Britain is a good place to live, I've been in Australia for ten years now and that's ten years too bloody long.
The trouble with Australia is that it's full of Aussies and Faussies
Faussies are those embarrassing poms trying to sound and look like Aussies.
I'm British and proud and off home soon !

Mike, Brisbane, Australia

I wish I could find a way to live in Spain. It's not jut the Brits who become ex-pats. Once I get past the Nazi's at the airport, I'm not sure I want to come back to the US.

*bet I get put on a "no-fly" list for saying what I thought!

Karen, Snyder, USA

I think it's a great little article and can say that it is surprisingly accurate (when taken with a pinch of salt). I've spent 9 months working in Germany and have had expats as friends and i'm about to move back to the UK for good. I couldn't be happier!!!

Pierre, London, England

we moved to australia seven months ago its like the 70s
.Wont reply to job aplications keep the best jobs for the boys intrest rates 10% expensive rental properties. expensive food sun too strong to enjoy plagued with mosquitoes dogs. we were conned britain is a very special place on earth enjoy.

p greatbatch, nsw, australia

It might be true that a lot of people leave their country hoping for better opportunities in a different country. However, it is really silly and immature to think of these people as failures. After all, not everyone has the courage to become an expat since this means leaving behind friends, familiar surroundings, and sometimes even perfectly good jobs.

My family for example decided to immigrate to Germany because my father couldn’t get the right treatment for his illness in Ukraine. We had to leave behind a successful company and a comfortable apartment. Even though, it wasn’t easy to adapt to the new way of life at first, we never regretted our decision.

Elena, Graz, Austria

It's not easy to make comedy out of a complex situation, but when it is done correctly it is a joy to read - which is why I appreciated the humour of this article.
However, humour it remains. Emigration is a complex study and real public opinion will hopefully not be tainted with such sweeping generalisations designed to appeal to the most entrenched Prisoners of Mother England.
For a start, there are many different motivations for a move abroad. For example, this kind of humour shouldn't be taken so seriously that we insult an emigree's desire for adventure, or deride the difficulties they might have faced in their home country, just because we had an easier ride.
We shouldn't ridicule those who take responsibility for their own prosperity and happiness, or dare to believe in better. We shouldn't scoff at the views of people who have found broader, happier horizons.
Most expats (like I used to be) will laugh at this piece and give a sympathetic thought to those who agree with it!

David Banks, Portsmouth, UK

Jezza old chap -- balls. NHS wanted me to wait 6 months for surgery to remove a brain tumour. In South Africa I waited exactly three. I love Britain too -- though not all the English and having lived there for six years, I think I know what I am talking about. That there is no place like home is the real truth of it or, as we say in South Africa, the only difference between being an emigrant and a refugee is the timing.

keith bryer, Cape Town,

The part that really struck home to me is the bit about moving to a tax haven should one decide to emigrate from Britain's fair shores..

That being the case could Mr Clarkson please explain why he lives on the Isle of Man .....??

Nige, Douglas, Isle of Man

Jeremy......Nail hit firmly on the head as usual...........

Gordon, Glasgow,

Home is where is the heart is!

Ashish, Mumbai, India

Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy,
Do they not accept your qualifications in other countries in terms of skills shortage? Oh Good!
Stay where you are, mate.
Live long and prosper.

jocelyn, new zealand,

SWITZERLAND! Lower tax, lower crime, clearner, nearer to the alps, the med, Italy, France. I'm not coming home. Plus you can always hop on a flight back to London - you can't do that in the culture desert that is Australia.

barry bazmo, zurich, ch

Jeremy

WHilst I have always enjoyed your column, I now live in Austria. A beautiful country, tax is lower and I have a higher standard of living for a lot less money.

Tracey , Hallein , Austria

"The fact is, I’m afraid, that anyone who emigrates from Britain, no matter where they end up, is a bit of a dimwit."

TRANSLATION: The idea that the UK is so awful that people want to leave it frightens me, as I'm too much of a boor to admit otherwise, so I'll simply dodge the issue with a lame by-the-numbers Clarkson ad hominem attack.

Alexander, Winchester,

Jeremy,
yes I moved to Australia six years ago and I love it. I could not wait to get out of the Islamic Republic Of Britain!
You may keep the chav culture, the cold, the anally retentive big brother government, red ken, boris johnson, expensive housing, the pollution and the wart on the face of the planet that is London.
Like a rat leaving a sinking ship I scurried off to Australia, to enjoy cold beer, scantily clad women, open roads, nice beaches, sun and pleasant people who don't hang around in hoddies. Yes I feel like a total failure.................

...........now for a dip in the pool!!!

Nick, Perth, Australia

I was browsing the web (7th Jan 2008) and found the above? Below? Comments. Wow! Jeremy Clarkson certainly seems to know which buttons to press.
I've always thought Australians were the touchiest people on earth, now I know where our touchiness comes from.

Venise Alstergren, Melbourne, Victoria 3142, AUSTRALIA

It isn't only the bad weather in the UK, or cute foreign girls. Brits abroad are more fun, like Britain used to be pre-EEC and the growth of bureaucracy...like Clarkson but without the gritted teeth.

The internet means you can keep in touch back home with business, politics or whatever you are interested in - and make free/cheap phone calls for hours on skype.

Abroad you are free of all the crap. Living is cheaper, and tax is avoidable.

Clarkson's suffering too much stress, and is getting to the age when emigrating would make his life easier. But he's the type to press on to the first heart attack before slowing down. I hope he survives it, and mellows into disgraceful old age.

Tapestry, Manila, Philippines

Why did I move to China?

Very simple: an abundance of attractive, slim and at least passably pleasant single women.

On those rare occasions you spot such a creature back home she is covered in buckets of drool in no time, which makes her already light head float way up into the clouds.

Call me a tosser for getting some top totty the easy way if you want...

David, Shanghai, China

Sorry,
We didn't vote for Bush, The lesser... twice...the election was FIXED twice.

The only reason Americans can't leave is twofold

(1) We're too poor...Australia wouldn't take me because I'm 54....but if land with enough money (1 mil. US) that's another story.

(2) The 3rd World....(or the 2nd) would just as soon shoot an American on sight, thanks to our "New World Order/Neo-Con Foreign Policy" That....and we can't speak the language (no foreign language taught until you are 12 or 13)

Pitty the poor Americans....nowhere to run to...nowhere to hide.

The Depressing Truth, Fort Worth, Texas

To Colin: Nice use of stereotypes.

Sc540, Atlanta,

To Jim W, Tallahassee, FL:

Dullard UK citizens moving to the U.S.A - that should raise the average IQ of both countries.

Proof of this is that you lot, umm, voted for George W Bush ... twice!

Colin, Melbourne, Australia

Perhaps you only meet people hunched at bars at ten in the morning as this is where you happen to be most of the time?

I think this article says more about you than about any expat I know...

Entertaining as always though.

Ben Boddice, Zuerich, Switzerland

Jim W, Tallahassee..I've been there...and that's where Ted Bundy butchered a few girls in that Sorority House. Very peaceful.

Stu, Sydney, Australia

I'm a child of expats and have relatives back in the UK.

Don't confuse culture with intelligence. Just because Americans tend to run around in the woods with guns on weekends doesn't mean we are unintelligent. Many of us have intellectually demanding professions during the week.

Anyway, you should know that the US is actually quite peaceful. There are a few urban communities with astronomically high drug-related crime, but most of the country is far safer than England in pretty much every measurable way. We certainly don't have your hooliganism problems.

The UK is beset by all the social and economic problems one associates with the worst of big city America, except you don't have a flyover country to mitigate the leftist nonsense. While NYC, Chicago and LA exert ruinous effects upon their states, there are 40 other states with legal, tax and economic policies that are pretty much copied verbatim from your column here. Florida has no income tax, low crime and affordable property.

Jim W, Tallahassee, FL

Love it!

I'm an ex-pat and I can't stand other ex-pats who inevitably have exactly the sort of characteristics described in your article. For the benefit of those who don't travel a lot (and therefore don't realise this) the British have a well-deserved worldwide reputation for being spoilt, moaning, stuck-up, drunken malcontents.

We moved from England a few years ago for most of the same reasons you (Jeremy) complain about constantly. The stupid political correctness, the group bunching of panties by the uptight middle-aged female professional complainers, the nannying, the taxation (actually, more what its wasted on than the amount), the poor attitude towards cars, the anti-smoking bull, low morale fibre, corruption...

We decided to split our time between Greece, the U.S and Italy. So we have. Its true that there are things wrong with all three places, but the truth of it is that no one country is possibly as bad as what's happened to what used to be a country to be proud of.

Edward King, U.S, Greece, Italy, Various

Well, well ,well ,Jeremy. It seems that you have something against those that choose to leave old Englands Shores, for those that look for a better life for both themselves and also their childrens future.
We were never a failure in England, we struggled to make a living and feed our two school children. We lived on a large council estate in the South, in fact believed to be the largest in the whole of Europe.
In the year 1970 we decided that there was a better life to be had, no more touching our forelocks to the priviledged gentry, so off we went to Australia. I must agree that our first couple of months were at times a hassle, with the locals always getting at us 10 pound poms, but we were soon to realise that it was a test. A test to see whether we were also another lot of Whingers, paid by the Australian Government to come here for a holiday.
We gave as good as we got, and in no time had many many Ozzie friends around us. Within 2 years we had bought our home. NO Moans here.

Tony Martin, Croydon North, Vic. Australia

Oooh Jeremy! Did you know the Isle of Man was a tax haven, or was that not part of the plan when you moved from the mainland? Any reason for the move, would love to hear it!? Would it be the crime, tax, immigration problem (eg people not speaking english, or even try to, sponging off the state and renaming all the roads). The UK is run by sanctamonious, politically correct, incompetant liers, whom, once having their fill of messing up the country, go off to foreign nations and get paid shed loads of money for after dinner speaches, then retire on a pension of £350,000 a year (paid by the tax payer) AND the government are now helping to bail out banks which have been run like gambling casinos - also paid for by the overtaxed UK tax payer. I am glad we left, never to return. Good luck with the house price crash and the money supply running at 14% destroying your purchasing power.

Liane, Ruffec, France

Must say I agree with Brian. The cost of living in the UK to maintain a middle class lifestyle is horrendous. At least in the US, Australia or NZ a middle class family has access to good schools, health care and a house with a backyard!

Alex, Brisbane, Australia

Yes, not only do they want to tell you their life "stories".when they cluck your accent, but for some unknown reason, they also stop using under-arm deoderant ( I am assuming here that they did so BEFORE the big move ) and leave their smelly trails like dogs behaving badly. Maybe, they are the taxi-drivers, er, I mean ex-taxi drivers, the ones who sold their taxis.
Clarkson is spot on, er, no pun intented. Besides, have you all ever met wannabee celebrities off a Sink Estate, trying to convince the Aussies, the they're from Aristocratic Estates? If not then, you haven't live yet!!!!! Hahahahahaha.

Goldwin, London,

I always think living in Blighty would be so much better... until I get there.

Justin Roberts, Jerez de la Frontera, Spain

Don’t ever underestimate the difficulty of taking yourself, you life and all familiarity away to another part of the world. Leaving family and friends behind is tremendously difficult and the process has been compared to grieving. It’s a decision not taken lightly.

Yesterday marked three years in NZ for my wife and I. We left for an adventure and why shouldn’t we? As a teacher and a nurse (hardly the dregs Clarkson suggests) we’ve been able to establish a life that, materially at least, exceeds anything we could’ve hoped for in the UK (where we couldn’t afford the most basic house).

Clarkson’s article didn’t acknowledge the emotional, physical and financial strain that people put themselves through just to try to improve their lot. Often it’s working-class people like myself who just feel squeezed out of the UK. Millionaires and multiple home owners like Clarkson could never understand how that feels.

Brian Molyneux, Christchurch, New Zealand

I have only ever lived in Europe, and have 'returned' to England alone to study. I will be returning abroad when I have finished my studies, because it seems to me that
a) I have found it easier to deal with paperwork as a foreigner abroad
b) Foreign students seem to have it easier when it comes to dealing with paperwork in the U.K.

There is a huge hole in the net through which ''ex-expats'' slip. Example, I don't meet residence requirements so cannot get a basic student bank account/overdraft. Also, I only have a British passport, and HSBC say I can't get an international student account.

They tell you you CAN apply for a loan as an expat....then ask you to supply them with your British address. Cue 6 months of red tape hell. 2 months after uni has started, and I still don't have a loan...because I don't have a national insurance number. It's lucky I worked over the summer, or I wouldn't be able to pay rent.

Maybe there are other examples of this, I can only comment as a student.

Hannah, Sheffield,

I've lived in Spain most of my life and don't regret leaving England back in the year dot as a schoolboy. Actually, I've rarely been back and then never more than three days. I like Jeremy's stuff though - one of the few things I keep up with. That and Ty Phoo Tea - now available here. The one thing I'll grant the Brits - Johnny Foreigner can't make a decent cup of tea.
Actually, there are now more Brits living in Spain than there are living in England. Bad news for you lot, good news for the Ty Phoo people.

Lenox, Mojacar, Almería, Spain

In the past my husband has expressed his incredulity at people who move to his country without being able to speak the language, and who move into country areas offending all the locals with their lack of sensitivity towards the local culture. My cynical retort was that the English are colonialists who yearn to create Surrey abroad. The persistent reference to tax, weather and swimming pools in comments on these boards aren't doing much to change my impression.

Joely C, Sunny Wolverhampton,

Dear Jeremy,
My dear French wife reads me your Sunday spiels with her best acerbic accent and we usually have a laugh over our morning tipple, we have often been known to raise a toast to the thousand kilometers which lie between us and you and our old English stomping grounds, friends, family, bad habits & bad debts
.
Today's article I had the misfortune to discover on line with my own eyes and I was drawn into the mass of comment from expts.
( following a barny at the video store with wife )

I am making my first ever internet comment...as a result....

My experience of the world is largely contained in a stamp collection covering some 300 countries and a lot of imagination , hopes and dreams.

Our search has always been for wit and beauty, we settle for fun and sun

We are too skint ( modest ) to make a carbon footprint

Long live Freedom, Equality, Brotherhood & Comedy

I guess you are what you are you are where you are.

mike bird, STHIPPOLYTE DU FORT, france

Wish we had the time to do a bit of "bar propping" so busy making a living so we can all benifit from the french fresh air, long sunny days (when the sun is out) and learning to speak the language that the bar propping activity is not something that comes to us. I actually smiled whilst reading the above, but I have to say Mr Clarkson you will never be able to leave the UK now eh? Maybe you have job satisfaction - I personally could enjoy your work and your money as well, but like you we are starting at the bottom and will work ourselves to a situation that we enjoy here in the French Countryside. Tell you what though France is many things but not much of a TAX HAVEN!

If you are ever in the France we can show you a good time in our one bar town though - all the expats would be crowing and the people commune would love to see one your really "unflashy" cars! And as we know you like wine - well let's not start on Pineau.

Would also like to question Bob - no taxes - where in France

Pam, Deux Sevres, France

Nice one John K, Melbourne, Australia ...

"The Biggest mistake the English ever made was that 200 years ago they should have all immigrated to Australia and left the convicts behind as punishment."

If you are ever in Bangkok lets have a beer - but not at 10.00am though

Colin, British escapee, Bangkok,

Well done Mary Honeyball MEP for showing the way!

SmileyTim, Perigueux, France

You know - I really missed Top Gear - now they have it on BBC America I am a happy man. I have more issues with the slow one with the funny on the show (James May?) than Clarkson. He is what I don't miss. If TVR would start selling cars in California - then my life would be complete.

Andy, Sausalito, CA, USA

I must admit that I am gutted that I have moved to Australia. I really do miss Eccles in Salford, the local characters , the assaults, assorted youths running amok, its troubles me greatly.

I am off to wear a silly shirt and order another beer in Paradise

Ben Jones, Manly, Australia

So you'll be flogging your place in the Isle Of Man then..

Kev F, Peel, IOM

Jolly funny as usual. However, I left 15 years ago for a year or two and now that I fancy going back it turns out those of you who stayed (naming no names) ballsed the whole country up!

Warren, Shanghai,

The quote "How can he know England who only England knows" applies to Jeremy methinks, who clearly hasn't ever lived in another country or he wouldn't be capable of writing such (admitedly tonge in cheek) tosh.

Throughout Britain's history people have emigrated and immigrated and the country is richer and more diverse as a result of that. As an ex-pat I have sent substantial amounts of cash back to purchase a house in Surrey and have paid both income tax on UK rent and thousands of pounds of stamp duty since leaving so am hardly a tax dodger!

Finally, having lived in 2 years in Spain, 3 in Mexico and now 9 years in the UAE the undeniable truth is that all countries have their pluses and minuses and everyone has to decide which matter more to them. No country has a monopoly on perfection.

Duncan Pollock, Dubai, U.A.E.

Bu-ga-ga, "Dr Hu", excellent joke! :)))

Alexander, Moscow, Russia

I agree with Clarkson. Every last bit. Losers migrate to Anglopopulated foreign destinations. France or a European bolthole not filled with other miserable moaning Brits is more understandable.

James, London,

I was laughing at your article (and I'm sure that's the point) whilst driving my 911 on the best and emptiest mountain roads that EU money can buy (no speed cameras either) with the roof down on one of the 320 average sunny days per anum last week. I then went into a bar and legally had a cigarette and chatted to other miserable ex pats...

Richard, Spain,

Jeremy, The ex-pat lifestyle is great! We have no poll-tax, no council-tax, no car-tax, next to no traffic, my MOT equivalent lasts me three years and my 1994 land-rover just passed its test with a wink and a nod from a friendly test official.
There is no Gordon Brown either, I mean, at least Tony could chat in French when he had to.
Ok, so I pay for healthcare but when I need treatment I get my own room and no MRSA.
Children are polite, they shake hands or kiss you on the cheek instead of throwing bottles at your head. My own children speak at least two languages fluently, even my five year old girl couldn't be distinguished from a French child of the same age until she speaks English with an Isle of Wight accent.
I wouldn't move back to England if you paid me a thousand pounds a day.

Bob Powell, Eance, France

what about dubai,

no crime, no tax? hot all year round? this wasn"t mentioned in the article.

Sadia, london,

Jeremy,
I think you need to make a return trip to Cyprus, hire a CRV and come meet some of us not-so-dimwits here who have discovered how to enjoy life without propping our local bars at 10 in the morning! I know a good B&B if you're interested!

Annie Cator, Lasa, Paphos, Cyprus

Yeah, it really stinks here in the US for an ex-pat. Better pay, cheaper houses, you can get English beer and foodstuffs when you feel like it, you have BBC America and online radio to negate the lousy US media and keep you in touch and besides, they love our humour and the way we talk.

I can afford to return once a year and enjoy the best of what England can offer; Pubs, beautiful scenery and the ways of the people there.

America isn't so bad for an ex-pat as long as you tune out the rubbish and grab a bit of your own culture every now and then.

Pro's outweigh the cons overall.

VA Expat, Virginia,

I left the UK to get away from people like Jeremy Clarkson.

Dr Hu, San Francisco, USA

Great article, in a wilfully curmudgeonly sort of way.

I think your message is: wherever you go in the world, the majority of people will try to stitch you up, so you might as well stick with the shysters you're most familiar with.

It's not exactly Rupert Brooke, but it'll do.

Kevin, London,

This has got to be a tongue-in-cheek article because I live in the US, I'm British and I've met far more than two British expats and none are remotely close to the caricatures described by Clarkson. In fact, I'd hazzard a guess that most legal British expats not married to Americans are in the US as working professionals and academics.

Not Jermey's Biggest Fan, Durham, North Carolina

You're never far from Slaughter At Bourton-on-the-water.

Herbert G., Leeds,

Dear Jeremy I read with interest your paragraphs regarding the number 1 destination being Australia. You mentioned people don't just wake up and decide they are off, up sticks with wife and kids and go downunder.(Australia or New Zealand)

Well I beg to differ. I have sat in a room with 200 people, admitedly attending a migration seminar, and when asked "who has visited Australia before?" two hands go up, they were a married couple, from the audience.

It is unbeliveable that "we" can be so impulsive, but even with barriers to entry far greater than those to the UK, people do just get up and leave our shores.

In general they are not brainiacs, but engineers, trades people, nurses all of course with great qualifications and evidence of experience in their various fields.

They don't think the relocation idea is ' rocket science,' but Brits are doing it in droves.

NB. I think German cars are bit more expensive there than here so there IS a down side to everthing!!!

Mark Rickard, Windsor,

Too many people, too many cars, not enough out door space (read: beach) close to the cities where most of us need to live (even though the are a lot of nice parks around). Besides, according to this article it raises the average IQ of both countries doesn't it? Jon

Jonathan Court, Sydney,

I dread to think what Mr Clarkson would have to say about Malta if he ever visits. We have bad roads,hot weather (too hot) crazy drivers and too many foreign students in summer. Yet, we would not change where we live for anything. Where else can one park outside a capital city and be driven in, in an air conditioned mini van, for free! Can anyone boast of a social service that provides 5 star hospital treatment, for free! The freebies are endless and to eat out, let's say at a 4 star restaurant, will set you back less that a hundred pounds for two. Yes, we do live in a land of milk and honey. We just don't know it that's the problem. I just hope that Jeremy Clarkson keeps away that's all because there is nothing that would attract even more ex pats to our wonderfully idyllic island than JC ripping us to pieces...and suggesting people stay away so that he could enjoy all of it for himself.

Ray Spiteri, Mgarr, Malta

Please, don't leave..being an expat is as horrible as Jeremy say's , I beg you all stay in Britain...

David, Mijas Costa, Spain

Say what you like JC, I have just got back from a month in blighty and it is just awful. I never ever want to live there.

Phill, Las Palmas, Canarias

How can anyone believe he's being serious?!! I got sick of endless rainy days, early closing hours, the disgusting pub-grub (80s), the limited level of dialogue with friends and strangers alike and the endless longing for a few frantically-consumed days of real sunshine abroad. Let's not forget the comic island-arrogancy/paranoia of many Brits who are too self-absorbed or afraid of other cultures to even investigate them. The droves that believe that travelling is crossing the channel to stock up on booze and fag I've lived in 10 cities in 3 continents over the past 14 years (for a bank). There are certainly things I miss - my friends and family, the great buzz of London, the great British humour, British sport, television and entertainment etc. but overall the languages, cultures and things we've integrated and experienced, the great friends we've made and the daily excitement we derive from doing and seeing new things have made life far more stimulating.

Julius, México City, México

I am an Australian about to work in the UK for 18 months. It seems to me that making comparisons between the two countries isn't very constructive and doesn't say much. The beaches, sun, luck etc that immigrants come here to enjoy are my birthright and available to me whenever I want. I would not trade my Australian passport for any other. A city like London, with all its history, culture and internationalism, is obviously not to be found in a new country as Australia - so I look forward to going to the UK to enjoy what is not here and vice versa.

God Save the Queen.

Paul Bourke , Canberra, Australia

Just before I head out to drown my self-loathing in cachaça, can I just say that I live in a six-bedroom house overlooking the Baía de Guanabara, which set me back the price of one tenth of a lock up in Barking, have investments in Brazilian stocks that are earning me somewhere in the region of 40% per annum, with my only worry being the risk of skin cancer that constant exposure to the tropical sun may cause?

Where could it all have gone wrong?

Thank you, Jeremy, for reminding me of one of the many reasons why I decided to move here in 2002.

Julian Beach, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Sorry I just don't believe you. I doubt the little bit on the Brits in fatigues, chewing tobacco and carrying weapons. I think you've watched "Deliverance" once too many times.

Diplomad, New York,

Jem, I think you need some brain surgery for thinking the UK is a great place to live. The problem is you would go into an NHS hospital and come out with someone else's brain or a worse a dose of MRSA. Maybe you have.
The weather, well we know you don't have a proper job, so you don't know what its like to go 5 days a week at 53-57F, grey and drizzling working in a dreary office. Thats why the Brits are crazy about holidays because living in Britain is so crap we can't wait to get away. 50% of us would leave tomorrow if we could. We all have passports. New homes are crappily built with bedrooms so small an overpaid (with taxpayers money) BBC car show presenter couldn't fit in one.
Mmmm lets think, where are the summers hot, the winters snowy as they should be, autumns gorgeous, houses- cheap and beautifully built, stunning scenery, blue skies, happy positive people, great cheap food of all kinds, low taxes, lots of friends, great service, comfy cars, no licenced BBC. The USA.

Lawrence, Hale, Cheshire

One famous person, whose names escapes me, commented that "whenever a Kiwi left New Zealand and went to Australia it raised the IQ of both countries. Not sure how this applies to whinging poms, but feel it has some relevence.

Dave Finlay, JingHong (southern China), Yunnan, China

well I only left lovely Bradford in the UK (paradise on earth) 6 years ago almost penniless - now i own 2 large houses in Melbourne Australia, 2 new cars - i am happily married and have found a new career - not bad. considering how good life must be back in Bradford...

Dan K888, Melbourne, Australia

I live in Bulgaria and the Brits that live here are mostly pensioners so that's a good thing for Britain a guess, getting rid of the old people. Well except that they are now spending their pension somewhere else. According to government figures some 10,000 brits have registered as residents here.

Vlad, Sofia, Bulgaria

JC Loved it. Reminds me of the Brit sterio type articles in the back of the Sunday Telegrpah/Times mag ...Cant remember which it is it's been so long. Remember this. Those who have emigrated have demonstrated they have the balls to do it and are not afraid of the unknown. Australia was was destination useen for me and it's gold. I return to UK frequently to enjoy it in bite size chunks and it's more appealing that way.

John, Sydney, Australia

Jeremy, you are the kind of whingeing pom I moved to Oz to get away from. Thanks for the reminder. And the caravaning in Dorset sketch.

James, Sydney, Australia

I will certainly take up your offer of having my brain surgery in the UK. If I can wait till I get to the top of the list, that is.

After having lived in England for more than 11 years I never thought I'd leave. Dead or alive. I love the place. But.
I must admit my posting to Berlin has given me some things over the years that even the longest-working hours in the UK never managed:
A flat I can afford, good standard of living, no closing time ever, doctors I can see when I need to, then a city that can cope with holding major festivals without public transport becoming paralysed, having a good dinner after 10pm if needs be,…

So far not many people have missed my brain. Still, as I happily paid my taxes there maybe somebody misses that.

Your colleague Giles Coren in his review of RED restaurant mentioned some things about NW5, which may make some people wanna leave too.

Sylvia, Berlin, Germany

Oh effing gawd,we are all failures overseas and in the USA carry guns etc etc of the usual Anti Yank Aussie theme.
Well just saw on BBC America a cesspit of sex,murder,violence,toilet wall language the parents of a young lad,Lord rest his soul begging for justice for his killer.
My youth in the UK was totally and all engulfing violent on an organized level.Mum and Dad,s whole being was 2 World Wars,the whole of Europe is a cesspit of death and destruction,you mock the USA and Oz ,yet your world is surrounded by the ghosts of the Millions you allowed to suffer in misery.
If you are so peaceful and sublime why is your new population trying to destroy.
Instead of going to bars to meet Expats come here,we have BAE in our town,Long Island Power is now National Grid Brits all over the place. not a gun to be seen.

Larry, centerport, New York USA

Well, at least it appears that all those happy expats still read the UK newspapers. Surely the places you live in have their own papers don't they......and please let us know how many of you still have your UK Passports (just in case...?)

Al, Weybridge,

You are right Jeremy, so just you stay in the UK where you belong. We expats are much better off without you and your kind.

W Dunseith, Chantemerliere, France.,

How about expats who goes to Britain? Are they idiotic that they change their native country to Britain? World doesn't end with any country's borders. There is a lot to see and feel outside your native place, even if you live in such a nice place as London or New York, isn't it?

Andrey, Moskow, Russia

When you move to Australia, just remember that we are water-scarce and please don't yearn and pine after lawns and roses which degrade our environment. And please leave your small-town, bigoted English ideas behind.

Polly, Perth, Australia

Love you Jeremy!!
Never fail to make me laugh, do get Top Gear here too, albeit old runs.
Sorry to have to say you are wrong wrong wrong!!
We had a business in the UK we worked hard and paid taxes,all just so Tony could take the profits off us. The health service left my 86yr old Dad to die in a chair in his own vomit had we not got there and demanded he be put into a bed.
The crime is tremendously bad and confines people to their homes, the weather is another factor that leaves you trapped indoors most of the year. I could go on BUT you know all this I just think you want re-action from some really interesting people from all over the globe, who chose to leave the UK?

Being an EU citizen with the right to free movement we have settled here in Cyprus. Yes the weather is good, well brilliant actually, the crime is very low as you might expect from a low population.Lots more plus,s which you won,t want to hear. Glad we chose here. Miss the UK NOT! Kalispera

Lyn, Protaras, Cyprus

Jeff from Melbourne, I'd like to say in that case you can have all the "chipper" aussies we've got back to your dust Island, but then we'd have a mass barman shortage here in Blighty!!

Nick, Bournemouth,

Gosh what a xenophobic piece Jez. Stay in my team or I'll rubbish you. Yawn. From where I'm sitting overlooking the beautiful med at 1500m, can't see any of your observations holding water.And so very few of the ex-pats I know in Cyprus meet your insulting cameo.

I left the dump that Enghland has become 3 years ago - it's a no hope, going nowhere over taxed nanny state. Easy for you to do the ivory tower speech -even though it's not original and frankly you owe the Times their fee back.

Peter Le Conte, Paphos, Cyprus

Jeremy,
You have hit the nail on the head about our haemorrhage of brits going abroad. I have watched enough "Escape to the Sun" type tosh to realise that half these people are only interested in getting a tan (who wants leather skin ?), a better social life (making fools of themselves at BBQs), more leisure time (so they work all hours in "real estate" or hairdress( or nail bar type stuff - yuk). Oh, but they do want a better life for their kids (have you seen their apathetic spawn). No good riddance I say. We have more than enough Poles and Russians to make up for the shortfall. They are slimmer (has anybody noticed what a lot of fatties us brits are), better looking and do not bawl down the road "do you want a big Mac Chelsea" at 10000000 decibels, whilst sporting their Nike trainers (although they have never ran around the block in their life).

D, Surbiton

Debbie, Surbiton, Surrey

I have lived in Spain for the past five years. A lot of what is said about ex-pats is true and I was very unhappy for the first four years when I lived amongst them. Yes, there are loads of alcoholics, ex-cons, etc. Fortunately we were intimidated out of our area in the Costa Blanca by a group of tyre-slashing English and Irish pensioners. We have now moved to Cartagena, which is thoroughly Spanish. I love the history and the countryside there. I can snorkel for several months of the year also and find amethysts in the hills - two things I couldn´t do in Britain. I also love genuine Flamenco music. I am currently writing a book on the SIerra Minera and hope to spend the rest of my life there.
Fiona Pitt-Kethley

Fiona Pitt-Kethley, cartagena, spain

Do expats forget their sense of humour when they emigrate?

Stuart, London, UK

'When you're stuck in an office you need it to be 57 F and drizzling'? How about 2 degrees and chucking it down - in summer?

Glad you UK based chaps are happy - though I must say your over-defensiveness suggests otherwise.

It's odd how you only meet expats at 10am in bars, jeremy.

Cyrille, Chiang Mai, Thailand

i lived all over UK for work. besides living in london, the rest of britain leaves a lot to be desired. most of northern england especially Newcastle is depressing massive racial problems, wales and scotland suffer for massive unemployment, scotland has the highest crime rate in the EU

and probably the worst place to live in the whole of europe is northern ireland, the biggest employer there is British Army

Besides one of the nicest city in the world, London!, the rest of UK is awful.

Denis, Dublin, Ireland

There are enough Bloody Poms in Australia now. Don't let anymore escape from that dump you call home and we'll all be happy

jeff, melbourne, victoria

Why move abroad?

Because to do the job I love, I have to. If I moved back, I'd have to do something else. I would love to move back to England, but with the house-prices as they are, I can't afford to.

It's as simple as that.

Maybe I'll move to Canada instead...

Ex Pat, Washington, DC

Let me tell you what I miss about Britain; unsmoked bacon, Colmans mustard and those pyramid teabags from PG.
I do not miss the grey skies, miserable people, low standards, moaning, crumbling infrastructure, poor service and the lotto-culture & celebrity adoration.
You're in denial Jeremy if you think Britain is still great - sad to say.
And we get TOP GEAR every Friday.

JD, Melbourne , Australia

Made me laugh like a drain! I've been living in Aus for about 6 months now, and I sometimes find it a harder country to comprehend than Japan, where I lived for a year. I shall show this post-haste to my boyfriend who is currently trying with uncertain success to set up a business here, with the best efforts of Australia's bureaucracy to hinder him at every turn. Pass me the Marmite!

(I'm still moving to Germany, though.) ;)

With love from a Brit in exile (currently) in Australia.

Heulwen Price, Melbourne, Victoria

Spot on Jeremy. It's amazing how most of the expats on here desperately try to explain why they've moved away by quoting the sort of paranoid rubbish served up by the likes of the Daily Mail. Nothing to do with not having any real friends then. You could pick any country in the world and draw up a list of bad things about it - these people just need an excuse, so they can blame the country for their own failures. Just listen to the moaning replies here - the fact these people have no sense of humour might explain why no-one liked them when they lived here. Good riddance to the lot of 'em. Having lived in Aus, give me here any day of the week. Great to be home.

Rich, Sheffield, UK

3 months ago, I moved to the US with a 3 year visa. I'm now considering applyiing for a green card and buying an un-green SUV. Why? I live in a city with an pub that shows more footy on their telly than I'll ever see in England. I watched the footy yesterday with a Guinness and they were both free because they don't look to rob you and they give stuff away here to those they like and trust. Saying that, when I do buy a pint its cheaper than back home and everything else is cheaper still. I have an air-conditoned rented house that is 3 times the size of my Woking estate chipboard house while being cheaper to rent than my house is. There are cycle paths, polite people and buckets of sunny weather. The problem is, I've got nothing to complain about. I miss group complaining although I get quite a few laughs when I try it here. I find myself (reflexive-pronoun) agreeing JC's sermon on the hill and have convinced myself I am not an ex-pat but someone on a long holiday waiting to go home!

Andy, Columbus, Ohio

Carry on convincing yourself Britain is great Jezza, and you never know, some of us might come back. But it'll take more than some sweeping (funny i'll admit) generalisations to convince me that the UK is anything like as good a place to live as Hong Kong, Japan, Dubai, Canada, Scandinavia, Southern France, Italy, Australia, New Zealand, the Caribbean, Sri Lanka... there you go, I've listed the countries in which I know British expats, and we're all agreed, the UK would fall behind every one of the places as a choice of domicile. The English countryside looks fantastic in summer on a clear day, and I'll never tire of the view of the City at night from Waterloo Bridge, but you can keep the rest matey, sorry to shatter your misconceptions.

Aaron, Hong Kong, Hong Kong

Personally I find some of these these pro and con arguments about living abroad engendered by some self-promoting British "journalist" Jeremy Clarkson (whoever he may be) rather irrelevant. many of them seem to be retirees or sunseekers moving to English-speaking countries - and good for them! Many of them go to work.
I left middle England as a restless modern language graduate 30 years ago - and without all the anti-England rancour that I read here and all too often find in so many of the tedious expats I encountered in Europe, having worked all over the continent. A lot of it is understandablethough! As another correspondent in Switzerland has pointed out here: those who move to the continent with their predictable, (compensatory?) rants are enough to make you want to go 'home' to avoid them. Indeed from my trips back to England over the years I admit the latter do have a point about what a chippy grey dump it has become even if their points of departure were different to mine. But generally these refugees are so depressing that they bring the grey chippiness with them and that, yes, I also admit that I for one do avoid expats! (But not for the same reasons, apparently, as this laughable oaf Clarkson ).

Harry Perryman, Berlin ,

Just another piece of marketing for a bad product........

Smiley, Perigueux, France

All the people trying to escape ghastly Gordon's Britain can't be that stupid!

Richard, Worcester, England

Got to love expats. Spend their live complaining about tax, while never paying any.

Tom Whittwell, London, England

To David from Lausanne. That's funny, I actually did move back in the 90s for similar reasons - thinking that the 'real thing' could not possibly be worse than the massed dullards who had exported their chipped shoulders into “Olde Englishe Pubbes” over here. These particular whingers, as you probably know, were well-represented in Lausanne and Geneva in the 80s by the unprepossessing “yuppie” expats who all worked for US corporations with their Europe HQs there. But the ‘real thing’ just proved that there were plenty more where those came from! Forget it.

Nick, Rolles , Switzerland

A Skandinavian, I've lived in many European countries including 15 years in the UK. I sacrificed it all in favour of my love for mountains and realise that the enormous house price inflation means I can never come back. If you're bright and willing to work, the UK is a great place to be. If you're poor, go elsewhere!

jason , geneva, switzerland

There are a few people who seem to be saying "If only I was younger I'd be out of the UK in a shot, and would advise any young person to get out whilst they still can, etc, etc."

Why don't you advise those young people to head to one of the main economic centres of the world, a place where economic activity since the 'big bang' of 1986 has outstripped New York and Frankfurt, and where you can, if you work hard, earn unbelievable sums of cash and use your massive bonuses to enjoy what has been objectively described as city with the best nightlife in the world.

Tell them to go to London.

Chris, Leeds,

Jeremy, You think that to yours country go only dirty Borsts. It's not true. From Poland go away many well educated workers(white of course). I'am student in High School in Gdynia, Poland and I'am sure that people who arrive(especially from wester europe) are good people.

PS.

From poland go away about 1.000.000 people since 2004.

Sorry for my english.

Medard , Gdynia, Poland

When you have Jeremy's bank balance and celebrity status Britain is still a nice place to be. But for so-called ordinary people struggling to make a decent living, it isn't. Let them eat cake, eh, Jeremy?

JJ Spader, London,

One of those incredibly rare occasions when I disagree with Jeremy Clarkson - normally he puts into words what I am thinking.

Britain is a dump and my only regret about emigrating was not doing so 10 years sooner. I love working seeing the sun through the windows knowing that lunchtime - a civilised extended couple of hours - will be spent on the beach rather than dashing through the drizzle to waste time in boring samey shops. I love not having to think about crime, fashion and fads, nor hearing trivial conversation about soap operas, house prices and gadgets. I love not having hassle to do the simplest things. I love living in a suburban town 1 mile from the Med where everything one can possibly need is within walking distance - and not just estate agents, fast food outlets and chain stores. My life has got better in every way since I left and even a lottery win would not drag me back.
The UK may be OK to live in for someone with JC's earnings but for normal people it's rubbish.

Mark Solomon, Alicante, Spain

Clearly Jeremy's opinions are different than the Brits who founded the British Empire - they weren't afraid to live overseas. It would have been a small Empire if no-one had wanted to leave the mainland for more than a holiday!

Andrew , Seattle, WA/USA

Clarkson speaks like a true Yorkshireman; never lets the facts get in the way of his opinions.

The reality is very simple, especially for UK nationals with foreign spouses. Which of your countries offers better quality of life, health and education for children and general all-round prospects? We chose Canada over the UK in 2004 and have never looked back. Just wish we did it sooner.

The grass really is greener!

P R Haynes, Ontario, Canada

I left the UK in 1993. I saw where things were going and I was right. The amount of crime in the UK not only frightens me but saddens me too. I now have a settled family life and my children live in a kind, safe environment. I wouldn't dream of allowing my own family to live in the UK. On holiday in Greece a couple of years ago I met dozens of like minded Brits. Many of whom still living in the UK, but given half the chance would move to a better place. Clever people will always look for better opportunities. And I’ll let you know one thing Clarkson, but I doubt you’ll understand it. It takes a lot of determination to leave a place you love, and just as much mettle to start somewhere else.

Philip Butwell, Bodø, Norway

I certainly agree with the alcoholic bit.

Gregor , Shanghai, China

Oh dear what a sad view he has of the world. We left UK for Italy in December 2005. Now we don't need to work - given up the rat race, we have hot sunny summers, mild winters, fantastic food, cheap but excellent wine, many many friends (english speaking and Italians) and time to socialise with them, time to garden and cycle through the olive groves, swim in the Adriatic or the pool - whatever takes your fancy. And we're close enough for family (some in UK some in France) to come and visit often. Oh and by the by, the Health Service performed so much better when we needed it - problems that were never resolved in the Uk - we saw a specialist within days and treatment was carried out within two weeks. Return to the UK - what an earth for!

Technically Blonde, Torchiarolo, Italy / Puglia

The day that some English people realise that being successful in the work is not the most important thing in life (or least, not the only one), they will start understanding while some people is moving out from this country, and why some people is moving in. As well as the kind of people who integrate each group.

LUCIA, Cranfield, Beds

Four wheels good,
Two legs bad.

Oh Mr Clarkson, who has never lived abroad for any length time, do you really know what you are talking about?

Francis O'HARA, Nice, France

Dear James from Leeds, the reason why the US does not appear to have an rich culture history is because it has only existed for a mere 231 years. Certainly it is a vast place that cannot possibly have a monolith culture anyway. We have not had the opportunity, as Britain has, to have a culture forged on the anvil of time. I lived in Britain, and I loved it. I now live in Southern California, and I love it too. Pitting one country against another, which often seems to happen in these comment pages, is just silliness. It is really no one's business, least of all Clarkson's, where someone decides to make his home.

Shelli, Los Angeles,

All of the anglosphere is wonderful, including the UK. London is not really part of the anglosphere anymore, due to the religion of peace having taken over.
I moved to NZ recently from London and love it here. I think the ubiquitous cameras in the UK have really been the clincher for many people, there is something very sinister and disturbing about being constantly watched by one's government.

Rob M., New Zealand,

People leave England because there are still people there stuck in the last century saying 57°F.....

English folk I know live in France and don't consider themselves as "expat": they are simply enjoying the free movement that living in the European Union offers!

Peter Goddard, Le Rouret, France, EU

nobody outside britain (or London, come to that) has heard of gordon brown.

Brit, Moscow,

i thought germaine greers article was very very good, but yours was wonderful.

linda dearman, poole, dorset

Ian, you moved to China for better TV programs?

Andrew, Sheffield,

I buy the Sunday Times every week to read JCs column, well plus India Knight and Minette Marrin oh and the sport.

BUT what I want to know is why did I have to fly halfway round the world, meet a lady from a completely different culture before I found someone I could communicate with!!!

By the way, she, my wife that is, passed Naomi Campbell in the foyer of a local hotel yesterday and it wasn't Naomi her welcoming committee were looking at !!! and she was too.

Jeremy I think you are breath of fresh air, but some important aspects of life are simply no longer available in UK - but then I am not the one who is whinging!

Stephen Roberts, Nairobi, Kenya

Also interesting to note that there are (relative to population)more Australian expats in the UK than there are UK expats in the Aust.

Being a Brit living in Aust for 8 years, and being one who is planning on returning home soon, I can certianly understand the benefits of living overseas. Conversely I can also understand what you miss.

John Bucknall, Sydney, Australia

Maybe Britain is too expensive place to live in?

There's a British ex-Pat working as a developer on my team here in Atlanta, GA. Once I heard about he London prices and British taxes, I am not surprised she emigrated to the USA.

Marco, Atlanta, USA

I thought this Clarkson guy was a bit of a fool before and it's just been confirmed. You have no idea Clarkson, no idea.

Paul Gregson, Barcelona,

Thankyou Margaret Mitchell,USA, for the loudest laugh I had reading these comments! Typical British insularism indeed? And this coming from an American, a large percentage of whom do not hold passports, don't even know there is a world out there and think FOX news is a valid source of news. Watching CNN and all US news here in the states is a waste of time if you want to hear about international news. Haha.......sorry, still having a good chuckle here.

SC, Florida,

I am a South African who is on her way to England. I got admission to Cambridge. I don't want to return to SA when I finish at Cambridge. Why? Despite many complaints, the UK still has far less crime than my country. Despite the bad weather, your democracy is more real than most countries in the world. Your health service is still better than a lot of countries. Yes, not the best, but better than most. London is damp and gray but it can be interesting and exciting. Foreign students study at your uni's for a reason. You have a lot you take for granted.

On the other hand, if you are an ex-pat and you are happy, then good for you! Each to his own. If you don't like the weather then go to Australia or even South Africa (just buy a gun for self-protection). If you want to stay, stay.

Almoststudent, Cape Town, South Africa

ok... so i guess i'd be a failiure for meeting my wife at university and moving with her to cyprus, which has a _vastly_ lower crime-rate then england and treats it's citizens with some respect (unlike former comrade-blair) and has enjoyable weather to boot! i visit england and i can't bear how it has changed in the year since i left.
No-where is perfect (wages are poor here) but to say england/UK is more perfect then cyprus earns you only contempt from myself, travel broadens the mind, a close minded troglodyte such as yourself must bring sausages with you when you go to the coast because you believe that no-where else can compare to the safeways down your road.

bah, you also have no idea what meat should taste like.. even the best prepared meat from england would struggle to compete with souvla and souvlaki.

aidan worth, nicosia,

What a completely idiotic set of generic statements you have made. How on earth you think you can encapsulate the entire expat community like that is beyond me? There may be some truth in your observations for a small segment of expats, but that in no way encapsulates everyone. I have been an expat in Europe, the US and recently Asia. I am now living back in the UK, but am planning to leave permanently in a year or so. Having weighed up all of the factors that make up our lives, my own personal desire it to leave the UK. Like so many people who live here, you are great in making sweeping statements about a siginficantly large group of people you no nothing about. Sometimes you do not have to understand it - merely just respect other people's decisions. How typically British you are.

Justin, Glasgow,

have you ever lived outside England ?

anne Meile, mel, switzerland

As one of the top 1 per cent of income earners of course you can write crap like this. You come and go as you please and have a PA to firewall you. Try living in some tip like Liverpool or Gosport or Southampton with people earning 20,000 a year and then seriously try and explain how France or Ireland or the US are not better in hundreds of ways than this chav filled land run by kleptocratic idiots and liars. Canada knocks the spots off the UK and you know it. Vancouver or Manchester? Calgary or Hull? Get real. You wrote this and half of it IS true. The last place I would want to be is overseas in an English exile community where the main motivator is the weather. But the sensible expats assimilate into their new cultures. Also the cultures into which these people go, defend their own kind and majority rights. Remember your smugness next time your car is vandalized. Ah I forgot, you don't go anywhere dangerous.

Peter, Shaftesbury, Dorset

Haven't you BEEN to Australia? Lots of clever Brits are over here and not looking back. You'd have to be stupid to stay.

Fred, Brisbane,

Why do normal people leave England?
Because the likes of Jeremy Clarkson are still stuck in the last century: 57°F?
Perhaps Jeremy Clarkson should go and live in the USA.
And on a finer point: most of us who live in the EU don't even think of ourselves as "ex-pats": we are just enjoying life in the Union that allows free movement of it's citizens without having to undergo the ex-pat drama.

Peter Goddard, Le Rouret, France, EU

Ah, dear fat old Jeremy, still having a go at Australia. I left England because it is a dump. Full of arrogant class-obsessed dimwits like yourself, redefining the word smug in new and repellent ways. Work's finished, it's 26C outside in the middle of winter, and you're half the world away. Life is sweet!

mark white, sydney,

Alex Robertson, you cannot call yourself a kiwi - you live in Auckland. LOL.

Alberto Gonzales, Washington, DC, USA

As a British expat living in Sydney I agree absolutely with Mr Clarkson on his comments about this place. It's a dump populated by the terminally lazy. They're all so obsessed with how "lucky" they are that they ignore the crime, the high taxes, the ludicrous rules of the nanny state (which are even worse than the UK) and the fact that they are a million miles from anywhere worth going - "the arse end of the world" as their own now ex-prime minister described it. Personally I can't wait to get out.

I can see why someone might like it if they came from some boring dump in the midlands or the north (as I do) and have never spent any time anywhere fun or interesting (this would include London) but once you've seen what the rest of the world has to offer you realise how little Australia has to recommend it. Still, at least it isn't New Zealand.

"a lucky country run by second rate people that share it's luck"

Whingeing Pom, Sydney, Australia

"A backwater"

Ed, how in the world can anyone from Perth. W.A. call Fife a backwater. You live in the most remote, isolated city in the world. Perth is the backwater, both geographically and culturally.

Can't wait to get to blighty myself, I bought a really good pair of wellies a few years ago, and have not had any real use from them yet.

Michael Holloway, Sydney, Australia/ NSW

I have lived in Bulgaria for 2 years. Sure there is corruption but hardly on the lines of certain highly skilled British politicians who set out to deliberately deceive electorates and rob people of their retirement funds.

The health service here is fantastic compared with the UK; food is clean and wholesome and the people open hearted and warm. And the weather - great.

Obviously there are disadvantages but on balance I prefer a pollution free environment and a wake up call from wild life.

Gordon Brown's taxing of pension scheme income reduced my belief in Government to zero; unfortunately very few people realise that he was the cause of so many pension fund problems. This Governments plan to allow over 100 incinerators to be built and burn rubbish to pollute the atmoshere was the last straw. Even politicians must breathe, and they deserve all the get as a result.

Roy Watkin, Pchelishte Veliko Tarnovo, Bulgaria

Jeremy, whilst I applaud your optimism about all things UK, I have to say that after living abroard for nearly 18 years, I have found the morph back to the UK a hideous reality check. Why blame people for wanting to have a better life style, hope and aspirations - after all we've only got one shot at it.

England is so depressing, full of bitter, twisted envious wannabe's who for some baffling reason have a massive sense of entitlement, on the back of what I wonder. All fuelled by Posh & Bex who seem to make it all so easy! The English are so resentful of anyone apart from Posh and Bex that have anything that they don't hence the mega anti 4 wheel drive lobby. For godsake, if one landed on your doorstep are you telling me you would take it to your nearest re-cycling depot?

I am staying a few years, only, but hate the dreariness, the ignorance and vast disparities in the havesandchavenots. What's the bleedin point of boverin? Not to mention the climate - snore.

Rebecca, Somerset, UK

I will never come back to live in england (that's right, with a small e). Having lived for 25 years in the USA and now for 4 years in Spain, I have no wish whatsoever to resume residency in the sad Nanny-State(I'll capitalize that). You can keep my pension as well, as the Spanish treat their old folk much better so I won't be needing it. Those unfortunates who are much too dim to realize they have been conned can use it to buy themselves what passes for a drink back in your benighted isles. Oh sorry ! i forgot that that won't be enough $$$!

cheers

rob hingley, valencia, spain

Nice article! I have a good British friend who has got a magnificent villa here by Lake Como where he spends about 5 months every year. Actually every time a British asks him for some information he pretends to be Italian.. he doesn't like Brits very much when he is in Italy; I am sure he would enjoy your article, Jeremy!

P., Milano, Italy

What a wonderful article... a refreshing and unique approach... I always start the day with a good laugh. Some of us had no choice but to become expats... my own story, like many others involves too many parking tickets in London. The judge upon passing sentence to my manicled body, offered me Australia or the Americas, and a parting shot of advice that I should never to return to the angel isle... until my respect for painted yellow lines inproved. Wasting away these last 30 years in San Antonio Texas has been "hell" . The wonderful weather, TexMex food on every corner, and the sporadic sitings of other like Brits with similar woes, who also complain of the lack of A GOOD PUB.
We all cry into our beer and complain that the tacos and nachos always did taste better in Shepherds Bush... God Bless Great Britain.

Harry sexton, San Antonio, USA

Gosh, I must be one of those dim-witted ex-pats, having never heard of Jeremy Clarkson or Top Gear. I left the UK for the US almost 30 years ago, and have to admit that in the beginning i did think about going back home. I would never go back now though. It sounds awful. One of the most amazing thing about the British who remain in the UK is their delusional view that everything there is better than everywhere else: their education, their health service, their TV shows... What snobs! They need to get out more. All that alcohol has destroyed their brain cells. I'm just happy to live in a neighbourhood free of drunken louts and where the police show up in minutes if called. Where I can get the medical care I need in a timely manner and where the emergency rooms aren't full of aforementioned drunken louts. Where I can walk the streets without fear of said drunken louts.
P.S. Maybe I do need that brain surgery, but I'd have that done in the US any day over the UK.

Helen, Virginia, USA

I just moved to Sweden for love Jeremy. And lots of it, over and over again.

You've got to agree though that Swedish woman are far better looking than the Brit plumpers / grunters.

Andy Montgomery, Tore,

Jeremy, So true!

smith, Rockhampton, Queensland

To Andrew Norden of Hong Kong.... Andrew, you are an immigrant too or had you not noticed?

Chantel, UK,

Cliff Richard - what better reason could anyone have for leaving.
Interestingly has anyone else noticed how Tony Blair's popularity plummeted after he started availing himself of cliff richards holiday home?

Chingiss, hong kong,

Quite funny and probably partly true, however after spending over ten years in Tokyo I'd have to say I prefer life outside England. Simply put, the weather makes English people miserable. Even if you have to go to work in an office, it's nice to wake up and open the curtains to a blue sky day. I've often thought which is bettter; here or home? Both have their good and bad points, but often what we pine for is our own lost youths in England! The thing that strikes me most about "the UK" these days is that everything looks a little bit broken, whereas in Tokyo things get repaired pretty quickly. England is a rich country but I feel that the wealth is being skimmed off the top, possibly by people who don't even live there!

James Corbett, Tokyo, Japan

Britain is in decline. During its time of glory, Britain was led by its educated classes, who were respected and listened-to. They made the political decisions, they were responsible for masterminding all areas of military planning and diplomacy, leading to victory in two world wars and control of a giant Empire. These people also controlled the media, and hence the rest of the population received a passive education on morality, honour and behaviour.

Although more people now attend university and can sit under the "educated" banner, there is a wide gap between those who are truly educated and those who attended uni for a course like "media studies" . Unfortunately it is individuals from the latter group who govern us, infiltrate our media and make us out to be a "stupid nation".

I am emigrating for precisely this reason. In countries like Germany and France, it is still pc to label stupidity as such, and true education is still recognised and respected. The educated still lead.

middle England, London,

hunched at a bar in a stupid shirt, at 10 in the morning, desperately trying to convince themselves that they are not alcoholics, that the barman really is their friend and that it’s only 11 hours till bedtime.

Oh dear - this is a very dated view! Here in HK we would be fabulously dressed, sitting on a junk looking over a white sprawling beach at 10am in the morning sipping some Verve and completely accepting that we are alcoholics.. but thinking hey, who cares, this is the life!!!

Claire, Hong Kong,

Jeremy, darling, don't forget about all of the expats that live in Asia... and what are they doing here? Its not the job opportunities or the lovely weather (what's the pollution index again?) and local variations on avian influenza that're bringing them in, but, rather, the fact that Asian women are notoriously succeptable to the charms* of foriegn men, whereas these guys would have to try a lot harder at home.

*money, opportunities for a passport, etc

E J, Beijing, China

Spot on Jeremy

What sort of person moves halfway round the world forsaking all their friends ( if as you note they have any) and family just for a bigger house, a pool and a bit more sun. They all live here in their ghettos watching Premiership football in the early hours of the morning with their pretend friends who they socialise with on the basis of an accident of birth.

Drinking in the Old Bailey, living off Piccadilly Circus, buying the Daily Express.

The UK is better off without them.

As can be seen by the other comments I think you touched a nerve here.

And before anybody has a go I'm not here by choice and will be back home next year.

David West, Perth, Western Australia

Jeremy,

Not everyone coming to the UK is as you describe. If you are a bit more decent that the pickpockets and your English is slightly better than Borat's, there are plenty of opportunities in the UK for having a good life, thanks mainly to the ex pats you mention (who leave susbstancial room for professionals with the right skills) and to a pathetic and dumbed down educational system which makes sure that those educated in Britain are no match to those coming from abroad with the equivalent qualifications.

F RIVAS, luton, uk

Really funny and could only be written by a millionaire living in Chipping Norton. Now back to the real world.

Trevor Griffiths, High Wycombe,

I think this may well be the first time I've ever agreed - in principle - with Jeremy Clarkson. I suspect many people who emigrate decide to do so because the media here love to whip up so many scares for them to worry about in the short term - health, crime, the climate etc. Back in the 1970s an uncle of mine decided to move to New Zealand because he was fed up with the Labour government. Not long afterwards we elected the right-wing government of Margaret Thatcher, who stayed in power for more than a decade. Labour, I believe, have now been in power in NZ for some time....

Barry, Wallington, UK

Over 30 years ago I moved to California from the UK and I've found it a much nicer place than the way it's described by people who have never lived here.
Haven't heard of any neighbours in this middle class district suffering from burglary. The gun I own has never been fired by me, but it's there just in case. I'll bet the victims of all the brutal attacks in the UK wished they had a gun.

Clarence Weller, Sacramento, USA

Jeremy, My reasons for leaving the UK were the appaling weather and the terrible TV programmes!

Ian, Beijing, China

There seem to have been a lot of negative comments about British weather. Lets give them the benefit of the doubt, there is nothing that can be done about that. But at least something can be done about the crime / tax / NHS / immigrants / chavs / Labour government / nanny state etc.

And when it is maybe I'll come back!

Andrew Norden, Hong Kong,

"Honestly, every single expat I’ve ever met is the same"

well i've neverer met any like that -- the reason is obvious : like attracts like. Anyone not like that would be too smart to talk to Jeremy Clarkson.

Mark Joshi, Melbourne, Australia

Great stuff! - I love my English papers.

George Kosinski, Grassy Creek Possum Holler, NC, USA

Sounds like you're trying to talk yourself out of the move Jeremy ...

Mark, Ascot, UK

The mere fact that this article has to be written tells me that the departure of British citizens is actually a signficant problem. Until now I hadn't thought so.

Lori, Toronto, canada

To David Lancaster, Lausanne, Switzerland and Chris D, Modena, Italy

That's funny, David. I actually did that in the 90s for similar reasons - thinking that the 'real thing' could not possibly be worse than the masses of whingers who had exported their chipped shoulders onto the mainland over the 80s. (Yes, there were well-represented in Lausanne and Geneva!) But believe me, the real thing was far, far worse. However with Clarkson being sometimes mildly funny despite smelling like the boorish oik product of some minor public school (another reason to avoid the yUK), he has little of interest to say to merit his attention-seeking japes, so I assume you have no intention of returning but couldn't resist taking the Michael. Nicely done too!

Brompeter, Switzerland

Humphrey Brompeter, Farschweiler, CH

I emmigrated 8 years ago because I hated the constant threat everywhere i went, the binge-drinking culture, the 9 to 5 slog in grey miserable weather, over-priced useless reataurants and fast food outlets on every corner, finding the same tasteless fruit and veg in supermarkets the size of a small town, then watching one of the 600 mindnumbing rubbish tv channels infront of a tv dinner with the highlight of my week being going for a walk in gale force winds on Sunday afternoon before it gets dark at 4 p.m and i lock myself in my toytown house which i'm going to be paying for for the next 40 years of my life with three quarters of my wages from my job in the call centre where i have to put my hand up to ask if i can go to the toilet.

before you ask I am not 65 years old but 29 and have had the please to spend my 20's in Tuscany, Italy where life is fantastic. Mr Clarkson, I am not a failure, I am the envy of everyone I know in the UK.

Dale, Follonica, Italy

Jeremy, you only exclude in your GCSE stats the 16 year olds recently shot. You neglected to exclude those recently stabbed or beaten to death, and the teens arrested for commiting these sensless crimes.

Perhaps when reviewing education Britain could now bring in new subjects such as gangland studies and weapon maintenance (which could include BMX maintenance as the getaway vehicle of choice by those too young to drive). I am sure these would prove very popular.

Why I am happy to be expat

catherine, Luz, Portugal

Economics has more say in the matter. Ever heard of Rip-off Britain? My tidy 2 bed flat in Taiwan only cost me £108 per month and it comes with more room than i need, i would not get a crappy bedsit for that in the UK and thats just the tip of the Iceberg I am back in UK now to do a Teaching course then i am leaving again so i can live not just exist.

Roy, Birmingham, UK

Jeremy - a very amusing and, in part, true article. If I'd been really brainy, I'd have stayed in Britain and driven my Korean car to Dorset, towing a caravan and camping beside the railway! But that's if I'd been brainy.

Andrew Blackwell, Brisbane, Australia

I moved to Australia in 1965 and with hard work now a millionaire.
Why did I leave? Scotland, Fife, was a backwater and unless you were well parented you were considered a nothing.
Australia allowed me to try my wings and I succeeded.
The weather also was a factor.
Britain is no longer Britain, you have far too many foreigners.Just because someone has a British (European) Passport doesn't make them British. Look at the amount of mosques you have.

Ed Smith, Perth, Australia

great loved it , you have no idea how happy i am reading the times listen to bbc radio online watching top gear on you tube.

you dont know what your missing clarkson!

frankie, shanghai , china

I can't speak for the other professionals who have departed the UK but my reasons are:

At the age of 50 years I was made redundant. I sent my CV to 35 potential employers and several recruitment agencies. Without my knowledge one of the agencies sent my CV to a company in Switzerland. After interviews etc. they offered me a staff position. Offers from UK employers came there none so the need to support my family dictated that I accept work in Switzerland.

Life here isn't perfect, but I can clearly see how most things here suit me better than most things in the UK. I have a great job with pleasant colleagues and regard it as a priviledge to be here.

Clarkson talks first about the professionals who leave and then witters on about the non-employed expatriates in the sun who are bored and boring. The UK can do without them, they wouldn't contribute anything, but can it do without the professionals?

RichardCr, Baden, Switzerland

I left Manchester in 1987 and went on holiday to Los Angeles where I ended up staying for 20 years in the film and TV business. Your article is correct, but in my case it was more of a ping pong with the UK. When I'm here I want to be there and when I'm there I want to be here. The truth is most expats wish they had never left but you make a life where you end up. There is that old chess nut that where ever you go there you are. I've been back in the UK 8 weeks. I'm here for my brain fix. I've given up watching TV and read newspapers on the internet. Your article is so true, just no one ever says what they think. The whole world has gone pc. The irony is that Tony Blair now has to live amongst the policy he has shaped for the UK. And one day Gordon Brown will no longer be in power and he too will have to live in a country called Great Britain which is fast becoming like a one word hollywood movie Britain. We have a saying "what goes around, comes around."

Jim, London, UK

The expats hate any kind of criticism that exposes their self-centered nature or any downsides to their new life.
They often leave friends and family behind all for self gain and are unable to take the bad with the good. Most of them left decades ago and have very little idea of life in the UK but still retain there citizenship to abuse the NHS and there ability to criticise the UK at every opportunity.

Steve Mason, London, England

As always, Jeremy writes for a reaction and he's scored. As someone British born who's lived out of the UK for most of my life, I agree with many of his points. Of course I don't wear silly shirts either and I'm usually still in bed at 10 o'clock.

Good for you Jeremy, and I'd like to congratulate you on your ability to write things which are politically incorrect, but absolutely true, and to get away with it. I wish I could!

Mike Preston, Cape Town/Weybridge,

17 years ago (almost to the day it happens) I left England's sunny shores for deepest darkest Bavaria. In terms of life-style, career, family and all of the rest of it, it was really one of the best decisions I ever made. An enjoyble culture, great recreation possibilities (if you don't mind living 500 miles from the nearest coast), a functional health system, a great public transport system, low crime rates, a reasonable working week and excellent pay (for a biochemistry PhD), I have never regretted it. Oh yes, and they don't have a speed limit Jeremy ;P

Mike Page, Munich, Germany

Thanks Jeremy very witty article but you need to be witty when your country's going to the dogs. In my observation the Poms that dont stay for good and return to dear old England after a few years of whinging seem to pop up again after about 2 years. I settle my case

Simon B, Auckland , New Zealand

Jeremy,
I think you got a bite from Phil our Tobacco chewing friend across the pond!
I am currently and correctly as you put it "doing time" in Iraq for some quick bucks tax free.

Toby, Baghdad, Iraq

Well Jeremy, I hope this was a bit tongue in cheek. I have met some of the types of Britains you mention but also I have to add that it is not all like that.
I have recently moved from the UK to another area of Europe and am loving the people, learning the language and setting up a business in this area. I have friends all over he world and being where I am makes no difference to me.
I may not be seen as a great loss to the UK but I am also not stupid either. Give credit to some of us Mr Clarkson.

R.M., Coimbra, Europe

The British have always had a roaming spirit... it's stay-at-homes like Clarkson who are denying their heritage. But as usual, Clarkson is being tongue-in-cheek OTT, so we ex-pats can be amused rather than offended by his trifling monograph. He should be aware that it's the spirit of adventure that drives many ex-pats go abroad, not to 'escape' the UK. I moved to Japan to experience another culture and learn another language. And now that I have, it's made me regard the UK (esp England) in an even more positive light.

Damien Cavanagh, Tokyo, Japan

A little while ago England had an Empire founded by gutsy, courageous men and woman who 'Pah-Pah'ed' at the fear of leaving safe shores and crossing ferocious oceans; meeting wild tribes and surviving off their whits. They sought fame, fortune and glory in the name of the Kings and Queens of the great motherland. These are the forebears of the modern expat. Sadly for us modern travellers the world has been discovered but the urge to step further than the ordinary man still lingers in our bones unable to escape. And guess what, having demonstrated the courage, that lets face, not every Englishman has, to step beyound the ferry port at Dover we have discoverd that life isn't too bad beyound the dreary shores of England so quit your bleating..... yes you started it not us..... and come and join the Expat crew. It's gold

John, Sydney, Australia

why does everyone take him so seriously, your all missing the point entirely! No one should take these comments personally, Clarkson always takes the mickey and it s all a massive generalisation!

jim, HK,

Ex brummie....accent required!
alrite jeremy,,,,
you rember me and my mate in the woods..thats really grate like .....
but i was chewing gum not tobacco....i says to my mate i wanted to shoot you but e says no so i didn't like -spose you know that (he he ehe)...but come back soon eh?

mike, oxford, england

I believe the author of the article is failing to look at all the positives of being an expat and comparing these against the negatives in conclusion of his thoughts. What a daft man.

Liam, dubai,

I can understand a positive view of the UK from someone who has gained so much from living here. Without considerably wealth, this is a dire place to live.

Taxes are rising, crime is rising and quality of life is falling. It's getting more expensive and not a day passes without news of another gun crime.

Like many Jeremy, you are deluded about the state of things in the UK.

Nick, Chelmsford, UK

Jeremy, leave rainy England -as an expatriate or as an emigrant, as you like-, come to sunny Spain and become a renown bullfighter.
Luck !!

Tato Dulanci, Vitoria, Spain

Of course I understand it's all meant in good fun, but brings to mind a couple lines of dialogue from the film, 'Ronin' (1998) staring Robert De Niro and Sean Bean.

SPENCE (played by Sean Bean) offers, "Not done too well, have you, last few wars?"

...and SAM (played by Robert De Niro) replies, "Perhaps not, but at least we don't go around whining about it."

Cheers!

Elisha Moor, London, England

I love Jeremy Clarksons! (and Chris Moyles) and I miss you both dearly. No, Jeremy darling, we are not stupid. We are smart . Well, both of me and my husband have postgraduate degree in engineering. We move not because we don't have friends, crime or whatever but we want the MONEY! We want to avoid those tax people and then come back to UK bringing more poundsterling and pay TV tax so we can watch you.

Claire, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

You have missed the most important reason why there are so many expats, as evidenced by the number of posts here. Expats get paid ridiculous fees, for jobs they are woefully underqualified to do in far off places. Chris Patten as an example.
You could for example leave a country village in England, with 2 GCSEs get on a plane, lie a bit through a job interview and be handed a job as a multi-billion dollar fund manager, where scores of local plebions with doctorates and 50 years on job experience and infinite local knowledge all call you boss! Great isn't it!!

Michael Mann, Hong Kong, China

Oh yes, lets all go back to live in Britain and get shot in the neck by 14yr old scouser scholkids, have our overpriced miniscule overtaxed cars stolen on roads that we have to pay $30 a day simply to drive on and read Jeremey Clarkson columns telling us how lovely a rainy summers day of 57F is (whatever F is, what year did you go to school jeremy?) Then again, surfs up tomorrrow morning on Bondi and it is a pleasant mid-winters day of blue skies and 22c, so maybe I'll stay in Australia just a little longer!

ratbags, sydney, australia

I find you entertaining Clarkson. You have a way of making something humorous or funny, where even though everybody knows it is not entirely true, there is some sort of logic behind it that you can't emphatically deny.

You may have met a few stupid expats, but many, many more brainy ones are following. Tell me, how can a professional 25 to 30 year old couple afford a home in this country? They work hard, save hard, yet find the savings looking nothing like a deposit, and that's on top of student debt. So the clever ones are emigrating and not telling those who have lent them money (least of all the student loans company) where they have gone.

Darren, Hertfordshire,

"One was chewing tobacco which, when combined with his broad Birmingham accent, made him appear to be the stupidest person in the world."
ROFL
Ya'll come on back now, ya hear!

David Camp, Cary, NC

I believe JC's true brilliance is not what he writes but the thoughts/reactions he foments.

Keep pushing our buttons Jeremy! Remind us of the choices we made and keep us from being so smug!!!

Brian, Los Angeles, USA/CA

If one meets expats dressed in fatigues and hunting in the woods it is not probable that one is similarly engaged ?
Perhaps this also applies to lounging around in bars and imbibing at curious hours ?

Im expat for the last 20 years and love the UK just as much as I love Mexico. Of course I agree with JC regarding intelligence. ..... In fact I must be utterly bonkers, but the job and family (and weather) just happen to be here OB.

Stephen Riley, Mexico City, Mexico

Please do not rise to the bait otherwise you will prove Mr. Clarkson right. This is one of his usual stir it up articles.

Art Cattell, Auckland, New Zealand

For the very first time I dis-agree with JC. He's totally wrong about emigrating. The opportunities for the brightest and the best are still un-paralelled in the USA - the resources flow in plenty if you are good - - unlike the UK - - that's why we come here! And the life-style outside of the cities is amazingly good. Go back to the UK ? -- NO WAY !

Bob Brown, Carlsbad, USA / California

This article is not meant to be taken literally, is it? Why be so defensive? "Except for those who have recently been shot". Very dry.

I find Britain of today to be a dismal place. After 29 years in US, what strikes me most when I visit mum is how surly people are. Here in the US, people are generally more friendly, polite and affable, service is better by far, and except for certain locations, crime is probably less of a menace than it is in Britain today. I wonder how bad it would be in Britain if guns were as available as they are here.

Graham Bromley, Dublin, California

Come to the South of France and I'll buy you a drink

John Molland, L'Herault, France

I´m sure Jeremy is right about a lot of ex-pats- and of course the article is funny because it´s so clichêd. But not all ex-pats spend their lives complaining and I have a sneaky feeling that there is some envy about out there. I didn´t move back to Rio because I hated England, or didn´t have any friends, and I am sure there are as many problems here (of a diferent sort maybe) than there are in London, but as I work on my Blackberry whilst bussing past the SugarLoaf on a glorious blue winter´s day I reckon I personally made the right decision to move.

Alison, Rio de Janeiro, Brasil

Clarkson, I love you and you are usually right. However, some of us have legitimate reasons for skipping out of the UK. Is being fed up of the lunatics in charge of our government not enough? How about the excellent schooling, health care and child care systems in France (where I am planning to move to)? Plus, I'd be most intrigued to hear how you would address the problem of how my French boyfriend and I are ever to live together without one of us emigrating.

Bianca Summons, Bray, Berkshire,

Haha Jeremy Clarkson - you can sometimes be quite funny in an Alan Partridge/Richard Madeley type style. And not always intentionally.
In this tirade you sound like my 70 year old mother - she says all the same things as you.

rick, melbourne,

I agree with Jermany, I'm sick of Moose eating my Rhubarb and bears going thru my garden gate without opening it first.
I'm coming back to East Cheam.

Stuart Hamilton, Vancouver, BC, Canada

Classic Clarkson claptrap.

I come from a village in Dorset but have spent most of my working life abroad. I am now 55 and when I do go home I always drop into the local pub for a couple of pints. I chat to the same old faces that were around 20 years previously. It is quite charming to see that absolutely nothing has changed in the intervening years.

The world is an interesting place. So many cultures offer a different perspective on life. Little Britain has a good many qualities, but certainly no monopoly.

Suggest you travel more, before it becomes prohibitively expensive to do so.

Andrew Wilson, Paris, France

I married an American and emigrated from England in 1998 at age 20. I was miserable in England, I didn't have many friends (by choice), and I was in a rut.
Since moving to the United States my life has been completely different. I earned a Bachelors degree and met a lot of great people. I now own a house which by England standards is huge, and I am just generally enjoying life. Is life perfect here? No, but it is a lot better than England.
To be honest, I don't really care about the bigger cars, bigger houses, better food and weather. I just love being around good people.
As far as comparing violence UK vs US. I feel much safer in the US. In the UK I had experienced random violence, somebody doesn't like the way you look at them and suddenly they are attacking you. This is largely unheard of in the US.
By the way, the England gun ban seems to be working well (End sarcasm).
P.S. Nothing in this post is supposed to be anti-England. Just anti-ignorance.

Marc, Athens, Ohio, USA

The UK is a great place to live with true seasonal climate variation, loads of history and a modern vibrant culture. Relative to may parts of the world it is safe and the welfare state for all its faults provides some protection against true grinding destitution.

However to make the most of this place you need an above average income. There are very strong economic arguements for leaving rip-off Britain.

Jeremy Newman, Ringwood, UK

I am from Spain (lived there for 29 years) and moved to the UK 6 years ago. Spain is a nice country, but not everything is hot weather and nice food. There are better prospects for professionals in Britain, and it is a beautiful country to live in. the majority of people in Britain are wonderful and welcoming (I felt really well treated and accepted here). The nation has an enormous potential and it should be among the world elite as it always was. However, this great country and exceptional people deserve a much better political class. Governments have stolen the country from the people, I can't comprehend how on earth one can do things so badly, and the problem is that you look at alternatives to give your vote and there is no sensible one. There must be a civilised way to show a general discontent to our leaders and change things for the better, without having to emigrate. The British deserve it

f rivas, luton, uk

Jeremy,
I wonder sometimes if you have ever been abroad. Are all your Top Gear exploits filmed in a warehouse with exotic looking sets??
I think the Phil above has it right , you are pretty well off now so the trials and tribulations of the less fortunate no longer trouble you.
I loved your comment about brain surgery. It just shows how little you know. I was diagnosed with a spinal tumor about 4 years ago, 3 days after the MRI I was operated on by a neuro-surgeon and after 8 days in hospital was allowed home. I somehow doubt that I would have managed to do that in the UK.
I think that most people do not mind paying extra in tax for services that work and a society that is safe. In the UK these days the present government has presided over a massive decline in almost all standards from Education, Health and Security coupled with the almost intolerable money grabbing tax scheme.
If you have the guts to make it somewhere else then good luck to you.

James Stuart, Inverness, Scotland

As one of the other contributors said, JC is hardly representative of the livestyle of the average working Joe in Britain. I first moved overseas in 1992, to go to Kuwait, and have lived in the Bahamas (miserable experience) before settling in Bahrain. I don't pay tax, I have a full time live in housemaid, live in a large detached villa, enjoy a high standard of living generally at a fraction of the cost of a similar lifestyle in the UK. Petrol is about 7 1/2 pence a litre - so it costs a fiver to fill up the Jeep. It's safe on the streets, most people still have manners and the main difference is that I understand that I'm a guest in this country and if I break the law I'll be thrown out and unable to return. That's a policy that the UK would do well to adopt. Would I move back to the UK - never say never, but I really can't imagine it happening unless things there change drastically.

Cally Ellis, Manama, Bahrain

Spot on Jezza, you'll notice that none of the commenters deny that they were unsuccessful when living in the UK!!! The UK is a great place to live if you are successful, and I'm not talking about that top 0.5% either!!! Whilst there are issues in the UK a quick study of the statistics will show that most of the current gun crime is centred around a few pockets of society, tax is still quite low (although not a low as other countries trying desperately to attract successful people as they cannot develop their own) and it is still possible to buy a sub 100K home in a decent area, no matter what the papers say as I live across the street from 3 for sale. I'm tired of hearing people talk-up living in other countries and using the selective justification of a few plus points over the UK as a cloak to cover the truth that they just didn't have what it took to be successful in the UK.

Andrew Doyle, Manchester,

What's so illuminating about the article and many of the comments that react to it, is the fact that to most 'British', 'abroad' or 'international', actually means 'ex-colonial/Commonwealth'. It's as if Europe doesn't exist. I think Rosemary has a point when she mentions Clarkson's lack of language skills. Foreign language skills not only enable you to NOT be an 'ex-pat' when you do go to live abroad, but also teach you to think on different levels, and see things from different perspectives.
And, yes, I know, you don't need foreign languages to live in the Canadian (well, Quebec excepted), South African, US ex-pat enclaves, but then, who'd want to move from the UK to those places!? Talk about a step down.....

Declan O'Gorman, Liverpool, UK

"So all economic migrants are losers? Hmm, I don't think so. Maybe if you had moved abroad Mr Clarkson, you could have had a successful career too.
mark mcfarland, london,
" My oh my. what a very silly thing to say... Maybe if all the people slating the article actually understood the meaning rather than jumping the gun and not understanding the whole point, there would be alot less negative gripe from all the expats trying to justify thier happiness. And as for sitting in a dodgy cafe watching the rain stream down the windows and the cabs splashing past soaking the people at the bus stops- can't beat it! Simplicities in life are what make it, and appreciting the beauty in certain situations is what makes the difference. So if you're a miserable old sod who prefers to fool themselves into thinking they're happy because they're out of 'miserable britain', then this is who the article is aimed at.

Becca, Merseyside,

well I must say having read the above article and myriad comments that followed that I feel a little put out. I'm a 26 year old university graduate who has lived in Cyprus for the last two years have a good job, now speak a new language and am on the way to learning another to add to the two I spoke previously. I moved abroad primarily to seak better opportunities and to broaden my horizons improve my employability etc... I'm looking to move to central America in the next couple of years in hope of working for a charity and fulfilling my hopes for my future career. So you see I can't really agree with this rather obtuse and narrowminded diatribe. But best of luck to you if you want to stay but believe me there is so much beyond your doorstep, go and try it you might find that your eyes are opened fully for the first time.

D Williams, Girne, Cyprus

For most Brits, emigration means a same culture, English-speaking former colony, or for the really adverturous, Europe. Hey, you'd experience more culture shock moving from London to Cardiff; a lot more. So single Brit males that can get into character as an English gentleman, save the money you formerly spent dating Brit Chicks, and invest in exploratory trips to Asia. Use BKK or KL as your hub, and check the region out by making side trips to Laos, Myanmar, Vietnam, or if you want first world, Japan or Singapore. Come on you risk takers, leave those risk-averse losers in UK with JC, and let the others head for OZ. And the way things are going in UK, a country without an extradition treaty agreement has to be a major plus.

Andrew Milner, Karuizawa, Japan Alps

I think from your comments you realise we have a social hierarchy based on a person's accent. Even if they're parents had gone to a public school but they're children ended up with a common accent, they are shunned. Maybe people are leaving for another reason other than there are too many immigrants.

Mark, Newton-le-willows,

An excellent article, as always. The only problem is, the people I'm moving abroad to avoid are the very same people who will never read your article.

Damn.

Can you get Hamster to repeat your wise words in the Sun (or is it the Mirror) please? That way they won't be tempted to quit the stinking liberal-leftie jealousy-driven hole that the UK has become.

Ta.

Ade, Wallasey, UK, for another 30 days...

I think Jeremy makes some good points - the reasons people give for leaving the UK often do not make sense when subjected to logic, and it often appears to be the "grass is greener" syndrome.

However, I think there are 2 main reasons that do mark out the UK as a poor place to live for younger people at the moment, and they are both financial. The first is house prices, and the second is pensions.

If they remain at their present level or higher, house prices will mean younger people have very little disposable income, and despite the headlines on the subject I don't think it has hit in just how poor this is making people of my generation. This is not just a little grumble, it is real and it makes living abroad a much more attractive option.

Jonathan Turner, London, England

since I am not british (my family left in the late 1600's) I thought the article was funny I which we had writers in this country with that since of humor...

tomcallaway, lincoln, ca. usa

Only after living in another country can you comment from a point of strength. Anyone visiting another country is not more informed than that of a tourist. The writer here, appears to be a tourist of life. Setlle and learn the way of life of another country and be informed. Happy in Switzerland

Ian, Switzerland, Switzerland

Very funny Mr C - but as a global traveller now living in good ol USA (Washington DC where i have not even seen a gun in 4 years - nor even seen a person chew 'baccy' except on a trip through Tennesee!) i'll take the extapt live. How much is it to enter london now - 100 quid congestion tax? Tax rates at 40% (i'm on <30% here....), cost of living at what - double the US? Weather - crummy. Speed cameras every 2 feet. Murders going through the roof. 6 hours to do 10 miles due to traffic and road works that have been there for 5 years. NHS (No Hope Service) - lets not go there. Fights every night of the week in every pub (i have seen one bar fight in the US in 4 years!). 15 year girls staggering home ofter drinking 100 alcopops. Thanks Mr C - you can take it!
Maybe the reason YOU have to stay there is that NO ONE knows you outisde the UK so you HAVE to remain and do you media circus :)
Wow its 10am here - off to the pub to watch the Man U game! Cheers!

g.williams, Washington DC, usa

"Australia is where you go when you’ve made a mess of everything". How very true Mr Clarkson, the Brits emigrate to Australia when they have made a mess of, immigration, education, law & order, the NHS, transport, public services, care of the elderly etc, etc.
Its testimony to Australia's generousity that it accepts SNAFU artistes.

John MacKinnon, Lincoln, England

great loved it , you have no idea how happy i am reading the times listen to bbc radio online watching top gear on you tube.

you dont know what your missing clarkson!

frankie, shanghai , china

Funny article and even funnier comments afterwards.
I moved to France 3 years ago to finish my studies and to work afterwards. But I don't take Jeremy's comments personally seeing as how his mission in life is to upset and insult as many people as possible and to be as unPC as possible too. The world is a rich place because everyone has different opinions - ok so a lot of people born in the UK want to leave, but so what? A lot of people born outside of the UK want to move there. A lot of my (French) friends can't believe it when I say I don't want to live in London because for them it's an amazing place where they'd love to live. But I prefer Paris. it's called personal choice!!!!

PS I think there's a big difference between Expats who choose to move and Expats who are sent by their companies - maybe Jezza only met the latter!

Beth, Paris, France

Of course, this rant spectacularly fails to take into account the altruistic sorts who move to disadvantaged parts of the world to help out. Probably because we're a dying breed...

J T, Istanbul,

Noted the reference to Poms in NZ. NZ may have the good life - beaches, skiing, sailing etc in abundance - but you'd do well to find much culture in the place. I'll be staying on this island

mink, London, UK

I agree. But visit Boston, US, We are all quite smart here. We hate New York and poke fun of LA, we are quick witted and highly educated, In fact, we are somewhat more "British" than American!

Cheryl, Boston, US

I am an Australian who came to Germany some years ago. I found I loved it, stayed and prospered.

Brooks, Munich, Germany

What drivel. I'm a Brit ex-pat, in California USA, for 15 yrs now. When I read the UK papers on line I see a homeland I don't recognize. Shootings, yob culture, and Mohammed soon to be the most common boys name in England. We leave for a better life and to avoid weeping as the old country sinks at the hands of a govt shaped by the narcissistic ex-PM and a band of PC left-wingers building a welfare state, where its Labor for life, because everyone is on hand outs.

Martin Vellaway, Santa Monica, CA,

After visiting Britain recently, I can't agree more with the comments of most expatriates. There are many reasons to leave Britain, and when I did, after just ten days there, I felt a sort of liberation, like an escape from a prison where you are constantly watched and threated with paying fines. The country of personal freedom has become the land of CCTV, where the government acts as if every citizen (and especially every driver)is a potential criminal. With such a social pressure it is no wonder if so many Britons leave their country and those who stay get as inebriate as they can, either with alcohol or with TV -- I would have done the same had I stayed for longer. The worst of it is that, instead of changing such an oppressive society, I am afraid that when Britons go away they export many of the social traits they loathe at home.
Unless it is just the weather, of course.

Martin, Barcelona, Spain

I think we have created a toxic society in which morality has been thrown out of the window.
This is simply the case of the Emperor has no clothes, to suggest all is well in the U.K.
We have drunken thugs taking over our city and increasingly town centres every weekend.
It's OK to getting blindly drunk.
People cheat on each other in marriage and relationships and that's just OK too.
The results of all this are now becoming apparent.We have the highest STD rates in the world,the highest teen pregnancies.Domestic violence is at an all time high.
Our society is rotten at the core and until we start having values this will only accelerate.
We can't trust our leaders because they all lie to us,so what is left?
It's no wonder people are running form the hills in droves.

James Currie,Yoga Teacher, London, U.K

I'm another dimwit loser living in the depths of Mexico.

As I sit in the tropical garden of my country villa, next to my private swimming pool, sipping imported whisky, admiring the brilliant bougainvillia and pink hibiscus plants.
And yes there are giant shrimp for lunch......again.

How I pine for the delicious icy winds of Ipswich.

Robin Bather, Metepec, Mexico

Is this the same person who makes sarcastic comments on Top Gear? I have lived in the states for 25 years and enjoy the people, the weather, the lifestyle and the lower taxes. Every time I return to the UK it seems like you are trying to catch up with events here. I think the reality is that the brighest and best leave and in return to get Russian billionaires et al. Were you by any chance rejected by another country as an arrogant upper middle class snob or are you just in training for that role?

James Skimins, Plymouth, Michigan USA

Clarkson your a legend. You always seem to hit the nail right on the head. What is wrong with our beautiful little island? We have such a vast and interesting history which is more that can be said for the bloody USA or Australia. I've been to America many times and i just feel so insignificant, no towns, no real traditions, no descent sports the place just drives me mad. Just a statistic in the middle of nowhere. OK, the weather may be rubbish but when the sun does shine, we have the most picteresque countryside that is fantastically green (not desert). Most people in this country aren't made for hot weather anyway, everytime i go to Spain you can tell the English because most of them are bright red in pain (and with tatoos in the most bizarre areas of their body). We should be proud to live in England, it may have its faults but at least we have a great sense of humour and can laugh at ourselves! If this country was'nt so great then why do so many people want to live here?

James , Leeds, England

Greetings from Dubai Mr Clarkson, where income tax is zero not 40%, petrol is 70p a gallon not 99p a litre, cars have no VAT added to the price and - when you get out of the city - miles of empty roads through the desert with not a police car in sight! Thinking of you all back there in rainy Britain. Steve Leslie, Dubai, UAE Sorry Steve,, didn’t know you enjoy the 100% humidity and 42 degrees C today,, lovely if your a steamed rice pudding... Police Car in sight,,, no you get hidden mobile police cameras that give you a 30pound fine, try and fine out where you were speeding,, impossible.. Drive through a toll road over the limit As for Anna and your safety,,, Do all crimes get published... What about deaths on the road,, more people die here than in the UK.. Even though there is a hundredth of the population of the UK.. Pushy people, always now, now now.. No one says thank you.. Yes we can all save some pennies, but that seems to be the only reason to stay…

Ian, Duabi,

Jeremy,

Having moved over to Montréal almost 3 years ago - for love - and have a two year old boy to prove it, I cannot say how delighted I am to be removed from the rooted and non-progressive way of thinking and lifestyle in England.

On top of that, I couldn't even work here for most of that time till receiving my permanent residency two months ago so had to freelance for people elsewhere.

All in all, I've had the most fascinating life of anyone I know without all the wannable chattering class and aspirational, consumer-driven hype and agression that British culture nurtures.

I guess the moral is, take the plunge and force your self to be free then go back and visit your home country with different lenses. It doesn't look so great after all, just very parochial and tedious.

Felix, Montréal , Canada

I couldnt agree more jeremy, spot on! But personally, i think that when they leave they shouldnt be allowed back in for christmases and weddings so they can try to rub our noses in it with their smug stories of "a dream life".

martyn, newcastle,

Very funnu article - typical Jeremy Clarkson. However, he deserves a serious answer. I emigrated to England because I wanted to live among the English and gain a higher standard of living in a civilised country where the inhabitants as a rule lived within the law. After spending 29 years in the Toyal Navy and a few more in the NHS, I found that England was not the same country with the "ENGLISH" feel. It was like being in India, Pakistan, Asia, Africa and Eastern Europe; the politicians have sold out the country under the feet of his native inhabitants. Since England was not England anymore, I decided with my family to move to Western Australia. There is a lot of crime here, graffitti, vandalism and murder but I feel safer than I did in England. There are compensations to living in WA - good people, good food, good wine, spectacular scenery and fabulous weather. I decided not to return to my home country because it is now Little India; not the country I left some 41 years ago.

Ben, Perth, Western Australia

Ha Ha, what a load of utter rot. Clarkson is often funny and occaisonally correct in his observations however on this one he's well off the mark. Whilst the majority of expats in the past may have been fleeing failure or debt or both. What is happening today is very similar to the "white flight" from the US cities a couple of decades ago.
I currently live in the South of France, my bins are emptied every day I have not been burgled or had my vehicle stolen and during the 4 years that I've lived here I've never been flashed by a speed camera or had a point on my license. That's why I'm here

Mike P, Nice, France

You hit the nail on the head Jeremy. Last year I spent 3 weeks on an out of season Greek island with just one bleak taverna open with the door blowing open on the few crazies who hadnt the gumption or were too mad to move to the city. The local shopping meant looking in the window of the calor gas or agricultural tool shop (open mornings only). This is the reality of year round life in holiday resorts, no culture, boring, boring, boring. What do people do in these places? Jigwaws, porn or drink? I am puzzled to know what the attraction is.

Sally Wilton, Bournemouth, Dorset

It may be of interest to M. Clarkson that Sir Frank Whittle, inventor of the jet engine was an expat, living his later years in the US. Hovercraft are great ,but are not I would suggest in the same league in terms of inventions! By the way, you would have to be in a bar a10am to meet an expat there wouldn't you Jeremy?

Andy, Toulouse, France

Was this meant to be funny?

I found this article devoid of humour, untrue and the reference to 16 year olds and shooting was in very poor taste. *Not* impressed. I was expecting better from the Times...

BTW, I'm British, middle-class (I suppose), live in Annecy, France and work in neighbouring Geneva. I also lived in Spain for a time, years ago. I left the UK in 1990 for the simple reason that I wanted to use my languages. I know many expats in the area and none fits the description above. This guy must have been in the sleazy part of a cheapo holiday resort at the height of the season once!!

Yvonne, Annecy, France

I can't imagine that the demographic who emigrate (ie, middle class, middle aged Tunbridge-Wellsians) have much experience of the things that they claim to be fleeing. You would have to visit a south London sink estate in the middle of the night to get anywhere close to the Daily Mail dystopian view of Britain, and slums have existed in the UK since time immemorial (yes, even during the halcyon days of the 1950s.)

Isn't it hilarious that people are leaving picturesque little English villages in the dales, the lakes, the moors, the highlands, to go and live in cities made of steel on the edge of desert in Australia just because they believe what the Daily Mail tells them.

Chris, Leeds,

We came to Canada in 63 ,just before the cancellation of the TSR2. Two years we thought. After 35 years I retired in 98 and moved to Vancouver Island, finding it then - and still - meeting my hopes for what England should be like when I retired. England didn't and doesn't match up even slightly. And the weather is so much better. I visited UK this year to find a nanny state with all the gear to become a police state at the flick of a switch - or a chip. No thanks.

Alan, Sooke, Canada

Agree with all of the people above , you only stay in the UK if you dont have the funds or ability to move away, I moved to Australia 1990 with my four children , all of whom went to university here and have fantastic jobs two live in Sydney where the livestyle is next to none, the other two on the Gold Coast , have large houses with Swimming pools and a life style most in the UK would die for - Australia is the No.1 destination because we dont put up with the crap the British do - or have the nasty weather

CHRIS , gold coast, aus

Yes, it's hellish here in Canada. Tons of space, you can buy a couple of hundred acres of virgin forest without being a millionare. I drive 65 km to work in 35 min (each way), no traffic except for the odd deer or porcupine on the road. I work in a clean, bright multicultural office with smart, pleasant people. In the nearest city, I have my choice of music festivals, museums, parks, restaurants and pubs - all less than an hour's drive from my country house. Yep, definitely hellish - don't come here....

Clare, Ottawa, Canada

Well, thanks Jeremy for pointing out my failings. What a strange an uninformed view you have about people leaving the place where they were born. I‘ve gone and won’t be back, ever, so you can be sure that I won’t be lining an english brain surgeons pockets. My quality of life here in Munich is way better than anything my poor friends in England have. Whether England is better off without me? Who cares; I am better off without England.

english girl, munich, germany

Clarkson himself emigrated from Doncaster to rural Oxfordshire. Does that make him a complete failure too? Perhaps he was drawn by the higher quality of life in Chipping Norton, in the same way that many brits are attracted to the higher quality of life in Australia or Spain.

Andrew Montgomery, Manchester, England

"We know where the stupid people are. They’re in the White House, ... "

I'd bet GWB is a hell of a lot smarter than Clarkson - isn't he supposed to be writing about cars ?

I suppose this article is meant to be tongue-in-cheek but it comes across as a simple minded rant.

Stan(expat), USA,

Our home is now in th Costa Blanca where we moved wnen we retired from City life. We have sunshine so outdoor sport, esp. golf is nearly always possible, The Spanish are great people, smiling, helpful and they enjoy their lives. The food is fresh, the medical system is excellent and the cost of living lower than UK. We have no Nanny State. We pay our taxes here and are very happy to do so. Why would we ever wish to give this up for Rain and cold,an overworked Medical service, an overworked police force and an over bearing government.

Katie Young, Pedreguer, Spain

I will have to admit to being a dimwit, Unfortunately I do live in Australia, Though never hunched in a bar, in a riddiculous shirt.

Donn't wat to afford to live hand to mouth in 'blighty' will return in my own good time in a box,

Until then I'll continue to roam the globe being dim and mking money (tax free), spending my time whinging about the Aussie, mainly 'cause I envy their sporting heart, and when I'm not bagging the digger, I can rant on about the yanks, who I don't envy for any reason.

Keep the articles coming they are amusing.

Michael Holloway, Sydney, Australia/ NSW

Living abroad can be overrated. People seem to leave their country of birth for the strangest (and most unrealistic) of reasons - gosh! you can buy fresh vegetables in France!
But, having lived in France for nearly 25 years, I do believe I am not a loser. I have friends, a job, a part of my family and a wealth of culture and experiences I wouldn't have had if I had stayed in GB.
It's a very personal thing- up to you what you make of it.

Julia Kabes, Montigny Les Metz, France

Ssssh, Jeremy Clarkson, keep your voice down. If we wait a few more years (and maybe subsidise their emigration expenses) we might be rid of the lot of them soon enough (evil laughter). But we must keep the story consistent so please get back to 'oh the youth here are terrible, nanny-state, crime is on the rise' etc

nati G, Galgate, Lancashire

There is no inheritance tax in Australia, they speak a form of English, the weather in Perth is excellent, the wine is great and Top Gear is on the telly every Mon night. What could be possibly wrong with that Jeremy.

Nick, Perth, Australia

have you lived overseas Mr Clarkson ?

anne Meile, mel, switzerland

Jeremy, enjoyed your wit, which when based on others comments sounds like one of the few redeeming things about life in the UK . In my observation the few Poms that dont stay here and head back to dear old England after a few years of whinging return again later. I rest my case.

Simon , Auckland , New Zealand

I'm an expat and a failure. I was a failure in London with few friends and now I'm a failure in Hong Kong with few friends. And I'm comfortable enough in my skin to accept that reality. The location is unimportant. Jeremy is right. emigrants are those who don't fit in or have been rejected or who don't make it in their own country. Ellis Island wasn't welcoming rich, well fed landowners. And if you become Prime Minister or Phillip Green you wouldn't leave. Success, however, is really being a global-pat. Having lots of friends all over the world. A role that is crucial to lots of workers who work for you and the ability to move to whichever home you own according to the weather forecast. The rest? Trophy wife, Husband with a large member and bank account? Mensa multimillionaire children with straight teeth? Icing on the cake.

Opal Conti, Hong Kong,

Monday 27th August 2007:

London (Summer):
Sunny intervals
22C - 12C

Melbourne (Winter)
Bright sunshine
25C - 13C

I don't know why people leave England and come to Australia.
It's a jungle out here...

Steve Symmons, Melbourne, Australia

Eggs on white bread toast with tomatoes, is that the diet that produces airhead writers of such vacuous content. You'd be loved for your stupid commentary in San Francisco, but its already full up on stupid.

J. Yull, Healdsbirg, Calif/USA

I married an American almost fifty years ago and have lived in Washington State, which has similar cool weather, since then, with bi-annual visits back "home". I love life over here and would definitely NOT return to the UK to live permanently, so don't paint all expats with the same brush. There are several things I miss, though, particularly food not obtainable here

Theresa , Tacoma, WA U.S.A.

What a load of rubbish! Typical British insularism.

Margaret Mitchell, Mequon, USA

The article was good for a laugh but then I enjoy self-parody by TV clowns. If you share the all encompassing vision of Jeremy then it's best you stay at home.

Alex James, Guilin, China

Does anyone have a sense of humour anymore?

I would vote Mr clarkson as Prime Minister Any Day!

Graham Dale, Wirksworth / Matlock, England

I was going to protest until I realised who had written the piece. So, yes, very funny as always and to be taken with a large pich of salt. So, greetings Jeremy from a very sunny and hot Sydney. Winter will be over soon, thank goodness! Now, where did I put that stupid shirt?

Phil Elmes, Sydney, Australia

As an ex pat who left the UK in 1958 when England was still that "green and pleasant land" it was strictly because of the lack of sunshine and having been based in N California and worked in many parts of the world,I still find this the most comfortable place to live and as I read the UK papers every day on the internet it seems it to me it would'nt be a bad idea to let responsible citizens have guns as all the thugs there seem to have an unlimited supply!
I get home every couple of years or so to visit friends and family so I do get a pretty good idea of how people feel.

Peter Sheppard, Santa Rosa, California

Oops,
I forgot to say in my first post that I'm also an ex-pat and migrated to OZ 3 years ago, actually never having been to Australia before. I know that Australia is not in the EU, and we are a very long way from the French, but in spite of these disadvantages we will never be coming back. Thank you Tony Blair for encouraging us so forcefully to leave. We owe you!

Nick Yates, Melbourne, Australia

Another great one-eyed, bigotted, insanely right-wing, but immensley funny verbal pugilist, former New Zealand Prime Minister Sir Robert 'Piggy' Muldoon put it better when asked about the 'mass' movement of New Zealanders to Australia in the 1970s, "It raises the IQ of both nations".

Former Pomme, but now a fully-fledged card carrying Kiwi.

alex robertson, auckland, new zealand

The responses say it all...

GeorgeB, London,

Isn't this the same person who likes England so much he became a tax exile in the Isle of Man?

Steve, Sydney, Australia

Its hilarious to see how Jeremy's article has smoked out both the malcontents in England plus the mainly shallow expats living abroad.

An apocalyptic picture of Britain is painted by the above. It is in some cases misinformed, Britain still has one of the very lowest violent crime rates in the developed world and this includes countries such as Australia, United States and France. Other comments obviously betray a political axe to grind. Stuff like nanny state, and the last ten years being terrible an all, comments about taxation from many of the people in places like Dubai, Switzerland or wherever. Taxation is is a legitimate area for debate and it may be argued it is high in England, but it is also essential in a complex society to pay for public services. People try to abdicate their responsibilities and get a free ride when they move abroad to avoid these things.

It does hurt when compatriates bad mouth the country like this. Jeremy may also feel this disloyalty.

Matthew, Staines, Middlesex

I've lived in HK (30 years) and now Australia. I am neither hugely successful nor down-at-heel but I have had a great life. Move back to UK? No thanks.

Ken Thorpe, Melbourne,

As a teacher in one of the fastest growing population centres in Australia (the Gold Coast) the number of British migrants I have met has been so much Australias gain and UK's loss. It's the 2000's not the 1950's, they are the appreciative poms, not the whinging poms ,now. More welcome.

Trevor Sketcher, Gold Coast, Australia

Jeremy
I'm almost 50 yrs old. I've spent a lot of my time travelling the world, Northern Ireland, Falkland Islands, Kenya, Middle East, Afghanistan, Colombia, to name a few.
I've generally found that most of the people in the countries I visited wanted to kill me ,and objected when my friends and I tried to do the same to them,
John
Ex-parachute regiment.

John , Newcastle,

great loved it , you have no idea how happy i am reading the times listen to bbc radio online watching top gear on you tube.

you dont know what your missing clarkson!

frankie, shanghai , china

I am a well eductated lawyer who had a cracking social life and prospects in England. Some of my best friends had been sent to risk their lives in Iraq and I was paying for this. In New Zealand at least my tax is spent on decent causes. Winter - pah - it may rain but it is much milder than the UK. And the sheep are far sexier.

Marc (formerly of Leeds, now Auckland)

Marc Warren, Auckland, New Zealand

Great article. Love the sense of humour.

Paul Francis, Brisbane, Australia

Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy, surely you know your audience better than this - middle class Times readers (Daily Mail tucked inside) who all know that Britain is no longer Great and has gone to the dogs and that every other country is doing better and has no stealth taxes/speed cameras [insert whatever whinge the DM has set for the day].

Pointing out this obvious truth is not something that they want to hear (as evidenced by the comments). My experience is that around 90% of all expats are indeed whopping failures with around 10% moving for a change of scenary/culture and who freely admit that they may move back to the UK in the future.

Steven, Baldwin, California

Nice try Jeremy. Wrong. Its gone and it ain't coming back. I loved my England but it no longer exists and Englishmen are not welcome in their own land.

John Albert, Lisbon, Portugal

Having better weather, food, education, security and quality of life are not that important... why should we emigrate?

f rivas, luton, uk

Clarkson is right. Travel is one thing. Taking opportunities abroad is another - great. But many expats are drunken old bores who need constantly to persuade themselves that surrounding themselves with other drunken old bores, paying less tax, and having servants somehow compenstates themselves for their rather lonely existences. Far from broadening the mind, they look to recreate a pastiche of the UK - complete with tins of baked beans air-freighted in, and Union Jacks bedecking the bars full of people speaking English where locals are either barred, or maybe just encouraged not to go (other than to serve the drinks and clean the loos, of course). Proof, it were needed, that deep down these people have second thoughts is that in their sunny paradises they can't wait to log on to, and comment about, a UK newspaper. You know I'm right.

Alex Johnson, London, UK

Mr Clarkson, Your observations are witty and superficial, which makes it an entertaining read. London is great, but once you've been to the best restaurants, seen the galleries, museums, shows, shopped, there is nothing else! Honestly, I am so fed up with the those hyenas lurking on the road, i.e. traffic wardens, wearing omega or rolex watches! Re healthcare, we may have the best brains in the medical profession, but to get to one of them requires mortgaging your house. I can have the best OBY a certain country have,( educated at Harvard or Stanford) for instance and stay at a pres suite whilst recovering for 1% of the cost for a private healthcare in England. Or play polo or golf , for 10% of the cost in England! I can stimulate my faculty by studying thru the distant learning courses, offered by various colleges such as College of Law, Univ of London. Contrary to your argument, you must be a dimwit to remain in London.

Sheen , Philippines,

You've got to hand it to JC. Quickly realised the "Telegraph" debate on emigration, reasons for, was generating massive interest, over 700 responses and counting. "I know, I'll do a tongue-in-cheek article bad-mouthing emigration, that'll wind up the mug punters.” Nice one JC, you really got me going for a minute.
As an aside, when are you going to get someone with competition experience on Top Gear? Your ignorant pack-rat gang of sycophantic boy racers really are tedious. Not a fan; you can tell.

Andrew Milner, Karuizawa, Japan Alps

Cheers, Jeremy; enjoyed your article. When I was a student, a friend, of my grandparents' age, said to me: remember, Colin, the only difference between a rut and a grave is a matter of depth.

We came to Canada four decades ago with that in mind on a three year contract, tore up our return tickets and never looked back.

Colin Proudman, toronto, canada

Brisbane is much much nicer than Croydon

Jay, Queensland,

I take your point that a lot of the people who move abroad are not the brainiest and that, yes, often they have made a mess of things.

On the other hand, I have three degrees and various other qualifications and have lived, mainly, in Germany when not in the UK. Here, public services are faster, there are laws about how much noise you can make and when; and when you do complain about noise, the police are round to check within ten to fifteen minutes.

The reason I left the UK was not because of the foreigners or British-born citizens of a foreign parent or parents, it was because of the attitude of many of the whingers.

There's a bad attitude towards Germans (my mother is German), there's educational snobbishness ("We're going on holiday then to avoid the comprehensive school crowd." "Oh... you went to a ... redbrick university."). There's snobbishness in general: "Oh... paper napkins." Or should that be 'serviettes'? I don't know. I never did figure out which word was 'posher'.

Tina, Duesseldorf, Germany

Nonsense Jeremy, Asia expats are in the bar far earlier than 10.00am! After all, we can't possibly find anything else to do out here. This morning it's clear and sunny at 09.01am and it's going to be over 30 celsius (again). Oh dear, decisions, decisions ...

Mike, Singapore,

If you have ridden the big UK property price wave (over 50% of the UK) then sell now and move abroad fast. You may be sitting smug now on hundreds of thousands tax free windfall but a 30% decline in prices will wipe much of that out so cash in whilst you can and go enjoy the wider world - buy a penthouse, riad, chateau, wine estate or ski lodge.

jonathan, new york, new york

A very amusing article, but it hides the darker side of the story. Many people are very worried about the state of Britain, and it's easy to have that 'I'm all right, Jack' attitude until it's too late. Open your eyes, those of you who are still in the country, and act now before things get too bad...

Lux, Nancy,

Jeremy, I generally agree with most of what you say, but on this occasion have to disagree. Give me the United Arab Emirates every time: year round sunshine and no tax (rather than the other way around in England). In addition, the crime rate is low, domestic servants plentiful, public services generally superior to those in the UK and a gallon of petrol here costs less than a litre does in England.

Mike Webb, Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates

After 102 replies (at the time of writing)
Roughly 50 percent were ex-pat and 40 percent were British, the rest alien.
Only TWO agreed with your argument and one of those was probably sarcastic.

Brian Vallance, LEFKIMMI, Greece

Dear Mr Clarkson,

Expat for 25 years living in USA - all I can say is I have better weather, better job, better salary, will have a better pension, lower taxes much better quality of life than my peers in the UK. I am certainly not "bit of a dimwit", nor do I wander around the woods toting a gun!

Same as Phil from New Jersey - I am constantly told how lucky I am to live in the States and how envious my UK friends are.

Those "loud" Americans are pretty good people, I actually married one - and by the way, Americans don't have a very high opinion of the UK or its inhabitants these days, so next time you visit the States it might be wise to adopt a low profile.

Sue, San Diego, California, USA

ah, you forgot - Cape Town, South Africa! Princess Diana's brother, Mark Thatcher, etc. Clever people, good lifestyle, best private healthcare in the world, etc

chris , dubai, uae

If you miss 'Top Gear', then I for one, won't miss you.

Peter Day, Doncaster, UK/ Yorkshire

I've just come back from the town square, sitting having a cup of coffee, revelling in the tranquility and in the warmth of the sunshine. Oh, and the beauty of the foxy French waitress.
But, honestly, I'd rather be back in Blighty, drinking a cup of workman's tea in a greasy spoon cafe, watching the rain drum against the windows, while an English bird with tattoos and a beer belly throws another rasher of bacon in the frying pan

Gavin Smith, Toulouse, France,

Well, what worries me is.. you could be right Jeremy..er what about a move to France?... ...

Jen, Southampton, Hampshire

So why do you live in the Isle of Man...tax perhaps.

P.Williams, London,

There speaks a very rich man! The problem, Jeremy, is that many well educated, bright, popular young professionals in the UK endure a 'loser' lifestyle because they can't afford to buy a decent home or educate their children properly. Their only hope may be emigration.

The days are long gone when the failed 'black sheep' of the family was sent to the Antipodes. Migrating to Australia is tougher than breaking into Fort Knox, believe me. Would that the UK had such stringent requirements as to skills, health and a non-criminal background. Perhaps Britains would not now be suffering the overcrowding and overstretched services that are apparently driving so many of our best young people to other shores.

Janet Davis, Sydney, Australia

So all economic migrants are losers? Hmm, I don't think so. Maybe if you had moved abroad Mr Clarkson, you could have had a successful career too.

mark mcfarland, london,

I couldn't agree more.
Life in the UK is so perfect that alcoholism is unknown and people never prop up bars.
This problem is only found abroad where booze ( and most other things ) are taxed less.

John C, Colchester,

Jeremy, if you had to work for a living and earned an average salary, it's my educated guess that in all probability you would be an ex-pat!
Sorry an ex-Jez.

James Leasor, Harrogate, Northern England

We love Brits here in the USA. You are all welcome...We have lots of room, cheap gas, and speak a version of your wonderful language. We are not perfect as we have the democratic party trying it's best to undo 200+ years of progress but we have some stalwarts who are keeping them at bay...Please come join us, I'll share my own tobacco and moonshine from my personal collection.

Scott Wiggins, Charleston, SC

I am an astrophysicist who left the UK to work abroad in Australia, the US and now Spain. I'm having fun. However, I'm sure it's not a great loss to the UK in general since we're not actually very useful. All we do is sit around drinking coffee and speculating on the nature of dark matter (or talking about football).

Driving cars very quickly and writing tosh is clearly a more purposeful existence.

Mike Beasley, La Laguna, Esp

Dear Jeremy,
Enjoyed your article and living here in the delightful seaside town of Broadstairs there is much truth in the suggestion that Britain is best. However, there once was a better place where people lived under perpetual blue skies, had braais with their friends, drank Castle and sang songs about their Green & White flag. A place where kids grew straight with the sun on their backs, spent holidays in the Eastern Highlands, at the Falls or up on Kariba and everyone seemed to know everyone else. It was a land lost in an earlier time with afternoon tea, an epilogue and National Anthem at the end of the evening's TV and a sense of belonging and pride. It was called Rhodesia but, sadly, it is no more and, being the only place I would go, I guess I will stay where I am in this corner of Kent.

William Epps, Broadstairs, Kent

William Epps, Broadstairs, Kent

Brilliant, I wish I had written that!

Colin, Málaga, Spain

The hilariously illiterate contributions from people attempting to explain why emigration from Britain is desirable add considerable weight to Jeremy's main argument.

James, London,

I was having dinner with a few friends and friend's friends last week and, after a couple of drinks, I got a bit saucy with my neighbour. After a good bit of leg stroking, we started chatting about testicles and, after much consideration, my neighbor decided that Jeremy Clarkson must have "gonads the size of golf balls." And she's totally right. JC, indisputably, is a funny, but arsey, cock. And his balls weigh down his brains. His man tonsils do the talking.

I'm an Australian. I came to the England for the fine undergraduate educational experience. And I'd have to say that England is a wonderful place. But give me the Brit-Embassy bar in Beijing any day and leave all the deformed little chavs riding about on their chavy little bicycles in England. The best of Britain buggers off for a bit. What else was the British Empire good for?

Rich, Cambridge,

Jeremy, You and AA Gill should be a double act for common sence and reason, offer still stands fancy a pint? I am not Gay, Green,or a "Petrol head" neither enjoy dinner parties just would realy like to meet you both /either or, no postcards please I am from Glasgow so i suppose that would be a linguistic challenge to you both

Ronnie Scott, Glasgow, Scotland

Dear Jeremy, when I last visited, I looked hard for the ugly, badly dressed and badly toothed and I found them in spades; the only problem was they weren't British, they were all dirty foreigners, which validates the figure of 196,000 per annum. At least when you live abroad you know where you stand. When you step outside, you understand you'll hear an alien accent and when someone you don't like steps foot in your home- you're free to shoot him where he stands. Gosh bless Texas, Anyhow, I'll move back when the English move back and it's legal to hunt teenage gangsters. And, yes I am an alcoholic, some habits are hard to break. Besides, being a heavy drinker I receive praise and win friends easily.

Richard, Dallas, The Big "D", USA

Clarkson you need to get out more.

Joao M, Manama, Bahrain

Dear Mr.Clarkson, I am an expat living in Spain. I am a Member of the Institution of Engineering and Technology and have a first class honours degree in Electronics. I don't drink or smoke and speak fluent Spanish. I only enter a bar to have a Café con Leche and a nice toasted bread with olive oil. I enjoy living here in Alicante because I find the climate agreeable but I don't go to the beach. My wife and I prefer walking in the mountain countryside. After reading your article I really feel like a misfit. Should I return to Britain?

Richard, Alicante, Spain

good morning, Mr. Clarson.

In my country the politicians are a big problem. There is not support for the education.
I'm a letters student but I feel me unprepared to work in education.
We always trying to do the best for the young people.
We never drop out, because they need attencion and motivation to win.

Tiago, Joinville, Brasil

Every time I get back to the UK, I run into the same people trying to justify why they are still there! Often in the town or village next door to where they grew up. The excuses are always the same... Got a mortage.... Wife/ Husband will never leave.... kids need a good school.... Dont know which country to go to.... However one thing is the same. They all want to leave..... and why? Becaus they are bored silly of leading the 9-5 lifestyle while watching Great old Britian turn into something similar to whats left of the great old Roman empire.

Duncan, Accra, Ghana

Naughty Jeremy.......we love it in Oz and haven't moaned once! Sunshine, cheap wine and endless beaches

Esther, Gold Coast, Australia

This coming from a gentleman from the bespoke British press renowned for making doughnuts on aircraft runways, destroying a carwash and getting into bar room brawls with fellow journalists at award ceremonies. From a man who has obviously reached the height of height of his journalistic profession. I left the UK more than 20 years ago to escape journalistic wannabe TV personalities and Margaret Thatcher to achieve a better quality of life than I could in the UK.
I too have travelled around the world and met some, and I emphasise some people described by Mr. Clarkson in his article. To generalise like Mr. Clarkson about Expats is like saying every Englishman who is a football fan immediately falls into the category football hooligan. However, I have to somewhat agree with him a little about Spain and more so Portugal. I went for a two week vacation to the Algarve this year where I met some of my fellow 30-60 something’s doughnut driving, barroom brawling lager lout’s trying to emulate some of their journalistic wannabe TV personalities. At least Mr Clarkson hasn’t yet resorted to wearing his football team’s or ill fitting England football shirt over his potbelly on TV. However, here is still time assuming Top Gear continues with another series.

Ian Gibson, Voorhout , The Netherlands

Thanks for stirring the pot Mr. Clarkson! As an american who visits Britain frequently, I too notice that there are scads of Brit expats roaming our streets in america, looking for pasties and snapping up those $3 million bungalows in hollywood. According to the times there are 250,000 plus Brits in LA alone. Most of the ones I have met are in the comfortable set, with enough money set aside for the good life. I think I know what really brings them here- no speed cameras!

Laurence Budd, Fort collins, USA/colorado

Jeremy, you're wasted in England. Come and live in the south of France with me!

kate, avignon, france

Apparently there are people in Britain who think Clarkson is witty and funny. That's good enough reason to emigrate. And apart from places like Kiribati, Australia is as far from him an one can get.

eric campbell, harrogate, uk

To Steve from Belfast - you said "Your [sic] well travelled. Do u [sic] feel safer in Europe (after dark) or the UK ? "

Just to clarify that Europe is not one country, so where do you mean in Europe? There are plenty of dodgy areas where you might get mugged or killed in cities in countries in continental Europe too. In fact in a lot of places they might even just do it in broad daylight. To be honest I don't see that the UK is less safe "after dark" or daytime than continental European countries.

Max, Manchester, UK

Come to the south of France and I'll buy you a drink

John Molland, L'Herault, France

I understand that you are indeed the master of the sweeping generalisation and that you love to get us all going. Normally I chuckle and move on, but on this occasion I have to remind you that you are speaking from a position of financial privilege – many have nowhere near your standard of living and struggle on a day to day basis, let alone being able to afford the leisure activities available in the UK. Under these circumstances moving away, although requiring some compromise, can provide a much better quality of life.

S, Spain,

Ten plus one reasons to leave the UK:
1. They have covertly collected the biggest DNA database in the world and share it freely with other states.
2. They forcibly take more newborns from their mothers than the rest of the world combined.
3. They have more CCTV cameras, ditto.
4. In spite of which they're twice as likely to be burgled as Americans.
5. Their criminals carry and use guns freely, while their victims are forbidden to by law.
6. Over half their drivers have collected at least 3 points for speeding, courtesy hidden speed cameras.
7. They've handed part of their country to the IRA, as a reward for easing off its campaign of murder for a bit.
8. Their biggest employer is local government.
9. Their Navy surrenders to speedboats.
10. Their NHS delivers the worst health outcomes at the highest cost of any nation in the EU.
11. And the place is full of people called Jeremy who think their country is the envy of the world.

Gandalf, London,

Jeremy,
Virtually any country is OK to live in if you have as much money as you, and good luck to you! However, unless you are saying that people who earn less than you are all failures, then for the average middle-class family, Australia is a far superior place to live overall. Admittedly we are a few series behind the UK in Top Gear, but at least we can afford the petrol required for most of the cars you feature. Hopefully you may one day lower yourself to doing a program in OZ, perhaps driving something like the 6 Litre Holden SS on the Great Ocean road. or up into the Victorian alps from Melbourne (where we're lucky enough to live). Could it be that your whingeing is hiding just tiny bit of jealously?

Nick Yates, Melbourne, Australia

I left U.K. in 1983 to earn some tax free money as the only possibility of paying off my credit card. As a veteran of the Middle East, South America and Spain I could say that the mind broadening aspects of the travel and the expatriate lifestyle have enhanced my life.....but I won't! I'll be much more honest. I've met some cracking women on average ten times prettier than the average Brit female. So it was all worthwhile.
Yes, I'd love to one day live in England again, but as you now need a television presenter's salary to buy a gallon of pertol I don't think I ever will.
By the way, I paid of the credit card bill a couple of weeks ago!

Bernie, Dubai, UAE

I agree with some of your comments Jeremy but my husband is a member of Mensa (therefore counted as having a high IQ), we left when our daughter was born to get away from the Great British decline! Can you honestly say that Britain has more to offer than Australia, Canada - China??? There are far too many people from every other country imposing all of their values on the u.k. for it to be either a peaceful or rational place to continue living in. Come on Jeremy get real, I thought better of you than that..........................

rebecca, Perth , WA

I don't think so. I left a flat in a suburb of London where I commuted for over 3 hours a day on a good day for a flat in a mansion on the beach in Australia. My sitting room is a Victorian ballroom and I have a fantastic view of a glorious beach 365 days of the year. It takes me only 30 mins to get to the city centre where I have a great job. Of course I still have to work, but I'm happy to see the sun shine when I leave the office for lunch or the end of the day. Every weekend is like a mini holiday. I have made some great friends here - and as hard as it was to leave my friends behind I decided that there was a lot more to life than England had to offer. And as for thinking that only stupid people and criminals leave England, I have a Mensa-level IQ and have never committed any offence other than a speeding fine. If you are giving the expat life any thought, I'd say take the plunge - there's a lot to be said for it.

Lee Battye, ADELAIDE, Australia

We're in Albany, Western Australia, with a few hundred other Brits. Why did we move here..............because we feel more British here than in the UK, because the Health Service is better, because the Education System is better, because the tax-system is better, because houses are much cheaper, because the quality of life is much better and because Australians are not so stupidly politically correct as the bureaucrats in the UK

JOE LLOYD, Albany, Australia WA

Phil - we can now get Top Gear on BBC America - Monday night at 8pm.

Neil, Washington DC, USA

I'm very jealous of Jeremy!! He continues to scrawl out rubbish articles like this and newspapers actually pay him to do it!! Brilliant!!! Please put me in touch with your press contacts so I can offer up such purile copy and receive a 'NICE LITTLE EARNER'. People (including pretend journalists) find an easy way to attract attention is to be controversial !! It obviously works!! - I'm responding to it!!

Robert Matthews, Aberdeen , Scotland

I'm a British expat I suppose. I was born there and have the nationality. Although it might be true for anyone else, I don't think I'd contemplate going back to Britain for anything short of a continental war breaking out. Not because I'm dimwitted *smile

Fabien, Luxembourg, Luxembourg

While I realize that gratuitous insult, hyperbole, and mindless stereotyping is Clarkson's stock in trade, I do resent being called a dimwit just because I do not want to live in a country where (and I shall use Clarkson hyperbole here) the sun only shines two days a year, the roads are all indistinguishable from car parks, every second teenager is armed, and a train ticket requires taking out a second mortgage (whereupon your train will be cancelled). And I could go on. However, I also realize that having a shedful of money affords protection from most of Britain's ills (foreign holidays can make up for the lack of sunlight, houses can be bought in crime-free areas; only the clogged roads hit the rich the same as the less well off).
As for friends, many of us dimwits make new ones in our new country and keep the old ones in our old one. It's a win-win situation, unless you're a misanthropic xenophobic monolingual journalist.

Steve Turpin, Torrelodones, Spain

Quote: " ...you forget entering any british city/large town, after 8pm you are taking your life in your own hands. "
Crikey, I didn't realise things were that bad. It's particular surprising for me as I have lived in London all my life and the only time I got mugged was on a weekend trip to Paris.
You have to hand it to the Aussies. They are spot on when they call Brits whingeing poms.
BTW, half of Australia's 20-something's can often be found in London pubs working out among themselves how to get their visas extended.

Nick , London,

Maybe the reason for so many middle class people leaving is that they are fed up living in a over regulated country, where 11 year olds get shot, because the police are to busy acting as indirect tax collectors, instead of bringing down crime.

Happy to be away, Sofia, Bulgaria

I moved to the states because I wasnt interested in teenage knife crimes, eastern european gangs, tony blairs failures, dodgy weather, poor service, poor excuses for food, let alone how expensive and over priced everything is.. That my friend you can keep.

richard, New York City, usa

Quite amusing - though in all honesty rather than Australia and US the serial losers end up in Thailand and Phillippines with a sprinkling in Spain.

JW, China,

Hey Jeremy, you've made some good points about Australia. Unfortunately not only does no-one who is successful move here, but also any Australians who want to be successful move to the US or UK as well making it even worse!

Johnny, Brisbane, Australia

Given the current tragedy in the uk, this should have been omitted

" Every 16-year-old in the land, except those who have recently been shot "

Expat, Perth,

Jeremy we all love you however you are sorely mistaken if you think us expatriates cry in our beers from 10 in the morning until bedtime. How about my friends in London all earning £300k+ a year with no quality life and miserable as hell. Only yesterday they were calling me from the chunnel complaining that the champagne has run out and the whole of France is on holiday for their long weekend break? Try spending a year or two out of Blighty before you point the finger you might find you enjoy yourself more than you could imagine.

Tristram, Tokyo, Japan

Dear Jeremy

Don't tell us you don't know just how good a beer tastes at 10am?

Peter Foster, Almaty, Kazakhstan

i just think a lot of people become nicer once they've left the UK and see that the world isn't all about being superior. you should try it clarkson.

Tony Edwards, Sy,

I've recently retired to Spain (no taxi) and still think this is a funny article, thank God there are still a few people who can write like this, cheers Jeremy! The thing is, through the fun and sarcasm runs a thick vein of truth - yikes!

Bob Pratt, Almeria, Spain

The beautiful irony is that Jeremy Clarkson himself is a major factor in people wanting to leave the UK in their thousands. The tedious, self-aggrandizing, headline-seeking drivel he spouts is perfect fodder for the Middle England he represents. Long may you stay there Jeremy, with your boorish, sycophantic and small-minded cohorts.

Chris, Hong Kong, Hong Kong

Greetings from Dubai Mr Clarkson, where income tax is zero not 40%, petrol is 70p a gallon not 99p a litre, cars have no VAT added to the price and - when you get out of the city - miles of empty roads through the desert with not a police car in sight!
Thinking of you all back there in rainy Britain.

Steve Leslie, Dubai, UAE

@Phil: Top Gear on Monday nights on BBC America

Pieter, Seattle, WA, USA

Do I detect an underlying current of sour grapes and jealousy Jeremy? Every single expat you've met is the same?! You can't tar us with the same brush! I left 12 yrs ago for HK for a better job; met my husband there, also from UK; we have both worked hard and now we're working and enjoying Dubai! It's sunny every day, petrol is cheap, service is great and it's safe. Sure I miss aspects of the UK but we can get The Times on line and your show is on cable every night. You fail to mention that alot of people leave because there are better work and lifestyle opportunities elsewhere. Have got plenty friends and family there and they all complain about cost of living and wish they were in my shoes! I might come back to live in the UK once I've saved up enough to afford to.

Anna, Dubai, UAE

Calling a large part of your fan base dimwits is OK if it's funny.. . . .

Clark, Gen., Switz.

I think I am right in saying that Mr C lives in the Isle of Man which is not part of the United Kingdom and he qualifies as a tax exile himself, in the local parlance of the Manx he is a rich come over and they think of anyone from the UK as expats too.

His rants are good fun though.

Johnny Bannister, Douglas , Isle of Man

JEREMY,its all in the name really, says it all. You clearly do not have to live in the same country as the rest of us, you merely can buy yourself a better life, well done ,now leave the rest of us to try and better our lives the best way we can, even if it means moving to another country. Still trying to convince my wife we to should leave.

gary lawrence, ilford,

Very funny as ever Jeremy.

But way off the mark.

Can we ask what you were doing in the bar at 10am??

Pu Li, Guangxi, China

Excellent, one of your best.
Regards

Ifor Williams, London, UK

No,Jeremy,I would much prefer to stay at home and pay through the nose for everything,take my holidays in the depressing weather this country enjoys,feel threatened by any youth over the age of 10,work the longest hours and the shortest lunch break in Europe so that the rich can be even richer and watch Big Brother on t.v.Yes,you are right,Great Britain is a wonderfully civilised place to be.

john williams, London, England

Well, Mr. Clarkson, we run into a bit of a problem here. See, both my parents are Ex-Pats of the United Kingdom - father emigrated to Canada in the 1950's to seek out work (became a successful mechanic) and my mum emigrated in the 1970's. And if they hadn't left Britain, they wouldn't have met each other and had little ol' me. And you'd be down one reader.

So maybe Austrailia or Spain aren't the places to go, but why go to the Old World when you can come make a life in a loyal former colony?

Jenny B, BC, Canada,

Jeremy,

I have to laugh. You cherry pick aspects of different countries, in which you are quite right but you forget entering any british city/large town, after 8pm. you are taking your life in your own hands.
Your well travelled. Do u feel safer in Europe (after dark) or the UK ?
This place has the worst of all your examples.

Steve, Belfast,

Being an expat living in the USA, you know that really large first world country across the Atlantic that may not be perfect but has a bloody good try at making its self better. I feel that you don't really live in the same country that our fellow Brits live in, I then realized that you are Famous, Rich and obviously full of yourself or wearing blinkers, you live a better life than 99.5% of your fellow countrymen so for you to leave the UK would be stupid. Just talking to friends and family I am constantly reminded how lucky I am to be living in the USA and how jealous they are. I left the country of my birth to enjoy a better life and give my children better opportunities than I had growing up in the UK. If that makes me stupid..then I’m Guilty!
BTW Petrol here is $ 3.00 per gallon, Cars cost loads less than in the UK and we don’t have many speed cameras nor do we have Ant and Dec on our TV, so maybe I am living in the right country after all Mr Clarkson. I do miss Top Gear

Phil, South Orange, New Jersey USA

Jeremy,
I moved last year to a place called Paraty near Rio after coming and going to Brazil for 34 years. Looking out over my pousada's tropical garden and the hills covered in virgin Atlantic forest towards a bay with countless islands and beaches, and a historical town where only horse-drawn transport is allowed in, I need pinching to remind myself I am not in paradise. Must go as the Sunday barbecue is overheating.
Cheers

Alex Margach, Pousada Serra da Bocaina , Paraty, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

I'd be an alcoholic expat in Norway, if only I could afford it.

Helen, Oslo,

Excellent article, and so true.

Stuart, Manchester, England

You go to bars at 10 in the morning?? hmm.

barry graham, chicago,

It is an open prison I live in while earning my gross is net bonus.Our walls are 80degree azur blue oceans.For additional protection we are surrounded by coral reef and pink sand with the odd palm tree to prettify the starkness of our jail.Like all good prisons there is entertainment to keep us from depression,this morning I was faced with a choice of golf,most beautiful beach in the world at the end of the drive ,tennis club or boat.We opted for boat.You can do that when your worst day in summer is equal to the best in the UK.They do allow us to have 2 home visits a year courtesy of BA business class which is fine.England isn't going anywhere last time I checked so when the debt bubble explodes maybe we'll take your mansion off your hands at a knock down price Jeremy,it's clearly been big enough to insulate you from what life is like for most Britons.Who's really living in a jail?

Jonah Rockfort, Bermuda, bermuda

I normally read Clarkson with amusement, but his current offering "The hell of being a British expat" sounds more like the sour reaction of a failed X-Factor candidate.
To quote: "Honestly, every single expat I’ve ever met is the same; hunched at a bar in a stupid shirt, at 10 in the morning, desperately trying to convince themselves that they are not alcoholics, that the barman really is their friend and that it’s only 11 hours till bedtime."
If he's in a bar anywhere (even in Chipping Norton or Bourton-on-the Water) at 10 a.m. what sort of people would he expect to find there? Bank Managers? Solicitors? Journalists?
"Honestly", Jeremy? Or too much hyperbole?

Terry Eaton, Chipping Norton, Oxon

I've loved every one of JC's articles on here but this was just shockingly uninformed. People leave the UK because its actually becoming a pretty difficult and unjustifiably expensive place to live and work, with the reward for hard work and specialist skill being a salary better measurable in bowls of fruit, coupled with prohibitive house prices and the highest effective combined tax rates in Europe. We also enjoy high rates of violent crime, a mind bogglingly expensive and useless transport 'infrastructure' and an NHS which is sytematically trying to kill our grandparents. Also add bad food and weather to the list and suddenly its not that difficult to see why people want to double check on the alternatives, if only to see our grandpartents alive for a few more years.

Robert, London,

Hi. I don't agree with the commentary. I've lived in the USA for 20 years. I don't carry a gun, I drink less than when I was in Britain ( there's more to do here ) and when I go jogging, I don't even bother to lock my door. Life is different. Without even trying, I turned out to be a millionaire and have retired at 58. Now I'm pursuing a latent desire to become an artist ( without going broke ). Recently, some friends of mine returned from a summer vacation in Britain. Luke-warm cups of coffee at two-and-a-half quid each, incessant rain and, in spite of global warming, the necessity to carry a sweater or coat at all times even in July.
No, the reason Brits become ex-pats is because they have some gumption. Perhaps they even have vision realising that to stick to the same old British theme of maintaining a stiff upper lip and not really trying to change anything, will get you nowhere fast. Vive ex-patriotism !

David Jones, Cincinnati, USA

Good article, made me laugh. Which ain't bad for an ex-pat, eh? Took my top-drawer qualifications and my gorgeous intelligent Irish wife travelling a few years back and haven't looked back since. New Zealand was great for a few years, now my family call aussie home. I enjoy the water view from my home office and commuting back to NZ fortnightly to work on 2 major NZ projects. The kids enjoy the new school with olympic swimming and 15 hectares of grounds. And the numerous out of school activities. And the sunshine. And the missus enjoys golf with her new mates. A good mix of ex-pats and locals. Yeah, we're doing ok, but obviously we're missing out on something? Maybe it's that 10am beer and loud shirt? Good on ya Jeremy, keep it coming champ.

Ian, scarborough,

Jeremy,

Well done for winding everybody up.

However could we see your passport please -aren't you a regular traveller abroad?

Norman, Redditch, Worcestershire

Try Malta - on second thoughts don't - after 4 years here (after retiring ) great weather, and many many Maltese friends, and just a few Brits who we see occasionally - would I come back, YOU MUST BE JOKING - life here is great -so please don't come here and spoil it !

David Chivers, Sliema, Malta

I find it entertaining to read the people describing Switzerland as a haven of low tax and no litter. It also has one of the highest suicide rates on earth! I lived there briefly as a teenager and it is one of the most boring places I had the misfortune to live, after perhaps Canberra. Clean, safe with little litter Switzerland maybe but my God it is stifling, dull and anally retentive. Britain is not perfect but neither are most places. This article was great.

James, London,

I think you are confusing your statistics. People who go to Australia aren t sitting on bar stools in silly shirts at 10 in the morning. The Aussies get there first. Hence the term whingeing Pom. You are looking at the phenomenon from a jaded point of view. People are now going abroad to places like Australia because the severance factor is no longer the issue that it was. With a webcam you can keep in touch. The government is rather better at letting in asylum seekers than it is in planning for the re-employment of the technologically redundant. Hence the reciprocal movement.

Henry Percy, London, UK

at least the prawn comment was true..

Niall, London, england

I love you Jeremy. ::::::::::kiss::::::::::: At least there's someone left in the world with personality and wit. Please come to America and do some telly.

And lighten up Poms. You all take yourselves waay too seriously.

Aussie Girl, Detroit, USA

Very amusing Jeremy, as always. Hopefully written for laughs, which it received.
As a 55 year old who has travelled the world, I admit that no where is perfect by any means. But Britian these days is threatening, dirty, expensive and ageist.
I was a succesful, well qualified businessman. I tried to change jobs and was given the run around, not called back, lied to and not hired. I moved to Northwest Florida (my wife is from here) and within a month got the best job in the area. Well paid, great lifestyle and no ageism. The weather's great (bar the odd hurricane), the cost of living is low, and the people, in general, great.
Jeremy, for wealthy, famous and admit it, cosseted individual living in the Cotswolds, Britain can be idyllic but for a very great number of people the grass is very certainly a nicer shade elsewhere.

Martin O, Shalimar, Florida, USA

Has it ever occured to you that those dim witted ex pats might be heading for English speaking countries since they have not learned any other language during their school? Which, of course, would support your view of them being stupid. However, Australia in particular has something like the point system. They, in contrast to your country (since I am not British it is your country) are actually looking for those with qualifications that MEAN something. Yep, I am not talking about those dim witted school qualifications with ever increasing pass rates or those non-subject degrees from Universities here. On the whole, that seems to me a rather clever move - brain drain those talents that are needed for the furhtering of your country and let other countries, like the UK, take in those with no or very few qualifications.

Susan, Edinburgh,

We've certainly gotten our share in Northern Virginia. The ones here are too rich for T-Shirts but I do hear a lot of grumbling about gray islands inhabited by gray people. But at least they are rich and the do speak English-or something like it anyway. So you can keep Borat- we'll take Birmingham

James Ball, Lovetttsville, VA USA

As an expat living in New Zealand I'm not too upset be Jeremy's comments. I think its plain for all to see that he's writing for the domestic audience. I wouldn't want to deny anyone a little reassurance and cheering up after the wettest summer on record, a couple of months of Gordon as PM... need I continue?

Enjoy autumn and winter won't you Jeremy!

Jonathan, Auckland, New Zealand

Whinging about whingers?

You should pop down for a nice glass of cool beer and a spin in a Bolwell. You'll feel much better.

Aaron Bristow, Newcastle, Australia

See ya we're off next month! We are not middle class by the way, we only have one income coming in. My OH works damn hard for his money and its all taken away in taxes and we haven't and probably won't in the future benefit from any of this. We have a 3 year old boy and quite frankly I am scared to death of when he reaches a teenager and will want to start to want to stay out late at night. After watching the news lately I am even more determined to get our young son out of this country. We are not leaving the country with rose tinted specs, we realise things will be tough, but ultimately the crime in this country is out of control. A Home Secretary that breaks down crying on national TV does not send the right message of a good strong government to criminals.

We are off to Australia.

Bye bye and can the last person out of UK please turn out the lights!!

Non winging pom

Kerry, Milton Keynes, UK (for now)

I'm amazed that Clarkson is so out of touch.

The simple fact is..is the reason so many English people are leaving, is because they are the wrong colour and treated as second class citizens in their own country. .

Being seen as a cash cow , and repeatedly being told what to think , is not a good thing.

If it were not for family..I would be off tomorrow....I tell my kids to go...I live in hope.

N Wilson, Bourne, lincs

It's simple. We go to the jobs, to the sun, to the life style, to being able to drink until dawn without having to worry if some random person (male or female) is going to glass you, to live as we would at home if home with warmer and dryer evenings, to new relationships which then stop us from coming back, because home is overseas. All immigrants to britain will find the same. Their kids will be as british as I.

Matt, Den Haag, NL

As a newly qualified nurse with no idea if there is a job or if i do get a job there will be enough nurses on the ward to practice safely moving somewhere like America or Australia where my work will be appreciated and well paid is very tempting.

louise, boston, uk

Every 16-year-old in the land, except those who have recently been shot.

Tad insensitive Jezza.

Dave, Harrogate,

Keep on believing it Jeremy.

Matt, Sydney, Australia

I think it was a very light-hearted and humorous article. You expats need to develop a sense of humor instead of taking these articles so seriously. You seem to have lost your ability to see the funny side along with your country.

Jason Knight, Manchester,

Living on an island in the caribbean really isn't all that bad you know. If I get labled 'stupid' for choosing great weather, no tax, little pollution, no traffic jams and no stress against all the opposite, then so be it.

A happy dimwit.

Camilla, Parrot Cay, Turks and Caicos Is

Jeremy
I lived for nearly 10 years in America but coming back to the UK (not entirely voluntarily) was one of the best moves I made. Yes - I made more money there, houses and cars were cheaper but precious little else was. I quickly realised that any friends I made were other UK,EU or Asian people because I had precious little in common with the locals. Having been back several times since only confirms I made the right decision.
The one question I'm now pondering is: Am I wasting my time trying to recycle everything at the local tip after I saw a Winnebago with 2 occupants towing a Hummer on the I95 between Washington DC and Richmond? I thought the ones towing Jeep 4x4s were bad enough!

Joe, Harrogate, UK

We migrated to Australia in 1991 from Scotland for;
the climate,
the availabilty of land
the lifestyle
the ability to expand our busines activities, and
the open spaces, although I admit we had a fantastic little farm in Scotland.

We now run a large (by UK terms) farm with cattle and olives and have, what we believe to be, a very successful tourism business attracting working holidaymakers to Australia and guaranteeing them work in the Outback.

No- we are gald we left, we enjoy going back to visit but give a sigh of relief when we come home.

Dan Burnet, Goomeri, Qld Australia

Well - quite amusing, but the fact still remains that anyone with anything about them that I talk to, is looking to remove themselves and their family from the UK as quickly as is possible.
The country is broken, and it will not easily be fixed: witness the delcine of pre-war Germany and its descent into hell, which is the path that many think we will follow.
The Home Secretary's 'war on guns' consists of asking worthless muffins to put their guns into bags left at the Salvation Army - some chance of that. Meanwhile, should I be careless enough to put the wrong thing into the wrong dustbing, then I will be exposed to the full rigor of the law.
Its finished - get it through your heads - its over and done with. And if Mr Clarkson actually had to live in the real world and not some middle-class enclave, then he would see this.
Time to go.

Mark, Hull, UK

here i sit a failure with no friends no social life earning less than i did in the uk ,i am on the internet for god s sake.
My kids are swimming in the pool (outside jeremy not inside like your rich man s wifes plaything) they can play on the street's or go down the local shops without hassle and so can i, how i miss being hassled to buy fags and beer for gangs of kids.

do your kids go out and play where they want, walk through the local town and not feel afraid.
How i miss how grubby and grey everything is, pitch black at 4 oclock in the evening during winter

how as a no friend failure i paid all my taxes and contributed to the state, they wont let you in if you do not have qualification's they want , or lived on the dole .
ps they would not let you in as journalist's do not contribute anything to the economy or though you might be allowed being rich and very funny

rob "no mates" street, gold coast, australia

Jeremy,
You are so right with this. People leave the UK because they think it will be better omewhere else. These are the same people who think 'someone should do something about the apathy round here'. They are loseers who miss the point that the UK is great because of us not someone else. So goingsomewhere else wont change that because you still have to be part of the us!

Stay in the UK and make it bette stil!

Denzilot T Bottlewash, Fareham, Hants

I emigrated to China only last week. I am 24. I had an excellent job, amazing social life and great family. Here I have even better prospects, the challenge of adapting to a curious but exciting new culture and language, as well as fantastic cities such as Shanghai, Bejing, Hong Kong and fascinating countries such as Vietnam and Cambodia on my doorstep for weekends - certainly beats anywhere I can think of in Europe, but maybe thats just me. Within 5 years I will be hugely more employable than most of my British peers due to my new skills and should be able to do pretty much anything I want. I left the UK not because of the weather, but the expense, monotony and suffocating culture as well as arrogance and pretension of the general populice. I think your article is ignorant and Ill considered and you are probably far less intelligent than you think you are. Good Luck....

jake watkin , Zhang Jia Jie, Hunan, China

Anywhere that Gordon Brown and Jeremy Clarkson aren't, sounds very attractive at the moment.
Seriously, who wants crap weather, excessive taxes for no return, and a bunch of incompetent thieving spongers up at Westminster thinking up new ways to squeeze money out of us. Rent your UK house out, rent a 3 bed villa somewhere warm like Cyprus for a quarter of the rent you get, and live off the difference.

Dave, Basingstoke,

Clarkson hits the nail on the head again ! I am an expat , but only because I married a Kiwi.Is the weather better here ? Auckland has a higer annual rainfall than London-when the sun does shine you see the Kiwis laughing at the Chinese putting umbrellas up to shade themselves, forgetting the land they keep reminding us is "Paradise" has the higest incidence of skin cancer in the world.
The Brits moan about the rail service in the UK - at least there are trains - try spotting one here.
Us Brits also moan about the NHS - trying getting a Hip Op here - oh and don't forget , you must pay the GP everytime you visit, no free consultation here, ditto the dentist for kids.
Forgot also to mention the quality of the house building, where thousands of people are living in houses with leaky roofs and cracked plaster walls with no national warranty to fall back on.
The grass is always greener......

DMaxfield, Auckland, New Zealand

In UK in 1973 I was a new graduate teacher, one of ten thousand who could not find work, so I went teaching in Turkey, then in Kuwait, where I also started a small business and travelled widely throughout the ME, then the Philippines where I met my Japanese husband and 'settled down'.

My children all go to uni. or work in UK and have some feeling for their 'roots', and I'm still able to visit dear old Blighty for a few months each year, which is a near perfect relationship for me. Nowhere can surpass the glamour of England in the spring and early summer, and actually I rather like English people. Sensayuma is great, although moaning goes on more than I remember before. Some of you don't know you're born!

I have great sympathy for economic migrants, as that is exactly what I have been all my working life.

Barbara Suzuki, NorwichUK/ManilaPhilippines,

what are you doing hanging around bars at 10 in the morning?

jennifer, Kamilari/Heraklion, greece

My! Haven't you got blinkers on.

According to Foreign Office statistics over 5 million pensioners have left the UK in the last decade and according to a survey published in the Sunday Times last year (silly season publication) a further 10 million are planning to do so when they retire. The typical reasons include 'Rip-off Britain', crime, nanny state, 1984 governments, better health care, professional policing....

Consider the implications for the British economy. It matters not if these 5 million pensions are state pensions, private or public they are all funded by the UK economy. They are all using their considerable spending in other countries. That is a very large chunk of money lost to the UK economy.

There are over 1000 registered British residents on Corfu in a population of 150,000. There are, however, quite a few silly / childish English / London colonials who live in ghettos in the north east of the island, which is locally known as Kensington-on-Sea.

Brian Vallance, LEFKIMMI, Greece

You Brits don't know how lucky you are! Look how many South Africans are flocking to the UK, Australia, New Zealand and Canada because often they really cannot find jobs in South Africa; you stand a good chance of being hijacked and killed when driving around cities at any time of day. You talk of crime in the UK, it's laughable when compared to South Africa where the governemt doesn't really take anyone seriously except itself, doesn't feel it is answerable to the electorate and alas is a country still reeling from the effects of apartheid-era miseducation, diseducation. And yet, many South Africans choose to stay and others leave - people have been coming and going for centuries all over the world. But Britain is spoilt - you have a strong currency, a functioning civil service, superb educational institutions etc etc - you should count your blessings and not whinge. Jeremy Clarkson has his head screwed on right!

Wilhelm , Cape Town, South Africa

Sorry Jeremy

I made loads of dosh in the UK , and know where to spend it, Australia.

I hope you are happy in the UK, you forget one thing, choice.

Australia is the greatest.

Non whingeing pom.

David O Brien, ,

Jeremy what the hell is going on ?
I read your books, watch your TV program and dvds I know you are full of humour, a bit sarcastic even, and I enjoy all of your clarkson's british humour.
But here I am trying to convince myself you are joking, and I can't...
Please tell us you are joking and all this is 2nd degree humour
I think you missed the point but I hope you are not serious.
... A french expat living in the UK.

Patrick, Faversham, Kent

Nice one. Could not agree more. I live in Italy, have for eleven years. It's time to come home. Might take another five years to finish this bottle and find a decent shirt, though!

Chris D, Modena, Italy

I am reminded of the words of Horace (65 -8 BC)

'They change their clime, not their frame of mind, who rush across the sea. We work hard at doing nothing; we look for happiness in boats and carriage rides. What we are looking for is here, at Ulubrae, if only peace of mind dosn't desert you.'

Ian Nicholas, Hereford, England

Oh dear, the usual "grass is greener" stuff. Anyone who has lived abroad (rather than just visited) and reads as widely as possible in foreign newspapers knows that nowhere is perfect (or even close). Switzerland may be clean (etc.) but it is stifling (ditto Austria). Germany has many good things going for it but gastronomy is not one of them (can you see Rick Stein doing a cookery tour of the German-speaking lands?). France too, many good points, but it has millions of bureaucrats on the state payroll who at 11.45 a.m. sharp get a kick out of telling the people queuing at their counter sorry, we're closing for lunch, come back at 2. Australia: great wines at low prices, but too hot most of the time (hence the bush fires). New Zealand: succulent and cheap legs of lamb, excellent wines but pretty steep at $20 a bottle, and life like an English Sunday 50 years ago (NZ was after all settled by Anglicans, not gutsy ne'er-do-wells as in Oz). Stop whingeing - there's no El Dorado out there.

J.Fletcher, Canterbury, UK

I left the UK in 1977 and moved to Canada . I will never go back there to live. It was bad enough in 77 but now ........

Pete, near Hamilton, Canada

This article is very poor to say the least.
Having said that, all the best for those who have decided to move elsewhere,

T.K, london, UK

Clarkson, get a grip man. It is the bright young people, with professional and vocational qualifications and not just academic, who believe that they can still make something of their lives, fed up with living in an over-crowded, over-taxed, over-regulated and crime-ridden country, primarily because of under-employment and lack of job opportunities and where there are almost 10 million people who are 'economically inactive', who are the ones who are emigrating. Instead of broadening your backside in cars of all shapes and sizes get out more and see something of the world and broaden your mind. There are lots of things happening in China, India as well as Australia and Canada but not a great deal happening in UK.

Kenneth Armitage, Suffolk, England

I suggest it is time that Jeremy got out of his car and devoted a few minutes to those expats who don't sit in bars etc - here in Switzerland we have a low-tax situation, low crime, no litter ... the list goes on. Instead of writing such ill-conceived articles, Jeremy, how about suggesting some feasible improvements to UK society instead of a cheap whitewash job?
Or how about a few hours walking!!!!!!
37 years here in academia and no way will I return to UK!

bernard uttley, birchwil, switzerland

Sadly, it's not only in Australia that Brits whinge. I left the UK 35 years ago and it has got steadily worse ever since with the constant arrival of more refugees from the UK. There are now so many whingeing Brits on the Mainland I'm seriously thinking of returning home to avoid them.

David Lancaster, Lausanne, Switzerland

When did you come to Australia?

Jonathon Rogan, Sydney, Australia

I have spent 2/3 rds of my life abroad and its not hell, its mind boadening.

oldasiahand, Guildford, UK

What would ugly old Clarkson have left if you took away his petty English snobbery, corner-shop nationalism and racial stereotyping? Not a lot, I think.

And where do the English ‘failures’ who don’t leave the country go? Straight into the ‘Top Gear’ studio audience. Have you seen that lot?

Steven, London, UK

I left in 1981 for the USA. GLAD I DID. The Blairs & Browns have all but destroyed any pride in the UK. Sadly, when I think of England, I think of yob culture.

Thomas Green , Phoenuix, Arizona., US

The Biggest mistake the English ever made was that 200 years ago they should have all immigrated to Australia and left the convicts behind as punishment.

John K, Melbourne, Australia

I've moved to Sweden where I (a cancer patient) am revelling in the fantastic health-care and my increased chances of survival.

Al S., Stockholm, Sweden

"Very funny. The best ones I heard about when the TV news was talking about this report were people who were fed up with London's creaking public transport system so were leaving for New Zealand...".

They'll love public transport in New Zealand, then - Auckland, hot and humid for months every summer with no a/c in the ancient Stagecoach-owned buses stuck in the city's near-permanent weekday gridlock, Auckland suburban trains that go in only 3 directions and are all well-used cast-offs shipped over from Perth, a Wellington suburban train system that uses 70-year-old English Electric trains on one line while the rest is infamous for overcrowding. And the one train that does Auckland to Wellington (about 500 miles) is at least 50 years old, takes 12 hours and runs three days a week...

The grass isn't always greener....

Fred Marcini, Birmingham, UK

Priceless! I love Jeremy Clarkson provocative style and there is always that grain (sometimes many grains !) of truth in all that he says!
My husband and I have been expats for 20 years in locations all over the world. We;ve met many kinds of expats, because believe me there are many, from professionals with bored partners who gave up their own careers and raise a family to pensioners who have for years moaned about the government, the immigrants, taxes ec. and THINK they will find a better life abroad but often have to pretend that it really is so after the first 6-24 months honeymoon. Personally, we can not wait to get back to the UK when we retire. Expat life is OK for a while but it is not all that it is cracked up to be.
Looking forward to your next article Jeremy!

Sylvia, Paris, Fracne

I emigrated to Oz cause i was told they dont have Top Gear on the box over here

Chris, Brisbane, Australia

I think Clarkson is spot on. I lived in the USA for five years and yes we are packed in like sardines in the UK and get ripped off every time we go out for a meal, but the good outweighs the bad. Take my word for it, the grass is not always greener on the other side!

GS, Bury,

Having read that, I am even more encouraged to leave than I was before.Last one out turn off the lights!

Davy Donaldson, Glasgow,

I am an expat and live in a community with quite a few of them. I regularly meet new ones but never hunched in a bar in a stupid shirt at 10 in the morning trying to convince themselves they are not alcoholics. I meet others through business, on the tennis court, walking the dog on the spectacularly beautiful beach, over great coffee in the local cafe, and out in the evening at parties, restaurants, etc. Expats are to be bumped into most places as you go about your own business.

Could it be that my very satisfying expat lifestyle of 20 years just never finds me in a bar with drinkers hunched over it at 10am? We now know what you spend your time doing when abroad.

max, Algarve, Portugal

Sounds like Jeremy Clarkson has been relatively lucky compared to some of the ex-pats I have had the misfortune to be trapped with in a local bar.By the time they finish telling you they now have five houses ,fourteen cars .eight swimming pools and seven hundred man-servants since leaving dear old Blightey it makes you wonder how they ever managed to survive before.

Oliver, Brighton,

I moved from Britain to Switzerland, spent just over a year there. It was brilliant.

I made loads of money (paying much less tax than the in the UK), went skiing on the weekends, and partied in Zurich at night. The standard of living was higher then in the UK too. I'd recommend it if you can go. Also, the Swiss are not boring, just a bit less forward than your wide-boy docklands type. Get to know them first, then they'll show you how they have fun.

ben, wilmslow, cheshire

The reason I have for contemplating a move is that I cannot bring up my children as I see fit. The government prescribes what it expects of a parent, as if it and it's experts know better, to a degree that is quite un-English. For example I view reading and writing as harmful to the developement of the mind and imagination (ref: the incredible imagination of dyslexics). Not many agree with me, and nor does the government. And so we are forced to force our small children to read and write, often painfully. And so the truth of the matter is no longer able to be scrutinised. (Likewise: suggesting we should bring back the birch will probably be defined as incitement to violence.)

And that is the problem with prescritive laws : it's a slavery since we are forced to bend to the will of another. And it's no good my thinking moving will solve this problem as many of the countries I might have moved to have joined the EU. The UN is issueing over-bearing 'guidance' also.

Greg Lorriman, Leatherhead, UK

Good one Jeremy

I live and work in the US currently and have lived in Switzerland.

The grass is certainly always greener on the side from all perspectives otherwise why do so many foreigners not just plumbers and electricians want to live in the UK.

There are too many reactionary and defensive expats that show they are missing something.

Leo, New Jersey, USA

Words fail me.

One can only hope he's actually joking(?) because if he isn't then he's appallingly ignorant to put it politely.

Stan(expat), USA,

I was once asked [by Tim Smit of Eden Project fame] why I lived in Dubai and what was I running away from in the UK. I replied it was not a question of running away from anything but rather running to something - and what I meant was living in the future (Dubai and its 21st Century City ambition) rather than living in the past (Good old Blighty)!

Stephen Walsh, Duabi, United Arab Emirates

Quite funny

karim, Auckland, NZ

Glad you let me know, I'm staying here then.

I was thinking I'm happy here but sick of people complaining about immigrants so I'll go and become one. Maybe somewhere where the English are loved like Australia.

Alf Riley, Lancashire, UK

One advantage of being an expat though: we can safely turn on our televisions without the risk of subjecting ourselves to the drivel that is Top Gear.

George Dawson, New Jersey, USA

Australia, America and New Zealand are full of young optimists and we have Jeremy Clarkson. Exodus or escape? I think people are leaving to get away from whinging journalists.

Terry Nicholas, Radstock, England

Dear Max In response :
1/ Think of a sport - we invented it
2/ Think of a mode of transport - we invented it why don't you viist us on a plane jet by any chance maybe to far for hovercraft & tank no chance! - all ours!!(before everyone gets excited about cars, look up Christopher Holtom)
3/ Think of a country - we made it (bit arrogant yes but you know what I mean)
4/ Think of a language - we sold it
6/ Think of a war - we won it (not proud but sometimes....)
7/ DNA - Good job we found it!!
8/ Food - eat that Gordon Ramsay!
9/ Music - Beatles!
10/ Health - Free!
11/ Sense of humour - See above!

Well Done Jes!

jh , Halifax, UK

Personally I found it easier to learn Dutch than to live and work in London. I do miss the rolling English countryside though.

Fred Clausen, Scheveningen, The Netherlands

Oh Jeremy, let me count the whys. Because my self-funded pension doesn't count as income for tax purposes. Because they build garages on houses that can actually contain at least 1 car. Because journeys to airports taking longer than 30 minutes suck. Because I can live on our verandah for 10 months out of 12. Because I don't need to heat our pool. Because it's worth going to restaurants. Because we don't have hoodies. Because kids here don't have guns. Because it's not rip-off Britain

Barry W, Cairns, Australia

Not all of us move to Spain and Australia, Jeremy, some of us have simply made the decision that living in Britain these days is simply unbearable.
Britain is becoming increasingly violent, education standards are dropping, the roads are congested, public transport is terrible, CCTV & speed cameras are everywhere, Big Brother is one of the most talked about TV shows, the government is utterly inept and has created a nanny state rather than teaching people to think for themselves, political correctness has been taken to insane levels, the taxes are high and the weather isn´t that great either.
As a white, heterosexual, educated, employable male with no aspirations of holding a job where I am issued with a high-vis yellow jacket and told to talk condescendingly to everyone in earshot, I just didn´t feel welcome in Britain any longer, and now live in the city with arguably the highest quality of living in the entire world, Zurich.

Neil Collins, Zurich, Switzerland

People are not moving out of the UK because its better elsewhere.

People are moving out of the UK because the PC who run it have allowed it to be ruined.

The folk who leave have money the folk arriving have benefits- think about it.

Merlin, Northampton,

The responses say it all...

GeorgeB, London,

I thought you left to be in a Tax exile ?

Father Fred, Dunesbury, Surry

Life in germany is very pleasant thank you very much.

Matty , frankfurt, germany

Fabio, it's called Satire. It's a wind-up. No, not indigestion, mockery.

Dave C, Chester, UK

Extremely bad form: "Every 16 year old in the land, except those shot ..". Surely, the point of the article - if there is one - could have been made in a manner which does not minmise the current carnage on the UK streets and the inability of the UK government to effective reduce armed violence.

george, Paris,

Mate...you obviously don't know any British expats living and working in Dubai. No tax, cheap grog, and anything else you want at a doable price. But then again, I'm only an Aussie..Nirvana, no...but nearly.

Danno, Dubai, UAE

You want to know why I left the UK for South West France?

Watch Trisha, Jeremy Kyle and Big Brother - voila.

I now lead a civilised life free from chavs, bad service and grey skies - amongst happy, relaxed and friendly people, and I'm never coming back

Jane R, Carcassonne, France

I bet Jeremy doesn't speak any foreign languages so wouldn't be able to live abroad if he wanted to. Love from a Brit born abroad who has spent more than 50 years living living in 5 different countries xxx

Rosemary, London,

Very funny. The best ones I heard about when the TV news was talking about this report were people who were fed up with London's creaking public transport system so were leaving for New Zealand, and a couple who had had enough of the UK's violent crime so were heading off to South Africa!

I think the UK will just about survive without great strategic thinkers like that!

Kevin Browne, Reading, Berkshire, England

"2/3 rds of my life"

"mind boadening"

"I don't see nothing wrong in swaping"

"happy and worm personality"

It's not scientific proof but it does suggest that Clarkson has a point.

Alistair, London, UK

Well done Jeremy.
Yours is the first article I read every Sunday when I log on to The Sunday Times. I always laugh at breakfast so the iced tea comes out of my nose, just before choking on my eggs when I read something I disagree with.
I am a Brit living in America. The world speaks English because of all of us no-hopers who packed up and left. We've made a pretty good fist of it.. Australia, Canada, New Zealand, USA; why, even Guernsey and the Isle of Man have an independence and freedoms you can only dream of.
Your defense of the realm is admirable, but I fear the England you love has gone, just like the London no longer there... But you are an excellent writer and I look forward to your irreverences every week.
And now for something entirely different: the next time you meet Chuck Yeager, tell him that while the Mustang could do for 9 hours what the Spitfire could only do for 90 minutes, tell him that the Spitfire did for six years what the Mustang only managed for 18 months.

Colin Miles, Charlotte, NC, USA

I read Jeremy's column every week and often laugh (or at least smile) as he rips it out of various groups of people.

Well now the spotlight has swung around to me, as an (English) expat for most of my career and living very happily with my family in Shanghai.

I am still laughing though, because what he writes is an amusing generalisation and it is not worth getting wound up about it (in contrast, I thought the reaction to the darts players article was very funny).

Personally, I can think of a very long list of reasons to leave Britain and live/work in other interesting and enriching parts of the world. I am sure Jeremy can too, but then his column wouldn't be very funny if he admitted it.

Keep it up Jeremy!

Jeremy, Shanghai, China

I've seen nothing that indicates the U.S. is having any sort of brain drain. Certainly the statistics don't show it. I've seen two topics of potential brain drain: 1) in the area of stem cell research, something played up by proponents of embryonic stem cell research (which I support) and 2) the "potential reverse brain drain" discussed a few days ago by one group if the U.S. becomes too strict on immigration., whereby the U.S. does not lose scientist types, but does not fetch as many permanent scientists from the ranks of visiting or immigrating scientists because it won't allow them to stay. There's a mathematical shocker.

Just a few weeks prior I finished reading recent papers from Canada and the EU on continuing scientific brain drain to America and its many causes. The aggregate flow from Asia and elsewhere is picking up in high-tech fields. Even in stem cell research the reality of America's leading research budgets have to this point won out over rhetoric.

Michael, Oklahoma City, USA

Written in the usual irritating Jeremy style as employed on Top Gear.
This car is so fast it will tear the gills of a kipper etc etc.
Plush pile so deep your Auntie Mavis will sink up to her glasses in it.
Can you really afford it ? The answer is yes as long as you just won the Lotto and on and on...........
As a professional expat now a multi millionaire as in more than two million dollars excluding my house.i have to say I don't see that as a failure.
My bank manager has a smile like Cheshire cat when the cream is being served-to adopt Jeremy speak.
Being an expat is enough to rip the gills off a kippers you accelerate out of the house clutching your oversized prawn lunch.Even Auntie Mavis has a suntan and enormous tits.it must be the prawns........blah blah blah.
Britain is losing it and nobody wants to face facts.sorry jeremy most expats i know are hard working well educated young professionals not ten pound Poms.
You are getting a bit dated Jeremy like a 1960 Mini .....

michael, Sydney Tokyo etc, Australia

Right on, stay where you are folks. I will go back to my sizzling hot weather in Ojai, Ca. and cry into my cuppa tea and then I will go to my local Brit Shoppe and buy a Mars Bar, then I will think about my 3-month holiday in UK that I plan to take next year, thats after I have brain surgery. See ya.

audrey adelson, Ojai, Ca.

Mr. Clarkson obviously has never been to South America, Central America, or Africa, where there are far more murders per capita than in the USA. Possibly the same is true in southeast Asia. He's also obviously not really been to America. He hasn't seen the hordes of happy English tourists disembarking at Miami International who stand inhaling the warm air and blinking at the sun, as if trying to identify which celestial body it may be. It's clear that their acquaintance with the sun is minimal. As for the Brit who wanders in the woods chewing tobacco, he clearly is studying for the part of Jethro Beaudine in "The Beverly Hillbillies." Here in America, if you want to don cammys and chew tobacco, you're considered a hick but we don't think it's polite to say so out loud. As for being alcoholics, nobody drinks like the Brits, except maybe the Russians. Your tight little island is awash on a sea of alcohol.

M. Hoeber, Miami, Florida, USA

Yes,
I do believe UK is a good place to live. Expats spend a great deal of time justifying their decision to leave.

Phil Hadwell, Maidenhead, UK

Bless you. Now let's think carefully. Maybe it's the pull of living somewhere that is less crowded, less material, and less in awe of Big Brother. Or maybe it's the attraction of not encountering anti-social behaviour so very often. Perhaps it's being somewhere where a night out isn't measured in degrees of inebriation. Could it be something to do with living in a country that has clean, efficient and MRSA free hospitals. Or a police force that still maintains respect. Or the outdoors lifestyle???
Nowhere is perfect, Jeremy, but some places are a lot less perfect than others.

josh, pully, switzerland

Clarkson claims that duning his last peripatetic voyage to the US of A that an expat in combats ' was chewing tobacco which, when combined with his broad Birmingham accent....'. I was actually chewing a mixture of tobacco and gum whilst wondering who the hell he was, poking his nose in. I must correct the man of an 'imbecilic nature' by saying that his count of '5.4 billion west African pickpockets last year' is a well-known falsified statistic and total spin. We have welcomed many more and from many other corners of the earth.
Get used to it Clarkson, not so many Britons are going to be capable of reading your tripe in the future! Go native its the only way.

Tariq, ashford, England

You really are starting to show your age now, expats are now different. Your articles were originally insightful and funny, however, I now find after reading your books and articles that everything is rehashed and familiar. I have lived abroad and I have numerous friends that have moved to Austrailia, Spain, France etc and they are either young professional families, doctors that are sick of the nhs, or people that have made enough money to retire early. You cannot tell me that, living in your Ivory Towers in Oxfordshire, you have not seen the UK turning into a shambles over the last ten years, try a trip into Reading.The UK is a badly run, incredibly expensive and grey place to live. By the way, when you live in a warm climate, you forgot to add, that of course its 30c in the week when you are working, but it is also 30c at the weekend, when you take the children to the beach, windsurf or take the jetski out. This article is incorrect, rehashed and lazy, change the record Jeremy.

Robert Hardiman, Henley On Thames, Oxfordshire

Jeremy , your'e very good at writing car reviews but I just wasted 2 mins 30 secs of my life reading that - you owe me

ohana, osaka, japan

I left the UK in 1982. The reason I left was quite simple - I lost my job, and there were few options for another one. Since 1985 I have been designing lenses to make computer chips. I now work for the US division of a Japanese company.

Tis quite simple Jeremy - British manufacturing industry has been in terminal decline for many years.

The brain drain is quite real, and the UK is being filled instead by those who cannot be named.

David Williamson, Tucson, USA Arizona

I don't wear stupid shirts, I'm not in bars at 10am, I don't think the barman is my friend, however I might be an alcoholic.

Si, Beijing, China

Dear Mr. Clarkson. You can't be serious when you say:

"Honestly, every single expat I’ve ever met is the same; hunched at a bar in a stupid shirt, at 10 in the morning, desperately trying to convince themselves that they are not alcoholics, that the barman really is their friend and that it’s only 11 hours till bedtime".

Most English people are leaving because they are fed-up and have found out that they don't really have to be an island. I don't see nothing wrong in swaping the somber mood of a British person for the positive and open (you call it loud) atittude of an American, to swap the cold behaviour of a British person for the happy and worm personality of a Latin person. There are lots of English people leaving England because they want to live in a place they can culturaly recognise, is modern and they can actualy relax. Oh, and, yes, not all of the ex-pats are alcoholics. I'm sure of it.

Fabio C, London, UK

It reminds me of former New Zealand Prime Minister "Piggy" Muldoon's comment on the migration of New Zealanders to Australia. He noted that it was a good thing as it raised the average IQ of each country.

Dr Noel Sproles, Adelaide, Australia

This sounds like a desperate plea to keep more people from leaving Britain. You're trying to convince people not to leave your country by making fun of those who decide to emigrate and trashing every other country on Earth?? How pathetic.

Have you ever thought that maybe a highly condensed nation with crappy weather year-round and suicide car bombings every other summer may have something to do with the exodus? Your govt. is in the process of handing over all sovereignty to the EU, and the median age for Brits will leap from 39 to 53 in less than two decades. The entire UK is smaller than Oregon and your economy has slowed to a crawl. The real question is: Why WOULDN'T you leave that miserable little island? The days of GREAT Britain are no more... it's just 'Britain, the member STATE' from now on.

Troy, Toronto, Canada