy" cars! And as we know you like wine - well let's not start on Pineau.

Would also like to question Bob - no taxes - where in France

Pam, Deux Sevres, France

Nice one John K, Melbourne, Australia ...

"The Biggest mistake the English ever made was that 200 years ago they should have all immigrated to Australia and left the convicts behind as punishment."

If you are ever in Bangkok lets have a beer - but not at 10.00am though

Colin, British escapee, Bangkok,

Well done Mary Honeyball MEP for showing the way!

SmileyTim, Perigueux, France

You know - I really missed Top Gear - now they have it on BBC America I am a happy man. I have more issues with the slow one with the funny on the show (James May?) than Clarkson. He is what I don't miss. If TVR would start selling cars in California - then my life would be complete.

Andy, Sausalito, CA, USA

I must admit that I am gutted that I have moved to Australia. I really do miss Eccles in Salford, the local characters , the assaults, assorted youths running amok, its troubles me greatly.

I am off to wear a silly shirt and order another beer in Paradise

Ben Jones, Manly, Australia

So you'll be flogging your place in the Isle Of Man then..

Kev F, Peel, IOM

Jolly funny as usual. However, I left 15 years ago for a year or two and now that I fancy going back it turns out those of you who stayed (naming no names) ballsed the whole country up!

Warren, Shanghai,

The quote "How can he know England who only England knows" applies to Jeremy methinks, who clearly hasn't ever lived in another country or he wouldn't be capable of writing such (admitedly tonge in cheek) tosh.

Throughout Britain's history people have emigrated and immigrated and the country is richer and more diverse as a result of that. As an ex-pat I have sent substantial amounts of cash back to purchase a house in Surrey and have paid both income tax on UK rent and thousands of pounds of stamp duty since leaving so am hardly a tax dodger!

Finally, having lived in 2 years in Spain, 3 in Mexico and now 9 years in the UAE the undeniable truth is that all countries have their pluses and minuses and everyone has to decide which matter more to them. No country has a monopoly on perfection.

Duncan Pollock, Dubai, U.A.E.

Bu-ga-ga, "Dr Hu", excellent joke! :)))

Alexander, Moscow, Russia

I agree with Clarkson. Every last bit. Losers migrate to Anglopopulated foreign destinations. France or a European bolthole not filled with other miserable moaning Brits is more understandable.

James, London,

I was laughing at your article (and I'm sure that's the point) whilst driving my 911 on the best and emptiest mountain roads that EU money can buy (no speed cameras either) with the roof down on one of the 320 average sunny days per anum last week. I then went into a bar and legally had a cigarette and chatted to other miserable ex pats...

Richard, Spain,

Jeremy, The ex-pat lifestyle is great! We have no poll-tax, no council-tax, no car-tax, next to no traffic, my MOT equivalent lasts me three years and my 1994 land-rover just passed its test with a wink and a nod from a friendly test official.
There is no Gordon Brown either, I mean, at least Tony could chat in French when he had to.
Ok, so I pay for healthcare but when I need treatment I get my own room and no MRSA.
Children are polite, they shake hands or kiss you on the cheek instead of throwing bottles at your head. My own children speak at least two languages fluently, even my five year old girl couldn't be distinguished from a French child of the same age until she speaks English with an Isle of Wight accent.
I wouldn't move back to England if you paid me a thousand pounds a day.

Bob Powell, Eance, France

what about dubai,

no crime, no tax? hot all year round? this wasn"t mentioned in the article.

Sadia, london,

Jeremy,
I think you need to make a return trip to Cyprus, hire a CRV and come meet some of us not-so-dimwits here who have discovered how to enjoy life without propping our local bars at 10 in the morning! I know a good B&B if you're interested!

Annie Cator, Lasa, Paphos, Cyprus

Yeah, it really stinks here in the US for an ex-pat. Better pay, cheaper houses, you can get English beer and foodstuffs when you feel like it, you have BBC America and online radio to negate the lousy US media and keep you in touch and besides, they love our humour and the way we talk.

I can afford to return once a year and enjoy the best of what England can offer; Pubs, beautiful scenery and the ways of the people there.

America isn't so bad for an ex-pat as long as you tune out the rubbish and grab a bit of your own culture every now and then.

Pro's outweigh the cons overall.

VA Expat, Virginia,

I left the UK to get away from people like Jeremy Clarkson.

Dr Hu, San Francisco, USA

Great article, in a wilfully curmudgeonly sort of way.

I think your message is: wherever you go in the world, the majority of people will try to stitch you up, so you might as well stick with the shysters you're most familiar with.

It's not exactly Rupert Brooke, but it'll do.

Kevin, London,

This has got to be a tongue-in-cheek article because I live in the US, I'm British and I've met far more than two British expats and none are remotely close to the caricatures described by Clarkson. In fact, I'd hazzard a guess that most legal British expats not married to Americans are in the US as working professionals and academics.

Not Jermey's Biggest Fan, Durham, North Carolina

You're never far from Slaughter At Bourton-on-the-water.

Herbert G., Leeds,

Dear Jeremy I read with interest your paragraphs regarding the number 1 destination being Australia. You mentioned people don't just wake up and decide they are off, up sticks with wife and kids and go downunder.(Australia or New Zealand)

Well I beg to differ. I have sat in a room with 200 people, admitedly attending a migration seminar, and when asked "who has visited Australia before?" two hands go up, they were a married couple, from the audience.

It is unbeliveable that "we" can be so impulsive, but even with barriers to entry far greater than those to the UK, people do just get up and leave our shores.

In general they are not brainiacs, but engineers, trades people, nurses all of course with great qualifications and evidence of experience in their various fields.

They don't think the relocation idea is ' rocket science,' but Brits are doing it in droves.

NB. I think German cars are bit more expensive there than here so there IS a down side to everthing!!!

Mark Rickard, Windsor,

Too many people, too many cars, not enough out door space (read: beach) close to the cities where most of us need to live (even though the are a lot of nice parks around). Besides, according to this article it raises the average IQ of both countries doesn't it? Jon

Jonathan Court, Sydney,

I dread to think what Mr Clarkson would have to say about Malta if he ever visits. We have bad roads,hot weather (too hot) crazy drivers and too many foreign students in summer. Yet, we would not change where we live for anything. Where else can one park outside a capital city and be driven in, in an air conditioned mini van, for free! Can anyone boast of a social service that provides 5 star hospital treatment, for free! The freebies are endless and to eat out, let's say at a 4 star restaurant, will set you back less that a hundred pounds for two. Yes, we do live in a land of milk and honey. We just don't know it that's the problem. I just hope that Jeremy Clarkson keeps away that's all because there is nothing that would attract even more ex pats to our wonderfully idyllic island than JC ripping us to pieces...and suggesting people stay away so that he could enjoy all of it for himself.

Ray Spiteri, Mgarr, Malta

Please, don't leave..being an expat is as horrible as Jeremy say's , I beg you all stay in Britain...

David, Mijas Costa, Spain

Say what you like JC, I have just got back from a month in blighty and it is just awful. I never ever want to live there.

Phill, Las Palmas, Canarias

How can anyone believe he's being serious?!! I got sick of endless rainy days, early closing hours, the disgusting pub-grub (80s), the limited level of dialogue with friends and strangers alike and the endless longing for a few frantically-consumed days of real sunshine abroad. Let's not forget the comic island-arrogancy/paranoia of many Brits who are too self-absorbed or afraid of other cultures to even investigate them. The droves that believe that travelling is crossing the channel to stock up on booze and fag I've lived in 10 cities in 3 continents over the past 14 years (for a bank). There are certainly things I miss - my friends and family, the great buzz of London, the great British humour, British sport, television and entertainment etc. but overall the languages, cultures and things we've integrated and experienced, the great friends we've made and the daily excitement we derive from doing and seeing new things have made life far more stimulating.

Julius, México City, México

I am an Australian about to work in the UK for 18 months. It seems to me that making comparisons between the two countries isn't very constructive and doesn't say much. The beaches, sun, luck etc that immigrants come here to enjoy are my birthright and available to me whenever I want. I would not trade my Australian passport for any other. A city like London, with all its history, culture and internationalism, is obviously not to be found in a new country as Australia - so I look forward to going to the UK to enjoy what is not here and vice versa.

God Save the Queen.

Paul Bourke , Canberra, Australia

Just before I head out to drown my self-loathing in cachaça, can I just say that I live in a six-bedroom house overlooking the Baía de Guanabara, which set me back the price of one tenth of a lock up in Barking, have investments in Brazilian stocks that are earning me somewhere in the region of 40% per annum, with my only worry being the risk of skin cancer that constant exposure to the tropical sun may cause?

Where could it all have gone wrong?

Thank you, Jeremy, for reminding me of one of the many reasons why I decided to move here in 2002.

Julian Beach, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Sorry I just don't believe you. I doubt the little bit on the Brits in fatigues, chewing tobacco and carrying weapons. I think you've watched "Deliverance" once too many times.

Diplomad, New York,

Jem, I think you need some brain surgery for thinking the UK is a great place to live. The problem is you would go into an NHS hospital and come out with someone else's brain or a worse a dose of MRSA. Maybe you have.
The weather, well we know you don't have a proper job, so you don't know what its like to go 5 days a week at 53-57F, grey and drizzling working in a dreary office. Thats why the Brits are crazy about holidays because living in Britain is so crap we can't wait to get away. 50% of us would leave tomorrow if we could. We all have passports. New homes are crappily built with bedrooms so small an overpaid (with taxpayers money) BBC car show presenter couldn't fit in one.
Mmmm lets think, where are the summers hot, the winters snowy as they should be, autumns gorgeous, houses- cheap and beautifully built, stunning scenery, blue skies, happy positive people, great cheap food of all kinds, low taxes, lots of friends, great service, comfy cars, no licenced BBC. The USA.

Lawrence, Hale, Cheshire

One famous person, whose names escapes me, commented that "whenever a Kiwi left New Zealand and went to Australia it raised the IQ of both countries. Not sure how this applies to whinging poms, but feel it has some relevence.

Dave Finlay, JingHong (southern China), Yunnan, China

well I only left lovely Bradford in the UK (paradise on earth) 6 years ago almost penniless - now i own 2 large houses in Melbourne Australia, 2 new cars - i am happily married and have found a new career - not bad. considering how good life must be back in Bradford...

Dan K888, Melbourne, Australia

I live in Bulgaria and the Brits that live here are mostly pensioners so that's a good thing for Britain a guess, getting rid of the old people. Well except that they are now spending their pension somewhere else. According to government figures some 10,000 brits have registered as residents here.

Vlad, Sofia, Bulgaria

JC Loved it. Reminds me of the Brit sterio type articles in the back of the Sunday Telegrpah/Times mag ...Cant remember which it is it's been so long. Remember this. Those who have emigrated have demonstrated they have the balls to do it and are not afraid of the unknown. Australia was was destination useen for me and it's gold. I return to UK frequently to enjoy it in bite size chunks and it's more appealing that way.

John, Sydney, Australia

Jeremy, you are the kind of whingeing pom I moved to Oz to get away from. Thanks for the reminder. And the caravaning in Dorset sketch.

James, Sydney, Australia

I will certainly take up your offer of having my brain surgery in the UK. If I can wait till I get to the top of the list, that is.

After having lived in England for more than 11 years I never thought I'd leave. Dead or alive. I love the place. But.
I must admit my posting to Berlin has given me some things over the years that even the longest-working hours in the UK never managed:
A flat I can afford, good standard of living, no closing time ever, doctors I can see when I need to, then a city that can cope with holding major festivals without public transport becoming paralysed, having a good dinner after 10pm if needs be,…

So far not many people have missed my brain. Still, as I happily paid my taxes there maybe somebody misses that.

Your colleague Giles Coren in his review of RED restaurant mentioned some things about NW5, which may make some people wanna leave too.

Sylvia, Berlin, Germany

Oh effing gawd,we are all failures overseas and in the USA carry guns etc etc of the usual Anti Yank Aussie theme.
Well just saw on BBC America a cesspit of sex,murder,violence,toilet wall language the parents of a young lad,Lord rest his soul begging for justice for his killer.
My youth in the UK was totally and all engulfing violent on an organized level.Mum and Dad,s whole being was 2 World Wars,the whole of Europe is a cesspit of death and destruction,you mock the USA and Oz ,yet your world is surrounded by the ghosts of the Millions you allowed to suffer in misery.
If you are so peaceful and sublime why is your new population trying to destroy.
Instead of going to bars to meet Expats come here,we have BAE in our town,Long Island Power is now National Grid Brits all over the place. not a gun to be seen.

Larry, centerport, New York USA

Well, at least it appears that all those happy expats still read the UK newspapers. Surely the places you live in have their own papers don't they......and please let us know how many of you still have your UK Passports (just in case...?)

Al, Weybridge,

You are right Jeremy, so just you stay in the UK where you belong. We expats are much better off without you and your kind.

W Dunseith, Chantemerliere, France.,

How about expats who goes to Britain? Are they idiotic that they change their native country to Britain? World doesn't end with any country's borders. There is a lot to see and feel outside your native place, even if you live in such a nice place as London or New York, isn't it?

Andrey, Moskow, Russia

When you move to Australia, just remember that we are water-scarce and please don't yearn and pine after lawns and roses which degrade our environment. And please leave your small-town, bigoted English ideas behind.

Polly, Perth, Australia

Love you Jeremy!!
Never fail to make me laugh, do get Top Gear here too, albeit old runs.
Sorry to have to say you are wrong wrong wrong!!
We had a business in the UK we worked hard and paid taxes,all just so Tony could take the profits off us. The health service left my 86yr old Dad to die in a chair in his own vomit had we not got there and demanded he be put into a bed.
The crime is tremendously bad and confines people to their homes, the weather is another factor that leaves you trapped indoors most of the year. I could go on BUT you know all this I just think you want re-action from some really interesting people from all over the globe, who chose to leave the UK?

Being an EU citizen with the right to free movement we have settled here in Cyprus. Yes the weather is good, well brilliant actually, the crime is very low as you might expect from a low population.Lots more plus,s which you won,t want to hear. Glad we chose here. Miss the UK NOT! Kalispera

Lyn, Protaras, Cyprus

Jeff from Melbourne, I'd like to say in that case you can have all the "chipper" aussies we've got back to your dust Island, but then we'd have a mass barman shortage here in Blighty!!

Nick, Bournemouth,

Gosh what a xenophobic piece Jez. Stay in my team or I'll rubbish you. Yawn. From where I'm sitting overlooking the beautiful med at 1500m, can't see any of your observations holding water.And so very few of the ex-pats I know in Cyprus meet your insulting cameo.

I left the dump that Enghland has become 3 years ago - it's a no hope, going nowhere over taxed nanny state. Easy for you to do the ivory tower speech -even though it's not original and frankly you owe the Times their fee back.

Peter Le Conte, Paphos, Cyprus

Jeremy,
You have hit the nail on the head about our haemorrhage of brits going abroad. I have watched enough "Escape to the Sun" type tosh to realise that half these people are only interested in getting a tan (who wants leather skin ?), a better social life (making fools of themselves at BBQs), more leisure time (so they work all hours in "real estate" or hairdress( or nail bar type stuff - yuk). Oh, but they do want a better life for their kids (have you seen their apathetic spawn). No good riddance I say. We have more than enough Poles and Russians to make up for the shortfall. They are slimmer (has anybody noticed what a lot of fatties us brits are), better looking and do not bawl down the road "do you want a big Mac Chelsea" at 10000000 decibels, whilst sporting their Nike trainers (although they have never ran around the block in their life).

D, Surbiton

Debbie, Surbiton, Surrey

I have lived in Spain for the past five years. A lot of what is said about ex-pats is true and I was very unhappy for the first four years when I lived amongst them. Yes, there are loads of alcoholics, ex-cons, etc. Fortunately we were intimidated out of our area in the Costa Blanca by a group of tyre-slashing English and Irish pensioners. We have now moved to Cartagena, which is thoroughly Spanish. I love the history and the countryside there. I can snorkel for several months of the year also and find amethysts in the hills - two things I couldn´t do in Britain. I also love genuine Flamenco music. I am currently writing a book on the SIerra Minera and hope to spend the rest of my life there.
Fiona Pitt-Kethley

Fiona Pitt-Kethley, cartagena, spain

Do expats forget their sense of humour when they emigrate?

Stuart, London, UK

'When you're stuck in an office you need it to be 57 F and drizzling'? How about 2 degrees and chucking it down - in summer?

Glad you UK based chaps are happy - though I must say your over-defensiveness suggests otherwise.

It's odd how you only meet expats at 10am in bars, jeremy.

Cyrille, Chiang Mai, Thailand

i lived all over UK for work. besides living in london, the rest of britain leaves a lot to be desired. most of northern england especially Newcastle is depressing massive racial problems, wales and scotland suffer for massive unemployment, scotland has the highest crime rate in the EU

and probably the worst place to live in the whole of europe is northern ireland, the biggest employer there is British Army

Besides one of the nicest city in the world, London!, the rest of UK is awful.

Denis, Dublin, Ireland

There are enough Bloody Poms in Australia now. Don't let anymore escape from that dump you call home and we'll all be happy

jeff, melbourne, victoria

Why move abroad?

Because to do the job I love, I have to. If I moved back, I'd have to do something else. I would love to move back to England, but with the house-prices as they are, I can't afford to.

It's as simple as that.

Maybe I'll move to Canada instead...

Ex Pat, Washington, DC

Let me tell you what I miss about Britain; unsmoked bacon, Colmans mustard and those pyramid teabags from PG.
I do not miss the grey skies, miserable people, low standards, moaning, crumbling infrastructure, poor service and the lotto-culture & celebrity adoration.
You're in denial Jeremy if you think Britain is still great - sad to say.
And we get TOP GEAR every Friday.

JD, Melbourne , Australia

Made me laugh like a drain! I've been living in Aus for about 6 months now, and I sometimes find it a harder country to comprehend than Japan, where I lived for a year. I shall show this post-haste to my boyfriend who is currently trying with uncertain success to set up a business here, with the best efforts of Australia's bureaucracy to hinder him at every turn. Pass me the Marmite!

(I'm still moving to Germany, though.) ;)

With love from a Brit in exile (currently) in Australia.

Heulwen Price, Melbourne, Victoria

Spot on Jeremy. It's amazing how most of the expats on here desperately try to explain why they've moved away by quoting the sort of paranoid rubbish served up by the likes of the Daily Mail. Nothing to do with not having any real friends then. You could pick any country in the world and draw up a list of bad things about it - these people just need an excuse, so they can blame the country for their own failures. Just listen to the moaning replies here - the fact these people have no sense of humour might explain why no-one liked them when they lived here. Good riddance to the lot of 'em. Having lived in Aus, give me here any day of the week. Great to be home.

Rich, Sheffield, UK

3 months ago, I moved to the US with a 3 year visa. I'm now considering applyiing for a green card and buying an un-green SUV. Why? I live in a city with an pub that shows more footy on their telly than I'll ever see in England. I watched the footy yesterday with a Guinness and they were both free because they don't look to rob you and they give stuff away here to those they like and trust. Saying that, when I do buy a pint its cheaper than back home and everything else is cheaper still. I have an air-conditoned rented house that is 3 times the size of my Woking estate chipboard house while being cheaper to rent than my house is. There are cycle paths, polite people and buckets of sunny weather. The problem is, I've got nothing to complain about. I miss group complaining although I get quite a few laughs when I try it here. I find myself (reflexive-pronoun) agreeing JC's sermon on the hill and have convinced myself I am not an ex-pat but someone on a long holiday waiting to go home!

Andy, Columbus, Ohio

Carry on convincing yourself Britain is great Jezza, and you never know, some of us might come back. But it'll take more than some sweeping (funny i'll admit) generalisations to convince me that the UK is anything like as good a place to live as Hong Kong, Japan, Dubai, Canada, Scandinavia, Southern France, Italy, Australia, New Zealand, the Caribbean, Sri Lanka... there you go, I've listed the countries in which I know British expats, and we're all agreed, the UK would fall behind every one of the places as a choice of domicile. The English countryside looks fantastic in summer on a clear day, and I'll never tire of the view of the City at night from Waterloo Bridge, but you can keep the rest matey, sorry to shatter your misconceptions.

Aaron, Hong Kong, Hong Kong

Personally I find some of these these pro and con arguments about living abroad engendered by some self-promoting British "journalist" Jeremy Clarkson (whoever he may be) rather irrelevant. many of them seem to be retirees or sunseekers moving to English-speaking countries - and good for them! Many of them go to work.
I left middle England as a restless modern language graduate 30 years ago - and without all the anti-England rancour that I read here and all too often find in so many of the tedious expats I encountered in Europe, having worked all over the continent. A lot of it is understandablethough! As another correspondent in Switzerland has pointed out here: those who move to the continent with their predictable, (compensatory?) rants are enough to make you want to go 'home' to avoid them. Indeed from my trips back to England over the years I admit the latter do have a point about what a chippy grey dump it has become even if their points of departure were different to mine. But generally these refugees are so depressing that they bring the grey chippiness with them and that, yes, I also admit that I for one do avoid expats! (But not for the same reasons, apparently, as this laughable oaf Clarkson ).

Harry Perryman, Berlin ,

Just another piece of marketing for a bad product........

Smiley, Perigueux, France

All the people trying to escape ghastly Gordon's Britain can't be that stupid!

Richard, Worcester, England

Got to love expats. Spend their live complaining about tax, while never paying any.

Tom Whittwell, London, England

To David from Lausanne. That's funny, I actually did move back in the 90s for similar reasons - thinking that the 'real thing' could not possibly be worse than the massed dullards who had exported their chipped shoulders into “Olde Englishe Pubbes” over here. These particular whingers, as you probably know, were well-represented in Lausanne and Geneva in the 80s by the unprepossessing “yuppie” expats who all worked for US corporations with their Europe HQs there. But the ‘real thing’ just proved that there were plenty more where those came from! Forget it.

Nick, Rolles , Switzerland

A Skandinavian, I've lived in many European countries including 15 years in the UK. I sacrificed it all in favour of my love for mountains and realise that the enormous house price inflation means I can never come back. If you're bright and willing to work, the UK is a great place to be. If you're poor, go elsewhere!

jason , geneva, switzerland

There are a few people who seem to be saying "If only I was younger I'd be out of the UK in a shot, and would advise any young person to get out whilst they still can, etc, etc."

Why don't you advise those young people to head to one of the main economic centres of the world, a place where economic activity since the 'big bang' of 1986 has outstripped New York and Frankfurt, and where you can, if you work hard, earn unbelievable sums of cash and use your massive bonuses to enjoy what has been objectively described as city with the best nightlife in the world.

Tell them to go to London.

Chris, Leeds,

Jeremy, You think that to yours country go only dirty Borsts. It's not true. From Poland go away many well educated workers(white of course). I'am student in High School in Gdynia, Poland and I'am sure that people who arrive(especially from wester europe) are good people.

PS.

From poland go away about 1.000.000 people since 2004.

Sorry for my english.

Medard , Gdynia, Poland

When you have Jeremy's bank balance and celebrity status Britain is still a nice place to be. But for so-called ordinary people struggling to make a decent living, it isn't. Let them eat cake, eh, Jeremy?

JJ Spader, London,

One of those incredibly rare occasions when I disagree with Jeremy Clarkson - normally he puts into words what I am thinking.

Britain is a dump and my only regret about emigrating was not doing so 10 years sooner. I love working seeing the sun through the windows knowing that lunchtime - a civilised extended couple of hours - will be spent on the beach rather than dashing through the drizzle to waste time in boring samey shops. I love not having to think about crime, fashion and fads, nor hearing trivial conversation about soap operas, house prices and gadgets. I love not having hassle to do the simplest things. I love living in a suburban town 1 mile from the Med where everything one can possibly need is within walking distance - and not just estate agents, fast food outlets and chain stores. My life has got better in every way since I left and even a lottery win would not drag me back.
The UK may be OK to live in for someone with JC's earnings but for normal people it's rubbish.

Mark Solomon, Alicante, Spain

Clearly Jeremy's opinions are different than the Brits who founded the British Empire - they weren't afraid to live overseas. It would have been a small Empire if no-one had wanted to leave the mainland for more than a holiday!

Andrew , Seattle, WA/USA

Clarkson speaks like a true Yorkshireman; never lets the facts get in the way of his opinions.

The reality is very simple, especially for UK nationals with foreign spouses. Which of your countries offers better quality of life, health and education for children and general all-round prospects? We chose Canada over the UK in 2004 and have never looked back. Just wish we did it sooner.

The grass really is greener!

P R Haynes, Ontario, Canada

I left the UK in 1993. I saw where things were going and I was right. The amount of crime in the UK not only frightens me but saddens me too. I now have a settled family life and my children live in a kind, safe environment. I wouldn't dream of allowing my own family to live in the UK. On holiday in Greece a couple of years ago I met dozens of like minded Brits. Many of whom still living in the UK, but given half the chance would move to a better place. Clever people will always look for better opportunities. And I’ll let you know one thing Clarkson, but I doubt you’ll understand it. It takes a lot of determination to leave a place you love, and just as much mettle to start somewhere else.

Philip Butwell, Bodø, Norway

I certainly agree with the alcoholic bit.

Gregor , Shanghai, China

Oh dear what a sad view he has of the world. We left UK for Italy in December 2005. Now we don't need to work - given up the rat race, we have hot sunny summers, mild winters, fantastic food, cheap but excellent wine, many many friends (english speaking and Italians) and time to socialise with them, time to garden and cycle through the olive groves, swim in the Adriatic or the pool - whatever takes your fancy. And we're close enough for family (some in UK some in France) to come and visit often. Oh and by the by, the Health Service performed so much better when we needed it - problems that were never resolved in the Uk - we saw a specialist within days and treatment was carried out within two weeks. Return to the UK - what an earth for!

Technically Blonde, Torchiarolo, Italy / Puglia

The day that some English people realise that being successful in the work is not the most important thing in life (or least, not the only one), they will start understanding while some people is moving out from this country, and why some people is moving in. As well as the kind of people who integrate each group.

LUCIA, Cranfield, Beds

Four wheels good,
Two legs bad.

Oh Mr Clarkson, who has never lived abroad for any length time, do you really know what you are talking about?

Francis O'HARA, Nice, France

Dear James from Leeds, the reason why the US does not appear to have an rich culture history is because it has only existed for a mere 231 years. Certainly it is a vast place that cannot possibly have a monolith culture anyway. We have not had the opportunity, as Britain has, to have a culture forged on the anvil of time. I lived in Britain, and I loved it. I now live in Southern California, and I love it too. Pitting one country against another, which often seems to happen in these comment pages, is just silliness. It is really no one's business, least of all Clarkson's, where someone decides to make his home.

Shelli, Los Angeles,

All of the anglosphere is wonderful, including the UK. London is not really part of the anglosphere anymore, due to the religion of peace having taken over.
I moved to NZ recently from London and love it here. I think the ubiquitous cameras in the UK have really been the clincher for many people, there is something very sinister and disturbing about being constantly watched by one's government.

Rob M., New Zealand,

People leave England because there are still people there stuck in the last century saying 57°F.....

English folk I know live in France and don't consider themselves as "expat": they are simply enjoying the free movement that living in the European Union offers!

Peter Goddard, Le Rouret, France, EU

nobody outside britain (or London, come to that) has heard of gordon brown.

Brit, Moscow,

i thought germaine greers article was very very good, but yours was wonderful.

linda dearman, poole, dorset

Ian, you moved to China for better TV programs?

Andrew, Sheffield,

I buy the Sunday Times every week to read JCs column, well plus India Knight and Minette Marrin oh and the sport.

BUT what I want to know is why did I have to fly halfway round the world, meet a lady from a completely different culture before I found someone I could communicate with!!!

By the way, she, my wife that is, passed Naomi Campbell in the foyer of a local hotel yesterday and it wasn't Naomi her welcoming committee were looking at !!! and she was too.

Jeremy I think you are breath of fresh air, but some important aspects of life are simply no longer available in UK - but then I am not the one who is whinging!

Stephen Roberts, Nairobi, Kenya

Also interesting to note that there are (relative to population)more Australian expats in the UK than there are UK expats in the Aust.

Being a Brit living in Aust for 8 years, and being one who is planning on returning home soon, I can certianly understand the benefits of living overseas. Conversely I can also understand what you miss.

John Bucknall, Sydney, Australia

Maybe Britain is too expensive place to live in?

There's a British ex-Pat working as a developer on my team here in Atlanta, GA. Once I heard about he London prices and British taxes, I am not surprised she emigrated to the USA.

Marco, Atlanta, USA

I thought this Clarkson guy was a bit of a fool before and it's just been confirmed. You have no idea Clarkson, no idea.

Paul Gregson, Barcelona,

Thankyou Margaret Mitchell,USA, for the loudest laugh I had reading these comments! Typical British insularism indeed? And this coming from an American, a large percentage of whom do not hold passports, don't even know there is a world out there and think FOX news is a valid source of news. Watching CNN and all US news here in the states is a waste of time if you want to hear about international news. Haha.......sorry, still having a good chuckle here.

SC, Florida,

I am a South African who is on her way to England. I got admission to Cambridge. I don't want to return to SA when I finish at Cambridge. Why? Despite many complaints, the UK still has far less crime than my country. Despite the bad weather, your democracy is more real than most countries in the world. Your health service is still better than a lot of countries. Yes, not the best, but better than most. London is damp and gray but it can be interesting and exciting. Foreign students study at your uni's for a reason. You have a lot you take for granted.

On the other hand, if you are an ex-pat and you are happy, then good for you! Each to his own. If you don't like the weather then go to Australia or even South Africa (just buy a gun for self-protection). If you want to stay, stay.

Almoststudent, Cape Town, South Africa

ok... so i guess i'd be a failiure for meeting my wife at university and moving with her to cyprus, which has a _vastly_ lower crime-rate then england and treats it's citizens with some respect (unlike former comrade-blair) and has enjoyable weather to boot! i visit england and i can't bear how it has changed in the year since i left.
No-where is perfect (wages are poor here) but to say england/UK is more perfect then cyprus earns you only contempt from myself, travel broadens the mind, a close minded troglodyte such as yourself must bring sausages with you when you go to the coast because you believe that no-where else can compare to the safeways down your road.

bah, you also have no idea what meat should taste like.. even the best prepared meat from england would struggle to compete with souvla and souvlaki.

aidan worth, nicosia,

What a completely idiotic set of generic statements you have made. How on earth you think you can encapsulate the entire expat community like that is beyond me? There may be some truth in your observations for a small segment of expats, but that in no way encapsulates everyone. I have been an expat in Europe, the US and recently Asia. I am now living back in the UK, but am planning to leave permanently in a year or so. Having weighed up all of the factors that make up our lives, my own personal desire it to leave the UK. Like so many people who live here, you are great in making sweeping statements about a siginficantly large group of people you no nothing about. Sometimes you do not have to understand it - merely just respect other people's decisions. How typically British you are.

Justin, Glasgow,

have you ever lived outside England ?

anne Meile, mel, switzerland

As one of the top 1 per cent of income earners of course you can write crap like this. You come and go as you please and have a PA to firewall you. Try living in some tip like Liverpool or Gosport or Southampton with people earning 20,000 a year and then seriously try and explain how France or Ireland or the US are not better in hundreds of ways than this chav filled land run by kleptocratic idiots and liars. Canada knocks the spots off the UK and you know it. Vancouver or Manchester? Calgary or Hull? Get real. You wrote this and half of it IS true. The last place I would want to be is overseas in an English exile community where the main motivator is the weather. But the sensible expats assimilate into their new cultures. Also the cultures into which these people go, defend their own kind and majority rights. Remember your smugness next time your car is vandalized. Ah I forgot, you don't go anywhere dangerous.

Peter, Shaftesbury, Dorset

Haven't you BEEN to Australia? Lots of clever Brits are over here and not looking back. You'd have to be stupid to stay.

Fred, Brisbane,

Why do normal people leave England?
Because the likes of Jeremy Clarkson are still stuck in the last century: 57°F?
Perhaps Jeremy Clarkson should go and live in the USA.
And on a finer point: most of us who live in the EU don't even think of ourselves as "ex-pats": we are just enjoying life in the Union that allows free movement of it's citizens without having to undergo the ex-pat drama.

Peter Goddard, Le Rouret, France, EU

Ah, dear fat old Jeremy, still having a go at Australia. I left England because it is a dump. Full of arrogant class-obsessed dimwits like yourself, redefining the word smug in new and repellent ways. Work's finished, it's 26C outside in the middle of winter, and you're half the world away. Life is sweet!

mark white, sydney,

Alex Robertson, you cannot call yourself a kiwi - you live in Auckland. LOL.

Alberto Gonzales, Washington, DC, USA

As a British expat living in Sydney I agree absolutely with Mr Clarkson on his comments about this place. It's a dump populated by the terminally lazy. They're all so obsessed with how "lucky" they are that they ignore the crime, the high taxes, the ludicrous rules of the nanny state (which are even worse than the UK) and the fact that they are a million miles from anywhere worth going - "the arse end of the world" as their own now ex-prime minister described it. Personally I can't wait to get out.

I can see why someone might like it if they came from some boring dump in the midlands or the north (as I do) and have never spent any time anywhere fun or interesting (this would include London) but once you've seen what the rest of the world has to offer you realise how little Australia has to recommend it. Still, at least it isn't New Zealand.

"a lucky country run by second rate people that share it's luck"

Whingeing Pom, Sydney, Australia

"A backwater"

Ed, how in the world can anyone from Perth. W.A. call Fife a backwater. You live in the most remote, isolated city in the world. Perth is the backwater, both geographically and culturally.

Can't wait to get to blighty myself, I bought a really good pair of wellies a few years ago, and have not had any real use from them yet.

Michael Holloway, Sydney, Australia/ NSW

I have lived in Bulgaria for 2 years. Sure there is corruption but hardly on the lines of certain highly skilled British politicians who set out to deliberately deceive electorates and rob people of their retirement funds.

The health service here is fantastic compared with the UK; food is clean and wholesome and the people open hearted and warm. And the weather - great.

Obviously there are disadvantages but on balance I prefer a pollution free environment and a wake up call from wild life.

Gordon Brown's taxing of pension scheme income reduced my belief in Government to zero; unfortunately very few people realise that he was the cause of so many pension fund problems. This Governments plan to allow over 100 incinerators to be built and burn rubbish to pollute the atmoshere was the last straw. Even politicians must breathe, and they deserve all the get as a result.

Roy Watkin, Pchelishte Veliko Tarnovo, Bulgaria

Jeremy, whilst I applaud your optimism about all things UK, I have to say that after living abroard for nearly 18 years, I have found the morph back to the UK a hideous reality check. Why blame people for wanting to have a better life style, hope and aspirations - after all we've only got one shot at it.

England is so depressing, full of bitter, twisted envious wannabe's who for some baffling reason have a massive sense of entitlement, on the back of what I wonder. All fuelled by Posh & Bex who seem to make it all so easy! The English are so resentful of anyone apart from Posh and Bex that have anything that they don't hence the mega anti 4 wheel drive lobby. For godsake, if one landed on your doorstep are you telling me you would take it to your nearest re-cycling depot?

I am staying a few years, only, but hate the dreariness, the ignorance and vast disparities in the havesandchavenots. What's the bleedin point of boverin? Not to mention the climate - snore.

Rebecca, Somerset, UK

I will never come back to live in england (that's right, with a small e). Having lived for 25 years in the USA and now for 4 years in Spain, I have no wish whatsoever to resume residency in the sad Nanny-State(I'll capitalize that). You can keep my pension as well, as the Spanish treat their old folk much better so I won't be needing it. Those unfortunates who are much too dim to realize they have been conned can use it to buy themselves what passes for a drink back in your benighted isles. Oh sorry ! i forgot that that won't be enough $$$!

cheers

rob hingley, valencia, spain

Nice article! I have a good British friend who has got a magnificent villa here by Lake Como where he spends about 5 months every year. Actually every time a British asks him for some information he pretends to be Italian.. he doesn't like Brits very much when he is in Italy; I am sure he would enjoy your article, Jeremy!

P., Milano, Italy

What a wonderful article... a refreshing and unique approach... I always start the day with a good laugh. Some of us had no choice but to become expats... my own story, like many others involves too many parking tickets in London. The judge upon passing sentence to my manicled body, offered me Australia or the Americas, and a parting shot of advice that I should never to return to the angel isle... until my respect for painted yellow lines inproved. Wasting away these last 30 years in San Antonio Texas has been "hell" . The wonderful weather, TexMex food on every corner, and the sporadic sitings of other like Brits with similar woes, who also complain of the lack of A GOOD PUB.
We all cry into our beer and complain that the tacos and nachos always did taste better in Shepherds Bush... God Bless Great Britain.

Harry sexton, San Antonio, USA

Gosh, I must be one of those dim-witted ex-pats, having never heard of Jeremy Clarkson or Top Gear. I left the UK for the US almost 30 years ago, and have to admit that in the beginning i did think about going back home. I would never go back now though. It sounds awful. One of the most amazing thing about the British who remain in the UK is their delusional view that everything there is better than everywhere else: their education, their health service, their TV shows... What snobs! They need to get out more. All that alcohol has destroyed their brain cells. I'm just happy to live in a neighbourhood free of drunken louts and where the police show up in minutes if called. Where I can get the medical care I need in a timely manner and where the emergency rooms aren't full of aforementioned drunken louts. Where I can walk the streets without fear of said drunken louts.
P.S. Maybe I do need that brain surgery, but I'd have that done in the US any day over the UK.

Helen, Virginia, USA

I just moved to Sweden for love Jeremy. And lots of it, over and over again.

You've got to agree though that Swedish woman are far better looking than the Brit plumpers / grunters.

Andy Montgomery, Tore,

Jeremy, So true!

smith, Rockhampton, Queensland

To Andrew Norden of Hong Kong.... Andrew, you are an immigrant too or had you not noticed?

Chantel, UK,

Cliff Richard - what better reason could anyone have for leaving.
Interestingly has anyone else noticed how Tony Blair's popularity plummeted after he started availing himself of cliff richards holiday home?

Chingiss, hong kong,

Quite funny and probably partly true, however after spending over ten years in Tokyo I'd have to say I prefer life outside England. Simply put, the weather makes English people miserable. Even if you have to go to work in an office, it's nice to wake up and open the curtains to a blue sky day. I've often thought which is bettter; here or home? Both have their good and bad points, but often what we pine for is our own lost youths in England! The thing that strikes me most about "the UK" these days is that everything looks a little bit broken, whereas in Tokyo things get repaired pretty quickly. England is a rich country but I feel that the wealth is being skimmed off the top, possibly by people who don't even live there!

James Corbett, Tokyo, Japan

Britain is in decline. During its time of glory, Britain was led by its educated classes, who were respected and listened-to. They made the political decisions, they were responsible for masterminding all areas of military planning and diplomacy, leading to victory in two world wars and control of a giant Empire. These people also controlled the media, and hence the rest of the population received a passive education on morality, honour and behaviour.

Although more people now attend university and can sit under the "educated" banner, there is a wide gap between those who are truly educated and those who attended uni for a course like "media studies" . Unfortunately it is individuals from the latter group who govern us, infiltrate our media and make us out to be a "stupid nation".

I am emigrating for precisely this reason. In countries like Germany and France, it is still pc to label stupidity as such, and true education is still recognised and respected. The educated still lead.

middle England, London,

hunched at a bar in a stupid shirt, at 10 in the morning, desperately trying to convince themselves that they are not alcoholics, that the barman really is their friend and that it’s only 11 hours till bedtime.

Oh dear - this is a very dated view! Here in HK we would be fabulously dressed, sitting on a junk looking over a white sprawling beach at 10am in the morning sipping some Verve and completely accepting that we are alcoholics.. but thinking hey, who cares, this is the life!!!

Claire, Hong Kong,

Jeremy, darling, don't forget about all of the expats that live in Asia... and what are they doing here? Its not the job opportunities or the lovely weather (what's the pollution index again?) and local variations on avian influenza that're bringing them in, but, rather, the fact that Asian women are notoriously succeptable to the charms* of foriegn men, whereas these guys would have to try a lot harder at home.

*money, opportunities for a passport, etc

E J, Beijing, China

Spot on Jeremy

What sort of person moves halfway round the world forsaking all their friends ( if as you note they have any) and family just for a bigger house, a pool and a bit more sun. They all live here in their ghettos watching Premiership football in the early hours of the morning with their pretend friends who they socialise with on the basis of an accident of birth.

Drinking in the Old Bailey, living off Piccadilly Circus, buying the Daily Express.

The UK is better off without them.

As can be seen by the other comments I think you touched a nerve here.

And before anybody has a go I'm not here by choice and will be back home next year.

David West, Perth, Western Australia

Jeremy,

Not everyone coming to the UK is as you describe. If you are a bit more decent that the pickpockets and your English is slightly better than Borat's, there are plenty of opportunities in the UK for having a good life, thanks mainly to the ex pats you mention (who leave susbstancial room for professionals with the right skills) and to a pathetic and dumbed down educational system which makes sure that those educated in Britain are no match to those coming from abroad with the equivalent qualifications.

F RIVAS, luton, uk

Really funny and could only be written by a millionaire living in Chipping Norton. Now back to the real world.

Trevor Griffiths, High Wycombe,

I think this may well be the first time I've ever agreed - in principle - with Jeremy Clarkson. I suspect many people who emigrate decide to do so because the media here love to whip up so many scares for them to worry about in the short term - health, crime, the climate etc. Back in the 1970s an uncle of mine decided to move to New Zealand because he was fed up with the Labour government. Not long afterwards we elected the right-wing government of Margaret Thatcher, who stayed in power for more than a decade. Labour, I believe, have now been in power in NZ for some time....

Barry, Wallington, UK

Over 30 years ago I moved to California from the UK and I've found it a much nicer place than the way it's described by people who have never lived here.
Haven't heard of any neighbours in this middle class district suffering from burglary. The gun I own has never been fired by me, but it's there just in case. I'll bet the victims of all the brutal attacks in the UK wished they had a gun.

Clarence Weller, Sacramento, USA

Jeremy, My reasons for leaving the UK were the appaling weather and the terrible TV programmes!

Ian, Beijing, China

There seem to have been a lot of negative comments about British weather. Lets give them the benefit of the doubt, there is nothing that can be done about that. But at least something can be done about the crime / tax / NHS / immigrants / chavs / Labour government / nanny state etc.

And when it is maybe I'll come back!

Andrew Norden, Hong Kong,

"Honestly, every single expat I’ve ever met is the same"

well i've neverer met any like that -- the reason is obvious : like attracts like. Anyone not like that would be too smart to talk to Jeremy Clarkson.

Mark Joshi, Melbourne, Australia

Great stuff! - I love my English papers.

George Kosinski, Grassy Creek Possum Holler, NC, USA

Sounds like you're trying to talk yourself out of the move Jeremy ...

Mark, Ascot, UK

The mere fact that this article has to be written tells me that the departure of British citizens is actually a signficant problem. Until now I hadn't thought so.

Lori, Toronto, canada

To David Lancaster, Lausanne, Switzerland and Chris D, Modena, Italy

That's funny, David. I actually did that in the 90s for similar reasons - thinking that the 'real thing' could not possibly be worse than the masses of whingers who had exported their chipped shoulders onto the mainland over the 80s. (Yes, there were well-represented in Lausanne and Geneva!) But believe me, the real thing was far, far worse. However with Clarkson being sometimes mildly funny despite smelling like the boorish oik product of some minor public school (another reason to avoid the yUK), he has little of interest to say to merit his attention-seeking japes, so I assume you have no intention of returning but couldn't resist taking the Michael. Nicely done too!

Brompeter, Switzerland

Humphrey Brompeter, Farschweiler, CH

I emmigrated 8 years ago because I hated the constant threat everywhere i went, the binge-drinking culture, the 9 to 5 slog in grey miserable weather, over-priced useless reataurants and fast food outlets on every corner, finding the same tasteless fruit and veg in supermarkets the size of a small town, then watching one of the 600 mindnumbing rubbish tv channels infront of a tv dinner with the highlight of my week being going for a walk in gale force winds on Sunday afternoon before it gets dark at 4 p.m and i lock myself in my toytown house which i'm going to be paying for for the next 40 years of my life with three quarters of my wages from my job in the call centre where i have to put my hand up to ask if i can go to the toilet.

before you ask I am not 65 years old but 29 and have had the please to spend my 20's in Tuscany, Italy where life is fantastic. Mr Clarkson, I am not a failure, I am the envy of everyone I know in the UK.

Dale, Follonica, Italy

Jeremy, you only exclude in your GCSE stats the 16 year olds recently shot. You neglected to exclude those recently stabbed or beaten to death, and the teens arrested for commiting these sensless crimes.

Perhaps when reviewing education Britain could now bring in new subjects such as gangland studies and weapon maintenance (which could include BMX maintenance as the getaway vehicle of choice by those too young to drive). I am sure these would prove very popular.

Why I am happy to be expat

catherine, Luz, Portugal

Economics has more say in the matter. Ever heard of Rip-off Britain? My tidy 2 bed flat in Taiwan only cost me £108 per month and it comes with more room than i need, i would not get a crappy bedsit for that in the UK and thats just the tip of the Iceberg I am back in UK now to do a Teaching course then i am leaving again so i can live not just exist.

Roy, Birmingham, UK

Jeremy - a very amusing and, in part, true article. If I'd been really brainy, I'd have stayed in Britain and driven my Korean car to Dorset, towing a caravan and camping beside the railway! But that's if I'd been brainy.

Andrew Blackwell, Brisbane, Australia

I moved to Australia in 1965 and with hard work now a millionaire.
Why did I leave? Scotland, Fife, was a backwater and unless you were well parented you were considered a nothing.
Australia allowed me to try my wings and I succeeded.
The weather also was a factor.
Britain is no longer Britain, you have far too many foreigners.Just because someone has a British (European) Passport doesn't make them British. Look at the amount of mosques you have.

Ed Smith, Perth, Australia

great loved it , you have no idea how happy i am reading the times listen to bbc radio online watching top gear on you tube.

you dont know what your missing clarkson!

frankie, shanghai , china

I can't speak for the other professionals who have departed the UK but my reasons are:

At the age of 50 years I was made redundant. I sent my CV to 35 potential employers and several recruitment agencies. Without my knowledge one of the agencies sent my CV to a company in Switzerland. After interviews etc. they offered me a staff position. Offers from UK employers came there none so the need to support my family dictated that I accept work in Switzerland.

Life here isn't perfect, but I can clearly see how most things here suit me better than most things in the UK. I have a great job with pleasant colleagues and regard it as a priviledge to be here.

Clarkson talks first about the professionals who leave and then witters on about the non-employed expatriates in the sun who are bored and boring. The UK can do without them, they wouldn't contribute anything, but can it do without the professionals?

RichardCr, Baden, Switzerland

I left Manchester in 1987 and went on holiday to Los Angeles where I ended up staying for 20 years in the film and TV business. Your article is correct, but in my case it was more of a ping pong with the UK. When I'm here I want to be there and when I'm there I want to be here. The truth is most expats wish they had never left but you make a life where you end up. There is that old chess nut that where ever you go there you are. I've been back in the UK 8 weeks. I'm here for my brain fix. I've given up watching TV and read newspapers on the internet. Your article is so true, just no one ever says what they think. The whole world has gone pc. The irony is that Tony Blair now has to live amongst the policy he has shaped for the UK. And one day Gordon Brown will no longer be in power and he too will have to live in a country called Great Britain which is fast becoming like a one word hollywood movie Britain. We have a saying "what goes around, comes around."

Jim, London, UK

The expats hate any kind of criticism that exposes their self-centered nature or any downsides to their new life.
They often leave friends and family behind all for self gain and are unable to take the bad with the good. Most of them left decades ago and have very little idea of life in the UK but still retain there citizenship to abuse the NHS and there ability to criticise the UK at every opportunity.

Steve Mason, London, England

As always, Jeremy writes for a reaction and he's scored. As someone British born who's lived out of the UK for most of my life, I agree with many of his points. Of course I don't wear silly shirts either and I'm usually still in bed at 10 o'clock.

Good for you Jeremy, and I'd like to congratulate you on your ability to write things which are politically incorrect, but absolutely true, and to get away with it. I wish I could!

Mike Preston, Cape Town/Weybridge,

17 years ago (almost to the day it happens) I left England's sunny shores for deepest darkest Bavaria. In terms of life-style, career, family and all of the rest of it, it was really one of the best decisions I ever made. An enjoyble culture, great recreation possibilities (if you don't mind living 500 miles from the nearest coast), a functional health system, a great public transport system, low crime rates, a reasonable working week and excellent pay (for a biochemistry PhD), I have never regretted it. Oh yes, and they don't have a speed limit Jeremy ;P

Mike Page, Munich, Germany

Thanks Jeremy very witty article but you need to be witty when your country's going to the dogs. In my observation the Poms that dont stay for good and return to dear old England after a few years of whinging seem to pop up again after about 2 years. I settle my case

Simon B, Auckland , New Zealand

Jeremy,
I think you got a bite from Phil our Tobacco chewing friend across the pond!
I am currently and correctly as you put it "doing time" in Iraq for some quick bucks tax free.

Toby, Baghdad, Iraq